Chapter Text
Hindi alam ni Colet kung kailan nagsimulang maging mabigat ang lahat. Kailan nagsimulang maging madilim.
She just woke up one day feeling breathless, anchored to her bed by a weight she couldn’t see. Gusto na lang niyang umiyak nang malakas pero wala namang lumalabas. It was sudden - out of the blue, without warning. It felt like her life was plummeting into a void, and she was just watching it happen.
Masaya pa siya kahapon. Now, she couldn't even remember what happiness felt like.
Pumikit siya, trying to steady her breathing. She’d had bouts like this before, but they usually lasted a day or two. Kaya ko 'to, she told herself. Kailangan lang tiisin. Kailangan lang palipasin.
Pero pagdilat niya, lalong bumigat. This was different. Mas madilim. Para siyang sinasakal, unti-unting tinutupos ng sarili niyang isip. It was a quiet kind of violence.
Nakakatakot. She needed to move. She needed to outrun it.
She got up, took a cold shower, and retreated into her typical all-black get up. She grabbed her phone and keys and walked out the door - all in fifteen minutes. Everything was done in a blur of thoughtless, autopilot sadness.
What the fuck is this?
***
It was a quick ten-minute drive from her condo to BGC Greenway Park. It was still dark, but the biting air signaled that dawn was close. She started walking.
Colet noticed two joggers ahead of her - women in running gear that had ‘Army’ printed on their backs, soldiers training by the looks of it. Their presence made her feel a little safer, even as invisible daggers continued to slice through her senses. The danger wasn't outside, though; it was brewing internally.
She let them pass as she walked among the trees and the heavy silence of the Greenway.
She loved this place for its anonymity. It was a kilometers-long stretch of green flanked by skyscrapers and a vast golf course. Sometimes, it was packed with people; other times, it was deserted, left to the stray cats who ruled the pavement. They were the true owners here, and Colet envied their simple, unquestioned existence.
In spite of its unpredictability, the Greenway was Colet’s chosen "poison." She came here whenever she craved a thoughtless walk. Her logic was simple: Clear the head, handle the heart.
Now in her late 20s, Colet was no stranger to her demons. She had learned to navigate these waves of misery that her loved ones couldn't quite grasp.
"Ano bang triggers? May trigger 'yan for sure," was the usual interrogation from her parents and friends. But Colet never had an answer. She didn't have a "reason" to be miserable; she just was.
So, instead of hunting for an answer that didn't exist, she just walked on, pushing her mind toward the edge of oblivion.
A jogger blurred past her, the tiny sound of a pop song leaking from his AirPods. It sounded like a girl group - energetic, bright, and polished. K-Pop, probably. She ignored the noise and kept her pace.
Then, it hit her.
A sudden breeze swept through the trees, and for the first time that morning, the air actually reached her lungs. The tightening in her chest loosened. The heaviness dragging her toward the pavement started to dissolve.
Finally.
Walking really did help.
Colet took a deep breath, basking in the sudden lightness. She watched as the first rays of the sun began to break over the horizon, painting the early morning sky.