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The cabin was silent. Blake was gone. R4t was alone. Lux was buried in the garden. R4t silently got up from their bed, quietly making their way downstairs. She didn't get food, a glass of water, or even an extra blanket. It was a cold day, colder than normal. And all that was on R4t's mind was grief. Usually, their mind was filled with so much else, not today. Snow quietly fell, blanketing the ground outside in a blinding white. It hurt R4t's eyes, but that didn't matter. Despite being severely underdressed for the weather, they sat on the ground.
He still wished he was the one under the ground, but knew it was nearly impossible. It shouldn't have been Lux. She had so much life to her, so much to do. And yet she was gone. She couldn't tell a story, eyes bright. She couldn't mess around with the rats. Couldn't sit on the counters and adjust herself to where she was upside down, head hanging off the counter, a smile on her face as R4t cooked and told her of their adventures. It was a harsh reality. But this was R4t's life. Death of those close to them.
He looked at the small grave, tears filling their eyes. Their voice came out hushed but unsteady, "Hey Lux." They took a deep breath. "The snow is beautiful today, yeah? Blake visited. He… He, uh, he didn't remember much about this place. Means I'm probably the only person who will remember all of this. What a great prank!" R4t tried humor, but it just burned in her mouth. They frowned, looking down at the ground. "I hope you don't remember anything, you'll be happier that way, I think. You're probably not proud of a lot of it, neither am I."
R4t sighed, looking away. "Look, I hope you're happy with the Mason, okay? Have fun with your dad, I'm sorry for everything I did. You deserved better than that." R4t takes in a breath, "You always did." R4t's words came out as an exhale. "This is ridiculous." R4t carefully stood up and walked back inside. But she couldn't bring herself to do much. Grief was a silly thing, always looming and stopping whomever it affected from doing much of anything. No matter how much death he had seen, it never affected him any less. Much to their dismay and anger.
It was the one constant in her life. More constant than friends, family, and enemies. R4t huffed and walked over to the kitchen, trying to think of something to make. Adobo? No. Lumpia? Probably shouldn't. Crêpes? Too frustrating. All of his comfort foods didn't seem appetizing. At all. "Merde." R4t huffed, reaching for a potion that would help them sleep and heading upstairs to their room. Sleep was about the only thing R4t wanted to do, dreams meant seeing those she had lost. Father, Mother, siblings, Lux, and many more. Sure it was an escape, but it worked incredibly well.
Downing the potion, R4t crawled underneath the covers. It didn't matter that their dress was still soaked from the snow, sensory issues be damned. R4t needed to escape. Sleep came easy, unlocking a palace in the fiery depths. It was gorgeous, surrounded by a frozen lake; the only place in the entirety of Hell that was cold. Treachery. Home. R4t's bedroom was just as it was in their childhood, before the castle was destroyed, just updated to their age. Despite the coldness of the general area, the castle was warm and well lit. And full of laughter, happiness, and family.
It was the one place where R4t could find solace no matter what was happening. It didn't matter that he didn't remember much of what it had actually looked like, or had forgotten the faces of his family, it was still home. Home is where the heart is, or so they say. And this is where her heart was. Laughter sounded through the halls, prompting R4t out of their bed. Down the winding halls and into the beautiful sitting room was his family. Lux was having her hair braided by one of R4t's many sisters, her name lost to time.
Her face was bright, laughter ringing through the room. The second she saw R4t, she ran over to them, braid forgotten. "R4t!" R4t smiled, hugging her back. "Coucou, papillon." It was safe here, she was safe here. Safe in R4t's memories among her family, who was, by extension, Lux's family too. A quick headcount confirmed what R4t had already guessed, only his siblings were in the room. Eleven sisters and five brothers, parents and siblings-in-law missing. She was sure they would appear soon enough, even though her in-laws weren't gone, no. They were the only ones alive in their dreams.
It was funnier when R4t remembered how much Lux adored the movie Anastasia. This was something R4t had mentioned when R4t originally opened up about their past. They laughed for what felt like hours. That was a good day. Their little inside joke, Lux was Pooka and R4t was Anya. That's just how their bond was, constantly comparing each other to their favorite fictional characters. It was a closeness R4t hadn't had with anyone since his oldest sister passed away long ago. As R4t thought about her passing, she smiled at them in the dream, as if she knew something.
And that something was R4t's train of thought. She had raised her in the absence of their parents. But R4t had to face the truth, it was all just a lovely dream. One filled with family and happiness. R4t's parents walked in, smiled on their faces. They spoke but R4t couldn't hear they, tears filling their eyes. This is all R4t ever wanted, their family alive and those R4t has loved, as faceless as his family but still there and in love. It was perfect. Always was. And that was the thing. R4t didn't want their dream to end, ever.