Chapter Text
A knock on the doors prompted Anthony to look up from the ledgers he was assessing and his eyebrows slightly raised in surprise as he saw Eloise standing over there with a small, bashful smile.
“Sister”, something in her facial expression told him that this unexpected visit was related to something serious.
Eloise pressed her lips together, her hands behind her back, then moving in front of her, joining in a short clap before stopping at her sides - a nervous tick Anthony had seen many times.
He closed the ledger as he watched her take a small step inside…then another.
“I know that you are extremely busy, but I was wondering do you have a moment?”, she spoke softly as she slowly walked across the study.
Anthony nodded, his eyes watching her intently, trying to ascertain what was the matter.
“Of course”, he said, his tone of voice soothing “What troubles you, Eloise?”
“It’s not me…It’s Hyacinth”, came her reply.
A thump of heart echoed against Anthony’s ribcage, his chest tightening at what Eloise just said.
“What happened? Is she hurt?”, concern got the better of him and Anthony leapt up from the chair.
Eloise’s eyes softened at the worry that radiated from Anthony.
“I think that you must talk to her, Anthony. Gregory tried…I tried, but…she carries the same fear that you dealt with in the past”, as concern was replaced with confusion in Anthony’s eyes Eloise carefully added “She is scared to love. She thinks that there is no use of it because her husband could die and leave her alone and heartbroken.”
Sharp pain cut through Anhony’s heart, shattering it in pieces.
“Because of what happened with John”, he whispered, feeling his throat closing.
My dear baby sister.
He felt Eloise’s fingers slowly taking his palm and it only worried him more.
There was more to this.
“Not just John. She said that it is also about Father. She even mentioned Penelope’s Father”, Eloise spoke quietly, her facial expression worried as she thought of Hyacinth’s eyes downcast and full of fear “She is scared… Just like you were before you met Kate. I am worried that she will close up if we don’t do something. I even found that old feather and brought it to her, but she said that she is thinking about delaying her debut, or not debuting at all”, Eloise swallowed hard before continuing “This is the first time she faced such loss, Anthony. She never knew our Father, but she is so much like him. When she smiles her eyes crinkle the same way his eyes did”, as those words left her mouth Eloise felt tears filling her eyes…
And it was then that she felt Anthony gently pulling her into his arms, warmly hugging her. She hugged him back, holding onto him, two of them silently sharing the feeling of loss and their Father’s absence.
“Please, talk to her”, Eloise’s muffled whisper was heard “The light has gone out in her eyes, Anthony. She might listen to you if you tell her how you felt.”
Anthony closed his eyes, allowing himself a moment before slowly pulling back and nodded.
“I will. Thank you for letting me know, Eloise”, his tone of voice was hushed and warm. As his sister offered a small smile Anthony gently caressed her shoulders and upper arms before he moved across the study, his steps swift as his determination to get to Hyacinth as fast as possible and appease her fears grew.
The walk from the study and upstairs to Hyacinth’s room never felt longer. Nodding politely at the passing servants Anthony quickened his steps, his heart aching at the mere thought of Hyacinth’s distress. Siblings’ grief was not unknown to him, they all grieved their beloved Father in the past years and more than once Anthony was the one to comfort a crying brother or sister. He still remembered Daphne’s withdrawal in herself. He still remembered Francesca’s red-rimmed eyes and Colin’s quiet anger. He still remembered Eloise turning from a chatterbox into a silent girl. He still remembered Benedict trying not to fall apart in front of anyone else but Anthony. He still remembered a toddler Gregory coming into his study and cuddling into his arms when sleep evaded him or bad dreams caused him to wake up in tears. They would sit for hours in the study, Anthony gently rocking little Gregory in his arms, his own eyes misted with tears as he watched their Father’s portrait over Gregory’s brunette locks. They all grieved.
All except baby Hyacinth…because she did not even meet their Father.
Another memory flashed in Anthony’s mind; his grief- stricken Mother crying because baby Hyacinth will never know what it feels like to be hugged by Edmund and Violet wishing she died at childbirth, stabbing Anthony’s heart with another sharp pain…
But, that was the moment he steeled himself up.
Hyacinth will never know what their Father’s hugs feel like… but, she will know MY hugs.
And she did. From the very first day of her life, Hyacinth Bridgerton knew what it feels like to be hugged by her big brother Anthony. No matter was it a joyful occasion, like when she would finish her classes and run to inform him about her good grades and teacher’s praises or a tearful one when she would sob about Gregory hiding her ribbons or when she would scrape her knees. No matter what, Hyacinth always found love and comfort in her big brother’s warm embrace.
What she didn’t know was that Anthony also found comfort in her little orbit of love and light for him.
He remembered how he would tiredly walk to the nursery, after grief and neverending Viscount’s work threatened to overwhelm him and all his siblings and Mother closed the doors to their rooms for the night. Anthony knew that sleep would not come to him and he could feel that his tiredness and grief were threatening to break him down.
And every time he would feel like that Anthony would go to the nursery where he would often find baby Hyacinth wide awake and squeezing the life out of her plush Teddy bear. The moment he would lean over the crib his baby sister’s big eyes would widen and a gummy smile would peek behind the pacifier, Teddy bear forgotten as almost a year old Hyacinth would drop it and put up her chubby little arms up.
And that endearing, loving baby girl smiling and reaching her little arms up to him would give Anthony strength to face every new day. Hyacinth’s nursery was the only room in the house where grief did not shadow its walls, where someone welcomed him with a smile and he reveled in the feeling of his darling baby sister cuddling into him as he would pick her up, her little head resting over his heart… warming it with her innocence and love.
Anthony stopped in front of Hyacinth’s room, taking a few breaths in to calm down his breathing from practically running through the house.
This was the first time his Hyacinth was experiencing grief.
And he would be damned if he does not help her deal with it.
With that thought Anthony knocked softly at the doors.
“Hyacinth?”, he gently called “It’s me, Anthony. Can I come in?”