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This is every night for them now.
Two TV dinners, set to cool next to one another on the coffee table that sits in front of the couch where Serizawa and Reigen are curled up and involved in their pass-times. It's a cheap couch. There's a stray pole inside that just happens to be right underneath where Reigen chooses to sit every night, and its without a doubt the sole explanation for the back pain he wakes up with every morning. No other reasons.
Reigen’s TV is cheap- it definitely doesnt picture the game Serizawa’s caught up in to the highest quality, which is most certainly lessening the experience for him.
The heat has been kicking off sporadically in his apartment, right on the tail-end of January too- they've been having to curl up on the couch wrapped in the duvet from their futon every night to stay warm.
Reigen worries at his lip, his eyes fixed on the skyline outside of his living room window. He thinks about this all the time- their lives, and the life Serizawa is confined to because of him- but for some reason tonight it's hitting especially hard.
Maybe it's because their bargain vacuum just bit the dust (pun intended), or the light in the bathroom is starting to flicker, or maybe it's because Serizawa keeps stopping what he's doing to shiver from the low temperature surrounding them, and it's all just a reminder that Reigen hasn’t done enough for them, that he can't do enough- certainly not as much as Serizawa has.
“Taka…?”
Blearily Reigen blinks out of his stupor, turning to face Serizawa across the couch.
Serizawa sighs when he sees Reigen’s face, and it makes the blonde’s stomach sink, because he can't even hide his own wallowing so that Serizawa doesn't have to deal with it.
“You've looked so tired all day. Now your lip is bleeding. Is everything alright?” Serizawa continues. Hes got the cutest look of concern worked into his furrowed eyebrows- it might almost make Reigen feel better if it wasn't because of Reigen.
Reigen swallows hard and tears his line of sight away, back to stare out the window.
“I'm sorry.” Is all he can really muster in response, and he winces when he knows it's only going to stir up more confusion.
“You didn't do anything wrong, why are you sorry?” Serizawa calls out from beside him, and even though Reigen is facing away he can tell Serizawa has paused his game and set his controller to the side. The idle music has stopped and they've now become totally enveloped in each other's silence. Reigen’s head pounds and he squeezes his eyes shut.
“I wish you didn't have to live like this Serizawa.”
He knows what he's said is vague, because the aura seeping from Serizawa has suddenly grown lukewarm and confused. Reigen digs his fingers into the armrest.
“You deserve more. I wish I could give us more than this.”
“More than what?” Serizawa beckons softly, and Reigen can feel him shifting towards him on the couch. Reigen wants to fall into his arms and he wants to lurch away and he wants to sink into the couch and never feel a thing again.
All of the pent up energy tucked into Reigen’s chest explodes back into his limbs and he flails his arms out in front of him.
“More than this, this shitty excuse for a pocket-life you have to live because of me. You deserve better than this, than a-a fucking below freezing room at night, a broken shower rod- you deserve a home-cooked, expensive fucking meal, and department store pants, a-and I just can't-” Reigen sputtered and choked, caught up in the mass of his words.
“-I can't give you what you want.”
His fingers scratched anxiously at the armrest- there were cat-like claw marks in the leather from his wake that accounted for a moment like this many times in the past.
Serizawa had gone silent, and Reigen still couldn't bear to look at him.
The wind whistled outside and through the cracks of the window. Reigen shivered and sighed, a defeated sound.
“Is that what you think I want?”
Serizawa's voice startled him, and it prompted Reigen to finally turn to face him.
Serizawa looked hollow, his eyes sunken in- his aura felt cold and hesitant, and the sight was honestly petrifying to Reigen- he hadn't ever looked at Reigen like this before, like he was something he didn't understand.
Reigen’s eyes well up but he forces a stubborn frown- anything to not appear as weak as he feels right now.
“You should want it, ‘Tsuya, you deserve better than this, better than me.”
He wants to appear solid and assure when the words leave his lips, but his voice cracks and he breaks eye contact, feeling transparent in every way.
“You saved my life, I owe you more than this shitty world I've given in return.” He continues softly.
“’Taka, you're the only thing I've ever wanted.” Serizawa briefly protests.
Reigen bats his hand dismissively, his eyes tired and distracted.
“Don't start with that sappy shit-”
Serizawa's voice suddenly booms, cutting Reigen short.
“Reigen, you aren't being fair.”
The blonde jumps. Serizawa never calls him that, at least not at home. Only when he's angry, or worried. Reigen really hopes it's the latter right now, but he might not be so lucky- he's pretty notorious at pushing people's buttons.
He hesitantly turns to look back at Serizawa, who's face has grown stern and serious. It's genuinely frightening, for once his resting bitch face is real bitch face.
“I want to think that you love me enough to understand me.” Serizawa begins with a sigh, rubbing his forehead with a shaky palm. He sounds defeated, disappointed even. Reigen nervously swallows, shrinking into the corner of the couch in fear.
“But sometimes… sometimes you shoot yourself in the foot to put me in a race I don't even want to run.”
Reigen’s posture relaxes slightly, confused. Serizawa looks up at him, seeming to study the other man.
“I love you more than I can possibly convey. I love you more than is enough to get through to the core of your belief- your belief that our exchange can be defined by what you have to give me, your belief that you owe me your life- your belief that you aren't human.”
Reigen stares dumbly, his eyes wide and glossy. When Serizawa finally meets his eyes again, he chuckles, seeming almost charmed. He scratches his head awkwardly.
“I havent ever wanted anything from you but your love- even that feels like too much to ask for sometimes, because you saved my life Reigen, just by giving me something to live for,”
Serizawa suddenly chokes and looks down, clearing his throat and moving to fiddle with the fabric of his sweatpants. A very Reigen thing to do, which implies he must feel quite nervous.
“…and next to everything else, money, and comfort, it just… it's nothing. It's nothing compared to you, Arataka.”
The air feels like it's been sucked out of the room. Reigen is a suffocating fish, his mouth opening and closing uselessly, his arms folded underneath his chest. Internally, he's tearing apart the archive of his mind for some kind of excuse, some kind of counterargument, but for once in his life he's coming up empty-handed- Serizawa always manages to do that to him.
Serizawa finally looks up at him, and his eyes soften. He knows he's gotten to Reigen somewhat, because silence isnt a frequent occurrence from the blonde.
“Taka, I only want to ask you for one more thing. It's something that I really want.”
Reigen looks up at him expectantly and Serizawa fondly smiles.
“I want you to be as patient with yourself as you are with me. Can you do that?”
Mulling it over in his head, Reigen’s eye dart around anxiously.
“…if it makes you happy then… I want to try.”
Serizawa beams, his aura glowing, consuming Reigen, squeezing the tears from his eyes and making him laugh. The brunette shuffles closer to Reigen to grab his head and press a kiss to his forehead.
“You being happy will make me happy.”
He whispers softly into the crown of Reigen’s head.
The blonde gulps, wiping a tear and scoffing.
“Everyone says that.”
“Because it's true- I wouldn't lie. I'm not trying to put you out of a job, Arataka.”
Reigen chuckles and shoves Serizawa back, his face stained red from tears but his smile wide nonetheless.
“You ruined it, you ass.”
Serizawa shuts him up with a deep kiss, pulling Reigen into him with reverent hands. It's a good fucking night when Serizawa kisses him like this, like he's something tangible and finite.
Reigen supposes every night is a good night in that case.