Chapter Text
Keith couldn’t even remember how the fight started. All he knew was that, for the first time since he had grabbed Lance by his stupid, perfectly taken-care of face and kissed him, he wanted to hurt the other. He supposed that’s why he had said it.
“At least I became a fighter pilot with my own talent, not because my better got kicked out.” It went completely silent in the room, his words echoing around them. He felt immediate regret, reaching out for his lover, but Lance took a single step back and stopped him.
“Oh, yeah?” Lance’s voice was shaking with the weight of pure hurt, “well at least I’m not half-monster.” Keith stumbled backwards. The words felt like a physical blow to his chest, all of the wind leaving his lungs in a rush.
“Lance, wait, I’m so--” Keith tried to reach for him once more, but the blue paladin slapped his hand away.
“Don’t touch me, Keith. I hate you!” And with that, Lance had fled the room. The words weren’t anything new, Keith supposed. But Lance had never said them with such conviction. Lance had never meant it, before now.
Hunk had gone after Lance after a moment, muttering something about wanting to make sure he was okay. Shiro had tried to approach Keith, words of comfort on his lips, but Keith had stopped him. It was his fault. He should have never told the person he loved such a terrible thing.
Later, Lance was absent for dinner and Keith eventually left, unable to eat or talk to the others with his heart in his throat. He had begun the journey back to his room, but stopped right in front of Lance’s. He had woken up in that bed just this morning, legs tangled with Lance’s and head tucked beneath the ice guardian’s chin. Lance had woken up slowly, gradually. His eyes had been drooped with sleep and his smile had been small, but warm.
Keith knocked on the door. There was no answer.
“Lance, please open the door. I’m sorry,” Keith called. The hand-print scanner next to Lance’s door flashed gently and Keith absently wondered if he would still have access to Lance’s room, or if he had been completely shut out. “Lance, please.” Still nothing. Keith sighed, turning away from the door and continuing to his own after giving the barrier one last, longing glance.
In his room, with the lights turned off and the shutters of his window pulled up so that the shinning, ever expanding Universe outside was visible, Keith stared at the ceiling. Before he had wandered into his room, Allura had stopped him in the hallway. She had, had a guilty look on her face, asking if he would be okay to do a mission tomorrow. They had received three different distress calls at once. Shiro and Pidge were already gone, answering one, and Hunk and Lance would be responding the second in the morning. She asked if Keith would be okay taking on a solo mission. He had said yes.
So now he lay in bed, alone for the first time in a year, staring at the ceiling and wishing that sleep would come to him. It didn’t seem like wishing would be enough, however. Instead, Keith got up and decided that he might as well do something, since it seemed it would be impossible to sleep.
Just like before, he went to the training room. It had been his safe haven, his hideaway, until he and Lance had gotten together. Lance had said that it was unhealthy to train so much and that he shouldn’t use it as an emotional crutch. After that, he would go to Lance’s room and lay on the other paladin until whatever it was, was washed away by Lance’s affection and terrible puns.
Keith felt his heart clench at the thought of the shine Lance would get in his eyes when he came up with, yet another, terrible pick-up line and the way his chest would puff with pride when Keith actually laughed at them. Keith was shocked out of his thoughts by the feeling of wetness on his cheeks. He couldn’t help the bubble of laughter that tumbled out of his lips as he brushed away the tears. He really screwed up this time didn’t he? The man he loved hated him now. Truly hated him and refused to talk to him.
He had collapsed against the wall, not even halfway to the training deck, letting himself slide down the chilled surface until his butt hit the ground. He used to have a warm, safe place to go to when he felt like this. What did he have now? A cold wall and an aching heart.
That was how Allura found him in the morning. Somehow, he had fallen asleep against the wall, his face stiff with dried tears and eyes crusted.
“Keith,” Allura, to his surprise, had sat down next to him, “are you sure you are alright for this mission? The call can wait another couple of hours for Shiro and Pidge to return.” She had placed a hand on his arm, her eyes alight with concern.
“No, no, I’m fine. Just had a rough night. I’ll be ready in a few minutes,” Keith responded, rubbing his eyes and clearing his throat.
“Be honest with me,” she demanded, grabbing his wrist before he could stand up.
“I am. I’m fine, Allura. Please don’t put this fight over the lives of those crew members. They need me,” Keith looked her in the eye, prayed she would believe him. He wouldn’t let people die for this. Allura had spent a good few moments looking at him, eyebrows drawn together, before she had finally nodded. Keith had stood up, ignoring the uncomfortable stretch of his muscles, and helped Allura up.
Ten minutes later, he was suited up, helmet tucked under his arm, and standing in front of his Lion.
“The ship isn’t too far away,” Allura had informed him, tucking a stray strand of hair behind pointed ears, “we have been able to pick up five life sources. Your mission is to rescue those people and bring them back here for medical help. Be careful, however. We have been unable to contact the pilot.” Keith had nodded, taking in the information and stowing it away.
It had been easy to get into his Lion, perching in the seat, and guiding her out of the castle. What hadn’t been easy, was seeing Lance in the hanger right before he left. The blue paladin hadn’t even looked his way, talking animatedly with Hunk and Allura, the other two trying to hide their discomfort at the situation. Keith wanted to yell out for Lance, to apologize when the other wasn’t hidden behind his door, but hadn’t. He wished he had.
The ship, when Keith found it, was in terrible shape. The hull was dented in and on the brink of bursting. There were numerous scratches and deep cuts in the metal, paint chipped away and completely gone in other spots. Keith was surprised they had been able to send out a distress beacon at all. Gently, he landed his Lion on the top of the ship, swiping a hand over his face so that the suit began feeding oxygen into his helmet.
“Allura, do you copy?” he asked into the comms.
“I read. What is your status?”
“I’m disembarking the Red Lion and making my way to the ship,” Keith reported back, pressing a button on his console so that the mouth of his Lion opened.
“Alright. There should be a hatch to enter the ship near the front. It might be tricky to open though, with all of the surface damage,” she warned.
“Copy,” Keith jumped off the ramp of his Lion, using his thrusters to guide himself to the ship, before latching onto a handle welded on beside the hatch. “Opening the hatch,” Keith murmured, using his bayard to cut through the twisted metal of the hatch and prying it open. “I’m inside.”
“The five crew members should be towards the back,” Allura told him. The ship wasn’t large, just a small transport vehicle a family would use. His first warning, should have been the smudge of blood on the wall. He pushed himself closer to the stain, running his finger over it. Still wet.
“Allura, this is recent,” he told her. He should have gotten his bayard out once he saw the body. It was the pilot, more than likely. “Allura--” something slammed into him from the side. He gasped, back hitting a dent in part of the ship’s wall, the knob digging into his spine painfully. Sharp fingers squeezed around his throat, cutting off his air and breaking through the fragile skin.
“Looks like my trap worked. How simple,” the Galra’s breath fogged Keith’s visor as the towering man leaned in closer.
“Keith? What is going on!” Allura’s panicked voice called over the comms. The Galran’s purple skin shimmered and distorted with the remnants of a cloaking device, before finally solidifying. Keith’s eyes flicked over the Galran’s shoulder. Four people, the family, were pressed into the back of the ship. The largest two, obviously the parents, were clutching two children to their chests, blood dripping from their lips. The kids were long dead, probably killed when Keith landed. The parents hadn’t lasted much longer.
Keith reached for the bayard at his side, feeling the handle of his sword against his fingers and slashing at the Galran with a cry of rage. The soldier moved out of the way last second, dark laughter pouring from his chest.
“This is a paladin of Voltron?” he cackled, waving a clawed hand at Keith, “an unobservant child?” The Galran reached for the dagger strapped to his waist and Keith lunged. It was too constrained in the ship, the walls were too close and Keith found himself unable to put all of his force behind his strikes. The Galra’s dagger lashed out with swift swipes, catching Keith’s wrist and slicing up to the knuckle of the paladin’s thumb.
“Keith?” Allura tried again, her voice shaking.
“Allura, I’m gonna need some--gah!” the soldier’s dagger sliced up his shoulder and
Keith stumbled back, desperately trying to regain his footing.
His foot caught on something and next he knew he was falling, back hitting the floor with an audible thump, the air leaving his lungs with a whoosh. The body of the pilot was beneath Keith’s own, rigid and unmoving.
“Honestly, this is too easy,” the Galran sneered, stepping forward slowly, like a predator moving on half-dead prey. Keith scrambled to get his bayard up, blocking what would have been the finishing blow at the last second. The soldier bared down on his weapon, using his strength and weight against Keith. The red paladin could feel his canines elongating, could see the exposed skin on his wrist and hand tinting purple. “This is even better,” the Galran looked completely delighted, “a half-breed runt that can’t even master his footing.” Keith snarled shoving against the Galran’s blade, but to no avail. “You paladins walk around like you’re the saving graces of the Universe, calling us monsters, but you’re half-monster yourself, aren’t you?” Keith faltered. Lance.
The moment came back to him with force, the look in Lance’s eyes when he had said the same thing. The way he had flinched away from Keith’s touch like he would be infected just by contact.
Just as quickly as the memories came, they were gone, replaced by a sudden, bright flash of pain. The Galran’s dagger, sleek and shining in the dim light, protruded from Keith’s chest, the purple tint of its blade dulled by red. Keith couldn’t help but stare at it with fascination. The Galran twisted it, setting every nerve in Keith’s body on fire, before wrenching the blade out with a spurt of blood.
Keith was mildly aware of the Galran standing, wiping his blade off on Keith’s suit, before taking Keith’s bayard and looking it over, grunting with satisfaction.
“Sleep well, little paladin,” he whispered, chuckling as he climbed through the hatch. Keith felt oddly cold, shivering a bit as he lied there.
“Keith, please respond! Shiro and Pidge are on their way to your location!” Oh, Allura was still there, wasn’t she? Shiro and Pidge, huh? The thought didn’t make him happy like it should have.
“No,” he croaked, coughing up red, “don’t...don’t send them.”
“Keith? Hold on, they’re almost there!”
“Allura,” he needed her to listen, but she wasn’t, “I need you to do something for me.” Why was death so painful? His chest burned and his throat felt so tight.
“What is it?” she sounded so desperate, and Keith felt a pang of guilt that he was making her feel this way.
“I need you,” another cough, this time splattering crimson on the chest of his suit, “to
tell...to tell Lance that I’m sorry. I love him so much,” how could this much blood come out of his body? “Make sure he knows that, please. I...I need you to make sure he knows that, please...please,” God, it hurt to breathe. He could hear Allura talking to him, but he couldn’t understand what she was saying. Eventually, it faded into a dull buzz in the back of his mind. Instead, Keith thought of Lance. Thought of the way his lips always tasted like fruit, which was kinda weird, but it was so Lance. Keith thought of how Lance complained when Keith accidently kicked him in his sleep and how one time Keith had even kicked him completely out of the bed.
Keith tried to laugh, but no, that hurt way too much.
Keith thought of the look on Lance’s face when Keith had given him chocolates from some planet they had visited around the time Valentine’s Day would be. He thought of the way Lance had popped a chocolate in his mouth, kissed Keith, and how Lance had passed the chocolate into Keith’s mouth, almost choking him. Keith thought of the nights when he couldn’t sleep, and Lance would sing lullabies to him. One stuck in his head, even now.
“Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You’ll be alright, no one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I will be safe and sound,” Lance always had such a beautiful voice. Keith lost count of how many times he had fallen asleep to that voice.
Dully, he noticed how dark his vision was getting, and knew it wasn’t normal. He was dying. Keith wished Lance was here to sing him to sleep, to tell him everything was going to be alright. Keith wished he would have gotten to kiss Lance one more time or tell him he loved him one more time.
Lance, he found himself thinking, imagining Lance was right beside him, I love you so much that it hurts. I’m sorry I said those things to you. You’re so amazing and talented and I wish I could tell you that right now, but I can’t. I love you, and everything will be okay.
Keith smiled to himself and imagined he was curled up next to Lance, safe in his lover’s arms, before shutting his eyes and letting himself drift away.