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“Akira! Are you coming?”
Akira looks up from her phone to see Ann and Ryuji already heading deeper into the shopping center, beckoning her to come follow. Ann is gesturing toward her, a smile plastered on her face, and Akira pushes herself off the bench and slips her phone back into her pocket.
“You aren’t going to keep Lady Ann waiting, are you?” Morgana asks, peeking his head out of Akira’s bag.
“No, I suppose not.” Akira rolls her eyes.
Following the rest of them into the plaza, Akira notes in the back of her head that this is actually the first time she’s really gotten to go into Shibuya proper and, not for the first time this year, she feels absolutely tiny in the face of the shining skyscrapers and tidal waves of people bustling about. She wonders how many of them see her as a man, and how many as a woman.
A part of Akira knows that it’s futile to think like that, thoughts like that can only hurt her. Another part of her, however, still wants to cling to the hope that one day she can walk these streets the way she wants to be seen.
“Hey, Akira, you okay?” Akira is pulled from her thoughts by Ann slowing down to walk alongside her.
“Er, yeah, I’m fine.” Akira responds, maybe a tad too urgently. “Just realizing that it’s my first time in Shibuya.”
Ann nods, smiling. “Yeah, it can be a lot. But there’s so much fun stuff to do here!”
Ryuji turns back with a similar grin. “Oh yeah, there’s a lot of good places to eat here. Shibuya’s great for that.”
“Of course you’re just thinking about food.” Ann snipes, turning to Ryuji.
“Well yeah, ‘m hungry! Bet you’re just thinking about shopping anyway!”
Before the two of them can go any further, Akira snorts. “Girls, please, you’re both pretty.” The three of them hear Morgana snicker from inside Akira’s bag, and Ann and Ryuji glare at each other a moment longer, before breaking into laughs themselves.
“Really though, food is probably a good first stop.” Ryuji eventually says, pulling out his phone. “There’re some good places nearby I’ve been to. Cheap ones.”
Ann opens her mouth to protest, but gets interrupted by her stomach grumbling. “...Yeah alright, food sounds good. But there better be food other than meat!”
Ryuji rolls his eyes. “Relax, the place I’m thinking of has options. Think my mom got sushi last time we went there.”
Morgana peeks his head out. “You think she got sushi? So you don’t remember.”
“Hey, I don’t see you making suggestions!”
“I’ve never been here before!”
“Guys, come on.” Ann intercedes this time. “It’ll be fine.” She looks at Ryuji. “Probably.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Ryuji grumbles for a bit, but leads the group onwards to the place he was thinking of anyway. It turns out to be a little hole in the wall restaurant that almost reminds Akira of Leblanc. It’s not particularly crowded either, with only one other set of customers seated at the opposite end of the restaurant, giving the four of them time to relax and talk without fear of anyone eavesdropping.
The food isn’t bad, as Akira and eventually Ann admit- even Morgana enjoyed a bit of sushi- but really Akira is just here to relax and chat. She hadn’t really expected to make any friends here in Tokyo. At least, not as quickly as she has. Although, one has to suppose that becoming a group of phantom thieves jumping into the metaphysical representation of people’s hearts to steal their distorted desires would do that to anyone.
Honestly though, neither Ann nor Ryuji are what Akira expected when she met them both for the first time, and not just because of how accepting they’ve been of her. Far be it from her to make snap judgements of people, but Ann and Ryuji didn’t seem the type to be so sociable with someone they hardly know, or the type of people to actually have a history together either. That’s why they unmask to summon their Personas in the metaverse, Akira supposes. No one is who they seem at first glance. A fact that Akira is intimately familiar with by now.
Although she does have to wonder, what does decide what their Personas are anyway?
“Morgana, what exactly decides what our Persona is?” She asks aloud.
Ryuji looks up from his beef bowl. “Where’d that come from?”
“Honestly though, I was curious about that too.” Ann says. “Apparently mine is from some western Opera? I’ve never even seen it before…”
“Personas are a representation of our rebellion made manifest by the collective unconscious. I… don’t actually know what decides them, though. Maybe the collective unconscious assigns them based on how well a given concept of a figure or character maps to our concept of rebellion?”
“Always did think pirates were pretty badass...” Ryuji says to no one in particular.
Huh. Makes as much sense as anything else, Akira supposes. But why then, did the collective unconscious give Akira a Persona that was originally male? Is the collective unconscious giving her a representation of that journey? Or is it saying she’s not really a woman, just a man playing pretend? The thought twists knots in Akira’s stomach.
Ann glances over at Akira, her eyebrows knitted together.
“Is something wrong?” Akira asks.
Ann shakes her head, smiling. “Nah, don’t worry about it. I just had an idea.”
“Scary thought.” Ryuji jokes.
Ann glares at him. “Zip it, you. Anyway, let’s finish eating so we can get the check.”
Ann’s idea winds up involving her marching through Shibuya like she’s on a war path, practically dragging Akira along, with Ryuji scrambling to keep up. Wherever Ann is taking them, she’s more focused than Akira has ever seen. Ryuji’s incessant asking of where they’re going does nothing to deter Ann, and Akira has to wonder how much she’d get done if she put this much effort into school. They pass by dozens of places that Akira keeps thinking will be their final destination, only for Ann to keep pressing ahead. At one point, Ryuji spots some manga in the window of a bookstore and begs to go inside, but Ann insists that she has a plan.
Eventually, she grinds to a halt in front of an upscale boutique, with a few teens their own age and older women hanging around the entrance, or coming and leaving, called La Beauté des Lys. “A clothing store?” Ryuji asks skeptically. “You want us to help you shop?”
Ann’s grin is devious. “Not for me.” She looks right at Akira.
Akira feels her face start to heat. “What? For me?”
Ann’s grin turns more genuine. “Yes, for you! You don’t own any girl's clothes yet, right?”
“Well no, but-”
Ann takes her hand. “So come on, let’s go!”
Ann drags her into the store, right into the first aisle they see, and starts going through clothes, picking out all sorts of tops and skirts and pants, heaving them all into Akira’s hands. Eventually the pile gets so big Akira can’t even see Ann from behind all the clothes.
“Alright!” Ann says, rotating around Akira and gesturing to a door nearby. “There are changing rooms over there. The ones in here are big, and they have good mirrors, so you’ll be able to see them on yourself too! So go ahead!”
“Uh.” Akira manages. “This is- I mean-” She stops, trying to process the waterfall of thoughts and emotions surging through her mind. A part of her is ecstatic to have the opportunity, especially with a friend so highly qualified to help out with this. But another is still unsure, paralyzed by the fear of being seen and judged. Would she even pass in women’s clothes? She’s been sticking to gender neutral clothing this whole time because of that fear.
“Akira?” Ann cuts into her thoughts, grabbing the clothes and putting them aside. “You alright?”
Akira takes a breath. “I’m alright. Just wasn’t expecting this.”
Ann’s face drops. “Oh, I’m sorry. Guess I just kinda sprung this on you, huh. I didn’t even consider that you might not want it.”
Akira shakes her head. “Well it’s not quite that...” She picks up one of the tops, looking it over, and bringing it to her chest. “I’m just not so sure that I’m ready for this. Or that…”
Ann seems to pick up on her meaning, and gently grabs Akira’s shoulder. “Akira.” She pauses. “Akira-chan.” Akira’s face burns again, but she looks Ann in the eyes. “It’s alright if you’re not ready for this. But if you’re just scared you won’t look good enough, I can promise you that’s bullshit. You’re gonna look great, I promise. You can already pull off the femme look in just what you’re wearing now. In proper girl’s clothes? No one will ever be able to tell.”
Akira raises an eyebrow. “My voice is pretty deep.”
Ann blinks, then lets out a conceding sigh. “I mean, yeah, that’s fair. But still! Don’t let your fear hold you back, Akira-chan. You’re going to be adorable.”
There’s still a part of Akira, whispering in the back of her head, insisting that Ann is lying to her. That her judgement is wrong. There’s no way any of that can be true, and the moment she steps out of the dressing room she’ll get clocked immediately. But Akira shoves those thoughts down, and nods. “Alright. Let’s do this.”
Ann smiles, and hands over a few curated pieces of clothing. “Start with this outfit. I think it’ll look good on you. After that, we can try experimenting!”
Akira nods again, and takes the clothes into the changing room with her, leaving Morgana with Ann. It’s a white blouse with a few ruffles on it, a black cardigan to go over it, a black checkered skirt, and some stockings to go with everything. It’s a lot more low key than Akira was expecting from Ann, but she isn’t actually all that surprised. Fashion is something Ann knows well, and Akira can’t be surprised that Ann clocked her taste so easily.
Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror as she changes, Akira notices the subtle ways her figure has changed in just the last few weeks. Her waist has noticeably slimmed a little, though it’s hard to tell if that’s from the hormones or the coffee and curry diet. Her chest has also begun to grow slightly, and Akira did order some bralettes online to use, which she’s currently wearing- though her chest still doesn’t really show under most clothes.
When she finally pulls the new clothes on, her heart skips a beat. She looks… like a girl. The shape of the clothes enhances her figure, making her look a little less like a stick. And with her hair already falling just past her shoulders at this point, it brings the overall look together.
Akira walks out of the changing room feeling like a new woman. As people walk by, she worries for a moment that one of them might notice her, might see right through her, but no one does. They hardly pay her even a second thought as she walks back to Ann.
When Ann sees her, she squeals. “Oh my god! You look so good!” She darts over, grabbing Akira’s hands doing a little jump. “We HAVE to have you try out more things!”
Akira laughs, lighter than she’s felt in days. “So long as we keep it to more subdued things like this.”
Ann snorts. “Oh come on, where’s your sense of adventure?”
“I left in the metaverse.” Akira drawls. “Besides, as a master gentlewoman thief, I should always look classy and inconspicuous.”
Morgana peeks her head out from the bag. “Exactly!”
“Mhm, sure.” Ann says with a smile. “Now, let's find you a good dress…”
When the three of them leave the boutique about an hour later, they text Ryuji, who’s apparently been waiting at that bookstore he found earlier reading manga. They find him seated at a table inside, apparently having just started the second volume of some shounen manga.
“Oh you guys are finally done there! Sorry, would’ve stuck around, but it felt a little awkward standing alone outside a girl’s-” Ryuji does a double take at Akira. “Oh wow. You look totally different, girl.”
Akira is wearing the same outfit she tried on first, though she does have a bag with a few other things in it in her hand too. A sly smile creeps on her lips, and she poses with her hands behind her back. “Is that your official opinion, Ryuji?”
“Uh, er, c’mon, you don’t need me to say it out loud, right?”
Ann walks over and nudges him softly with her elbow. “Y’know, it’d probably be nice of her to hear anyway…”
Ryuji rubs the back of his head. “Well, that’s fair… You look really good, Akira.”
Akira laughs. “Thanks Ryuji. We’ll never forget how hard this was for you, complimenting a friend.”
Ryuji sighs. “Yeah, yeah. It’s true, y’know. Keep dressing like that and guys’ll be all over you.”
Ann nods. “For sure! Or, uh, girls. Y’know, whichever you prefer.”
“I… Don’t know about that.” Akira mutters. “Though I could probably work the bad girl angle, huh?” She sits down across from him, while Ann sits between them. “Really though, I appreciate it. Both of you.”
“You’re welcome, anytime.” Ann promises.
“Of course!” Ryuji agrees. “And you really need more confidence in yourself, girl. Like you do in the Palaces ‘n shit.”
She isn’t sure what to say to that, at first. Things in the metaverse are just… different. The opinions of others isn’t something she has to worry about there. She’s already a criminal no matter what she does in a Palace. So, there’s no consequences to breaking norms. But in reality? True, she’s already a criminal there too, but unlike in the Metaverse, she can’t throw caution to the wind like that. If she can’t lay low, she’s in trouble.
But that desire remains. The desire to be free. Even now, she can still feel Arsène thrumming in the back of her mind, that constant desire to tear off her mask.
“I… I can try, I guess.” Akira responds, eventually. “I will try.”
“You’re goddamn right you will!” Ryuji cheers her on.
“And we’ll be right behind you, Akira-chan.” Ann follows up.
Morgana jumps onto the table, having crawled out of the bag earlier. “We’ll make a lady out of you yet, Akira.”
Confidence, hm?
A novel thought.
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