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Javier was a knight.
He'd been a knight for most of his adult life, and had aspired to be so for most of his childhood.
In all that time, he had never doubted his decision, or wished to be something, someone else.
Not when he struggled through training.
Not when his hands had been covered in scars and callouses.
Not when he'd been assigned to follow around the man he hated more than anything else.
Not when that man had been replaced, and he's followed his replacement to the ends of the earth, nearly dying several times in the process.
He'd trusted that he was meant for it.
Javier was skilled beyond measure, had surpassed human limits a long time ago.
Every battle won, every person saved, had affirmed his belief.
Kim Suho, the miraculous man that had saved him and everyone he loved, had said as such.
Javier was meant to be a knight.
It was in his very being.
Yet…
"Sir Asrahan— Sir Asrahan!"
A small voice interrupts his thoughts.
Javier looks down at the source.
"Yes, your highness?" He asks, softly.
Charlotte, eyes bright— her mother's color, but all of her father's light and energy— and wide, looks right back up at him.
"Look what I found!" She exclaims, holding up a very smooth white stone. "It was among all the other rocks, but they were all gray. Like rocks are."
Javier strongly suspects that it is simply one of the rocks used for decoration in some of the gardens, white for ascetic appeal.
That's not what he says, however.
"Really? that is very fascinating, your highness. Excellent find." He says instead, smiling.
She beams at him.
"I knew you would think it was impressive." She chirps, looking very proud of herself.
It's about this time when her maids catch up with her.
For a five year old she was fast.
"Princess! you mustn't stray too far away from us." One of them calls, trying to catch her breath.
"Terribly sorry to bother you Sir Asrahan." Another one, Emile, tells him, apologetically.
"No need, I am always happy to entertain the princess." He assure them, smile slightly tight. "I was just about to find her father, if you wish for me to take her to him." He adds.
"Would you?" Emile asks. "If it's not too much trouble."
"It's no trouble." Javier insists. "How do you feel about that your highness?" He asks, looking over to a very visibly excited Charlotte.
"Yes!" She exclaims, jumping up and holding her hands in the air.
Javier takes the cue and picks her up.
"I shall see her returned to her room at a proper hour." Javier says, addressing the maids.
They nod, bowing briefly before they leave to fulfill some of their other duties
"Bye bye!" Charlotte calls after them, with a cheerful laugh. "You're taking me to see father?" She asks, turning to look at Javier.
"Yes." Javier replies, beginning the walk through the castle halls.
Who would have thought, after everything died down, that Kim Suho would end up here of all places.
Prince Consort.
He still spent a decent portion of his time in the Frontera fiefdom, helping maintain things there.
But all the rest of his time was spent here, in the palace.
Something pangs in Javier's chest.
Javier followed him, of course. He went where Kim Suho went.
Such was his duty.
Javier was a knight.
"Mother says when I'm old enough I can learn how to fight like you and her do." Charlotte says, as they walk.
"If your mother says so, then it will be so." Javier replies. "She is a skilled warrior."
Second only to him.
Yet she had won in the end. Perhaps because it was not a battle one could use a sword in.
"Father says you are too." Charlotte adds on. "Will you teach me too?"
"If you so wish."
Charlotte seems to consider it for a moment.
"If you are really good, then yes. I'll have to see for myself." She remarks.
Javier laughs lightly.
"Quite understandable, your highness."
She was tenacious, like her father. Always looking to come out on top.
She'd make an excellent ruler.
Alicia had been right, to choose Kim Suho.
Anyone would be right to choose Kim Suho.
Javier walks through the castle walls, princess in arms, making his way down the familiar path to the royal offices.
He prefers the quaint feel of Kim Suho working in his room in the Frontera Fiefdom.
It feels more— personal.
Less like he's intruding.
"Sir Asrahan and Princess Charlotte for you, your majesties." A guard says when they approach, even though the two people in the room can no doubt already tell.
A set of two and three circles hum behind the door.
It was Javier's technique that made it possible.
Well, his and Kim Suho's.
He'd been unable to deny the man when he'd proposed teaching the Queen it.
It had been for a noble cause.
Kim Suho was often too noble for his own good.
And apparently so was Javier.
"Mother! Father!" Charlotte calls, jumping down from Javier's arms, to rush into the room.
"Charlotte." Her mother replies, warmth filling her tone.
Kim Suho smiles as he looks up from his work, eye's first looking to his daughter, full of that same warmth.
Then his eye's shift to Alicia, and the warmth stays.
Finally, he looks at Javier, and he would like to think the warmth remains, but he is not that foolish.
"I take it you ran into her on your way in?" Kim Suho asks, ruffling his daughters hair as her looks down and arranges some papers.
"Yes." Javier replies. "She had quite the interesting find with her as well."
Charlotte lights up at the reminder.
"Oh, you must see it, mother, father!" She exclaims again, holding up the rock again, proudly. "Isn't it pretty?"
"Oh wow." Kim Suho remarks, smiling wider. "That is quite the find. You were correct, Javier." He adds, turning again to look at Javier, a twinkle in his eyes.
Javier smiles.
He truly is a fool, even now.
Any better man would have backed away long ago.
There was no winning this battle.
"You have quite the eye, Charlotte." The Queen agrees, drawing the two men's attention away form each other. "You must get it from your father. He has an affinity for finding important and valuable things."
"Yes! I'm just like father!" Charlotte exclaims, happily. "Did you hear that father, I'm just like you!"
He's smiling again, without a worry.
"That you are, my dear." Kim Suho agrees. "It's important to know what things are better to keep." He says, like it's sage wisdom no one has ever told anyone before.
He's ridiculous.
Always has been.
Mysteries disguised by a way with words Javier has never seen matched.
Incredible.
Miraculous.
"I hope she didn't cause you any trouble, Sir Asrahan." Alicia says, once Charlotte has shifted her attention to her father.
"Not at all, your majesty." He replies, truthfully.
Charlotte was her father's daughter, sometimes a little bit of work, but always worth it.
He'd thought he would hate her, or at least look at her and have to remember every time.
But all he saw each time was Kim Suho.
"Princess Charlotte is always a joy to accompany." He continues.
The Queen hums in response, not taking her eyes off him.
Javier is the one who has to look away.
Just another loss to add to the tally.
Alicia Magentano was not a woman who liked to lose.
And Javier was a knight. No competition at all.
"And you like traveling with Sir Asrahan, do you not?" Alicia asks, turning to Charlotte.
The young princess beams again.
"Yes! He's so tall and I can see so many cool things!" She remarks, cheerfully. "Sometimes he lets me get on his shoulders and I feel like a giant!" She adds.
Both Kim Suho and the Queen laugh at that, looking at their daughter with all the love a pair of parents should.
This is why he preferred the Frontera fiefdom.
He glances at the many papers covering the royal couples shared desk.
Alicia did most of the work, even still.
Kim Suho handled a few more things than he would lead you to believe with his attitude towards the work, but was still only handling a fraction of it all.
"If you two need to work, I can entertain the Princess until dinner." Javier proposes.
Alicia looks at the papers as well.
"That may be best." She replies, with a slight grimace.
Kim Suho reaches out a hand to take one of hers, squeezing it tight.
"Thank you, Javier. We shouldn't take too long, we're almost finished here for the day." Kim Suho says, smiling at him.
Javier can only nod.
"We'll see you soon, my dear." Alicia tells Charlotte, leaning down to give her a kiss on the head.
"Be good." Kim Suho instructs, ruffling her hair again.
His other hand is still on Alicia's.
One would think Javier would be used to it by now.
It's still hard to look away.
But he picks up Charlotte again and exits the room with nothing more than polite goodbyes.
When had it come to this?
Why?
Javier knew why.
Javier was a knight.
Kim Suho was extraordinary.
He was meant for things, meant to make an impact.
"Sir Asrahan?" Charlotte asks.
"Yes, your highness?"
"Do you think I'll get freckles like father one day?"
Javier is silent for a moment.
"It is possible, he only developed them after prolonged sun exposure." He answers.
"What does prolonged mean?" Charlotte questions.
"For a long time, often more than is expected." Javier replies. "What I mean to say is that they did not show up automatically, so you may develop them later, your highness."
Lloyd had also had freckles. They weren't quite noticeable in their base state.
They had blossomed under Kim Suho's care however.
What kind of man could make someone you once hated seem almost— other-worldly?
Kim Suho.
Javier hadn't expected the man to have freckles the second time.
When he'd found him in Korea all those years ago, he hadn't had any.
But they'd appeared soon after his return to Lorasia.
They suited him.
Kim Suho's real body suited him.
Especially after he was able to build it up again, out of the pressures of his past life.
"I hope I do." Charlotte continues. "They're cool."
Javier doesn't comment.
~
He's technically invited to dinner, he knows he is.
If he were to join them, no one would really batt an eye, perhaps Charlotte would cheer, but then she would return to her normal chatter.
But Javier is not a masochist. Did not enjoy suffering.
He takes his dinner alone, when they are at the palace.
After he has eaten, he heads to the training fields, like he always does.
It would be a good way to let out his anger, if any of the equipment could take it.
It can't, so he just tries to calm himself through the repetitive motions training could provide.
It works well enough.
Has for all these years.
It's not like he has any other options.
Eventually, he slumps against a wall, alone on the fields, the hour too late for anyone else.
Where had it all gone wrong?
He could not even tell you when it started.
One day he was not in love with the man that was Kim Suho and then one day he was.
It had been before the fight with hell, at the very least.
So he only had himself to blame.
There had been moments, where the man had seemed almost within reach.
Moments where their eyes caught and Javier had felt like he could not breathe. But time revealed that had not been two-sided.
He'd told himself that that was fine.
He could stay by Kim Suho's side either way. The man had saved him, given him meaning.
Javier was always by his side.
Javier meant the most to him, even if it was not in the same way.
Then the Queen had seen what Javier had, evidently.
She'd seen her opportunity and taken it. She had seen what she wanted and fought for it.
Maybe Javier should have done that.
But—
Javier looks at his sword, laid down next to him.
Javier was a knight.
He had nothing to offer. Not land, nor title.
He was a knight, and knights did not fall in love with their lords. And if they did they did not act on it.
There had never been a moment that Javier had wished he was anything but a knight, wanted anything more.
Not until Kim Suho had been taken away from him.
Not until any chance at the man holding him in the same esteem Javier held him was gone.
Not until the Queen had come through and shown him exactly what he could have had, if he had more to offer.
Not until he dreamed of a world in which Javier was, a noble perhaps and could have fought for what he wanted. A world in which he had a chance.
But he was a knight.
He would never be anything more.
And it was far too late even if he was.
Kim Suho was happy. He had a family.
Charlotte was the perfect daughter, Alicia the perfect wife for him.
Javier would just have to remain by his side.
What else could he do?
He was a knight.
Knights did not run away from their duties because of fickle things like feelings, even if those feelings were love.
Javier would bear it.
Because seeing Kim Suho, happy, and living a life he deserved was a thousand, million times better than not seeing him at all.
Even if that life had nothing to do with him.
Javier takes a deep breath, looking up at the star filled sky.
Maybe in some other universe it did not matter that Javier was a knight.
Or Maybe in some other universe he was not in love.
He does not know which he would prefer.