Chapter Text
"Why did you come here?" He asked, whining the slightest bit as he did so. "You shouldn't have come here."
"Why?" The other man stepped forward, into his space as if he wasn't taking up every crevice inside his brain and heart already, his greed was sickening.
The men yearned for one another, but it was forbidden and he couldn't betray his brother like that. Neither could the other man. But if he didn't want to be here why would he have come? Why were they here now? Face to face, so near to one another that they could close the space with a kiss easily.
"I am here because I burn for you."
"As do I."
"Regulus don't do this to me."
"Remus please."
"Regulus."
Wait a minute, that wasn't Remus Lupin's voice. That was Delphine. Regulus groaned, pulling himself from the pages of his book as well as his imaginary fantasies to look at his sister, who was holding a pillow in her hand, preparing to throw it. He dropped his novel to one side, pulling himself up from the bed in a sitting position.
"You said you'd help me with my essay an hour ago." She sighed, her long black curls bouncing animatedly around her waist.
"Just give me a minute I want to see how this chapter ends." Regulus shooed her away, grabbing the book and cracking it open to the page he left off on. He hadn't even gotten to the line he was on when she launched the pillow at him.
Landing directly on the book and creasing it. The spine was bent with an ugly protruding line and Regulus had half the mind to kill his younger sister until he spotted Sirius sneaking up behind her, grabbing her by the shoulders and pulling her back into his chest.
"C'mon don't kill each other, dad needs us to set the table." Regulus only flipped him the bird and retrieved his book, it had also been been creased at one of the corners. When he got his hands on Delphine he was going to murder her, like actually murder her.
"Oh my god, dad's cooking." She replied in a mortified tone, eliciting a barked laugh out of Sirius. It wasn't an overreaction, Regulus would argue it was an underreaction.Orion Black's cooking was in fact, that bad.
"Yes, he is cooking and you will like it." Sirius demanded lightly, patting a firm hand atop Delphine's head, ruffling her curls slightly. Causing her to giggle and make the futile effort to get him off - Regulus knows, he had been in that position many times.
"You're asking too much of me." She complained, she could be a real brat when she wanted to be. She often did want to be. Dramatically fanning herself with one of her hands at the thought of their dad's wretched food.
"Then you will pretend to like it." Sirius grinned, letting go of Delphine's head to pick up her hand and hook their pinkies together. All three of them had a habit of making pinkie promises with each other - it was kind of their thing - like how Regulus pinkie promised he'd help his sister with her homework an hour ago before getting lost in his book.
"Deal." She grinned back, pressing her thumb to Sirius' before they made their way down to the dining table, leaving Regulus to finish his chapter.
So, that was his family. His father had married his mother years ago in France before moving to the USA, Orion Black the British man and Walburga, the french woman whom he had somehow wooed. Truthfully his wasn't a story of love after they had children, Sirius and Regulus. Let's just say they weren't fans of the two.
It had been really bad for a long time, Delphine thankfully was too young to remember. Hence why she's so bright and fun. The other two remember how badly they were treated before Walburga died, she was their mother, she'd always be their mother and they'd always be her little boys.
She had issues though, like, mentally. The postpartum after Delphine pushed her so far over the edge it ended with her taking her own life, leaving her children and husband behind. Orion had loved Walburga deeply, despite them both not being able to extend that love to their children. Now Orion had nowhere to put it.
That was until Sirius slapped some sense into him, literally. He was fed up with playing the parent and forced Orion to step up, which surprisingly, he did. They left that forsaken house, bought a new one and started a new life together.
Delphine had been one when their mother died while Sirius and Regulus had been seven and six respectively, and Sirius had only been eight when he got into that fight with Orion that changed their lives for the better. All that love Orion kept behind closed doors, reserved for Walburga had finally extended to Regulus and his siblings. So much so that now, when Regulus was seventeen, he could hardly remember the times where his father was cruel.
Finally deciding he couldn't read any longer Regulus slipped his bookmark into his book and neatly slid it back onto his shelf, noticing his room had become quite messy, he'd need to clean it later. He made his way out of his bedroom and down the stairs, the table was set and Orion was messily fussing around in their kitchen.
Sirius made his way to the door and Regulus had to stop himself on the steps, gripping the banister in hopes that his heart wouldn't fly out of his throat and latch onto the man that was walking through his front door right now.
It was Remus John Lupin, the man from his fantasies earlier in case you forgot. Remus was absolutely gorgeous, with a bronze tan that was speckled with freckles and scars and the most enticing brown eyes that made Regulus' brain melt into chocolate. He ruffled his untidy brown hair as he walked through the door, towering over Sirius slightly as they hugged, he was lanky in all the nicest ways.
"Hi sir, sup Reg." He nodded at Orion before coming over and fist bumping Regulus who was still holding onto the railing, halfway down the stairs. Purely out of fear that he'd pounce on Remus and devour him if he saw the slightest opening.
Let me tell you a bit about Remus John Lupin.
Remus had lived next door to this house long before the despondent Blacks had moved in, but when they finally got fully on their feet Regulus noticed Remus.
It was a nice warm summers' day and Sirius had just turned nine. Peeping his head out his window, that was when he first spotted the little boy next door. Regulus had been overwhelmed by Sirius' outlandish party planning, all his friends were downstairs but the music got too loud so Regulus was in his room.
That's when he made the rather dumb decision to climb down from his window, he tried scaling down the vines growing up the side of his house but he lost his footing on one of the bright orange bricks and slipped, falling into a bramble bush. That didn't stop him though, the small boy brushed himself off and padded over to Remus' house.
Slipping into the driveway he saw the other boy, messily down on one knee next to his bicycle. He was playing around with the bike chain, or at least that's what it looked like to Regulus.
In his oversized sweater and boy shorts, he had smudges of grease all over him as the sun shone upon him. Casting an angelic light over him, he had that beautiful childlike look of focus on him and when he spotted Regulus standing in his driveway he plastered the cutest gap tooth smile on his face and waved.
"Hi, I'm Remus!" He shouted over to Regulus, who stood there like a stupid statue with his hands clasped together in front of him, "Do you wanna play?"
Remus ushered for him to come closer and Regulus complied, with caution of course. Creeping up behind the other, boy. His messy pigtails had become scattered from the fall so he pulled them from the little fuzzy hairbands, letting his curls flop around.
Remus was almost the same height as Regulus when he was down on his knee, so Regulus had to stand on his tiptoes to look over his shoulder.
"You're really pretty, you live next door don't you?" Remus turned over his shoulder to look at Regulus.
They were face to face and Regulus almost forgot how to breathe, the words caught in his throat when he tried to speak so he just nodded dumbly. Whipping his head up and down so fast he almost got dizzy enough to pass out. Remus only smiled at that, his toothy grin reappearing on his face.
"What's your name?" Remus asked after chuckling to himself at Regulus' funny antics, he had to pluck up some courage and he found it in himself to reply.
"R-"
"REGINA ANTLIA BLACK!"
Oh no, it was Sirius. He looked absolutely livid, storming down Remus' driveway and grasping Regulus harshly by the wrist. Shocked by hit own strength when Regulus flinched, he muttered out an apology before turning and pointing an accusatory finger at Remus.
"What are you doing, trying to taint my little sister!" Sirius yelled, jabbing his finger into Remus' temple, Remus followed his finger with his eyes. Trying to look up at where their skin met in between his eyebrows.
"You're pretty too," Remus sighed d also what does 'taint' mean?" He asked, pulling his head away from Sirius' finger before tilting it curiously as he stared up at Sirius.
When they were younger Sirius had been an around an inch taller than Remus, that height difference hadn't lasted though as Remus grew into himself.
"It means you're doing bad things to her and you need to stop!" He shouted back, his face turning the brightest possible shade of red before spinning around to Regulus. "Lily had been asking where you went, why are you out here?"
Sirius was pouting slightly and Regulus started to feel bad, shimmying Sirius' grip off his wrist so that Regulus could take his hand, gently swinging it as they stood there for a moment, calming him. If you couldn't already tell Regulus wasn't the best with his words growing up, one of the many faults of Walburga that he hadn't yet shaken.
"And what happened to you're pigtails?!" Sirius whined, he had spent all morning trying to figure out how to make Regulus' hair look nice and he had ruined it.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, looking down at the the chalky pavement as he said it. Sirius just smiled at him before turning and sticking his tongue out at Remus, dragging Regulus back towards their loud house.
Regulus looked back to see Remus watching the two of them leave. He stuck his hand out, shining his perfect smile and yelled, "see you later Reggie!"
Regulus didn't even get the chance to reply as Sirius did it for him, "No you won't!"
Remus just giggled at that before turning back to his bike, his brows furrowing in concentration once again as he missed Regulus waving him goodbye.
Regulus had been in love with Remus ever since, and not just for that one lousy interaction. They became friends immediately despite the year age gap, they hung out at school and often went to the library together. They both had a deep love of books and could talk about anything, inseparable they were, for a long time.
"Hey who's the most tragic Shakespeare character?" Regulus asked one day as they were sat on the bleachers at school, huddled together Remus hesitated for a moment.
"Othello, I mean the whole play was named after him only for Iago to steal the show."
"I think it's Ophelia."
"Oh yea she wins tragic romance." Remus nodded, offering Regulus a chip.
Regulus thought it'd be that way forever until Remus finally noticed him and they'd fall in love. He didn't even know if Remus was gay but when Regulus transitioned at the ripe old age of eleven and Remus didn't even bat an eye Regulus was sure he was in the clear.
And he was - to some extent. Remus did turn out to be gay, only for Regulus' brother, not him. Regulus didn't even know how it happened but one day it was just him and Remus, then the next there were three.
It didn't make any sense when Sirius first brought Remus home to meet Orion, as if they hadn't met a billion times before. Sirius and Remus were always bickering growing up and now all of a sudden they were just in love.
Regulus couldn't even find it in his heart to complain because Sirius looked so happy with Remus, Remus made him happy. Regulus hadn't seen him like that ever, not before mom died and definitely not after. He had always been stressed, taking the role of the mother in the house so much so that sometimes he would accidentally act like Walburga.
Lashing out and scaring Regulus and Orion, with Remus he was different. He was soft and it seemed to Regulus that Sirius could only fully relax whenever he was wrapped up in Remus' embrace. So as much as Regulus wanted Remus he knew that Sirius needed him, and they were in love. There was nothing Regulus could do about that.
He couldn't force Remus to love him, but they remained friends. Except it was different with Sirius always there, their conversations didn't change but Remus' answers did.
"Romeo and Juliet obviously." Sirius replied to Regulus who had asked about the most tragic Shakespearean romance, thinking he knew Remus' answer.
"Yes definitely Romeo and Juliet." Remus nodded along, staring at Sirius who was wedged between the two of them in Regulus' usual spot on the bleachers.
"Who even reads Shakespeare willingly?" Sirius scoffed before turning his phone towards Remus to show him something.
It's not that they meant to make Regulus feel left out, they both still cared about him. A lot. But Regulus was just a third wheel every time they all hung out, at times he felt like he was getting in the way.
Like on their cinema dates, or trips to the park, even at school. It felt like as much as they both wanted him around they wanted each other more. Sometimes it felt like everyone wanted someone more and Regulus was there in the middle of it all, there to pick up the scraps.
The friend that you go to when all your other friends are busy, the one that your parents force you to hang out with, the one that you whispered about with your friends; debating whether you should invite them to play or not. That was Regulus Black. Always Regulus Black, no one's first choice.
Sirius was leaving soon, today was actually his going away dinner. He had gotten into a great college in France, they all knew he would. He was so driven, probably because of the effect Walburga had on him when she was alive. Always telling him he wasn't good enough and forcing him to do better.
He'd done it, and now he was moving five thousand three hundred and twenty six miles away, to their mother's home country. They were all here to say goodbye, Delphine finished placing the cutlery and ran into Remus' arm for a hug that resembled a tackle as Regulus made his way down and took a seat at the end of the table.
Opposite his father who was having an awful time trying to cut some meat on a plate. Delphi was on one side while Sirius and Remus were on the other. And no matter how much Regulus hated himself for it, there was always going to be a pit of jealousy in his stomach when it came to his brother's relationship that spoiled his appetite.
"It's usually a lot easier than this," Orion put the knife down, giving the mystery meat a puzzled look, Regulus wished he could agree with his father but he didn't even know what this was, "hey Remus you're a big guy would you-"
"Daddy it's fine, let me take it to the kitchen and sort it out." Sirius interjected, saving Remus from having to try and hack through that.
Sirius got up and took the plate from Orion, planting a kiss to their father's cheek as he did so before disappearing into the kitchen. His hair had always been quite long, it was longer than Regulus' now though not as long as Delphine's yet. Knowing him it would be, he was always letting his curls grow out, forgetting to cut them more often than not.
"I can't believe we aren't gonna see Siri until thanksgiving." Delphine groaned, smacking her face into the empty plate infront of her.
"It's gonna be Christmas dear, France doesn't celebrate thanksgiving he won't be able to skip classes." Orion corrected, causing Delphine's head to fly up from the plate.
"What do you mean?" She yelled.
"We won't see Siri till christmas?" Regulus chimed in rather loudly himself.
"But that's ages away!" Delphine whined, stomping her feet on the floor, making the whole table shake slightly as cutlery clashed together.
"It's absurd!" Regulus added, both siblings were absolutely astonished at the fact that Sirius would be gone for that long. How were they to survive without him?
"Well maybe you two can learn to be independent. With Sirius gone Regulus can finally learn how to drive." Orion tried to add an up side to the situation but they all knew there was no upside to Sirius being gone for so long.
"Oh my god Reggie's going to be driving me to school? You just want me dead don't you." Delphine sighed dramatically, pretending to faint.
"Watch it, I might accidentally run you over if you aren't careful." Regulus retorted, shooting a smirk at his younger sister.
"Was that a threat?" Delphine asked, squinting at Regulus before turning her head towards their father and yelling, "Dad Regulus' threatening me!"
Earning her a swift kick under the table from Regulus while their father scrubbed a tired hand over his face, taking a deep breath before Remus spoke up.
"If you need help I'm always here, I'm volunteering at the school now and it's not like I'm going anywhere." He chuckled and Regulus was secretly grateful for the offer because he was not all the confident in his driving skills.
God Remus was like his very own rugged knight in shining armor, he almost swooned right there and then.
"Okay, better idea: I ride on Regulus' back like a giant cat, a panther if you will." Delphine offered, as if she was putting all her cards out on the table like some high risk dealer.
"I don't think we will." Regulus cringed at his younger sister, shaking his head at the thought.
"Thank you for the suggestions you two but Reg needs to learn eventually, don't you bud?" His father smiled at him as Sirius came back over to the table, a plate of cut meat balanced in one of his hands and a pair of tongs in the other.
Clacking them twice, he came around the table to serve Regulus, "if you're arguing about who the prettiest sibling is, just know its me." He joked with a wink, causing both Regulus and Delphine to scoff in unison.
"We were talking about how much of a shit driver Reg is."
"Delphi no swearing at the table." Their father chided with a slight twitch to his lips, not an angry one though, rather he was holding back an amused grin. Delphine sank back into her chair as Sirius plopped soggy the meat onto her plate with a wet splat.
"We were also talking about thanksgiving." Remus started, and Regulus didn't get why he'd bring up such a topic to Sirius knowing he wouldn't be able to come home and celebrate. Until Remus reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded up piece of paper, handing it to his boyfriend.
"What's this." Sirius flipped the paper over in his hand, eyeing it curiously before unfolding it as everyone around the table watched him.
When he finally got it open his entire face dropped, all the joy in the room suddenly flittered away as Sirius' brows furrowed and his gaze kept switching between Remus and whatever was on the paper. His eyes growing deeper in their sadness every time.
"What- what's wrong?" Remus asked, his own smile promptly falling off his face.
"It's- it's plane tickets, I'm coming to France for thanksgiving- I didn't want you to be alone, we- we can make dinner and-" Remus rushed to explain himself and Regulus thought that was the sweetest gesture ever, he couldn't understand why his brother's expression was so gloomy in return.
"Did you already- why would you do this?" Sirius asked after a long pause, the room felt so silent Regulus might've actually been able to hear a pin drop if he tried hard enough.
"Well because I- I love you." Remus answered, looking slightly lost in this conversation, like it was slowly chipping away at his resolve as well as his confidence. His voice faltering at the last three words, as if he was choking on them.
Sirius finally tore his eyes fully away from the paper, his whole body crumbling under the weight of Remus' gaze and Regulus could've sworn his eyes were watering. Sirius wasn't a crier, he was the brave one out of all of them. Always plastering a smile on his face and pushing through difficult situations that broke the rest of them. This was bad.
The other three just looked at each other at a loss for words, because why was this so bad for Sirius? If Regulus had been in his situation and Remus had done that for him he'd be elated.
"Mmm so good." Delphine mumbled quietly, chewing on a bite of mystery meat in a futile attempt to lighten the mood.
Sirius just let out a shaken sigh and dinner ended with Sirius dragging Remus outside. Regulus could see them arguing from his bedroom window.
Truthfully, they had issues. Their bickering never really did stop, Regulus never held out hope because he knew Sirius loved Remus and he never wished for them to break up. Deep down he knew they would without him having to wish for it, that still didn't mean he wanted it.
I'll key you in on a little thing about Regulus Arcturus Black, he wasn't good at expressing his feelings. Even if Remus and Sirius never got together he wouldn't have told Remus about his crush, he'd expect Remus to fall in love with him and for the rest to become history.
Can you blame him, we've already established that he was a sucker for romance novels.
So Regulus did his part to keep his own piece of mind, he wrote Remus a letter.
He wasn't plotting or anything like that. It was just a way for Regulus to deal with his strong emotions and understand how he was feeling, but sometimes it was more about him imagining what it would be like if Regulus had done something about his feelings before Sirius had the chance to fall in love with Remus in the first place.
Whenever Regulus felt so strongly about a guy - to the point where it felt like his heart was being pulled towards them - he wrote them a letter.
They were his darkest secret and his deepest desires all wrapped up into one.
There were five letters in total.
One to his old childhood friend that moved to away, the name had been smudged over the years and he couldn't for the life of him remember anything but the boy's face. Another to James Potter from seventh grade. Evan, his school disco date also had one addressed to him as well as Barty from model UN and, of course, Remus Lupin.
He kept these letters in the back of his closet, locked away in a little heart shaped box because Regulus sometimes believed the box held his heart within it. Regulus wrote a letter every time he had a crush so intense he didn't know what else to do with it.
He liked reading them back, to be able to see that he was capable of feeling passionate and emotional, even when he felt like a ghost sometimes.
Sirius would probably call him dramatic and tell him to just man up and do something about his all-consuming feelings, but he thought drama could be fun.
As long as no one else ever found out.
He pulled away from the window before going over to his closet and grabbing the heart shaped box, it was a sage green with a fat bow hot-glued right on top of it. He took it over to the floor and sat himself cross-legged on the carpet, rifling through each one and rereading them when Sirius suddenly waled into the room.
"What are you up to?" He asked Regulus, not really bothering much for the answer as he plopped down onto his younger brother's bed, face first before turning and shimmying under the covers.
"Nothing." Regulus quickly blurted out, quickly placing all the letters back into the box and shoving it under his bed.
Once it was out of sight he made his way to the free side of the queen size bed, sitting himself carefully next to Sirius who wasn't facing him.
"What're you up to?" Regulus asked, looking down at his brother because Sirius looked so small in his bed right now, something was wrong.
"Nothing I just- I broke up with Remus." Sirius said flatly, as if he couldn't believe it and Regulus couldn't believe it.
Yes, they fought a lot but they loved each other and that was enough. Love was always enough, it had to be.
"Why?" Regulus asked softly, stroking a loose strand of hair out of Sirius' face.
"You know when mom died she told me I wasn't allowed a girlfriend before college, it'd distract me from my studies." Sirius mumbled so quietly it took Regulus a moment to hear it, and when he did his expression went cold.
"She's dead Sirius." He said flatly, only to hear Sirius whimper in response and he immediately regretted being that harsh.
"I feel guilty Reggie, so guilty." Sirius whispered.
Walburga had the worst affect on him, Regulus wasn't even surprised. As long as she lived in his brother's memories Sirius would never find peace.
"Do you still love him?" Regulus asked, prompting Sirius to sit up next to Regulus and take a deep breath. His lip quivered as he tried to reply.
"So much Reg." He finally drew the words from his mouth, voice breaking as he did so before breaking out into ugly sobs, rubbing his eyes with his sleeves as more tears rolled down his pale cheeks, gasping and heaving for air.
Regulus had never seen Sirius like this, so he tried to do what Sirius would normally do. He pulled his older brother's head down to his chest and rubbed circles on his back as he cried into Regulus' shoulder. It took a minute for him to stop, but when he did he wiped his eyes and sat up next to Regulus.
"Do you think you'll change your mind?" Regulus asked after a beat passed between the two of them.
"No, I won't. It's over," Sirius replied, void of any emotion for a moment before brightening up, "When I was packing for college I made Dad pack a box of stuff he wants to donate, I have one for you too."
"I don't think there's anything I'd like to get rid of." Regulus looked around his room.
It was perfect, slightly littered with his clothes and old assignments he never finished. His wallpaper was probably his favorite part of the room, he had chosen it himself when he was younger. It was a nice cream color with Italian clementine tree branches splaying out all over the place.
There were star-shaped fairy lights around the edges of his ceiling, he had a massive book shelf as well as his growing movie collection. His desk was littered with story ideas he had yet to write, but they came to him randomly and he had to jot them down before he lost them.
He had random antique lamps and his golden rusted bed frame was also antique, there was probably a different photo on each of his shelves, A pile of blankets that ranged from green to black in color - okay he sees it.
Maybe his room was a mess but it was his mess.
"Reggie, when I leave tomorrow you're the oldest. I want you to act like it, Delphi will need you and so will dad. Set a good example for out little sister and please clean your room." Sirius groaned at the sheer amount of dirty clothes that had piled up in Regulus' room.
Walburga had been really strict on that sort of thing, so Sirius was too while Regulus was against it.
Not that he didn't clean his room, he just didn't seem to want to do it whenever people told him to. He also liked letting the mess build a bit so he could do a big clean when he felt like it.
"You were crying into my arms like five minutes ago, I think I'll manage with Delphi." Regulus scoffed, only to be smacked in the face with a pillow from Sirius.
"Shut up."
♡♡♡
The trip the the airport had been a rough one, Regulus spent most of it with his headphones on while Sirius chatted away with Delphine.
Regulus was thinking.
Sirius had this saying, if something was no longer useful you either get rid of it, donate it or recycle it. Everything was disposable for him, but that was objects. Regulus didn't know Sirius was capable of feeling that way ab out people too, and now Remus knew. Except he found out the hard way.
Truthfully, it didn't really hit them all that Sirius was leaving until they were at the gate. Orion had bought Sirius practically anything he could need or want from duty free and now they had nothing else to waste time on. This was it. It was over.
Sirius was leaving now.
Regulus' big brother was leaving.
What was he going to do, he could already tell he was about to make the largest mess of his life without Sirius here to guide him. To help him figure things out. Regulus did listen to what his brother told him to do, he just didn't follow through with it. Still, it was nice to have someone to confide in.
They all walked him right up to the gate, the furthest they could go without a ticket. Delphine and Orion took turns hugging Sirius goodbye before deciding he needed magazines to read on the plane and running off on a mission to find some, leaving the two brothers alone.
"Did you really have to pick the furthest place from here?" Regulus huffed, slumping his shoulders further as he stood face to face with Sirius.
"Don't be dramatic," Sirius scolded him lightly, letting a small smile slip as he put a hand on Regulus' shoulder, "I'm only a phone call away, I'm not going anywhere, I'll always be here for you."
"Yea till you start going out to wine tastings with your fancy french friends and eating escargot." Regulus mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and trying to not look at Sirius.
"Reggie I can assure you that i will never ever EVER, eat escargot."
"Who am I gonna eat lunch with now?" Regulus whined, grasping at straws that might make Sirius rethink his choice to go to France.
"God you are such a loner- Regulus this is a good opportunity. Don't you dare waste your junior year." Sirius said, a firm grip on either one of Regulus' shoulders before he pulled his little brother into a hug.
Regulus somehow managed to pull away when the rest of their family came back. Their dad holding a stack of magazines that were promptly shoved into Sirius' already full hands.
"We didn't know which one you'd want to we-" Orion started before being pulled into another hug from Sirius.
They all hugged and said goodbye, some light tears were shed before a ladies voice boomed out into the airport, telling Sirius is was time to go. He grabbed his suitcase and his carry on, waving goodbye to his family as he made his way towards the gate entrance.
"You think he'll look back?" Delphine asked hopefully, looking up at Regulus.
"No, that's not Sirius."
And it's true, Sirius didn't look back, that wasn't the type of guy he was. Maybe that's why the two brothers completed each other so well. Sirius always knew what he wanted, he was driven and nothing would stand in his way. He would never look back. Every decision he made was fully thought through and careful.
Then he was gone.
Regulus' big brother was gone.
Sirius had left.
He never did turn back, Regulus knew he wouldn't but secretly he hoped Sirius would prove him wrong. Just this once Regulus wanted to be wrong, he wanted to see Sirius' pretentious smirk when he'd proven Regulus wrong but it never came.
♡♡♡
"Come on Reg smile will you." Orion chuckled heartily at the glum expression on Regulus' face.
Delphine and Regulus were holding little chalk boards that said grade six and twelve on them respectively in curly white handwriting.
Their father had them standing outside in their driveway, he had spent fifteen minutes trying to get them in the right positions as if there was something complicated about standing next to each other while holding the little signs.
He sighed at Regulus' sour face before halfheartedly snapping the picture , slipping his phone into his suit pants.
"I can't believe it, my kids are all grown up." Orion sighed, pretending to wipe an imaginary tear from his eye, placing a hand firmly over his heart.
"Ready to go?" Regulus ignored his dramatic father, directing his question at Delphine as he cocked his head sideways to look at her.
"One sec." She turned and dissapeared into the front door of their house leaving Regulus and Orion outside.
Regulus sighed at his sisters antics, if she was why he was late he might've just strangled her before she ever got to see her sixth grade classroom.
"Oh shoot I'm late, drive safe Reg, don't kill your sister," Orion spluttered out, joking messily before he paused to look at Regulus and added, "you look great."
Regulus only gave his father a small smile as he turned away, making his way to work as he always did every morning. This morning was different because he'd have to worry about whether or not his children survived the trip to school now that Sirius wasn't here and Regulus had to drive.
Swallowing the green sick that threatened to spill out at the idea of Regulus behind the wheel he took a deep breath. Delphine chose that moment to run out of the house with a baby pink helmet in her hand, it used to be Regulus', he'd wear it all the time when he used to go cycling with Remus.
In fact he recalls begging his father for a bicycle just because Remus had a super cool bright red one. Or just because Remus had one in general and Regulus wanted an excuse to hang out with him.
"All set!" Delphine grinned, pulling the helmet over her messy curls and fastening the strap.
"You think you're so funny." Regulus deadpanned.
"It's a safety precaution."
They drove to school in silence, partially because Regulus looked pale as he gripped the wheel, his knuckles going white.
Delphine was in a similar situation as her fist was wrapped around the grab handle, the other hand gripping her belt as she was pressed so far back into the plus seat.
At one point Regulus almost rear ended someone. He had lost count of how many people had honked their horns at him, some real pieces of work actually rolled down their windows to cuss him out. Cut him some slack, the boy was seventeen and everyone starts somewhere.
It was a miracle they made it to school in one piece and Delphine actually bent down and kissed the ground when she practically fell out into the carpark. The drive from their house to school had taken five extra minutes with Regulus driving, it was a good thing they left early.
Regulus parted with Delphine, she stuck her tongue out at him and he did the same, that was all the goodbye they needed.
The halls had been painted a new shade of blue over the summer, still plastered with the same posters from last year, and the year before that, and the year before that - those posters never changed. Camouflage green lockers lined the walls on either side of the hall, only breaking for a classroom door or two.
Regulus spotted Remus at his locker, Remus wanted to be a teacher when he was older. He had been offered to stay behind and train here and he took the job, for some reason his locker was the same one he had last year instead of one in the staff room.
He looked at Remus for a moment, ducking his head and speed walking down the corridor. That was until he realized Remus was still his friend, Regulus was being rude and Sirius wouldn't want them to stop being friends on his account.
So Regulus turned back, locking eyes with Remus as he tossed a small wave over his shoulder at the other boy who waved back awkwardly himself. Yea, no, maybe friends wasn't going to work, at least not right now.
Regulus and Remus were still holding uncomfortable eye contact, meaning Regulus was walking backwards down the busy hall now. He wasn't paying much attention when he bumped into someone.
"I'm so sorry I wasn't looking-" He stammered quickly before realizing who he had just bumped into, it was Lily Evans.
"Oh it's you." Lily sneered, looking at Regulus like he was a piece of gum stuck to her shoe.
Lily and Regulus had been friends during middle school, but after that Regulus had become more of an outcast while Lily grew into popularity. Their once sweet childhood friendship had now turned rather bitter and spoilt like curdled milk.
"You know I think I saw my uncle wearing the same outfit last week." She joked rudely, looking Regulus up and down.
"I-" Regulus' retort was lost as Pandora stepped up beside him, wrapping a hand around his shoulder.
"Lils I wouldn't talk when you've wore that outfit like twenty times last year, talk about playing it safe." Pandora shot right back for him.
Panda - Pandora, Regulus' best friend. Well his only friend really, she filled the space that Lily once held in Regulus' heart and it wasn't like his unrequited love for Remus. Their friendship was actually real and pure. Platonic love in it's finest form.
"Well sorry for being fucking eco friendly." she scoffed.
"Hey babe!" Lily's boyfriend came out of nowhere, startling the three of them slightly.
Remember James Potter, the guy from seventh grade who also had a letter addressed to him. That was this James, Lily's boyfriend.
It had been seventh grade when Regulus had feelings for James.
At his first proper boy-girl party as a boy not a girl. It had felt monumental to him at the time.
They were all playing spin the bottle, everyone knew that James and Lily - who was still Regulus' best friend at this point - only wanted to kiss each other.
It had been Regulus' turn to spin the bottle though, so he put his fingers to the green glass bottle in the center of the circle and spun it gently. He hadn't expected it to land on James Potter - who he had forgotten to mention was actually his brother's best friend.
James was, stupid really. No other way to put it, he had actually had to repeat seventh grade which was why he was in Lily and Regulus' year right now.
It wasn't that he was dumb, no James Potter had the means for great academic success but he'd rather party and chase girls around all day or hang out with Regulus' older brother. He was stupid by choice not by chance.
He had been after Lily since he first laid eyes on him, and she told everyone she didn't like him back and kept rejecting him. But when it was just her and Reg, she told him that he was secretly playing the long game and that playing hard to get would make James like her more.
Lily had been and still was a huge fan of romance novels like Regulus, it was their favorite thing to talk about.
When the bottle had landed on James he wasn't even paying attention, the other boys were trying to balance things on his head. His dark hair was always tousled and unruly on his head, with his tanned skin and crooked glasses he had this strange boyish allure that Regulus found he quite liked at the time.
James' gaze finally latched onto the bottle, turning his head so fast all the things fell off and scattered on the tree house floor. He lit up slightly, trying to stifle his goofy smile as he looked between Regulus and the bottle mouth that was pointing directly at him, causing Reg to flush a bright shade of red.
His posture straightened under James' gaze until he caught sight of Lily's pale green eyes, shooting a deathly glare right at him.
"I can spin again!" Regulus rushed out quickly, looking between Lily and James who were both staring at him.
"Well we can't cheat the bottle." James shrugged.
"You're really gonna kiss another dude!?" That shout shouldn't have made Regulus feel as good as it did but he was so elated that someone thought of him as a guy he could barely focus on the homophobic aspects of that comment.
"Shut up dude!" James hissed and Regulus had been so distracted he hadn't noticed James cross the circle.
The other boy was now sat right in front of him, cupping Regulus' pale cheeks in his brown hands ever so gently, like the ghost of a touch.
Wait wasn’t Regulus supposed to kiss him?
He hastily leaned down, giving Regulus a rather pathetic quick peck on the lips before deciding to run off with his friends.
Letting his warm hands drop from Regulus' cold face and turning away, stripping the light he had brought with him away.
But that kiss, Regulus' first kiss. It was more like childishly pressing their lips together than a kiss but it had made Regulus' stomach explode with a rainbow of butterflies.
He'd never try to steal James from Lily though, his best friend would always come first.
So he wrote James a letter.
That's enough of that story (for now), back to the present.
James wrapped his arms around her neck loosely, pressing quick kisses to the side of her face while Lily just grinned at Regulus and Pandora in front of her, putting on a show to grab her boyfriend's forearm and flirt back with him. Making Regulus feel like throwing up slightly.
"I was just complimenting Regulus' fashion sense." Lily explained to James, causing him to look up and scan Regulus' outfit before locking eyes with him.
"You're so nice babe." He murmured into the crook of her neck before she pushed his head away from her, pressing his glasses into his face slightly.
"Don't rush me James," She snarled at him before sighing, "anyway I see someone we need to say hi to come on."
She clipped leaving James to stand there, absolutely stupefied as he tried to blink away the confusion from his mind at that entire interaction. God, maybe he was just dumb in the brain and all the tests he aced were just pure luck.
"She's- uh- she forgot to have her morning coffee." He said quickly, rushing to make an excuse for his girlfriends distasteful attitude.
"Does she ever remember?" Regulus asked flatly, shooting James a look.
"Right." James sighed before darting off after his girlfriend like a lost puppy, glancing back over at Regulus just once.
He probably wanted to ask about Sirius, that's all. But sometimes it felt like Sirius spoke to James more than him, like he liked James more than Regulus. James probably knew more about Sirius' time in France so why what difference would talking to Regulus make.
"Has she really worn that outfit before?" Regulus turned to Pandora after James was out of view.
"Yes." Pandora nodded back, leaning against the wall so her blonde curls didn't bounce as much as they usually would.
"Wow, someone's observant." He joked, elbowing her as they made their to class.
And everything was fine that day for Regulus, it was a solid first day, up until lunch.
There was no place for him in the cafeteria, he spotted Lily's fiery red hair in a crowd of people, she was telling stories while they all watched like she was a celebrity with James on her right of course occasionally leaning down to whisper in her ear.
So he tried his favorite place, the school library. Where he could just sit and read during lunch, but they had a policy for no crunchy foods and Regulus was kicked out as soon as he took a bite of his cucumber sticks.
He texted Pandora, willing to sit anywhere as long as it was with her but she was out of school because she had a hankering for subway in her last class and decided that was a good enough reason to leave Regulus all alone to his own devices.
Feeling lost and having nowhere else to go, he found himself wandering back over to the bleachers he had ate lunch on for years. Remus was there with his earphones in and a book bent in one of his hands as he skimmed over it, looking up when Regulus got close enough.
"Hey." Remus let out breathlessly, like he was unsure whether this was a good or bad thing.
"Is this seat taken?" Regulus asked politely, he was prepared to be turned away but Remus just smiled softly, nodding his head.
"Go ahead." He pulled the headphones from his ears by the wire and followed Regulus as he sat down.
"I- I have to ask, did you know Reg? Did you know that Sirius was gonna-"
"He didn't tell me anything Remus."
"Are we still friends Reggie?" He asked, Regulus felt his heart lurch slightly, he shouldn't have been here with Remus right now. Remus always had this affect on him, he'd be positively screwed if he said yes to the question.
"Of course we are." Regulus stupidly reassured him, inwardly scolding himself. Remus' expression, however, lit up immediately at those words so Regulus supposed it was worth it
"So we can still kick it?"
"Not if you say the phrase kick it unironically ever again."
They both chuckled slightly awkwardly, it felt like they were rebuilding their relationship from scratch, like they had just met again for the first time. If it were anyone else Regulus would hate it but it was Remus, he didn't mind starting over for Remus.
"That's good."
"Cucumber stick?" Regulus asked after a pause, holding out the plastic bag, letting Remus dig his hand around in it and fish one out.
They shuffled together, Remus gave Regulus one on the earphones to listen to this new song he had discovered the other day before going back to his book. The two of them occasionally engaging in lighthearted chatter, and I know what you're thinking.
But Regulus really was just friends with Remus, it didn't matter how he felt because he would never do anything to intentionally hurt Sirius. Remus would always be his friend and that had to be enough for him.
"Okay top five poems of all time, go." Remus laughed brightly as he asked the question to Regulus. Hopefully things would work out because he felt so fucked right now.
♡♡♡
"So then Selene wanted to be my friend but so did Callie and they hate each other so I had to rotate hanging out with them during breaks and Mia invited me to her house next weekend and this guy Aaron asked to be my boyfriend and I was like ew no gross, you know?"
”Can’t say that I do.” Regulus replied with a rather exasperated tone.
Delphine rambled cheerfully, with a spring in her step as she skipped over to the car with a much less energetic Regulus behind her. God, how was she even a Black sibling, him and Sirius were never this much - okay scratch that Sirius had been worse at some points, but not as frequently as their little sister.
Hopefully she'd grow out of it.
When they got in the car Delphine wasted no time in grabbing her helmet and putting it back over her head.
"Seriously?" Regulus scoffed, tossing his bag in the backseat, but he couldn't even blame her. If he had a helmet he'd probably be wearing it right now too.
"I value my life Regulus."
He turned the key and started to reverse after Delphine clicked her seatbelt into place, shifting gears before pulling out. He was feeling a lot more confident after this morning. That was the practice run and he hadn't even killed anyone, he could so totally do this.
Bad idea.
Regulus was wrong.
He hit something - someone - almost instantly with the back of his car. Looking in the rear view mirror Regulus tried to catch a glimpse of the person he had nearly killed.
Another bad idea.
It was none other than the James Potter, and if Regulus could see him that meant he could see Regulus. James sauntered around to the drivers side of the car, knocking on the window as Regulus shamefully bowed his head between his shoulders. If gad was real Regulus was praying to just drop dead on the spot right now.
The world was not that kind and Regulus was forced to roll down his tinted window to face James head on.
"Hi."
"Hello." Great, Regulus sounded tense and pathetic as fuck.
"How you doing?"
"Good."
"Yea?" James smirked and Regulus felt himself flush out of anger and shame, his pale skin turning a subtle rose color, "You know you're supposed to check your mirrors before you start driving, not after you hit someone. You know, to avoid killing others, it's kinda a thing."
"I'm just not that confident checking my mirrors yet so…"
"I can see that, you think you can make it out of here in one piece- without becoming a mass murderer too would be ideal."
"Yea, we're fine." Regulus squeaked out, jumping like five more octaves than usual.
Delphine made the poor decision of letting out a small giggle, Regulus' death stare was on her in a matter of seconds. Daring her to so much as make another sound because he was still behind the wheel, still the one getting her home.
"Okay, no, get out Black." James swung the drivers side door open and clicked off Regulus' belt in one swift motion.
Was James going to fight him? Was he really that mad, I mean come on the car barely hit him. Regulus couldn't fight James, the star quarterback at their school who was twice the size of him.
"Hey, little Black, can you sit in the back?" James asked Delphine, who just had a massive smile on her face.
Nodding quickly and shimmying into the back seat in a similar way that Regulus' bag had when he threw it.
"C'mon I'll drive, move it."
Regulus didn't even argue, just gave a slightly panicked noise of agreement and made his way to the passenger seat, glad that James wasn't going to fight him. Regulus had literally only done ballet growing up, he could maybe fight someone in his weight class - he wasn't useless. But to fight James Potter unprepared was like a death wish.
Wait a minute…
James Potter was driving him home?