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I wrapped my chest in the bandages so tight I could barely breathe before looking at myself in the mirror in disgust. I slowly turned from side to side, criticizing the bruises on my rib cage, considering redoing my binding even tighter but I was already feeling light headed so I slipped my robes on before emerging to do whatever needed to be done today.
All I needed to do was go through the motions. That’s all there was right now. Assuming a specific jester would be merciful today.
“Oh Nilly!~” Shadow Milk cooed from somewhere behind me before grabbing my shoulders, keeping me in place. “Whatcha doooooin?”
”Walking to my garden,” I answered.
”Fun, fun. Can I come?” he asked, poking me right on a particularly bad bruise causing me to suck in a breath and flinch away. I hoped he hadn’t noticed. “Nilly, what’s wrong?” Shadow Milk flatly asked, moving to hover in front of me now.
”Nothing.”
”Wrong! That was something, fess up. I can tell that hurt and it shouldn’t have.”
”It didn’t hurt.”
”Then why did you suck in a breath and flinch away?”
I stared at the floor.
“Come on! We’re going to my room so I can patch you up,” he declared, grabbing my hand to lead me there. I didn’t resist.
When we got there, I noticed Shadow Milk’s room was a little cluttered. There were abandoned sewing projects in odd places and paper covered in scribbles and doodles strewn across his desk.
”Come on, I can’t help you if you don’t show me,” Shadow Milk prompted when I continued to stand there, not meeting his gaze.
I bit my lip, realizing I’ve backed myself into a corner. Well, he would’ve figured out eventually, best to get it over with and part ways now instead of dragging it out, I thought to myself as I turned around, taking off my robes to reveal the pair of thin pants and bandages.
”Nilly, how did you hurt yourself? That’s a lot of bandages. . .” Shadow Milk trailed off, his usual air of silliness gone, replaced with worry, putting a hand on my shoulder, silently asking me to turn around.
I obliged, slouching and still not making eye contact. “I didn’t hurt myself.”
“Then why are-“ Shadow Milk cut off, apparently realizing. “Nilly, please look at me.”
I did as he asked, only now realizing there were tears in my eyes threatening to fall.
“Please take them off, the bruising looks bad. I won’t judge you.”
I looked away as a single tear traced down my cheek.
“Hey, hey,” he said, cupping my face in one of his hands, wiping away the tear with his thumb. “Your body needs a break from binding, and you’re not doing it safely. Please take the bandages off, it will be okay.”
Another tear came and before I knew it my chest was wracking with cries that hurt at every breath.
“Hey, hey, it’ll be okay. It’ll be okay. Just take the bandages off, I can tell they’re stopping you from breathing,” Shadow Milk said, wrapping me in a hug and cradling the back of my head.
I shakily nodded, grabbing my discarded robes and stumbling into his bathroom. When I came back out, Shadow Milk was waiting for me. He opened his arms, another silent ask, Do you want a hug? I accepted his offer, completely breaking down into guttural sobs as he set us down on his bed.
“Shhhhh, it’ll be okay, it’ll be okay,” he told me as he let me bury my face in his chest and cradled my head and unbruised part of my back.
I desperately clung to Shadow Milk as I cried myself out. By the time I was sniffling and hiccuping I realized just how dark it was.
“What time is it?” I asked, picking my head up, my voice gravelly and ragged from crying.
“Roughly ten.”
“I-I should probably rebind and-“
“No,” Shadow Milk cut in. “You need an actual binder, and to heal before you wear it.”
I went back to clinging to my boyfriend.
After a while he asked, “Wanna sleep in here tonight?”
I considered it a moment before nodding.
“Do you mind if you wear some of my clothes?” Shadow Milk asked.
I shook my head and he got me out a pair of sweatpants and a baggy shirt, his own pajamas not being much different from my own. We changed and crawled back into bed. I nestled myself on Shadow Milk’s side, his arm cradling my back. I rested my head on his chest with our legs tangling.
Shadow Milk pulled a blanket over me. “Sleep well Nilly. I love you.”
“I will, I love you too.”