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Jed slammed his open hand against the steering wheel of the RC car as it sat unmoving in the middle of the hallway in front of the Easter Island head. The little motor squealed as he put the accelerator to the floor.
“Oh, come on!”
The back end of the car started to fishtail, sending Jed and Octavius sliding side to side. Jed eased up on the accelerator, turned the car off, and flung open his door. He crouched down beside the left front tire and investigated.
“What ‘n the hell?”
“Oooh, little dum dums stuck in gum gum,” the Moai boomed, a hint of smug self-satisfaction dripping from its cracked lips.
The left front tire was smudged with a pink streak from one of the little flecks of gum that fell from the big head’s enormous mouth as it messily gnawed its nightly allotment of bubblegum. Jed tried to scrape some off with his hand.
He glared up at the colossal Moai. “I oughta shoot you in your dadgum eye.”
The Moai merely murmured in response, with a barely perceptible wiggle of its eyebrows.
Jed ran his hands across the hood of the car. “Look what that big fat head did to you, boy!” He knelt beside the tire and started picking at the sticky pink goo that was smashed into the treads.
Octavius leaned forward to look out the windshield and watched in bemusement as Jed put a little too much effort into peeling the gum off the tire, causing him to stumble backward and fall flat on his rear, his Stetson fluttering to the floor behind him. He ran a hand through his hair as he lept to his feet.
“Jedediah, what in the world are you doing?” Octavius asked with a laugh, leaning across to the driver’s side window. “How can I be of assistance?”
“Car’s a little messed up, is all, on account ’a that big dum dum—” he jabbed his finger at the Moai.
“Me no dum dum!” the big head countered.
Jed waved him off with a muttered, “Ah, shaddup,” as he got back in the RC car and flung his hat into the backseat. He slumped down in the seat, brows knitted and arms crossed. He pouted, “This night is ruined, Octy! Now we ain’t gonna get to look at all those butterflies you wanted to see in the vivarium. Boy, you were more excited ‘n a puppy with two tails.”
“Jedediah, it’s fine, we’ll go another night,” Octavius countered, gently patting Jed’s knee. “Perhaps Larry will be able to fix the—oh, dear.”
“What? What is it, Oct?”
“You appear to have chewing gum stuck in your hair.” Octavius laughed. “You look like, erm, what was that movie that Larry let us watch? Something about—Mary!”
Jed’s eyes went wide. He tipped his head back against the headrest and growled in frustration. He started up the car and drove away from the Moai as fast as the gum-addled tires would take them. After a few minutes of pointed silence, they skidded up beside Larry’s desk, where the night guard was sitting with his feet propped up and hands clasped behind his head, enjoying a rare moment to himself.
“Oh, hey guys!” Larry greeted them, sliding back from the desk and pulling himself back to an upright position. Jed and Octavius exited the vehicle.
“My liege,” Octavius responded, with a respectful bow of the head.
“Hiya Laredo,” Jed said, flatly. “Can we use your magic buzzin’ box there?”
“Uh, yeah, sure, come on up.”
Jed and Octavius clambered up to the desktop as Larry unlocked the screen of his smartphone and propped it up for the two miniatures to use. They started pressing their hands against the touchscreen and arguing about… something. Larry tried not to eavesdrop on whatever scheme they were getting up to tonight, but he couldn’t help overhearing Jed loudly exclaim, “Well, where’n heck are we gonna get peanut butter?”
Larry cocked an eyebrow. “Hey, you guys’d better not be messing with the Neanderthals again!”
Jed waved him off as the two miniatures turned away from the smartphone to descend the desk. “Nah, Octy’s takin’ me back to his place to get oiled up!”
Octavius elbowed him in the ribs.
“Ow!” Jed gave Octavius a playful shove.
Larry pinched the bridge of his nose. “Ok, why… why would you tell me that? You know what, fine, I don’t want to know.” He flung his hands up in exasperation. “Just don’t make a mess. I don’t want to have to explain that to McPhee in the morning.”
The pair was already sprinting their way toward the Hall of Miniatures. “Hey, wait, guys, aren’t you gonna take the car?” Larry called after them, but they were already too far out of earshot. Those two little guys could sure move fast.
He picked up the car and sighed deeply when he spotted the gum squished into the tire treads.
Jed and Octavius quickly scampered up the rope into the Roman diorama.
“All right, you said you could get me all fixed up. Now, where’re we goin’?”
“I have a private villa at the edge of Rome. Please, follow me.”
They walked side-by-side down the perfectly maintained stone-paved roads leading out of Rome proper, deeper and deeper into the verdant expanse that stretched out far beyond the Colosseum. The villa was a quiet oasis, situated deep enough into the countryside that all the noises of the city melted away into birdsong, but Jed was too preoccupied with his current situation to fully appreciate the solitude beyond the olive groves.
The two men stepped through the front door of Octavius’ villa into the entry hall, which opened to an expansive atrium lit through a skylight and filled with lush greenery. In the center of the atrium was a fountain surrounded with beautiful flowering plants that swayed gently in an almost imperceptible breeze. The walls were covered with brightly colored, elegant frescos of figures from Greek and Roman history and lush gardens dripping with flowers and fruits so vivid they looked indistinguishable from the real thing. On one wall was a painting of a handsome, dark-haired Roman soldier tenderly caressing the face of a toga-clad man with a crown of laurels in his blonde hair, with a chariot and horses in the foreground.
Jed wolf-whistled. “You sure got some fancy artwork in this place. Did it come with all this nice stuff in it?”
“No, quite the opposite, in fact! It seems whoever designed my diorama only concerned himself with the exteriors. These walls were once bare and unadorned until young Nick brought my men some oil paints. I’m not sure where he was able to find them in our scale, but it was certainly a pleasant diversion for us to honor the glory of Rome through art. I commissioned all of the artwork you see here, except for this—” Octavius gestured with a broad flourish of his hand to the image of a glossy black stallion. “It took weeks to finish. Amazing how little time one has when leading an empire.”
“Dang, Octy, I didn’t know you were so good with your hands! Never had you figured for the artsy type.” Jed lagged behind, admiring Octavius’ handiwork.
“Hey, who are those fellas?” he asked. “Didn’t think there were a lot of blonds in Rome.”
Octavius was already out of earshot in the triclinium. Jed hurried to catch up with him.
“Please, remain here, Jedediah. Make yourself at home.”
Jed flopped down unceremoniously onto a cushioned lectus as Octavius walked into another room. He returned shortly wearing a white cotton tunic with a thin, gold-studded leather belt wrapped twice around his waist. His dark hair was slightly disheveled from his helmet, and he could never seem to get those little curls around his ears to stay flat no matter how hard he tried. Octavius felt Jed’s eyes on him as he walked into the kitchen.
He reentered the dining area with a terracotta pitcher of wine and a pair of intricately decorated silver cups. He poured the wine and handed a cup to Jed, who was propped up on his elbows on the lectus, with one leg bent and the other dangling over the edge. It seemed that he had taken the invitation to “make himself at home” to heart. Octavius beamed at the sight of his best friend relaxing in his quarters.
“Vinum setinum,” Octavius proclaimed, raising his cup to Jed. “My favorite. The finest wine in all of Rome, worthy of the table of Bacchus himself.”
Octavius knew Jed wasn’t much of a drinker, much less a connoisseur, and he probably didn’t know who Bacchus was. The easy smile on his face made it seem like he was enjoying the first few tentative sips of the sweet, smooth Setian wine, though Octavius briefly wondered if Jed was just humoring him because he said it was his favorite. But a couple cups of wine and some enthusiastic conversation later, Jed had forgotten his earlier irritation with the Moai and was in bright spirits. He sat back on the lectus and swirled the wine in his cup, idly tracing the figure of the little cupids on the sides. Octavius noticed the pale pink flush that started to glow on Jed’s face highlighted the delicate little sprinkle of freckles across the bridge of his nose and cheekbones. Jed looked at him with a warm smile like sunshine breaking through the clouds. He was the very image of Apollo himself, soft and luminous and golden, and the way his blue eyes sparkled when he looked at Octavius…
Jed reached up to flick an errant strand of hair out of his eyes and rediscovered the gum. “Oh! Oct, you gotta fix this!”
“Of course, my friend. Follow me.”
The duo stood and walked into the cubiculum, a small bedroom at the rear of the villa. Against the far wall stood a single ornate lectus covered in silky fabric and sumptuous velvety pillows, with a small, elegantly carved table beside it. In the corner sat a flickering tealight (battery operated, per Larry’s orders) that made the intricate mosaics on the walls cast little sparkles all around the room.
Octavius took three little bottles of scented olive oil off a wall shelf and set them on the table. He turned to place a neatly folded pile of tiny terrycloth towels and a small comb beside the oils and saw Jed quickly look away.
He sat beside Jed on the lectus and uncorked the first bottle. Jed sniffed the contents and let out a sputtering cough. “Whoo-wee, that’s rank! Stinks worse’n Sunday britches on a Friday polecat.” Octavius rolled his eyes at Jed. Ok, patchouli was definitely out of the question.
“Does that… is that even a real saying?”
Jed shrugged. “I dunno, I just like makin’ you laugh.”
Octavius chuckled as he uncorked the second bottle and offered it to Jed, who spent an awful long time with it under his nose. “Mm, yeah, I like this. It’s real familiar. Makes me feel kinda warm ‘n cozy.”
You should be familiar with it, since it’s the same one I’ve used in my hair every day since they put our exhibits in! “It’s my favorite. Rosmarinum, the ‘dew of the sea.’ We Romans believe that it wrapped around the goddess of love when she emerged from the seafoam.”
“Huh, she that Venus lady?”
Octavius bristled. “Yes, ‘that Venus lady,’ as you so aptly described her. Some of us believe she is ancestor to the royal line of Caesar.”
“Wait a minute, how come you ain’t never told me you were part god? Kahmunrah wouldn’t shut up about his so-called ‘divine heritage,’ an’ he wasn’t hardly nothin’ at all.” Jed stared at Octavius, scanning him from head to toe and back again with a deliberate, slow appraisal, like he was trying to see if there was some hint of divinity he had overlooked.
“Oh, don’t look at me like that. That was the real Octavius, not me.”
“I dunno, you seem pretty real to me,” Jed countered, squeezing his bicep like he was checking the ripeness of a summer peach. Octavius giggled at the unexpected touch and immediately clapped his hand over his mouth, pushing Jed away with the other hand. Jed laughed at his reaction.
Octavius quickly regained his composure and held out the last bottle. “Here, last one. Then you can make your decision.”
Jed sniffed the contents once, twice, three times – yep, this was the one. He turned the bottle in his hands and read the label. “La-van-doo-la,” he sounded out.
Octavius snatched the bottle from his hands. “Lavandula. Lavender. It’s quite a relaxing fragrance. Although my great uncle would beg to differ,” he chuckled darkly.
“Think I could go for some relaxin’ ‘bout now, compadre.”
He grabbed one of the towels and laid it across his lap. “Shall we get started, then? I feel it may be quite uncomfortable for me to keep turning if you are sitting by my side.”
“You got it, pal.”
Jed stretched out on the soft fabric of the lectus, leaned his head back against Octavius’ muscular thighs, and closed his eyes. He shimmied down just a little to get comfortable. Octavius reached under the back of Jed’s head and tousled his hair so it was splayed out like a golden halo all around his head.
“Mmm, this how you Romans sleep every night?” Jed asked, stretching his arms to the side with a little groan, before lacing his fingers together and resting his clasped hands just above his belt buckle. “A guy could get used to this.”
Octavius felt his cheeks burn.
Jed continued, looking up at Octavius’ face. “Betcha I couldn’t fit one ‘a these lecterns in my tent. These things are huge. Mighty comfortable, too. Seems like ya’ could get two or three folks on one’a these things. An’ all I got is a cot! Hey, did you know that the Mayans had gum too? Yep, Kʼawiil said they got it from a tree called a sapodilla. An’ that stuff, it ain’t got no flavor, boy. Don’t know how anybody could wanna chew on that!” Octavius smiled at Jed’s rambling train of thought. He could have sat there all night listening to him excitedly jump from topic to topic if not for the gum tangled up in golden knots in his hair.
He poured a thin stream of the sweetly scented oil into his palm, rubbed his hands together, and started to gently massage his fingers into Jed’s golden tresses. Jed instantly stopped talking. He exhaled a soft, contented breath through gently parted lips as his shoulders relaxed and his head sank down onto Octavius’ lap.
Octavius slowly, painstakingly worked his way through all the sticky residue, softly rubbing the strands of hair between his slick fingers. The gum started to loosen quickly and Octavius removed it little by little onto one of the towels. His touch was feather-light – he didn’t dare do anything to harm his cowboy.
Jed looked up at him through half-lidded eyes. “You don’t gotta be so gentle, Octy, I ain’t gonna break.”
“I thought you didn’t like to be manhandled.”
“Well, it’s different when it’s you,” Jed said matter-of-factly and closed his eyes.
With a quiet, restrained laugh, Octavius playfully tugged on Jed’s hair. The unexpected force caused Jed to tilt his head back and breathlessly gasp Octavius’ name.
Octavius’ eyes widened as a very indecent thought blazed in his mind. He swallowed hard. By Jupiter, I’d better keep that to myself.
He quickly pulled his hands away.
“Did I hurt you?”
“Nah, ‘m good,” Jed exhaled, trying to suppress a quiet laugh. He wiped his hands across his face in an attempt to conceal the growing blush on his cheeks. “Just didn’t expect that, ‘s all. ’M good, just keep goin’.”
Octavius was going to have to spend some time in the frigidarium after this. Get ahold of yourself, Gaius. Don’t do this. He’s your best friend!
He picked up the comb and ran it through Jed’s hair, starting at the ends and working his way back up to tease out the tangles, eliciting a few scowls and irritated grunts as he worked.
“Have you ever once combed your hair, you shaggy-headed barbarian?” Octavius teased, gently mussing Jed’s hair.
“Hey, I ain’t shaggy-headed!” Jed responded with a laugh, reaching up to gently bat his hand away. “But I tell ya’, you are fixin’ to make this midnight cowboy fall asleep right here. I reckon I could spend the whole night with you.”
“You will be here all night if you don’t let me finish.”
Octavius continued to tenderly smooth out his locks until he was able to run the comb through effortlessly. He set it aside and began to rub the rest of the oil into the ends of his hair. He ran his hand through Jed’s golden waves, fingernails dragging against his scalp, drawing out a soft moan from his lips. Octavius felt his heartbeat roaring in his ears. The sounds Jed made while Octavius gently tended to his hair felt like something he wasn’t supposed to be hearing, something he wasn’t privileged to know. He felt hyperaware of every sensation and went to pull his hands away from his companion’s head. But Jed looked so serene laying there melting into his touch, he didn’t dare stop even after the sticky residue of the Moai’s gum was long gone.
“God, you’re so good to me, Octy,” Jed mumbled drowsily. He let out a small contented sigh.
Octavius sat there with his fingers gently laced in Jed’s hair, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest. Before long, he realized Jed had indeed fallen asleep. He gingerly grabbed one of the little towels to wipe the remaining oil from his hands.
Octavius gazed down at the golden cowboy draped across his lap. He had spent years sneaking covert glances, memorizing every aspect of his handsome features, until he knew his face as well as his own. Between the rosy flush of his cheeks and the soft halo of blond hair framing his gentle face, Jed looked positively cherubic. His fair hair glimmered like spun gold in the candlelight. Gods, he is perfect. What have I done to deserve this divine blessing from Venus?
No, this is no blessing, he decided. This is a torment, to be so close to who my heart desires and too – what was the word Jed had used? – yellow-bellied to do anything about it. In all his lifetimes, from his patchwork memories of Caesar Augustus to his reincarnation as a museum miniature, he had never wanted anything even half as much as he craved Jedediah. He became acutely aware of the weight of Jed’s head against his lap, the flickering candlelight, the sweet smell of lavender that lingered in the air. A wave of heat rolled up his neck, making his ears burn.
Octavius gently traced the rugged curve of Jed’s jawline with his fingertips and whispered, “O carissime, esse quod optat amor hoc vetat ipse timor. How I wish I could tell you… how I wish you shared my feelings.” He slid his hand down to rest over Jed’s heart and idly ran the thumb of his other hand against Jed’s cheek. Jed smiled softly in his sleep. They sat in contented silence, breathing in sync, for what felt like an eternity. And if this is what eternity felt like, well… Octavius was OK with that.
Jed’s eyes fluttered open. He sat up beside Octavius and yawned, running a hand through the silky strands of his hair. “Wow, Oct, I think ol’ Jedediah could get used to this sorta thing. You’re real good to me,” he said, his gaze slowly drifting from Octavius’ eyes to his lips and back again.
Octavius smiled at him, a big genuine smile that moved up to crinkle the corners of his eyes, only faltering when he felt Jed’s hand on his thigh.
Jed leaned toward him and dropped his voice slightly. “Got me wonderin’ what else you can do with those hands.”
His eyes widened. “J-Jedediah, I don’t want you to feel like you—”
“You all right, pardner?”
“I… yes, I’m fine,” Octavius faltered. He was stunned. His heart was pounding so hard he couldn’t hear himself think. “I know I haven’t exactly been subtle in expressing my interest, but—”
Jed sighed as he turned to face him. “I guess I ain’t been clear enough about mine.”
He grabbed the front of Octavius’ tunic and pulled him into a rough, clumsy kiss, a little off-target but as far as Octavius was concerned, it was absolutely perfect in every way. His lips were soft and carried the faint sweetness of the wine they had shared, and Octavius could not help but smile against them.
Jed swung Octavius’ legs onto the lectus and knelt between his thighs as the Roman general leaned back to prop himself up against the pillows. Jed threw his gloves and vest to the floor as he bent forward to caress Octavius’ lips with another kiss, gentler and more planned this time. Octavius reached up and grabbed rough fistfuls of Jed’s shirt, pulling him close and deepening the kiss. His hands trembled as he hastily undid the buttons and stripped off Jed’s shirt.
“Oh gods, Jedediah, you have no idea how badly I’ve wanted this,” he moaned between kisses.
Jed’s eyes smoldered as he pushed Octavius against the pillows. Octavius threaded his fingers into Jed’s hair as he pressed frantic kisses against the tender skin of his neck. He bucked his hips up, finding a tantalizing bit of friction in the taut leather of Jed’s chaps. Octavius tilted his head back and gasped.
Jed pressed his lips against the sensitive skin just below his ear.
“Take off your tunic.”
“Only if you take off your barbarian leg covers.”
Jed shimmied out of his jeans and chaps, not willing to sacrifice a single moment of contact with Octavius’ warm body beneath him.
Octavius unclasped the leather belt wound around his waist, arching his body against Jed’s hips, and pulled the tunic over his head. Jed reached up with one hand to pin Octavius’ wrists against the soft pillows and return his attention to his full, rosy lips. Octavius slipped his tongue into Jed’s mouth, earning him a low, pleading moan that was more intoxicating than all the vinum setinum in Rome. Those sounds he had once felt he was not privileged to know were now his to command.
Jed worked his way down Octavius’ neck and along his collarbone, nipping a line of little marks that slowly started to blush pink. Octavius laid there with his arms bent behind his head, wrists crossed, hands tangled up in the white fabric of his tunic, powerless to do anything but submit to the burning kisses his cowboy planted all along the sculpted lines of his torso.
****
“Thirty minutes till sunrise!” Larry announced.
Octavius woke up, face down on the lectus. He groaned and tried to roll over but was pinned in place by Jed’s arms wrapped around him. Jed buried his face in the angle of Octavius’ neck, inhaling his scent and gently nipping him over his pulse point and along his shoulder.
“Mornin’, sunshine.”
“If you keep doing that, we’ll never make it back to our places in time.”
“Would that be so bad?”
Octavius rolled onto his back and maneuvered himself so Jed was directly on top of him. He raised one hand to gently caress Jed’s cheek. Jed turned his head and kissed Octavius’ fingertips as he moved to slowly trace his hand down the curve of Jed’s neck, letting his hands drift down until they came to rest on his waist. Jed’s hair fell in soft golden curtains around his face as he kissed along Octavius’ neck and collarbones, letting his lips linger over the hollow of his throat.
“Mea lux, your touch burns me more intensely than any sunrise. But I fear we must return to our stations.”
“All right, darlin’, but you know I’m gonna be pickin’ up right where I left off next time I see you,” Jed grinned.
Octavius pulled him in for one last kiss, unable to hide the smile that spread across his face.
They barely made it back to their places by the time the night guard walked in to do his final sweep of the Hall of Miniatures. Larry noticed two things about Jed that morning as he went to place his little Stetson back on his head – his glossy hair and the big dumb smile painted across his face. He chuckled and shook his head as the last lingering tendrils of tablet magic turned the fabric back to resin under his fingers.