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Week after week....
The blankets, too warm and itchy, the room, too cold, the rest of the house... a constant reminder of a curly haired boy that didn't want to be there anymore. It was so quiet without Christopher. No clack of crutches on the hardwood floor, no smile that lit up a whole room, no need for the artificially flavoured cereal that was slowly collecting dust as it remained untouched for weeks atop the refrigerator. The house wasn't right without Christopher.
Eddie laid awake in bed, tossing and turning for hours. His left side, didn't work. Right? Nope. Stomach? Also no. He let out an exasperated sigh, then flung his legs over the side of the bed, pushing himself up to a sitting position. He let his feet touch the chilly floor, a small shiver crawled up his body. He gripped his phone and checked the time; 3:17AM. Shit. He stood, shoving his phone into his pocket. He began shuffling out of the room, he ran a hand through his hair, trying to tame it a little because he could feel it sticking up in all directions. All he could hear was the slight wind from the AC, and each time his foot met the floor. Everything was quiet. Too quiet. He emerged from the hall, and entered the kitchen. He picked up a glass from the drying rack in front of him and filled it with water. He sipped it, then placed it on the small dining table in front of him. He pulled out a chair and settled on it. His fists hugged eachother. Together they lightly hit Eddie's forehead. Another sigh escaped Eddie's mouth, followed by a yawn.
Eddie thought about calling Buck, but the thought got interrupted rather quickly. Why the hell would he bother Buck at 3:30 in the morning? He couldn't keep his boyfriend up like that. But that's what boyfriends are for. To support and be there for one another. No. He and Buck have a shift today. There's no need for the both of them to be walking zombies.
It was refreshing to hear the hustle and bustle of the station, voices echoing everywhere, teamwork. Eddie climbed the stairs and joined the crew at the table for breakfast. He grabbed a plate from the neat stack in front of him and got a small assortment of foods. A fried egg, bacon, and a slice of toast. He wasn't even really hungry, or in sync with reality at all. He stared daggers into his plate of food, moving it around with his fork, attempting to act busy. Hen and Chimney shared a inquisitive expression after noticing Eddie. Buck was rambling about some animal documentary he watched the night before, not paying much attention to the individuals around him.
"Eddie?" Hen called out.
She was met with no answer, no reaction.
"Earth to Eddie?"
She waved her hand in front of his face, causing him to blink a few times, getting back to the present. He turned his head towards her.
"Hm? Did you say something?"
The dark purple bags under Eddie's half lidded eyes seemed more prominent now, his slightly pale complexion, and the way his shoulders slumped.
"You good?"
Hen had the 'Don't you lie to me' face. Eddie nodded.
"Just tired."
Eddie looked drained in just about every way possible. Buck looked over at him excitedly, still going on about the documentary. However, his rant was halted when he made eye contact with Eddie. The bright smiled he displayed dissapeared and was replaced with concern. He shot up from his seat, trotting to Eddie's side of the table, crouching down next to him.
"Eds... What happened?"
Buck sounded so worried. Eddie's brows furrowed. He hated making Buck worry.
"I'm okay. I didn't sleep well last night."
Buck sighed. He placed a gentle hand on Eddie's cheek. Eddie couldn't keep eye contact, he knew Buck could see right through him.
"Edmundo. Come on. How long has it been?"
"Since Chris left."
Eddie mumbled. He could pretty much see Buck's heart shatter when he said that. Buck looked up at the crew, all of them plastered with concern as they watched the scene unfold. Buck made eye contact with Bobby, silently hoping he had an answer.
"Hey, Eddie?"
Bobby questioned from the other end of the table. Eddie looked in his direction, his eyes unable to focus on him for a moment.
"Take the rest of the shift off. Buck can with you."
"Cap, there’s still-"
Eddie was cut off by Bobby speaking over him.
"I'll get a couple guys from B-shift to cover you two. Go rest, Eddie."
Eddie gave up on protesting. He let Buck help him up, rough calloused, yet gentle hands hugged his waist to ensure his balance. Buck kept his grip on Eddie solid, as he could feel his partner's body growing heavier by the second.
"Our stuff."
Eddie mumbled, lazily gesturing at the locker room.
"I'll grab it after I get you in the car. You can't carry a duffle bag right now."
Buck sighed.
"You- You should have said something."
Eddie knew he was right, but he was supposed to be strong. He was supposed to be helping others, not others helping him. Eddie replied with a nod and a muffled "Sorry" as he lowered his head onto Buck's shoulder. Buck continued guiding Eddie out of the firehouse. He helped Eddie get settled in the Jeep. He the closed the door, jogging back into the firehouse. Eddie leaned his head back and sighed. Suddenly his eyes felt heavier than ever. It was like twenty pound dumbells were dropped on his eyelids, making them unbearably heavy. He had tried to act as awake as possible around the crew, to try and seem normal. Clearly that didn't work. The act had quickly worn off. His eyes fluttered shut, giving them a second to rest.
Eddie's convinced that he had closed his eyes only for a moment, but was proven otherwise when he felt a familiar hand carding through his hair, the comforting scent of light cologne, and sweet pecks all over his face. Eddie didn't want to move, he felt like a huge hunk of lead. Though, he forced his eyes open and was welcomed to soft blue eyes staring lovingly at him. Buck opened his arms, Eddie let himself get wrapped in them as Buck assisted him in getting out of the Jeep. No words needed to be exchanged, they could pretty much read each other's minds in tender moments like this.
Buck got Eddie inside, fed and changed into comfy clothes. Eddie was clad in cozy grey sweatpants and Buck's LAFD hoodie. And now, were watching a movie in bed. Eddie was quite literally on top of Buck, content as can be. Buck should be annoyed that it takes a little more effort to breathe, but there is no where Buck would rather be right now; running a gentle hand mindlessly up and down his lover's back, using his other hand's fingertips to rub Eddie's face, enjoying the peaceful expression on his face. He wasn't paying attention to the movie at all. He focused all of his attention on Eddie, both out of love and concern.
As the movie progressed he felt the weight on his torso grow heavier. He gazed down at Eddie, who's face was buried in Buck's neck. All Buck could see was Eddie's mouth, which hung open a tad. All of Eddie's muscles that were once tense, looked soft, so relaxed.
"Eds?"
Buck spoke softly, rubbing his thumb on Eddie's shoulder. He figured out pretty quick that Eddie was out cold. Buck couldn't help but smile. It wasn't very often that Eddie fell asleep first, so he savoured the moment. Sure he was practically dead to his feet before, but seeing Eddie so peaceful... he loved it. The way his face was so relaxed, any tension that was displayed dissapeared. The way one of Eddie's hands was cupping the lower part of Buck's cheek, slowly losing grip as it met the pillow below. The way their legs were tangled together. Buck loved taking care of Eddie. It was an excuse to shower his partner in so much love that he might drown.
Buck gently reached out and pressed the space bar on his keyboard, pausing the movie. He pushed the laptop closed and moved it aside. He kissed the side of Eddie's head, then let his own eyes close.
Buck awoke to find Eddie in almost the exact same position as before. Eddie barely ever moved in his sleep, something he had retained from the military. Buck rubbed a gentle thumb on Eddie's shoulder, watching fondly as his partner slept.
Eddie's warm complexion had resumed, his dark circles reduced. Buck stiffened when Eddie inhaled sharply, pausing his thumb, hoping he didn't wake him. Eddie groaned quietly, shifting positions.
"Hey..." Eddie mumbled, barely aware of who, where, what, when, why or how. "Did I wake you?" Buck asked, concerned. Eddie shook his head. He scooted down, so his ear was flush to Buck's chest. His heartbeat worked like a lullaby for Eddie, knowing his lover was alive, breathing.
"He's gonna come back, Eds." Buck said gently, ruffling the nest of brown hair on top of him. Eddie took a moment to let that statement sink in. Would he actually come back? Was Buck saying that to make him feel better?
Eddie sighed. "God, I hope so..." He mumbled.