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Regect’s been finding it difficult to sleep. It’s Ze’s fault, something he was lord over the man, but this feels too fragile to. And it’s not like Ze even knows about it.
The first night back, Ze had slept like the dead – so much that Regect did think he was dead, once or twice, and it had led him to staying up all night to make sure that Ze was still breathing, that he didn’t disappear into a place Regect couldn’t reach again.
He thought it would be a one time thing, but no.
The problem is that Ze sleeps like a cat, anywhere and everywhere, completely dead to the world and with a chest that barely moves when he breathes. Regect watches him in a way he knows is horribly creepy, puts him arm close to feel Ze’s breath on his skin every few hours. Sits there, right beside Ze’s bed.
He doesn’t need to sleep – he's an entity after all – but he still finds himself exhausted in the mornings, like the whole night had been spent running from dinosaurs instead of just silently watching Ze’s chest move up and down – something that's getting increasingly more disturbing to think about. He can’t even kid himself that it’s to make sure Ze doesn’t have nightmares because the stupid man doesn’t get them. Doesn’t even shift in his sleep. Just, lies there, frozen, as if even asleep, his body’s scared to move.
He looks dead sometimes. Regect tries not to think about that.
He tried to stay out one night, but it hadn’t worked. He couldn’t think about anything other than Ze, lying in bed, taken by some unseen hand, covering his mouth, Ze dying just as quietly as he slept. Regect slipping in in the morning and no one realising that Ze was a slowly rotting corpse in his bed. Regect, too late, again.
He had gone back to his bedside vigil.
It still felt creepy – Ze would have a fit if he knew about it – but Regect can't do anything else.
So, he stays and watches the miniscule rising and falling of Ze’s chest.
Tonight is like any other, Regect sitting in the corner, mostly obscured by shadows, waiting, watching, protecting, in a way. Well, it was like any other, until Ze starts to shift.
At first, Regect thinks nothing of it, but then Ze doesn’t settle down – then he wakes up.
There’s a moment where Ze is blearily looking around, rubbing at his eyes, trying to blink the sleep away, then his eyes catch on the corner Regect had conquered for himself, and he jumps, gun pulled out from under his pillow, aiming with what Regect can only assume is great accuracy.
“It’s me – it's me!” He squeals, not in the mood to get shot, “Regect - not a monster, not a monster!”
Well, more like a friendly monster, but he doesn’t think that will help.
“Regect?” Ze asks, still half asleep, but waking up entirely too fast for Regect’s liking, “What the fuck are you doing in here?”
Regect has nothing to say to that – other than lies.
“Uh, there was, like, uh, a bug. Yeah, a bug. In my room. So, I, uh, came in here. To get away from it?”
Ze looks less than impressed. “Since when have you been scared of bugs?”
“Since, uh, right now. People can change.”
Ze glares at him. Not everything changes. “That’s so fucking stupid man. Why the fuck are you in here?”
“I told you,” Regect says, frivolously
“You’re so stupid – this whole thing is – what the fuck are you doing here, Regect? Just fucking tell me so I can go back to sleep. I’m sure it’s not that bad.”
Regect says nothing. It is that bad.
“Look, unless you were, like, fucking watch me sleep or whatever, I won’t care. It’s three in the fucking morning. I’m tired. Spill.”
Regect tries not to react, but he doesn’t think he does a very good job.
“Regect.” Ze says, voice harsh. “Were you fucking watching me sleep?”
“...No?” Regect offers, not very convincingly.
“What the – that's like the worst fucking – what the fuck, Regect?” Ze asks, hopelessly, but some of the anger has been replaced with confusion, “See - look, I wasn’t going to say anything, but like, rule of thirds. And with the whole model of me, and your house facing my bedroom, and now this – it's just – it' just painting a picture-”
“What? No! No – no nothing like that. It’s just, no, it’s like, well, no not-” Regect splutters.
“Do you need a minute to get your story straight?”
“No,” Regect rebukes, but takes a minute anyway.
There’s no way he can tell Ze the truth, but maybe he can warp it, put it in a more palatable form, but how? Maybe he should just stop watching Ze – but even the thought of it makes him clammy, breathless. How can he make sure Ze is okay if he’s not right there, next to him, all the time?
“I was just...” He starts, stops, reconsiders, tries again. “There was a...” But there’s no better way to put it. Maybe like this, half asleep and still in the cover of night, Ze will be more receptive. “I was worried. About you.”
Ze blinks, “What? Why? I’m fine.”
Regect shrugs as best he can. “It’s just... Been a lot these past few days, you know?”
Ze shifts uncomfortably, “Well. I mean. You don’t have to. I’m good, man, I’ve told you I am. So. You can, you know. I mean – you don’t have to stay-”
“But can I?” Regect cuts in, hating himself, “I mean. You know. Nothing will like, hurt you, if I’m here.”
Ze frowns, and Regect resigns himself to a night spent sitting in front of Ze’s closed door, hoping that any sounds of distress will trickle out to him but knowing that he’ll wait for the sun paranoid and sleepless.
“Don’t... Don’t be creepy,” is all Ze says, moving to the far edge of his bed.
Regect doesn’t know what to do with that. It’s not a refusal, but it’s not an acceptance either? He stays, but Ze doesn’t seem to fall asleep (and Regect has been getting awfully familiar with how Ze looks like asleep) so Regect goes to the door – maybe him being there was creepy. Maybe he is taking too much advantage.
But as he inches closer to the door, Ze shifts behind him. He turns on instinct, terrified to see Ze getting mauled by something so far out of his comprehension, but the only change is that the covers have been raised. It leaves an oddly person-shaped space next to Ze.
Regect pauses. He might be reading this wrong – and if he is, there’s no blubbering to get him out of whatever Ze’s conclusions will be – but if he’s not then maybe Ze’s reaching out the only way he can. Maybe Ze is trying, half-asleep and in the cover of night.
Slowly, as if trying to calm a stray cat – a not unfair comparison – he claws to closer to the bed. With extreme hesitation and the knowledge that a gun can be pulled on him at any second, he fits himself onto the bed, curling under the covers.
Ze doesn’t shoot him, or protest, or move away. He’s deathly still, in a way Regect can’t tell is natural or not. He doesn’t know what the other man wants, what he needs, can’t really make an educated guess, so, he does what he always does.
“This is nice,” he says, with a clearly exaggerated cheer, dumping himself entirely on Ze, feeling the other man tense beneath him. Still, no gun. Progress? “Very warm. Ten out of ten bed, I’d say."
Ze bristles, but still doesn’t kick him off. “Fuck of. Just go to sleep – or I’ll kick you out.”
The words are joking – at least Regect thinks they’re joking – but a sharp fear sprouts through him, and he settles down. Now isn’t the time for humour, he realises, and lies as still as Ze does.
The morning comes quick, easier with Ze breathing below him. But the night wanes faster, and in no time at all, the moon is back up on its peak. He can’t waste time in the kitchen for much longer, can’t keep Ze away from his bed forever.
He’s proven right when Ze sighs, standing up and stretching, “I’m going to go to bed,” he says, strangely pointed.
Regect gives an uncomfortable smile, then collapses back onto the couch. How long will it take for Ze to fall asleep is the immediate question to come for him – and he hates it. If Ze’s woken up once, he can wake up again – can see Regect, creepy and staring in the corner.
Still, all Ze does is pause at the top of the stairs, awkward and uncertain, “You... Uh. There’s something – upstairs. If you – yeah.”
It makes no sense; Regect follows anyway.
Ze’s in his room, slipping into bed. The doors wide open, and Regect hesitates by it, but lingering here will do nothing. Cautiously, he takes a step inside, then another, and another, until he’s right by the bed again. Ze doesn’t move as Regect slips inside, onto him again, his breath right below him, tangible underneath him. Ze’s alive, it tells him – Ze's alive, and back with him again.