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"The fuck would that help?!“ Katsuki was sitting on a chair across from Izuku. Aizawa and All Might were standing beside them, waiting for the two students to settle themselves.
"It’s said that this method can solve any argument and misunderstanding. The only thing you have to do, young Bakugou, is to look into young Midoriya’s eyes. We’re going to go outside and when we hear you fighting or something, we get back in.“
This was the last thing All Might said, before leaving the room, Aizawa just a few steps behind him.
The door closed and Izuku shrank back in his seat as Katsuki sent him his usual death glare.
"So, I just have to look in your ugly eyes for some time and I can go?“ He crossed his arms and fixed his gaze on the green haired boy, who looked like a scared puppy. Hands pressed together between his legs and an unsure smile on his lips.
"I- I guess.“ His green eyes finally settled and he looked into Katsuki’s red eyes. "But- but If you don’t want to, you can just look somewhere else, I mean-“
“Shut up, fuckface. I’m gonna look you in the eyes for as long as Scarf-face and All Might want.“
It was quiet after that and they both just sat there, looking into each other’s eyes. Izuku knew, that Katsuki was one of the few people who always did the tasks that he was assigned to do, but it surprised him, that he would just sit still and look at him. The only person he completely despised.
All was silent for about a minute, ‘til the ash-blond male just couldn’t handle it anymore. "How should that help? After I leave this room, you’ll still be the shitty Deku you’ve always been.“ He clicked his tongue, but his eyes were still looking straight ahead, not faltering.
This was something that actually hurt Izuku. He really thought that they had taken one step further to rehabilitate their relationship, but apparently, he was wrong.
And Katsuki knew .
His face morphed into a surprised expression and he bit his lower lip, to hold in the growl that formed in his throat.
He actually felt guilty.
Izuku’s eyes – his whole posture – showed, that he was terribly hurt by his words.
After that, it was silent. Nobody said anything and Katsuki began to feel uncomfortable. He thought he was in the best position, Izuku was still afraid of him, but it seemed like these green eyes looked straight into his soul. As he was looking for answers – for the truth – why he still called him names and tried to crush his self-esteem. He didn’t know what to do. Averting his gaze wasn’t an option, he couldn’t lose this fight.
Izuku shouldn’t know why he did these things.
It wasn’t because he hated the smaller boy; it was the complete opposite.
“Don’t look at me like that, fuckmunch.”
Katsuki was desperate. He wanted this to stop. Izuku’s eyes were still fixed on his and he noticed how the green haired boy got to the point, where he was on the verge of tears. He got it. He saw it in Katsuki’s expression – His face wasn’t his usual grumpy look – he actually looked vulnerable and the ash-blonde male never felt so frail. He bit his lip again.
He didn’t want Deku to know. Not Deku.
A small and broken whisper finally got rid of their silence and Katsuki wanted to scream.
“I- falling in love with you, was wrong.”
It was Izuku’s typical mumbling. It wasn’t supposed to be heard by anyone but himself, but Katsuki did. Katsuki heard exactly what he said and it scared him.
“ What?”
That was the only thing he could say at this moment. Izuku just confessed to him, but his heart hurt. Was it wrong? To fall in love with him was … apparently wrong.
"I said that falling in love with you was wrong . You don’t hate me, but you behave like you do and I can’t picture that I did anything wrong. I was always the one who defended you when you got picked on. But instead of thanking me, you pushed me away. Every single time. I just want to know, what you actually think of me.“
Katsuki’s eyes widened and he felt how the anger started to boil inside him. Izuku knew that he didn’t hate him. He fucking knew it.
He clenched his fist and it took him a lot of self-control to keep his voice at a low level. The other students were on the training grounds, while they were being held captive in a small room, but this was something, that even All Might and Aizawa shouldn’t hear.
“You want to know why? You really want to know why I’ve been like this for over ten fucking years?” Katsuki needed a break. He wanted to be quiet, but it was so hard not to grab the collar of the smaller boy’s uniform and screaming at his face.
The face that now was covered in tears.
He let out a long breath, gritting his teeth. “I did this because I knew that you would be someone I can’t live without. You were always there from the beginning and I realised-” he looked away. The way Izuku was trying to hold back, even though he was already a crying mess, made his eyes water.
“Fuck.”
Katsuki’s head was facing the wall and he covered his eyes with his arm. He shouldn’t, he couldn’t cry in front of the person that was the reason for years and years of heartache because he was so much better than himself.
But after he heard this desperate and totally broken whimper, the tears started to flow; getting caught by his sleeve.
He really cried, sobs were leaving his throat and he just wanted to run away, but when he would’ve walked out, everyone would’ve known.
It took him a while to regain compassion and when he faced Izuku again, the skin around his eyes was red and he laughed bitterly.
“I realised way too early, that you would be the person, I would fall in love with and it scared me. So I pushed you away and tried to make you feel as bad as I felt. I wanted you to be someone like me, because if you’re the way you were and are now … yeah, then loving me is wrong.”
Izuku’s fingers dug into the edge of his chair that he sat on.
Watching, hearing, Katsuki bawl was perhaps one of the most difficult things he’d ever done in his life. He couldn’t do anything but sit there and witness it. Sit and stare and feel it being written into his brain without being able to stop it.
Katsuki had a habit of knocking away his hands whenever he held them out to the blonde, and so Izuku locked his elbows and dug his nails into the wood and held on tightly. When those last words dropped from his lips, though, Izuku couldn’t contain his words or his emotions anymore.
Looking into Katsuki’s eyes- red irises, red-rimmed from his tears, shining despite intense look he was giving- Izuku asked, “But… but why? If you liked me and I liked you-”
“Yeah, like I fucking knew you fucking liked me,” Katsuki snaps.
“Wasn’t it obvious?” Izuku cried, “I was always there, Kacchan. I was always. there.” He leans forward, staring hard into Katsuki’s eyes. It’s like now that he’s been given permission to do it, he can’t bring himself to look away. Katsuki’s face may contort in disgust or anger, and his eyes may flash to reflect that, but there is more than that in them. In those brief moments of silence, Katsuki looks at him like…. like…
Like, somehow, Izuku is the unattainable goal. Not Katsuki. Not even being top hero. That Izuku is someone Katsuki will never be able to reach.
“Did you have a fucking choice?” Katsuki said back. “We lived so close to each other, knew each other since we were fucking baby shitbags. We went to the same school every fucking year, walked the same fucking streets, were in the same fucking class every goddamn year. You didn’t have a choice in whether or not you would know me or like me. I didn’t deserve-” He cuts himself off, again, with a snap of his teeth that sounds more like the snap of a steel trap shutting.
Izuku stared into his eyes; he looks at them for the truth. His fingers ache with how tight he’s holding the chair. His arms tremble slightly. “We can’t change that now. We can’t change the past. I… I fell in love with you. And you-”
“Don’t you fucking say it.” Katsuki jumped to his feet. His eyes are shining again, with tears and rage and fear. “Don’t you dare fucking say it.”
“You love me.”
The words silence them both. Looking into each other's eyes, there’s no denial in either one of them. Katsuki’s breath is heavy, labored. Izuku’s is shallow, uneven. He feels dizzy, looking up at Katsuki that way; his head is tilted back, his chin up slightly. He opens his mouth, licks dry lips and whispers, “You love me.”
Katsuki gives him a smile that’s sharper than any word he’s ever said. It’s full of bitterness and anger and smug hatred. Izuku can’t tell who Katsuki hates more, though, himself or Izuku. “But that’s just wrong. Isn’t that what you said? Falling in love was fucking wrong.”
“Well,” Izuku muttered, “I’m not right about everything?”
“Ex-fucking-scuse me?”
“Well, it’s true!”
“What’s that even supposed to mean?”
“I thought it was wrong to love you because you’re just an asshole to me constantly for no good reason! But you have a reason, even if its a terrible one. And now that I know that reason we can… Kacchan… we could…” Izuku’s words lose steam and trail off at the look Katsuki gives him.
He looks afraid. His mouth is slightly open, his eyes wide. He’s still standing, still staring. Izuku hasn’t looked at anything in his life as long as he’s looked into Katsuki’s eyes today. He knows, without a doubt, he’ll be dreaming about them.
“If you want to- I mean we could try- It doesn’t have to be- If only for a little- I mean…” Izuku bites his bottom lip, hard. He takes in a deep breath and lets it out through his nose in a sigh. “If you don’t hate me…. And I don’t hate you… If, in fact, we love each other… Maybe we could… Date?”
Katsuki blinks. Once. Or, more accurately. His eyes twitch shut. “The fuck?”
“It doesn’t have to be- We can start small?”
“I don’t want to… What makes you think I would ever… Fuck you, Deku, you little shit. You’re wrong about this.”
“Kacchan,” Izuku unlocks one hand from his chair. His arm shakes as he holds it out to Katsuki, palm up. “If you want to give it a chance, now is the time to decide that. If you don’t want to… then after we leave this room, I’m going to do everything I can to fall out of love with you.” Izuku held his gaze and spoke gently but firmly, “That means I won’t look to you anymore. I won’t try to protect you. Or save you. We’ll be classmates. Acquaintances. You… You won’t be Kacchan anymore. You’ll… You’ll be Bakugou. To me.”
Katsuki pales. His entire face drains of blood, except for the area around his eyes where his crying and rubbing irritated the skin. What was once fear haunting the backs of his eyes is now terror as if he has suddenly understood what it meant- that Izuku had stayed close despite the teasing and the bullying and the pain, for his love- and that without it there, Izuku would also be gone.
His hands- both of them- clutch tightly around Izuku’s scarred one. His fingers clench so tight the knuckles are bloodless-pale and so is Izuku’s palm. He opens his mouth, as if to say something, but can’t manage anything but a faint clicking noise in the back of his throat.
There are tears in his eyes, though, and he takes a shaking step towards Izuku. He lifts Izuku’s hand and holds it against his face. His breath is hot and damp on Izuku’s skin, but he still doesn’t speak. Izuku watches him, tears blurring his vision, and mumbles, “Kacchan? Is that… is this a yes?”
“I don’t ever,” Katsuki rasps out, face obscured by their hands, “want to hear you call me Bakugou ever again. Fucking got that, Deku?”
Izuku nods his head so hard his tears dislodge from his eyes and run wild down his cheeks again. “Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I got it.” He gripped Katsuki’s hand back and said, mostly to himself, although Katsuki most certainly heard it, “I got you.”