Chapter Text
Mai threw her head back with a low groan as the light was pointed directly into each of her eyes, checking if everything was in order. Which was bullshit, because it was obvious she wasn’t sleeping at all. Of course, she knew Shoko wasn’t oblivious to that and had probably noticed the moment Mai walked into the room. But Shoko was kind enough not to say anything about it—either that, or she simply preferred not to treat it as her responsibility, since she wasn’t her legal guardian. That was Utahime’s job. Or Maki’s. Which, at this point, was practically the same thing.
“Impatient?”
Mai let out a humorless laugh. She lowered her head and looked back at the woman in front of her, who was still sitting in that chair with a small flashlight in her hand—the same one that had been her constant companion during these three weeks since Mai had woken up again in the garbage world of jujutsu.
“No,” she answered quickly.
“Sure.”
Shoko didn’t sound mocking. Mai just knew she was lacing the word with more sarcasm than anything else. Shoko tended to say things directly, bluntly, or simply let the words hang in the air for Mai to deal with. Honestly, Miss Ieiri was surprisingly patient with her, which was already pretty generous.
“Are we done?”
Shoko turned around, rolling her chair toward the small table in the surprisingly nice room Tokyo had given Mai after she’d spent so long there while everyone sorted out the new terms about what they were going to do with jujutsu and all the other mess Mai had happily left in the hands of her adorable cousin, Fushiguro.
Who had immediately told her to keep it.For the past few weeks they had been tossing the clan back and forth like a soccer ball.
“I don’t even have the last name,” Megumi had said.
“I’m not dealing with the paperwork,” Maki had shot back.
“I just woke up from a coma,” Mai had argued, successfully escaping the problem for at least one more day.
Though that excuse was starting to lose its strength when she was literally up and walking around the academy like she hadn’t been stabbed through the abdomen with a katana.
The doctor picked up the papers, her eyes scanning them for a few seconds before she looked back at Mai, resting her cheek against her hand while studying her.
“You’ve improved. Well… physically speaking, at least.” She paused and shook her head lightly. “Your injuries, I mean. They healed properly. There’s no sign of any dangerous complications.
Mai smiled. She couldn’t help it.
Good. Great. That meant this stupid game was finally over—the one where Utahime sat next to her like a worried mother while Shoko analyzed blood samples and every other strange thing going on with her body.
Because, well… Mai had technically been dead for three hours.
How was she still alive?
Mai didn’t think about it too much. Everything about her had changed, and she honestly didn’t care about the overwhelming amount of cursed energy now living inside her body.
Apparently everyone else did, though.
“No more checkups?”
“No more checkups.” Shoko chuckled under her breath, nodding slightly.
Mai couldn’t stop herself from grinning.
She stood up quickly.
The room was nice, sure. It had a huge window, a comfortable bed, and plenty of space. The only thing that looked out of place was the medical equipment scattered around.
But even so, Mai hated having to come here every time and feel like some overprotected child.
Three weeks had passed since she woke up.
And right now, she just wanted to do anything—anything at all—without someone stopping her because she was “still under observation.”
When she was about to take a step forward, Shoko’s voice stopped her.
"No, no, wait. Where are you going?"
Mai raised an eyebrow and looked at the door for a few seconds before shrugging.
"I thought I’d figure that out when I find Todou and ask him where Momo is..."
"No."
"Excuse me?"
"Mai, this is the third time I’ve told you this week, and believe me, I’m perfectly capable of saying it ten more times or a thousand if I have to, but you really can’t just go to Momo."
Mai hid her anger behind an incredulous smile, letting out a quiet scoff.
She wouldn’t admit that it hurt.
Not because of anything specific. It was more that everyone had been telling her the same thing lately, and she truly refused to accept something that ridiculous.
Why should she stop? It didn’t make any sense. Not to her.
She finally had the chance to say something—something she truly felt—and now she was supposed to hold herself back.
"It’s not the same. I know that if she just listens to me, I can—"
"No, you’re not going to do that."
Mai clenched her hands, and apparently Shoko noticed that the restraint in her gaze had little to do with the words she was holding back.
"I don’t remember asking for your opinion," she said plainly. It wasn’t rude, but it certainly wasn’t kind either. She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, hoping this would end soon.
"I’m going to try to talk to Momo. She’ll understand..."
Shoko simply sighed and looked at her steadily, raising her eyebrows with quiet certainty. She tilted her head slightly, giving her a very particular expression—Really?—one Mai had learned to recognize over time thanks to the women around her.
"You think so?" she asked, deliberately pulling at a loose thread.
Mai swallowed and nodded.
"I’m sure."
She wasn’t, but nobody needed to know that—especially not Shoko, who, despite claiming she wasn’t a psychologist, analyzed her like someone with several degrees.
"And what if you’re just bothering her?"
And there it was—the loose thread. That small voice she had been avoiding. Now that someone had said it so clearly and directly, it echoed loudly in her mind, striking down every other thought and settling there, planting doubt.
And that truly affected her.
"She can hate me after we talk."
Shoko stood up and left everything on her desk, walking toward her slowly until she stopped right in front of her. She looked into Mai’s eyes for a few seconds, and Mai couldn’t help lowering her gaze nervously.
"You know perfectly well you can’t just go to her expecting her to welcome you with open arms. I believe you’re smart enough to know that." Her finger tapped against Mai’s clavicle. "This behavior is bothering her."
Mai rolled her eyes.
Of course it wasn’t.
She was doing it right. She was showing her interest openly now, so openly it was almost admirable. Besides, Mai always made the effort to bring something. Flowers. Chocolates. Food.
She was being painfully direct.
At what point was that a bad thing?
Maybe she was late. Maybe she chose the worst possible moment to do it. But Mai wanted to show her—with everything she had—what she felt.
"I just need to explain it better..." she insisted.
"Explain exactly what? That you had a suicide plan?"
"It wasn’t a plan."
"At the time."
And Shoko knew she had won the argument. She knew it well.
Mai frowned and let out a low growl, unsure how to argue otherwise.
It wasn’t like she could say it wasn’t true, because in reality it was. But that hadn’t been the purpose. In the first place, using that path had never even been the plan unless it became necessary.
Well… her definition of necessary had been when Maki needs it. And maybe that was a little too open to interpretation. Maybe she had left the rule loose enough for people to believe it had been a suicide plan with the excuse of it’s for my sister.
"Well, I think this entire conversation is unnecessary."
Shoko slipped her hands into the pockets of her coat and gave a small smile, nodding without any intention of arguing further.
"If you want to crash straight into the wall..."
Mai didn’t bother listening to the rest. She turned around, raised a hand in farewell, opened the door, and shut it immediately behind her.
She wasn’t crashing into anything.
Or maybe, just maybe, there was a giant wall and she was crashing straight into it.
"Can you repeat that? I didn’t quite understand you," she said, glancing sideways at the gorilla sitting on the couch.
"You did," Todo said, looking over his shoulder before turning his attention back to the television. "You just don’t want to accept that Momo doesn’t want to see you."
"Todo…" Noritoshi murmured under his breath, arms crossed as he stood there, straight and composed, representing the team.
Her gaze shifted from Todo to Noritoshi and back again until she pressed her lips into a tight, bitter line and frowned.
"Again?"
Todo laughed loudly.
"Mai, why are you pretending you didn’t get the message?" Todo kept watching that stupid program where the best idol would win a prize, and of course he was waiting for them to say Takada-chan’s name. "You know perfectly well that Momo is avoiding you."
Mai looked away, and a throbbing pain appeared in her chest. It tightened slowly, spreading in a quiet way she managed to hide well. Well… the grimace on her face gave her away, but Noritoshi didn’t mention it. He just kept watching her in silence, like a grave refusing to reveal information he clearly knew Momo had asked him not to share.
"I know. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t talk to her."
"Mai." This time Todo looked at her, giving her the same look everyone else had been giving her. Not one of exhaustion. Just a calm look that carried a simple truth. "Momo really doesn’t want to see you. Not even during the first week, when you could barely walk and anything made you unstable, did she feel enough compassion to let you see her."
And once again the pain hit her chest.
She bit the inside of her cheek, and Noritoshi gave her a look of pity that she hated with her entire being.
Part of it was true. She had woken up and seen Momo for a few minutes before Momo told her she had to leave, and unfortunately she never showed up again. So Mai walked as best as she could and started looking for her herself. She even swallowed her pride and asked Kugisaki from time to time if she had seen Momo.
Well.
She had been doing that for almost a month.
She wasn’t making much progress, that was clear. But she didn’t know what else to do, and everyone seemed perfectly fine with Momo giving her the cold shoulder. It made Mai feel as if suddenly everyone knew about her drama.
"Even so… I just need to know where she is. I’ll handle the rest."
"And what exactly is the rest?" Noritoshi asked, reminding her that he was still standing right in front of her.
Mai shot Kamo a deadly glare and couldn’t stop her cheeks from turning red. It wasn’t like it was a secret anymore that she was desperate to see her.
It was obvious.
Everything was becoming painfully transparent. Something she had once hidden with all her strength was suddenly forcing its way into the light.
But even so, she hadn’t said it out loud yet, not enough to get upset at the question.
“It’s none of your business,” Mai said firmly, venom slipping into her words.
“She’s my friend.” He didn’t back down, replying with the same brutality.
“Are we really going to do this? I mean, it’s not like I dislike the role where I get to be the overprotective friend who won’t let Mai pass because she’s an idiot who doesn’t think about other people’s feelings. But at this point, I can give you a chance.”
Todo extended the only hand he had left, rotating it lazily while he explained everything, even sticking out his tongue to show his disgust at the interaction between them.
“What are you talking about?” Mai asked through clenched teeth, irritated. The television made a sound as it was almost about to reveal the award for Best Idol.
“Well, Mai, I should punch you for breaking my best friend’s heart.” Todo fixed his eyes on the screen, and when the famous Takada-chan appeared sitting there, introducing herself and greeting all her fans as the support she had received appeared on the screen, Todo let out a happy hiss and his hand closed into a quick, excited motion.
Mai raised an eyebrow and looked back at Noritoshi, who simply took a step back and nodded softly at Todo’s statement.
What was wrong with those two?
More than anyone else in this place, they had been trying not to say where she could find Momo. But she also didn’t understand why they suddenly brought that up. Mai herself had only realized less than a week ago that she liked Momo in the same way, and it had been Miwa’s own words that made her understand it.
Shit, she had been an idiot. But she couldn’t just go and tell her how she felt with the pressure of the Zenin clan hanging over her, and the certainty that once her school year ended she would have to return to the clan. Why would she condemn Momo to that?
But now it was different. There were no Zenin, no danger, and Mai felt freer than ever to finally say those words out loud.
The words she should have said from the very beginning.
“…Does she really hate me that much?”
“Oh, you have no idea,” Todo said immediately. “But… you know? She’s also in love with you and… well, I guess you two will figure things out.”
That didn’t motivate her in the slightest. If anything, it only left her with the weight of realizing how much of an idiot she had been. Someone who never quite crossed the line and left her entire relationship with Momo stuck in limbo.
She was her friend, but Mai dared to look at her longer than she should, to ask for more than she should. It wasn’t like they had ever gone from friends to something more, but she knew very well that at some point it stopped being just “friendship.” And she never closed the door to that path.
That was simply stupid, considering she had that suicidal option right in front of her and still let everything flow without giving anything in return, only to end up hurting Momo afterward.
At the very least, she should have told her once that it was a date and not just an outing because she needed something…
“Yeah, thanks for nothing.” Mai lazily raised her hand in a dismissive gesture before stuffing it into her pockets and turning toward the exit.
“Mai.”
Noritoshi’s voice stopped her. She looked over her shoulder and saw the heir with a nervous expression, but above all, an understanding one.
Ugh. What a huge mess this is. Lately everyone seems to be overflowing with self-pity as if it were free.
“Try to understand her.”
Mai frowned and raised an eyebrow, confused.
“Be more specific.”
“Momo is sensitive right now.” Noritoshi smiled softly, as if remembering something, and shrugged with quiet confidence without wanting to say much more. “Try really hard, okay?”
Maybe she should listen to Noritoshi more often. He was right. Momo was more sensitive than usual, and the constant refusals to see her made that obvious. Even so, Mai was incapable of being that patient. She simply wanted to explain to her, at least, that her intention that day hadn’t been to lie to her and say she would come back, only for Momo to end up carrying a cold, lifeless body at the end of the day.
“Yeah, thanks… I’ll keep that in mind.”
Noritoshi smiled, relief visible in his expression, and nodded softly.
But even so, she still hadn’t said it out loud yet, not enough to lose her composure at the question.
Another day passed and Momo still hadn’t appeared. Mai bumped her head against the fridge and groaned in frustration.
Were the Tokyo students there? Yes.
Did she care? Definitely not.
It was eight in the morning, and when she asked the principal about Momo, he had only sighed and told her to please stop asking about Miss Nishimiya, that he was already even more nervous than she was for not knowing where she was.
She closed her eyes. Every day was becoming more torturous, and with every passing minute she realized that maybe Momo really did hate her more than she had expected.
Well, everyone had told her so, but she had too much faith in herself and thought that maybe she could just show her interest more openly so Momo would decide to see her.
It didn’t work, but at least Momo couldn’t hide from everyone else anymore. After all, it wasn’t like Mai had been very discreet about being in love with her friend.
“Mai, I can smell desperation and urgency from here. Please stop making that face.”
Mai didn’t bother to look at Kugisaki. She straightened up and opened the fridge to look at the food inside. She made a face.
It was nothing like Kyoto. Well, there were fruits and delicious things thanks to Miwa, and Momo always left a bit of hamburger for her. Todo at least made sure to bring normal food, and Noritoshi saved the day with his delicious breakfasts.
Here there was only protein-heavy food, and she was sure only Maki and the curse boy ate that.
“Don’t you people have decent food, or do you only feed donkeys?”
“The princess has been staying here and sleeping here for months, and now suddenly you’re missing breakfast? There’s cereal. Don’t be spoiled.” Kugisaki pointed with her spoon while frowning.
This time Mai did look back at her, and her eyes drifted toward the patch.
Honestly, when she first saw it, she had wanted to punch something because of the uncomfortable feeling that appeared when she realized Kugisaki had an eyepatch and that her eye had been damaged.
Still, Mai dared to think it suited her.
She wouldn’t say it out loud. It wasn’t like she cared whether Kugisaki felt good or bad about her eye. It was simply what she had to deal with.
“Wow. Did you sleep last night? I swear you’re in a bad mood.”
Mai only took the milk carton out of the fridge and closed the door, leaning against it as she removed the cap and brought it to her mouth, drinking without the slightest shame.
“Hey! What are you doing? We all drink from that.”
Mai shrugged and closed her eyes before taking another long sip.
“Alright, stop.”
Now Megumi’s voice cut in.
For some reason, she actually lowered the carton and wiped her lips with the back of her left hand. The curse boy looked nervously at Mai, and Megumi only had those sharp eyes that really didn’t cause anything in her.
Hard to be intimidated when you grew up surrounded by worse looks.
“Mai, you’ve been here for a month. And it’s not like I’m complaining about that, but during all the time you’ve been here, the only thing you’ve done is search for Nishimiya like crazy, and this is starting to reach a limit.” Fushiguro pointed out with a concerning tone and sighed softly as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Kugisaki is right. Every day you look worse.”
Mai scoffed.
“Wow.”
She let out a small laugh of disbelief.
“Please don’t take it as an insult… It’s just that… suddenly you stopped taking care of yourself and started doing the same things every day. You eat whatever for breakfast and sleep all day, then you check your phone as soon as you wake up and realize she still hasn’t replied.”
Mai looked away.
That was a low blow.
And she had to admit that in the whole month she had been there, they had probably noticed her patterns. But it wasn’t like she could do much else. She didn’t want to go on missions, and they probably wouldn’t have let her anyway.
Either because of her poorly controlled cursed energy or because of her injuries, ridiculously difficult to treat.
But the truth was that she simply didn’t want to do anything.
She was staying strong, she really was. Every day, without fail, she tried to show that she still wanted to look for Momo.
But like Todo had said, she was playing dumb and pretending she hadn’t understood the message from the very beginning.
She had understood the message perfectly, and it was obvious: “I don’t want you near me.”
“You’d been holding that in.” Mai took another long drink from the carton and moved her wrist lazily, lightly shaking what was left inside. “Have you all been watching me that closely? Well, it doesn’t really matter. I don’t care.”
Megumi only shook his head slightly, looking at her with disapproval.
“I think what Fushiguro is trying to say is that you should…” Itadori carefully thought about his words for a few seconds before smiling confidently. “Look good for Nishimiya-senpai!”
Mai raised an eyebrow with a mocking smile, while Kugisaki’s jaw seemed to drop further and further. Megumi slowly—almost dangerously—turned his head toward the pink-haired boy and let out a vague, “What?”
It was a pathetic attempt to cheer her up, but Mai didn’t say anything about it and simply pretended it was actually a good suggestion.
Well, she had never cared much about her physical appearance. She only did what the clan strictly required—like putting lipstick on and looking elegant—but the lipstick always made her mouth feel strange, so when she arrived at the academy that habit slowly faded away.
But right now… did she look disgusting?
She was wearing an oversized long-sleeved shirt and pants people usually called “men’s pants” because of the big pockets. She hadn’t showered yet because it was still too early, and her hair was sticking up in small spikes, like Megumi’s. But really, it would be unpleasant if Momo saw her like this and not with clean, glowing skin.
Should she wear lipstick? Maybe she’d look prettier, or Momo would at least compliment her the way she used to when Mai wore a little blush or eyeliner and—
Right. It was a bit pathetic that she sometimes wore makeup just because she liked hearing Momo say something about it. Had she been doing that so unconsciously?
That didn’t matter now.
“Fine! Now I’m open to suggestions. Go on, Itadori.” She crossed her arms and looked at him attentively, waiting for some idea that would either make her burst out laughing or something she could actually consider.
She would never tell him that.
“Bitch!” Kugisaki snapped immediately, pointing a finger at her friend with a deep frown. “First of all, what the hell, Itadori? ‘Nishimiya-senpai’? You couldn’t sink any lower.”
“And second! Don’t take advantage of him, Mai. You’ve never even called him by his last name until now.”
Itadori lowered his head, and Mai clicked her tongue irritably.
What was wrong with “curse boy” or “brat”? Even “vessel” sounded fine.
“And none of you ever bothered trying to have a conversation with me until a few weeks ago. Time for some changes, don’t you think, Yuji?”
“Mai.”
Now Megumi was speaking in a warning tone.
A sly smile appeared on her face and she simply shrugged.
“Yeah, yeah, I heard you. I’m a mess and I shouldn’t neglect my self-care and all that crap… But seriously, Megumi, why do you care? Not that I mind seeing that annoyed look you make—it’s actually pretty cute—but I still don’t understand this sudden change in how you all interact with me.”
Megumi lowered his gaze. He almost looked hurt.
Mai just sighed and stared at the floor tiles for a few seconds. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t like she cared…
“You’re being rude…” Kugisaki said quietly, pointing at her in reproach as she sat on the counter. Mai glanced at her legs, covered by shorts, and the huge shirt that she’d bet was actually more her size than Kugisaki’s.
“You want me to soften it? Fine. Do you actually care, or do you just want to see Maki happy?”
Suddenly, a spoon flew straight toward her forehead, hitting it before clattering down at her feet.
Mai lifted her gaze and saw Megumi with his teeth clenched and his hand still extended. There was an irritated grimace on his face and a trace of lost patience—most likely because of her.
“F-Fushiguro!” Yuji quickly grabbed him by the arms and hugged him from behind so he wouldn’t move.
The gazes of the two Zenin met for a few seconds, charged with a kind of electricity that would have silenced anyone. There was obvious tension between them, but Megumi’s broke first—for Mai’s benefit.
“You’re acting really strange, you know…” Mai murmured calmly, not even bothering to attack her younger relative, who looked like he was on the verge of tears with his eyes narrowed and his lips pressed together.
He looked so cute…
She supposed this wasn’t a good moment to argue with him. Megumi had always been sensitive when it came to Mai. Not because he was weak, exactly. He cared about people, and he tended to make selfish decisions simply because someone mattered to him. It didn’t really suit someone in his position, and he often tried to act tough when he was really just a scared kid.
Even now he looked calm, but there was a clear abyss of instability underneath—something she could easily drag out if she wanted. He lost control easily; his mind clouded with memories or intrusive thoughts.
God, how did she know that?
It was written all over his face, and it seemed she wasn’t the only one drowning in desperation. Maybe it was because of the death of the Six Eyes? She didn’t know. She hadn’t been that present in Megumi’s life for a long time, and suddenly she was seeing him at breakfast almost every morning with his not-boyfriend boyfriend—the curse boy.
Mai wanted to pat his head and apologize… if she didn’t enjoy his reactions so much.
Of course, it wasn’t that she enjoyed his pain. But she would never put herself in a position where she openly cared. Everyone had their own problems right now, and she had no intention of becoming anyone’s therapist.
She wasn’t even okay herself.
And she definitely didn’t want Megumi taking advice from someone who couldn’t even find her own friend just to apologize.
She crouched down to pick up the spoon, holding it between her fingers and feeling the cold metal against her fingertips.
“Mai, you’re an idiot.”
Mai simply lifted her chin and looked into her cousin’s eyes. She didn’t say anything—she just nodded softly, giving him that much.
The air suddenly felt heavy and suffocating. Yuji lowered his gaze awkwardly, while Kugisaki straightened up, realizing they might be stepping into a conflict they shouldn’t be part of.
“I know.”
“Insensitive. And a liar,” Fushiguro continued, as if he were reading from a list.
“Yeah, I know.”
This time her voice was a little quieter, but she kept looking at her cousin, ready to hear what she had probably needed to hear for a long time.
Because it was true.
“You don’t know how to treat people without insulting them or pushing them away,” Megumi said. “And you ruin things the moment you get the chance.”
“…I know.”
“And for some reason… I really want to help you.”
Mai blinked once, then again, and then she just stayed frozen on the floor.
She looked at Kugisaki, who, the moment she felt Mai’s gaze on her, had her cheeks turn red. She let out a small grunt and turned her head away. Then Mai looked at the curse boy, who was watching her with a gentle, kind expression, concern written all over his face.
Lastly, she looked at Megumi, who simply looked exhausted.
“The… three of you?”
“Yes. Me, Itadori— even Kugisaki.” He said the girl’s surname with a bit of uncertainty, but continued anyway. “Help you.”
Mai didn’t say anything. She couldn’t.
She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this observed by anyone other than Utahime. Most people made a huge effort not to mention sensitive topics. They said nothing about the scars. Nothing about how little she slept or about the constant nightmares. Much less about Maki. And definitely nothing about the bruises that sometimes appeared on her body after visiting the clan—which wasn’t often.
Hearing it said so openly by someone like Megumi was simply humiliating.
Mostly because suddenly everyone wanted to stand by her side. They didn’t leave her alone anymore, and it was so pathetic that they believed Mai didn’t want to live.
What stupidity, she thought.
It was as if they were encouraging her to stay in this world with them, and it irritated her so much. She hated that everyone seemed to feel pity or sympathy for her right now, as if her decision had been born from a desire to stop living—and not simply from wanting to save Maki.
Was it because she had made the decision too easily?
Should she have hesitated more before deciding whether Maki’s life was worth hers?
Of course not.
Maki would have done the same thing.
She stood up immediately and held the spoon out to Megumi. He only looked at the object in her hand before taking it. Their hands remained like that for a few seconds before he finally pulled it away and rubbed the spoon carefully between his fingers.
“We started off badly.”
“Definitely,” Megumi confirmed.
“And I also insulted your friend a little. Sorry about that.”
“It’s okay! Really, Mai-san, it doesn’t matter. I don’t even know what you said, so it’s fine,” Itadori quickly added with a gentle smile, leaning over Megumi’s shoulder.
Was he always this weird?
No. Mai, no. The guy wants to help you, she told herself, silently scolding herself.
“So… does that mean we’re in some kind of peace treaty or…?”
“It means there’s no reason to isolate yourself,” Megumi declared.
Mai pretended, for both their sakes, not to notice how her adorable cousin’s cheeks were turning red.
Was Megumi going through some kind of self-discovery journey where he suddenly wanted a better world for everyone and felt the need to help people?
Because if that was the case, then he was more than welcome to help her figure out where the hell the girl she was hopelessly in love with had gone.
“Explain.”
Megumi raised a hand to the back of his neck and rubbed it awkwardly, thinking about his words for a few seconds. His mouth opened, then closed again.
“It’s just that… what you did at the clan… it’s not…”
Oh.
So that was it.
Mai turned away and placed the milk carton on the counter next to Kugisaki. She opened the faucet and slipped her hands under the water to rinse them.
She shook her head and let out a breath.
“Oh, Megumi…” she said, sounding almost tired—and almost apologetic.
Almost.
“You can’t do it again, Mai.”
Megumi’s voice trembled slightly, and really… they shouldn’t be talking about this in front of his two friends.
Kugisaki shifted uncomfortably and looked away, avoiding any line of sight where Mai was standing.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“I do understand,” Fushiguro said more firmly. “I had a sister, remember?”
Mai went still. She only looked at him over her shoulder.
She nodded slowly, and the room fell silent for a few seconds.
It was still unclear why Itadori and Kugisaki were even part of this conversation.
Everything had been in disarray since the events of the Culling Game.
Gojo was dead, and Utahime was stuck in a strange mourning period with Miss Shoko.
Mr. Kusakabe suddenly looked like a real adult now, and the principal spent most of the day busy with Miss Mei Mei.
Todo was the same as always.
Noritoshi now seemed to have something resembling a proper family that wasn’t just his father or the school.
Miwa was in constant conflict over whether she should visit Mechamaru or not.
Okkotsu… God knows why she didn’t understand him at all. Though she suspected having your head tied to a thread probably wasn’t the healthiest state to be in.
Inumaki was missing a damn arm.
Maki was technically happy—which made Mai feel strange, considering she was the cause of that happiness.
The vessel kid was doing fine. Missing two fingers, but functional.
Kugisaki had lost an eye.
What did that say about all of them?
None of them were okay.
And the worst part was that sooner or later something was bound to come to the surface—like this conversation with Megumi, a conversation Mai had never believed they would actually have.
“Yes, I do,” Mai finally said. “I remember. And I’m sure you would have done the same thing I did. So there’s really nothing left for me to do now. What’s done is done.”
“Then don’t do it alone next time.”
“You’re not five years old. You know perfectly well I’m not dragging anyone with me to die.”
She shut off the faucet and rolled her eyes before pinching Nobara’s leg, earning herself a smack on the shoulder.
“Mai!” the redhead snapped, clearly annoyed.
Mai chuckled under her breath and shrugged again.
“You’re being selfish…” Megumi murmured.
“Weren’t we talking about my desperate actions over an American girl?”
She looked at the three of them, waiting for some kind of response.
“Mai-san… maybe Nishimiya-senpai doesn’t want to see you because of that…”
And just like that, it was as if Itadori had dropped a bomb into the room.
Everyone went quiet.
Talking to Megumi sometimes felt like talking to an uncomfortable memory she didn’t want to face.
Every time Mai looked at him for more than five seconds, she felt her strength slipping away. She would try to say something cruel or sarcastic—and instead a flood of memories would surface, memories she would rather keep buried.
Megumi making a small snow bunny.
Megumi tasting food full of vegetables and surprisingly enjoying it.
Megumi holding Gojo’s hand.
Megumi watching fish in a small pond beside her.
Megumi holding a book.
And an endless collection of memories from when they used to visit each other when they were six years old.
He felt like a permanent reminder of everything.
There were so many things they both avoided talking about that it almost felt like they were carving new empty spaces into each other’s memories.
Of course she remembered Tsumiki.
Satoru had mentioned her once, and Mai had never forgotten the name of Fushiguro’s older sister.
She often wondered what she looked like. If her eyes were blue like Megumi’s, or if her hair had that same dark color and messy, spiky shape
It was sad that the only time Mai had ever seen her was in a photograph on her gravestone.
And in a strange way, it made her feel selfish.
She had searched for death and still survived.
Meanwhile, Fushiguro’s older sister—who probably wanted to live, who probably wanted nothing more than a life beside her brother—hadn’t.
What right did she have to exist? When there had been someone who truly deserved it, and she—a Zenin—had been given that second chance, even after she had practically thrown away the first one.
But she wouldn’t say that out loud, and much less in front of those three. They were just a bunch of kids worried about her, or about whatever it was they had seen in Maki while she was in a coma. She wasn’t uninformed at all. Every single day she had been in that room, she held Maki’s hand and squeezed it while sleeping in a chair. Shoko had been very specific about that detail, which almost made Mai cry and, of course, earned her a very awkward and humiliating welcome from Maki when she woke up.
Even so, she didn’t think they could understand what was going on with her and the decisions she made. And she also didn’t think that letting them into her life guaranteed that she would never again walk away until things reached the extreme. So she didn’t really see the point of all this companionship.
Mai frowned at Itadori, who shrank slightly in his seat. She quickly looked away, her fingers shifting awkwardly when she realized the boy might actually be right—maybe Momo didn’t want to see her because she was an idiot who didn’t bother telling people when she was planning to disappear from their lives forever. After all, she had been planning to go greet a relative and get herself killed on the way there.
It was embarrassing to look that immature. That was probably the only thing anyone could see from her side of that relationship. Even at seventeen, she was still stuck in a push-and-pull with her feelings, unstable for someone like Momo and not even knowing what she wanted to begin with. She didn’t want to be a sorcerer, but she didn’t want the peaceful life the Zenin clan offered either. She didn’t want to get attached, yet now these people were her only family. She didn’t want to see Nishimiya Momo at all, and well… it wasn’t hard to see where all of that had led.
“Why do we have to talk about our feelings like we’re a bunch of idiots with no responsibilities?”
“Do you have something better to do? And please don’t say looking for Momo. That’s replacing your oxygen, and I’m pretty sure you only need one of those to live,” Nobara interrupted, tilting her head to the side with a frown.
Mai almost questioned that. Maybe Momo really was like her oxygen. Maki could keep the role of her heart—the pulse that made everything in her work.
“Well, when you put it like that…”
“Do you want to be a decent woman for once in your life and not go running to Nishimiya like an abandoned dog or not?”
Megumi looked at her plainly, and Itadori only sighed in embarrassment. Nobara never had any filter when she spoke.
“It’s strange that you know so much about my love life,” Mai pointed out.
“You cry about her night and day. Sorry if I noticed something you have written all over your forehead.”
“Right. Fine then. According to you, what should I do?” Mai put one hand on her hip and waved the other, waiting for an answer.
And maybe she shouldn’t have asked, judging by the amused look Kugisaki and Itadori gave her.
And she definitely shouldn’t have asked, considering this whole spectacle.
“Is this supposed to make me get my relationship back? The one that was never really stable to begin with?” she asked, looking with clear displeasure at the board in front of her.
And like a little elementary school kid learning how to read, there was a board covered in several written ideas and a drawing of her that barely resembled her. The eyes were hearts—which definitely didn’t represent her—staring at a broom in the distance with someone on top of it and two… horns?
Well, it was Momo’s hairstyle, but Kugisaki hadn’t put nearly as much effort into the drawing as Itadori had with his. At least he had gotten her hair right. Though, considering she had the haircut of a man, it wasn’t that impressive of an achievement.
“Exactly! Well… at least I really hope so,” Itadori commented, scratching his forehead with one finger and giving a shy smile that still couldn’t quite hide the excitement in his eyes.
Mai crossed her arms, slouching slightly as she tilted her head to the side.
It was uncomfortable that they were all standing. Itadori was almost as tall as she was, and Nobara much shorter, which somehow made Mai feel like the small one here. Though the curse vessel had already caught up to Fushiguro’s height, so she supposed he was just growing like anyone else with too much testosterone.
“Anything works, honestly. The point is that Nishimiya won’t accept just anything,” Kugisaki shrugged, not really caring about being blunt.
“I don’t think that was very motivating…” the curse vessel muttered, frowning.
“I agree,” Mai replied, laughing mockingly while Kugisaki shot her a sharp look.
“Girls! No fighting in here, okay? We’re trying to make a good plan for Mai-san.”
Itadori clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. Fushiguro, who was standing beside him, simply looked at Mai and gestured toward Itadori with his hand so she would listen.
Did Mai obey?
Of course she did.
She was a complete idiot in all of this. She didn’t know how to give a proper apology, and Todou and Noritoshi definitely wouldn’t do more than give her riddles just to avoid compromising Momo—which was fair, and honestly made Mai realize that maybe her friends were very good friends if they were willing to let her run around in circles looking for someone without saying a single word, just so Momo could be okay.
Miwa was dealing with her own mess, and Mechamaru…
Well, she wanted to kill him.
She really wanted to murder that bastard.
So if Itadori Yuji, Sukuna’s vessel, was her best option…
“I’m listening.”
The boy with the two-tone hair lit up immediately and nodded confidently. He grabbed a small tree branch he had picked up from the ground when they arrived and tapped the board, pointing at a badly drawn picture of her holding a… dog?
Underneath it were the words: regret.
This is complete bullshit.
“The most important thing is that Nishimiya-senpai realizes that you truly regret whatever it is you did wrong. She needs to know you feel bad about it and that you want to fix things.”
Mai raised her eyebrows uncertainly. She thought about rejecting the idea outright and showing her displeasure, but after a few seconds she simply nodded slowly.
“So I guess searching for her all over the school isn’t enough to show that I regret it,” she clicked her tongue, speaking mostly to herself while looking away in irritation.
Don’t misunderstand her. That definitely wasn’t enough for everything she had dragged along with her trail of lies—lies she had convinced herself, for a moment, were half-truths. Or just truth with better makeup. At least that’s what she told herself so she wouldn’t feel disgusted every time someone asked her about something.
At one point she just… shut down.
Utahime noticed.
She started writing notes like crazy, searching through books, and stopped worrying about missions. She let anything hit her during fights, and then she would stay up until dawn pacing around her room.
Every time she spoke, it sounded like she was only talking about the future for everyone else—not for herself.
She started getting closer to Miwa, even hugged her a few times.
She accepted having more ridiculous merchandise of Todou’s idol.
She started smiling more.
And she stopped fighting.
Maybe she hadn’t completely stopped fighting—at least not when it came to saving her own life.
“Hey, hey, don’t get worked up. We’re barely on the first step. Is this really that complicated?” Itadori raised a hand, signaling her to wait.
“It’s not that it’s complicated. It’s just… stupid.”
“Apologizing to the person you like because you did something wrong is stupid? Wow. And here I thought nothing about you could surprise me anymore.”
Mai grumbled and could only roll her eyes in annoyance.
“How am I supposed to make her understand that? Don’t think I’ve just been running after her every day,” she rested her cheek on her hand while her back curved forward. “I called her. I called her a lot. I sent flowers, stuffed animals, I even asked Utahime to tell me something about her—and even then she didn’t show any interest.”
More like she begged.
A few days ago she had been so miserable from the lack of any sign from Momo—as if she had turned into a ghost—that the only thing she could do was ask Utahime for help.
It wasn’t a surprise when she refused and told her she had to fix things the proper way.
And that the proper way was patience.
That’s where her patience ended.
“Oh…”
“Yes. ‘Oh.’”
Itadori looked to the side and pressed his lips together, unsure what to say.
“Well… have you tried letters?”
Mai’s cheeks turned red again and she immediately straightened up, her eyes widening.
“What? No.”
“There it is! You’ll write Nishimiya-senpai a letter!”
Nobara leaned back and burst into laughter while holding onto the wall. Yuji’s grin almost blinded her, his eyes squinting from how wide his smile was.
“You’re delusional. A letter isn’t going to fix anything.”
“Why not? I mean, you have to show her you’re willing to bring the moon down into her hands if that’s what it takes just to see her,” the curse vessel said enthusiastically.
“Oh my God! You did not just say that!” Nobara shouted through her fit of laughter, pointing at Mai and then at Itadori before looking at Megumi, who was simply pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Did you get that from one of your nerd movies? This is ridiculous.”
Itadori frowned stubbornly.
“Have you tried it?”
Mai looked away and didn’t answer.
“See?”
“I don’t see any future in your shitty plan!” Mai snapped irritably, and Nobara’s laughter didn’t help at all. The girl was already hugging her legs while laughing even harder.
“Of course there is! Unless you’re not interested enough to actually try.”
Mai looked at him for a few seconds, but the curse vessel didn’t drop his smug little smile of fake wisdom.
He wasn’t wrong.
She had to show how far she was willing to go, and a letter wouldn’t be the worst thing she had ever done in her life.
“Tch. Go to hell and give me a damn sheet of paper.”
They gave her privacy. Thank the gods for that. She didn’t think she was capable of writing something this ridiculous while having three witnesses watching her do it. She was allowing herself to do something that already felt difficult enough for Momo’s sake; that didn’t mean the others needed to see her doing it.
She sat on the tatami, a low table in front of her with a sheet of paper and a pencil resting on top of it. It was still bright outside, the sun high enough that the doors of the room could stay open and let the light flow in freely.
The paper was still blank after ten minutes of sitting there without writing anything.
What could she even write?
She didn’t fully understand what a letter like this was supposed to contain, and she had never written one before. Should she tell Momo about her day? She doubted that was the intention of the letter. Some kind of analysis about why Momo was avoiding her? That didn’t seem right either. It sounded too accusatory, and she didn’t want to make Momo even angrier by writing that she believed she deserved at least a miserable chance to explain everything properly.
It was the only thing she had been thinking about since she woke up.
She wanted to tell her everything, but Momo didn’t want to listen anymore. That didn’t mean she wasn’t aware that, explanation or not, Momo might not forgive her anyway…
She didn’t want to think about that too much.
The dread that seeped through every muscle in her body whenever she imagined Momo rejecting her attempts to ask for forgiveness was suffocating. The fear clung to her back like a weight. And even if her feelings might be returned, Mai knew she could still receive a rejection—a final no. Something that would stop her forever.
She grabbed the pencil and shook her head, trying to shake off that thread of thoughts. She shouldn’t be so negative. Cowardice wasn’t going to help her this time, and if she had the courage to keep her feelings quiet for so long just out of fear, then she supposed now she had to make the effort to let them be heard.
Dear Nishimiya.
She crossed it out immediately.
Dear Momo.
Her gaze lingered on the name for a moment. Her hand moved to the back of her neck, slowly digging her nails into her skin while she clicked her tongue nervously.
Shit.
At this rate, Momo would probably leave the country to visit her father before Mai even finished the letter.
She didn’t consider herself stupid enough to be unable to put her feelings on paper. How hard could it be? Just write what she truly felt and make it impossible for Momo to resist her words the same way Mai couldn’t resist her.
Dear Momo,
I hope you’re doing well. Today is a beautiful day, isn’t it? The sun is high in the sky, and there’s even a kind of pleasant silence around here.
I’m writing this letter so that maybe you can understand me a little better. I don’t expect you to have to do that, of course, but I still hold onto a bit of hope that you’ll read this letter.
I know that during this time our relationship has been somewhat complicated, and I also know that it’s my fault. Still, I hope this won’t bother you too much.
Since I woke up, I’ve been thinking about you.
Too much.
I wanted to see you, but you already know what happened. Even so, I’m not interested in complaining about it. I was finally discharged, and now I’m out of danger.
Sounds great, doesn’t it?
Mai stopped writing immediately and sighed. Seriously? What was this? A pity letter? Momo shouldn’t feel responsible for Mai being in this state, and it didn’t matter whether she was out of danger or not. It wasn’t like she was trying to justify herself either. “I don’t expect you to have to do that”? That was the most shameless bullshit she could possibly say, and she didn’t need Momo to feel compassionate or find excuses for her actions. She sounded so stupid in that letter that it only made her question whether she had already lost her mind the moment she started seeing herself as a victim.
Was this really what she wanted to say to Momo?
Certainly not.
She didn’t want to say any of this. The only words echoing in her head were: “Sorry” and “I like you.” There was nothing else she truly wanted to say. This was supposed to be an expression of her feelings, of how much she longed for Momo and how badly she wanted to see her again, but she was already starting off terribly by saying things that weren’t even her priority.
She wished she could do more for Momo, prove that she could do something as trivial as writing a letter. Because if she couldn’t even do that for her, what kind of friend was she?
She crumpled the paper and grabbed another sheet from the stack Yuji had left on the small table.
Dear Momo,
How have you been? I hope you’re doing well, truly. Todo mentioned that you’ve been flying around on your broom more often, and by that I mean you’ve been doing it far away from wherever my horrible face happens to be. Don’t blame him for that. I really have been persistent when it comes to you.
I’ve asked around everywhere, but as you can see, I haven’t had much success with that. Though soon I’ll probably try more efficient methods, because honestly, seeing the faces of all these idiots isn’t nearly as fun without you. You know?
When we finally get to talk, I’ll show you a lot of things I’ve discovered. Here’s a preview: Kugisaki gets chills when someone squeezes her knees.
But I don’t want to bore you with things that aren’t the point, so I’ll be clear.
Since I woke up, I’ve wanted to see you. I want to see your smile, hear you speak, and let your voice fill my ears. Before, I wouldn’t have even been able to think about all of this without something inside me telling me to stop. I’ll admit it—I was a complete coward. But now I can even say it, even if it’s only on paper. It sounds nice… really nice. I like a little too much how this whole train of thought makes me feel so happy while I’m writing it.
At first, I didn’t consider this as an option. Letters aren’t really my thing, as you can probably tell from how messy my thoughts are here. Still, some new little friends have been hovering around me these past few days, and it seems like today I finally had a conversation with them. I wasn’t surprised that most of them already knew the reason why I’ve been wandering around everywhere lately.
I haven’t been very discreet about my feelings, and I’m sorry about that. But I have to admit that the curse vessel might actually have one or two good ideas. He was the one who pushed me to try to be a little braver.
I still think a letter is far too little, but I want to try new things so I can manage to find you. You’re really good at this, after all. I always loved how fast you could be in the wind, even when it looked like you didn’t have time to disappear.
I miss you a lot.
I completely understand if you hate me a little right now. Or a lot. And that’s okay. I can accept all that hatred. But I truly wish you were here with me right now. I liked the time we spent together far too much. You’ve always had a place in my favorite memories, and I wish it could keep being that way.
I won’t bore you any longer with this letter. Maybe I should say something smarter? I definitely should. But I can only think about you and how much I want to see you. So this is where it ends. I don’t want to make it any longer for you.
Have nice weather, Momo.
With love,
—Mai.
When the word “love” was written, she looked at it for a few seconds and then crossed it out, adding a small note that said: “I can’t tell you this yet. Not in a letter, at least.”
A sad smile appeared on her face. She let go of the pencil and covered her face with her hands, rubbing her eyes before resting her head in her palms. Her heart hurt. It felt as if she were twisting the knife already stuck in that organ, as if blood were spilling everywhere—hurting her, stealing the air from her lungs, tearing her skin open even more out of sheer selfishness.
She knew this was little. Far too little compared to the thousands of things she hadn’t been able to offer Momo all this time.
Maybe Mai would write more letters.
Mai tried to wipe her tears away quickly, as if someone might see her. Even though she was completely alone.
Mai left the room an hour later, her eyes dry and a mocking smile on her lips.
Nothing had changed.