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Five knocks on the door pounded to a familiar rhythmic tone… then one more to finish off…
Those knocks were all Anaxa needed as to guess who was on the other side of his bedroom door. There was one person he knew of in his life who would knock on his door in such a unique way.
He looked over at his nightstand where his alarm clock stood and read the time: 3:00 PM.
… Already…? Anaxa had not been home from school for even 5 minutes before he decided to show up (all he did up to that point was taken off his shoes, filled a glass of water, headed to his room, and laid on his bed, ready to play the video game he’s been obsessed over for the past two weeks).
He sighed. With someone who was no different from a stupid, little puppy who knew nobody but his owner, he should’ve seen this coming from a mile away.
“… Hm…?” That was his indication to tell him yes, he was, indeed, in his bedroom, and he could, indeed, come in.
His door opened wide and out of it, came an "Anaxa!"
"Phainon."
“Anaxa!” Phainon was by his side the moment he walked into his room. He placed his hands on the side of Anaxa’s bed and leaned forward, getting in his personal space. His smile was gleaming, and his eyes sparkled of curiosity. Anaxa had anticipated a question based on his wonderous expression, and his conclusion was proven correct as Phainon asked him something given the circumstances of that day. "How was your first day of high school?"
“Tsk.” That was all Anaxa had to say to that. The first day of high school was like every other day of school he had experienced thus far: dull, boring, loud, and annoying. "It wasn’t anything special."
It was as if Phainon had expected a grandiose answer out of him from the way he tilted his head to the side and hummed in confusion. "How come...?"
"No matter the school, the first day is always the same. Almost the same as every other day."
"But you started high school!"
"My point still stands."
The pout that formed on Phainon’s face was an expression that Anaxa could describe as one perfect for such a pathetic and ridiculous child. Regardless of the disappointment that was plastered on his face, Phainon didn’t say anything else. Anaxa had nothing to say either, so he turned back to the game he wanted to start and pressed the POWER button on the console.
“…”
“…”
"… Do you have any homework?"
"I do not."
"Did you make any friends?"
"I did not."
"Are any of your teachers interesting?"
"No."
"Did you get into any trouble?"
"Of course not." With that, Anaxa turned off his game. If Phainon were to continue yapping and asking him all those useless questions, there would be no point in trying to play at that time. "What is the meaning of this, Phainon? You should know by now I don't like meaningless conversation."
"I just really wanna talk to you, Anaxa!"
"And small talk is what you went for?"
"I'll take anything from you."
Like hell that’s true! Anaxa knew Phainon, and he knew anything he talked about was either ‘too adult’ for him or something he couldn’t understand to its fullest extent. Every time Anaxa went on one of his ramblings, most of the time, Phainon would ask so many unrelated questions that the conversations instead would turn into Phainon rambling about whatever was on his mind.
Did Anaxa mind it? No. But did it become pointless to start anything at all? Of course. "The 'anything' you speak of will not interest you at all."
"Yes, it will!" The pout Phainon had was long gone and was instead replaced with a look of pure determination like he was confident he was going to listen and understand any word that came out of Anaxa’s mouth.
Still, Anaxa was far from buying it. "You say that, but every other time, you never listen."
"I will listen!"
Stubborn as a mule. As much as Anaxa didn’t was to succumb to his begging, he couldn’t help but indulge in Phainon’s silly, little antics.
He was tired of it happening all the time, but if it was for Phainon, why not? "Fine, if you insist. But don't be surprised when what I say will happen, happens."
Phainon cheered and sounded way more excited than one should be. Anaxa brushed it off however and started talking about whatever.
Philosophical ideas, ancient history, Greek mythology, classic literature, random facts of geography; they’re all what came into mind and out of his mouth. At one point, he focused his attention on his game as he spoke since all Phainon did was nod along to his words.
That was a mistake on his part. After a while of not paying attention to him, Anaxa heard a sudden, "... Woah...", come out of Phainon.
"What's the ma– “
“Anaxa! I didn't know you read manga!"
He felt his body temperature drop. In an instant, he knew what Phainon was referring to.
Whipping his head and averting his attention from the game he was once so interested in, he saw Phainon sitting on the ground with Anaxa’s school bag in front of him, opened wide as random stuff from inside was spewed out onto the floor.
In Phainon’s hands was the said manga. Anaxa tossed his gaming console on his bed and ran up to snatch the book of his hands. "Give me that! Don't you know better than to snoop around other people’s stuff!?"
"But Anaxa! The cover looks so pretty. And you never told me you read manga before!"
No matter how long they’ve known each other, there was no obligation to tell Phainon every little detail about him. "This isn't like the manga you read, you idiot!"
"So, what is it?" Scowling at him caused Phainon to double down on his curiosity as he was now on all fours, crawling towards Anaxa. "Please, can I see, Anaxa?"
He looked like a stupid, pathetic dog moving around and looking at him like that. Anaxa cringed to himself at the shamelessness Phainon had at times. There was also no way in hell he was going to show him any of his manga collection! "I already told you; you won't like it."
"You'll never know until you show me."
“Absolutely not.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Anaxa, pretty please?”
"Why the hell do you want to know so bad?!" It was hard to get annoyed by someone as endearing as Phainon, but he was starting to push Anaxa’s buttons.
"I really want to know everything about you, Anaxa!"
“Don’t you think you know enough about me?”
“Nope!” When he stood up, Phainon grabbed a fist-full of Anaxa’s shirt and started to stare into his soul, having set on his own, personal mission that Anaxa finds stupid. “If there’s something to know about you, I wanna know!”
"..."
"So, can I see? Please? I promise I won't laugh at you! I will never!"
“…” There was no use of getting rid of him nor was there of changing his mind. Anaxa learned how steadfast Phainon could be, which was surprising for someone as young as he was. Phainon was stubborn, especially when it came to Anaxa (whatever that meant). Why? That was something even he didn’t know, but it was better to let Phainon be than to question him (last time Anaxa tried, all he got was a ‘because you’re Anaxa!’, with no explanation that followed.)
He looked down at Phainon once more. He saw the glint in his eyes and the resolute frown on his lips.
… What a useless, obstinate fool, but he was one Anaxa was so used to dealing with ever since meeting him for the first time. At the end of the day, he couldn’t say ‘no’ to his face. "... Fine, since you're so insistent. But remember what you said."
In the most dramatic fashion imaginable, he saw Phainon sit up straight and cheered like he would when his puppy-dog begging worked in his favor. "I will, I promise!"
After contemplating his decision for a second and exhaling a tiring breath, he handed his manga volume to Phainon and watch with intent at his reaction.
"Woah..." Anaxa didn’t get at all what made Phainon so excited as he inspected the cover of the book. All that was there was two high school boys the same age as Anaxa looking at each other with a title in-between them so generic, if he didn’t recognize the mangaka who wrote it, he would’ve wondered why he’d bought it in the first place. But with a child so filled with such eager such as Phainon, it shouldn’t surprise him that he’d find anything unknown to him interesting. "What is this?"
"It's a romance."
"Romance?! I love romance! I never knew you read romance.” The radiance coming from Phainon now shined brighter than the sun.
His enthusiasm did a number to Anaxa’s heart. It was a strange feeling. The last time he felt this way was when his sister moved out from their home to dorm in her university. There wasn’t a sliver of sadness coming out of her, but instead, excitement and marvel. It was a feeling that she spread to her family around her, including the stubborn, cavalier Anaxa himself. He didn’t show it, but the amount of happiness he felt for his sister was immeasurable.
So, seeing Phainon now and feeling that way… Anaxa decided to ignore it the best he could.
But along with that mysterious feeling came another: dread. Dread of what Phainon might think of his interest. He didn’t know why; this feeling of his never came to those around him. Many of his peers and classmates knew of his unusual, special interest. Most found it odd, but didn’t care and moved on with their lives. Others, however, think it odd and go out of their way to make that known to Anaxa, so much so that they often give him tactless nicknames either behind his back or in front of his face (the ‘BL-loving weirdo’ was what they often settled on).
With those people, Anaxa would, one hundred percent of the time, ignore them as he could not give two damns on what anyone thinks. However, things could not be said for Phainon or his family.
For the past who-knows-how-long, Anaxa had kept his interest secret among those closer to him. He knew his parents and sister knew of it, but he still tried to keep it low profile with them. When any one of them try to bring it up, he felt the instant heat rise to his face as he tried to move the conversation away from him as quick as he could.
Though, things were different with Phainon. Since he didn’t know of his special interest yet, Anaxa still had some sort of obligation to keep him in the unknown.
So, when he tilted his head, with a questioning ‘huh…?’ slipping out of his mouth, Anaxa knew what was about to come. “Where’s the girl?”
“… There is no girl.”
"Wha– “The revelation made Phainon drop his manga volume as he stared back up at Anaxa, his whole face brightened, and his eyes blown wide open.
His flush transferred to Anaxa and he resisted his conscience from exploding on the spot. His embarrassment was immeasurable and a part of him wanted to smack Phainon because of that. "You idiot, you said–!"
"I know I know; I promise I'm not laughing! That's not it!" Phainon was quick to put his hands up in defense and shake them and his head. He looked like an overwhelmed mess, so Anaxa was willing to hear him out.
He settled on glaring at him as he backed off from his space (Anaxa didn’t even realized he lunged towards him in the first place). He watched and gave Phainon time to compose himself.
Despite not being the one to be exposed of his secrets, Phainon looked as embarrassed as Anaxa in the current situation. He closed his eyes and clutched and held onto the clothing over his chest as he let out a few breathes. Once he had calmed down and the color of his face turned back to his usual pale complexion (aside from a light blush that lingered), Phainon stared back, ready to address Anaxa again, and asked another question, one that made him shier the more he spoke. "Does that mean… you're... into..."
He knew what he was going to ask. And before he could question any further, Anaxa cut him right off. "I won't answer such foolish questions."
"No wait, Anaxa, please!" Phainon reached towards him and grabbed his arm, holding him close.
Phainon’s expression was genuine with no harmful intent, but Anaxa head was still in disarray, so all he could think to do was to shake him off his grasp as he criticized his stubbornness. “Are you such an idiot to think people are what they read?!”
“Of course not!” From Anaxa’s struggling, it seemed to motivate Phainon is tightening his hold. Instead of holding Anaxa’s arm, he was now hugging it with his whole body. Any attempt to get rid of him was now futile, so Anaxa stopped trying altogether. He relaxed his arm and felt Phainon do so as well. When he did, he spoke again. “But… are you like that with this…?”
“…” He stayed silent, but Anaxa kept his glare and he tsked. Phainon had no reason at being so adamant of knowing.
When Phainon saw him glaring at him, he hugged his arm tighter, a small frown and pout forming on his lips as their eyes met. "I promise I'm not laughing..."
"..." In all honesty, Anaxa didn’t want to answer his question. Not because he didn’t trust him, rather, he couldn’t put a finger on the answer himself. It was a subject he didn’t wanted to think about. He read BL for the sole enjoyment of it, but he couldn’t shake off the self-indulgent feeling from reading it. Romance in his life was far, FAR out of his mind, and the current moment he was in was no different.
… His thoughts were leading him nowhere. He shook the clouds that fogged his mind and was ready to face Phainon to reject him from further questioning him about his personal interest.
But upon looking further in his demenor, Anaxa paused.
Phainon still held the pout he had moments ago, but looking closer into his eyes, Anaxa saw his eyes sag at the corners. His look of determination before turned into one of melancholy.
That look made Anaxa drop any thoughts of rejections as he spoke faster than his mind an honest answer, his voice coming out so much quieter than he had expected. "... I don't know..."
“…”
Time stood still between the two. It was like they were submerged deep underwater as they still laid close in proximity with one another, both not willing to break eye contact.
It took a while, but one of them did: Phainon. He looked down at the grip he had on Anaxa’s arm and shifted one of his own to place a hand on top of Anaxa’s instead.
The touch Phainon put on him was so gentle, Anaxa would’ve thought it was weightless if not for the warmth it radiated. He didn’t look back up to meet his eyes, but Phainon smiled to himself as he stared down at their contact. "That's ok... I'm the same..."
Before he could think to stop himself, Anaxa’s back straightened and an involuntary "What!?" slipped out his lips.
Phainon jumped and looked back at Anaxa as his face bloomed red once more. "Ar– are you upset?!"
Anaxa noticed something off about him and he could tell right away how he was feeling. From his nervous habits arising–such as clutching whatever was close tight–, the small shake in his voice, and to his persistence in knowing Anaxa’s gender preference; Phainon was looking for either some validation or someone who could relate to his experience.
Anaxa took in a big breath. Even though it was a subject he didn’t want to partake in, he knew he could help Phainon alleviate those stresses if his–as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he could also identify those worries with his own. Although, even if he couldn’t relate to him, Anaxa still wanted to help Phainon in any way he could, no matter the trouble.
After exhaling out his breath, Anaxa lifted his free hand to place it on the top of Phainon’s head. When he didn’t feel him flinch under his touch, he moved, patting Phainon like he would a cute puppy. Was he disappointed? "Of course I’m not…”
The dread that was there left Phainon’s eyes and was replaced with sparkles and admiration. He looked up as if to observe Anaxa’s facial expression and smiled, seeming satisfied with whatever results he desired. He leaned into the hand that was petting him which made Anaxa keep going with the motion.
They stayed in a comfortable silence for a while. Nothing in the room shifted nor made a noise.
Under normal circumstance, Anaxa would feel obligated to leave in a predicament like this for he was someone who didn’t like his time being wasted on pointless nothings. But he knew this was different because everything involving Phainon was different. He felt a sour feeling bubbling up in his chest, but it was one he welcomed (he didn’t want to welcome such a feeling, but he also didn’t want to indulge in the thought further).
Looking over at Phainon, he saw he was far from feeling the same. His eyes were closed and the corners of it were wrinkled due to how big his smile was. He looked content, cute, and overjoyed, so much so that Anaxa had to rethink what he had said before because he was certain he didn’t say anything too revolutionary.
Feelings and thoughts were getting too mixed in his mind and Anaxa wanted to move on with everything. He was starting to get confused, and he never liked that feeling. He was the one to break the silence this time as he slowed his petting on Phainon. He glanced over at the BL manga and thought of a question: "... Do you want to read it?"
The shot up was instant and like when he first entered his room, Phainon was, once again, invading Anaxa’s personal space, his eyes wide open and staring back at him with a look of pure resolve. "Can I...!?"
"... Of course."
"Anaxa! Thank you!" Phainon launched himself at Anaxa with open arms that wrapped around his neck in a tight, solace hug. It gave off such emotions that made Anaxa resist hard the smile that threatened its way to form on his lips. He returned the hug, albeit with one arm holding on to Phainon’s back (his other arm supported both their weight, but Anaxa was far from thinking giving him a full embrace).
He felt Phainon bury his face into his neck and the smile that formed on his lips from how close he was. Why he was so excited about borrowing some mere manga Anaxa happened to own was far beyond him.
He lost count on how long they stayed like that. And it wasn’t until he heard footsteps from outside his room and a door opening all of a sudden that he pushed Phainon off, almost to the point of him falling off his bed (he heard him yelp for the force and his heart twisted from how cute it sounded, from how bad he felt from his own action, and the loss of warmth from beside him).