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There had been a time, and no small amount of it either, where Maddie had been truly uncertain whether her brother and his best friend would ever work out their obvious romantic entanglement.
Up until a few days before the auction, Maddie had been beginning to feel like it was all a lost cause. Buck was still going on dates with random strangers, Eddie was still proudly telling anyone who asked that he was straight, and everything seemed lost. If Tommy outright telling Buck that they were obviously in love hadn’t worked, what in the hell would?
To say she was surprised when the two of them greeted her at Buck’s house for breakfast instead of just Buck would be a little bit of an understatement. She was used to them being weirdly attached, of course, but hers and Buck’s time together was usually sacred. They had the double dates that Buck insisted were not double dates, but if Chim wasn’t there, usually Eddie wasn’t either.
“Uh, hi, Eddie.” Maddie greeted, a little dumbfounded. “Buck.” She hugged her brother, then her brothers’ other half, and tried hard not to be offensive in her obvious confusion.
“Maddie,” Eddie greeted, fidgeting with the long sleeves of his cardigan.
Or… Buck’s cardigan? Her eyes narrowed, flicking up to dart between Eddie and Buck, skeptical. If they thought she was going to miss that detail, they were certainly wrong about that.
“Mads…” Buck began, evidently following Maddie’s train of thought clearly, “it’s not what you think. Or, I mean,” he met Eddie’s eyes briefly. Maddie’s heart pounded in her chest, waiting to see if she was going to be let down by their antics once more, “it is what you think. I think. But it’s— uh— we need to talk about it.”
Maddie’s body might genuinely think she was being chased by a bear for the way her heart pounded. Being too invested in whether or not they finally worked themselves out for years had led to a kind of manic disbelief. Years of feeling insane and being told she was reading into things, could it finally lead to this? Had they finally talked it through? Finally found themselves amongst all the chaos of their lives and traumas and warped senses of self?
“No, no, don’t bury the lede here. You two are—?”
Maddie watched Eddie shift uncomfortably, eyes following the movement as their hands tangled together between them, a shy smile pulling at Buck’s lips. He looked happy. So fucking happy in a way that Maddie hadn’t seen on him in a long time. Maybe ever.
“Yeah.” Eddie answered, “Yeah, we are.”
A giddy sort of laugh bubbled up through her brother and Maddie was broken from a kind of haze, stepping forward to pull them both into a hug. It involved forcing them both to hunch down to her height, but Maddie didn’t really care much about that.
“Oh, I’m so happy.” She mumbled, a bit teary. Buck was her baby brother, basically her first child, and this was everything he’d ever wanted. Maddie knew that better than anyone. She knew her brother, for all that he was, all of the good and all of the bad. She knew how much love he had to give, knew how he’d spent years drowning in that love, unable to give it to anyone who deserved it.
She heard them both laugh. Eddie hesitated at first, but came to hug her back too, and Maddie had the irrational thought that she could feel the stress slipping away from him, as though there had ever been any doubt that Maddie would approve. Maddie wasn’t just approving, Maddie would throw them a fucking shower if they wanted it, she was just so relieved she wouldn’t have to keep listening to Buck complain about his misguided love life while missing the extremely obvious right in front of him. The Buck and Eddie of it all was so painfully obvious, and finally, finally, Maddie could stop pretending not to notice it.
“So— so when did this happen? How did this happen? Have you told—”
“Woah, hang on,” Buck interrupted, pulling back from her, “there’s a reason we invited you over here alone to talk about it.”
The following five minutes of them making teas and Buck getting out slices of his latest loaf were excruciating, waiting to have those questions answered finally. Still, it was kind of nice to watch the domesticity of it unfold. She watched the two of them operate so naturally, passing by each other in the kitchen like a well-oiled machine, never getting in each others’ way or needing to be told what the other was doing.
It was sweet, if a little infuriating.
Eventually, armed with tea and cake, Buck took a deep breath and explained the whole thing.
They’d been tentatively together since Buck had accidentally dated both halves of a married couple. They had beers together, Eddie listening while Buck explained that he just wanted the real thing. Eddie had listened, nodded and ‘mm’ed in all the right places. He asked Buck what Buck really wanted from his ‘real thing’. Apparently, from what Maddie gathered, Buck had basically described what they already had. A family. A life together. Normalcy, comfort, support.
Maddie genuinely had to restrain interrupting them when Eddie admitted that he’d told Buck maybe they already had all that.
But, eventually, she found out why she had been invited alone.
“You husband is insisting we both do that stupid firefighter auction thing. I managed to sneak out of it for now, but if both of us insisted on not doing it, it would be obvious and…”
“And I’m not ready for people to know yet.” Eddie admitted quietly, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “I know what I want, and where I want to be, but… I’m still just— I’m still making my peace with everyone knowing.”
Buck took his hand again, and Maddie smiled warmly.
“Okay. Okay, yeah.” She agreed, her voice gentle. “So… what do you need from me?”
“Uh, help?” Eddie said softly, his brows pinching. “I can’t handle some random woman paying for me and then— and then having everyone asking why I don’t want to go and teasing me about my dating life, and I just… I don’t know, Maddie, I can’t.”
“Okay.” Maddie nodded slowly, “So you want me to talk to Howie then? See if I can get you both taken off the list?”
Eddie sighed, “no, I… I don’t think so. I think it’ll be obvious if we both say no, and— and I’m not the one people are betting eight thousand and one dollars on, so…”
Buck sighed at the same time as Maddie laughed, amused by the obvious pettiness of the statement. It was a joke, that much was clear, but it was still funny. Buck, forever and always willing to be objectified, would be excited to hear that Eddie was a little jealous over him. She felt so painfully fond of them both, and of the way they had finally found their balance in who they were and what they wanted.
“Okay.” Maddie nodded, “So we’re letting Buck make excuses to not be in it then? And you’re going to do it?”
Eddie sighed, “I’ve told Buck that he can do it, it’s not like I’m threatened, but he insists that he’s hurt his shoulder and can’t.” He threw up a hand, dramatic and disgruntled, like he’d far prefer for him to be the one to sit it out. And maybe that was true on some level, but she couldn’t imagine Eddie was truly sad at the idea of not having to watch people fight over his boyfriend. Especially after all the time spent pretending.
“I’m hurt.” Buck insisted again, sighing. “And I’ve hurt my back too, if you don’t mind, so.”
Eddie muttered something under his breath that Maddie didn’t hear.
Alas, she did have the misfortune of hearing Buck’s indignant answer.
“I don’t have ED.”
Maddie scrunched up her nose, sighing heavily. “Thanks, Evan.” She shook her head. “Fine, yeah, I’ll… what? Bid or something? Wait— why am I bidding? Wouldn’t it make more sense to ask Hen or Ravi?”
“Ravi will be on stage.” Buck argued, “I can’t do it or everyone will know and Hen will sniff it out like a hound dog. She already sees too much.”
Maddie huffed out again, but nodded. “Fine. I’ll bid. I guess. But you’re paying me back. I don’t care which one of you; someone is paying me back.”
—
Maddie: I’m really happy for you, Evan
Buck: thanks :)
Buck: im trying really hard to be normal about it
Buck: is it working?
Maddie: Have you told him you love him yet?
Buck: i told him like seven times the first time he kissed me???
Buck: was i not supposed to do that?
Buck: maddie???????
—
The following few days of Maddie’s life were a barrage of texts from Buck and Eddie alike. About their relationship — about hiding it, about their mishaps in hiding it — but mostly about the auction.
Eddie was on a trajectory of panic after panic. Constantly texting Maddie about it all.
In eight years of proximity, Maddie and Eddie had never had a lot of personal conversations. All of a sudden, Maddie was given a very close, very vulnerable look at Eddie and all his thoughts and feelings.
From what Maddie could glean, Christopher knew, but largely didn’t care enough to talk about it, which Eddie was a little relieved about. Apparently he’d been genuinely concerned that Chris would hate it, but Christopher had barely reacted at all.
Eddie’s exact words had been ‘Christopher looked at me like I was stupid’. Maddie was sure she had that to look forward to from her own children, but then, she’d never been spared the brunt of Buck’s attitude either, especially in his bitchy young teenage years.
She could also gather that Eddie didn’t have anyone else in his life that he’d told. Buck was his best friend, and to tell anyone else would be to tell the whole team. And so, suddenly, Maddie was his first call.
Chim looked at her funny when Maddie insisted she was just talking to Eddie because they’d found out they had a lot in common. It wasn’t technically a lie, but she knew that her husband saw right through it. Still, mercifully, he didn’t push. Maybe he knew better. Maybe a part of him realised that to push would be to learn a secret he couldn’t tell. Maybe part of him was happier not to know.
All the same:
“Eight thousand dollars, Maddie. Can you believe that? Eight thousand. And one!” She tried and failed to stifle the laugh his words inspired. “I mean, how am I supposed to— I don’t have a spare eight thousand dollars! And even if I did, he goes on dates with me for free. I mean, would it be offensive to pay for him when he’s my willing partner? Or is it more offensive that I don’t?”
Maddie hummed, “Does it matter? He’s hurt, isn’t he?”
“Yeah, whatever.” Eddie huffed dramatically, “He says he’s hurt, but he isn’t. Guarantee you he’s totally fine at home, just hurt his ego trying to buckflip.”
She snorted, “Oh, Eddie. Not you too.”
“I can’t help it. Buckflip is just so appropriate. It got in my head.” Another huff down the crackling phone line. “Anyway, I don’t think that’s it. I think he’s, like, scared. That no one will bid on him.”
Maddie had feared as much.
She tucked her legs up under herself, her eyes scanning the baby monitor and the image of her sleeping son. She wondered if he’d be dramatic like this too. With Buck for an uncle and Chimney for a father, almost certainly yes.
“That’s ridiculous.”
“I know! That’s the thing, I know. Eight thousand is an obscene number, and I have no doubt that he could get to eight thousand again, but that’s… I mean, am I meant to bid on him, Maddie?”
She paused, sucking in a breath. The problem was, Maddie didn’t want to meddle. She had wanted to, once upon a time, but only to get them together. Now that they were, she wanted to stay back. Give them a chance to flourish all on their own. She’d figured that Eddie was a dad. He had been married before. He was clearly a self assured man, and had always seemed fairly measured and calm in her experience.
She’d figured that Evan Buckley already cornered the market on new relationship anxiety. Eddie was very quickly proving her wrong. As good as he may be at seeming calm and collected, becoming the only person he could talk to about the emotional minefield of Buck’s sometimes fragile ego had quickly broken those walls down. He was just as uncertain as her brother was, and it was both a revelation and a genuine terror.
The truth was, she didn’t think either thing would be bad. If Eddie bid, Buck would feel reassured and wanted. If he didn’t, Buck had the chance to see that being a little older didn’t make him any less worthwhile outside of the small circle of his loved ones. Either way, as long as Eddie made Buck feel seen outside of all that, she thought it was a win for them both. The same for Eddie too.
But he was panicking and Maddie had no choice but to take pity.
“Okay, so walk me through it. What do you want to do?”
“I mean…” Eddie sounded stressed, “If money was no object, I guess I’d want to bid. But it feels like an empty gesture when I’m not… ready to do it in front of everyone. I’m just not ready for what it means to have everyone know. I still want it to be just… ours for a while.”
Maddie hummed, “I don’t think not being public makes anything empty, Eddie. You have every right not to be ready yet. Your timeline is yours and you don’t owe it to anyone else. Besides, we both know Evan doesn’t care about that. He’s just happy to be with you.” She knew Buck would never be the type to want to rush things, he was too doting for that. Sure, he’d be dying to show off once everyone knew, but he wouldn’t push Eddie to do it early.
“Yeah, but I mean… bidding would be to show everyone, right? That he’s mine and we’re together and he’s… worth it. But wouldn’t it make it feel empty if I can’t even do that?”
Maddie’s heart ached for him. “No. But I also don’t think you need to make that big gesture. You two are best friends. Evan knows how you feel. I’m sure you tell him, right?” She waited for his sound of assent. “Right. So then spending eight thousand dollars on some gesture is nice, but it isn’t needed. Money doesn’t grow on trees, and you’ve got a son to think about.”
Maddie shifted on the couch, leaning back and getting comfortable for a conversation she thought may get long. She listened as Eddie groaned, audibly worried.
“The thing is, I just… I mean, I’ve never done this before. I’ve never been someone’s— I mean, I have, obviously, but it was never… like this. Dating has never been like this before. It all feels so brand new and I just… I don’t want to screw it up, Mads.”
Maddie felt a rush of fondness. Not just because Eddie had clearly picked up the nickname from her brother, but also because it was so completely transparent how much he loved her brother. Not just that he was telling her, but that she could hear the genuine yearning in his voice. The genuine desire to make things as good as possible, to make Buck feel as special as possible.
Evan had always been that way, giving and enthusiastic, but seeing that all returned to him was a breath of fresh air. It was all that she wanted for him.
“A second ago, you told me you didn’t think he’d even do it and that he was scared no one would bid. Now you’re panicking about whether to bid. Don’t you think maybe you’re, I don’t know, meeting trouble halfway?”
“Buck always says that too.” He grumbled.
“He got it from me.” She took a few breaths, “I’m just saying, he may not even compete, and then you won’t even have to worry about whether or not to bid.”
She was sure she could actually feel the weighty shrug Eddie managed on the other end of the phone.
“I was hoping maybe you’d talk to him about it. Get him to do it.” He said softly.
Maddie had suspected that this was coming. Eddie worried that Buck would need that reassurance. He wanted to make sure that Buck still felt young and important.
“I thought you were relieved not to watch people fight over him?”
She listened to Eddie take a deep breath and then sigh, “I… it’s not about me, y’know? If Buck needs this for his confidence, then I want him to have it. Even if it means he goes on a date with someone else for charity. I mean, it’s not like it would be real, right? I can handle that:”
When Maddie was a little girl, and Evan was just a baby, she’d sometimes thought about what it might be like when they were all adults. She’d thought they’d have Daniel too, but…
Back then, Maddie had imagined maybe she would get to walk Evan down the aisle at his wedding. Which she later recognised made no sense traditionally, but still somehow wanted a devastating amount. She’d imagined him all happy. She’d always thought of their future, when they were both married and had kids and they would be neighbours and play games together every night. A kid’s fantasy, completely shaped by Disney movies and sitcom TV, but still.
This wasn’t quite that, but Maddie thought the Little Her would be quite thrilled if she could see them now. Maddie watching her son sleep on the monitor while her husband read their daughter a bedtime story, talking to someone who loved her brother so much that he was willing to sit in his own discomfort to make him happy.
Life, for maybe the first time, felt truly settled. It felt like peace. Even in her happiest days, she always worried for Evan. She wanted him to have all of the love he put out into the world back tenfold, and she wanted him to know how special he truly was.
He had spent his whole life being afraid he was too much for people. Her brother was made of nothing but love, and how could there ever be too much of that?
“I’m so glad you two found each other,” Maddie whispered, telling herself she was hormonal to justify the way her voice wobbled. Truth was, she was just happy. So happy.
“Me too. He just— he still doesn’t quite get it though. Like, sometimes he gets this look on his face or— or this tone in his voice and I know he’s doing it again. Like he’s trying to prove to me that he’s worth loving. And I… Maddie, I…” he sounded breathless, a little upset, and she understood. She’d spent enough time in the periphery of their relationship to understand. Eddie had so clearly, so obviously loved Evan transcendingly. He looked at Evan like the whole world might fall at his feet. He had for years already.
“I know,” she said, understanding. “I know. Give it time. I’m not sure he really knows how to be loved that way. I didn’t either. But that’s okay, he’ll learn.”
The breath Eddie took sounded heartened, and Maddie was glad for that.
“This is why I can’t decide whether to bid on him.” His voice was a little more fragile, a little quieter. “I— I want to. I mean, I tried to pretend to be so shocked that anyone would pay that much for him to not give us away, but if I had it, I’d do the same in a heartbeat. Of course I would. But that’s a lot of money— and— and— I mean, is it more insulting? What if he reads it as me not believing he can make that much on his own? And it’s so much money, which I just don’t have after my move back from El Paso and the new car and—”
Their finances must be a disaster, as a collective.
“What if I hurt his feelings acting all horrified that anyone would pay that for him?”
They were as helpless as each other.
“I don’t think there’s a wrong answer here, Eddie. I think no matter what you do, it’ll be coming from a place of love and Evan will know that, so long as you communicate it. Just… talk to him. He loves you.”
“But… eight thousand dollars!”
—
Buck: this is a bad idea
Maddie: We’ve had this talk already, old man. It’s a great idea. You’re going to make some random rich attendee very happy. Also orphans!
Buck: okay ew
Buck: but he’s never seen me like this mads
Buck: the buck 1.0 guy
Buck: he’s only ever known me in a post abby world
Buck: what if it makes him think less of me???
Buck: or what if it makes him realise im like
Buck: a man?????
Maddie: I don’t even know where to start with this one, Evan. He knows you’re a man? He’s gay? He’s explicitly told us both that he’s gay? Also, he’s not going to see you differently because you showboat for charity, that’s literally what this event is. And besides, you haven’t changed that much?
Buck: yeah but like maybe its a step too gay?
Maddie: I’m actually a little concerned that you’ve hit your head, because that is deeply misguided at best and a little offensive at worst.
Buck: cmon mads work with me
Buck: hes never dated a man before
Buck: and im like
Buck: a lot of man?
Maddie: Evan, no.
Buck: what if i dont land the buckflip?
Maddie: Why would you?????? NO BACKFLIP!!!!!1!!!
Buck: but
Maddie: No! Just be you, Evan. Eddie knows who you are and he loves who you are. Just be you! You is enough! You is good! You is annoying!
Buck: im scared
Maddie: Follow your instincts. They’ve gotten you this far.
—
“So do you— do you like it?” Evan’s smile was almost childish in its hopefulness, and Maddie smiled back warmly. Thirty four and still her baby brother.
“Yes,” Maddie promised, patting his shoulder, “yes, of course I do, it’s adorable. You wanted something that wouldn’t show you as being that same guy anymore, and I think this is the perfect way to do that.”
Buck nodded, “And you don’t think it’s too much? The part about the—”
“Being ready to settle down? No. If you were with someone you’d only just started dating, then maybe. But we both know that you and Eddie have been together a lot longer than you’ve been together. I’m sure neither of you would’ve taken the risk if it didn’t feel like a forever kind of thing. So no. You’re Evan Buckley. You’re a big gesture kinda guy. He knows this about you.”
Buck fidgeted where he sat, chewing on his lip, “Yeah, I mean… he says he thinks it’s a forever kind of thing, but I mean—”
“Nope. No. We’re not doing this. Eddie has been your best friend for nearly a decade. Don’t start questioning his motives or whatever. If he’s telling you he loves you and wants to be with you, then he means it.”
Buck’s nose scrunched up, “But what if he thinks he means it and—”
“Okay, now you’re being unfair. I know you, and so I know you don’t mean it. I know you’re being insecure and assuming something's wrong with you, and that Eddie will realise and leave. But imagine, for just a second, how that might feel for him to hear? He’s clearly struggled with his identity for a long, long time. Maybe still is. But he’s put it all on the line for you. He’s asked you to trust him with this, and I know you’re scared, and I know it’s hard, but you have to try to do that. You might think that saying he’ll leave is a reflection of you and not of him, but wouldn’t it feel like a reflection on you if he said he thought you might just leave him?”
Buck’s expression crumbled, and he glanced down at his hands.
“I would never just—”
“And neither would he. There’s nothing wrong with being insecure, Buck, and I’m glad you came to talk to me about it so I can remind you to see sense, but this is the sense part. Your best friend Eddie Diaz would never, ever lead you on and then abandon you. He knows you better than probably anyone else, besides maybe myself, and he has entered into a very vulnerable and very scary commitment with you because he loves you. So try giving him the benefit of the doubt this time. Ask yourself, seriously, would my best friend Eddie Diaz do that to me?”
He swallowed hard, but then nodded his head. “I see what you mean.” Buck admitted, voice hushed. “I guess I just… I can’t understand why he would want to be with me.”
Maddie leaned forward, squeezing his shoulder. “Maybe it’s time to watch your own auction video again then, Evan. You’re a good person. You’re funny and sweet and good with kids. You’re a dedicated friend and a dedicated partner. He has seen you at your very worst, Evan, and he is still taking this leap with you. You’ve seen him at his very worst too. We all have bad days. Every person on Earth has flaws that their partner has to overlook. Slack that they have to pick up. That’s allowed. Encouraged, even. If you love someone right, it should be like that. Your person is there to carry the weight with you, not to be another person you hide it from.” She kept her eyes intently on her brother, hoping he might see and understand what she was saying. He smiled a little, and she thought maybe he did. “And anyway, even if you can’t understand why, that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that he understands why he loves you. Which clearly, he does.”
“You’re right,” Buck acknowledged with a huff, “I’m scared, Maddie. I’ve never— I’ve never even felt anything close to this before… I thought I did. With Abby, then with Taylor, even Tommy, but it wasn’t. Not like this. Not like him. I’m scared.”
“I was the same way with Chimney,” she leaned forward, whispering it to him like it was a secret, “it was so scary realising I wanted it all again. I sort of thought I never would again after…” Back then, the childhood dream of a loving husband and family had seemed so far away. Even Evan had, and Maddie had begun to doubt she would ever get the chance to be close to her baby brother again. The concept of marrying one of his best friends had been as fantastical as dragons or time travel. The idea of getting to watch him fall in love was a pipe dream she used to get herself through the worst nights.
“But then there was Howie. I thought my life was over, but then there was him. It’s okay to be afraid. We weren’t exactly raised with conventional views of love and family, but that doesn’t mean we don't get to have it. It doesn’t mean we don’t get to build families too. You and me, kiddo, we’ve built our families. Trust in that. Trust in him.”
She watched her brother tear up, watched as he lurched forward to hug her tight, and she thought maybe she’d found the right thing to say. The words he needed to hear to understand that it was okay to invest in what you wanted, even when it seemed impossibly far away. And Maddie knew, better than nearly anyone, that sometimes it was scarier when it was right there at your fingertips than when it was just a story to tell yourself in the dead of night. For the first time, Buck had everything he’d ever wanted. Nothing was more terrifying than waiting your whole life for something only to realise that once you finally have it, you could lose it at any moment.
Maddie squeezed him back, a reminder that things really were just allowed to be good sometimes. Evan had been alone and self-sabotaging for much of his life. All of his work, though, had led to this. The family he’d built; his friends and his vocation and his partner and his kid. Maddie could see it crystal clear, but she knew he probably needed time to understand that it was really real, and that it wasn’t just going to disappear.
Maddie had no doubt that Eddie loved Buck. She had no doubt at all that he would be fighting for Buck just as hard as Buck himself was fighting. She wished she could make him see it the way that she did.
She could remind him, but she knew that was a realisation he had to come to by himself.
Or, rather, that he and Eddie had to come to together.
It wouldn’t stop her from trying though.
“By the way, since you seem to keep forgetting all the nauseatingly lovable things about yourself, it’s worth remembering that you convinced me to stay here, Evan. Without you, I never would have met Chimney. No Jee, no RJ. Every person I managed to help at work… you convinced me to stay. You convinced me to try again. Just the postcards you sent were enough to keep me fighting.” She was crying too, then. “You have no idea just how lovable you are, Evan. But Eddie does. Please just let him show you.”
—
Buck: sorry for being so weird and mopey. embarrassinf
Maddie: Why are you apologising? You’re allowed to have feelings.
Buck: no im not
Buck: thats for other people
Buck: im big and tough
Maddie: Sure you are, old man.
Buck: :)
Buck: duck wait
Buck: oh my gkd
Buck: *:( *fuck *god
—
Eddie: im thinking maybe I should bid on Buck…?
Maddie: Oh?
Eddie: yeah maybe it’s the perfect way to tell everyone?
Maddie: I support you both no matter what, I think the more important question is whether you’re ready for all that.
Eddie: I don’t know
Eddie: but this is really vulnerable for him, maybe I should be vulnerable too?
Maddie: Do you want to or do you feel like you should?
Eddie: why do I feel like one is the wrong answer
Maddie: Because you’re looking for someone to tell you when the right time is, but I can’t. The right time is when you’re ready, not when it feels like a big gesture to.
Eddie: okay I know you’re his sister but I have no one else to talk to about this, take pity on me. he’s so ??? he’s going to go up there and be muscular and gorgeous and perfect and these women are going to fight for him and I’m going to have to sit there and pretend
Eddie: that he isn’t taken
Eddie: that he isn’t gorgeous
Eddie: that I don’t feel everything when I see him up there
Eddie: I kinda resent myself for not being able to get past all of it for him, so maybe I just do?
Maddie: First of all. Ew. Second of all. Cute. Third of all, I think maybe you’re putting too much pressure on this. It’s just another day, you’re not obligated to use it to come out publicly. I know Evan likes a gesture, but he’d never expect that.
Eddie: what if some woman bids 8k on him again and I can’t control what my face does about it
Maddie: …what are you planning for your face to do about it?
Eddie: I have no idea but I imagine it looks stupid
Maddie: I’ve wanted you two to finally get together for so, so long, but I really didn’t know what I was signing up for here
Eddie: im sorry, I’m being a lot aren’t I?
Maddie: Don’t be silly. I always wanted to be good friends with whoever Evan ended up with. You two are just so funny. I’ve been talking you both off ledges all week.
Eddie: wait what ledge is Buck on?? He’s not having doubts is he???
Maddie: The opposite. He’s scared you are.
Eddie: oh
Eddie: I’m gonna bid on him
Eddie: I can do this
—
Maddie really had no idea what to expect walking into the auction. She was sure her husband had done a good job with the organisation of it all, but even his organisational skills couldn’t account for whatever was going to happen between Evan and Eddie.
Which, honestly, could be nothing.
Maddie couldn’t tell at that point whether one of them was going to go all out or not. She didn’t even know whether Eddie was going to get on that stage, if she was honest.
And although, sure, it had been a little taxing, Maddie was genuinely proud of them both. They were both genuinely trying, that much was clear, and she was sure once they settled further into their relationship, things would get easier for them both.
As it stood, Maddie didn’t much mind being their interim sounding board. If their problems were more than their own fears and senses of inadequacy, it might be a harder job. But really, if Maddie took it all in, it seemed like their relationship was a solid and loving thing already, just heavy with the weight of the baggage they each brought about not being enough.
Maddie could understand that— she and Chimney had brought plenty of their own baggage into theirs.
She didn’t think loving was really about being ready to love, or even about being healed from the bad.
She thought that love was caring enough about someone to work together. She thought that one of the greatest misnomers was the idea that a person had to be completely healthy and adjusted before they were capable of love and companionship. Sometimes, Maddie thought, the greatest love was allowing someone to see how not okay you were.
As long as you kept trying to improve, Maddie couldn’t see how that love could be wrong.
She’d been in a truly bad relationship, and she knew what that looked like. Two people scared to damage each other with their own flaws and fears was not that.
Arriving at the auction felt something like walking into a zoo. A rowdy audience ready to objectify their public servants. A group of firefighters caught between excitement, nerves and the undeniable urge to mock each other.
Maddie already knew Buck was running a little late from going to get Eddie from the hospital. He’d sent her a text explaining that he planned to go fetch Eddie, and Maddie had failed to stifle a smile. She’d given Chimney a half truth about Buck saying something funny.
In reality, Maddie’s amusement was at the way they were with each other. Buck had mentioned that Eddie was barely hurt, yet he refused to let Eddie drive home from the hospital. She had no idea where Eddie’s car was, but it made her laugh to imagine them incurring fees by leaving his car just so they could be together.
It didn’t take long for her to get called over to see Buck after arriving, and she was glad, because she did have follow up questions about what had happened to Eddie.
“Mads, I nearly blew the whole thing!”
No time for introductions and niceties then, Maddie thought.
“Uh, okay, hello to you too, Evan. How did you manage that?” She did her best to seem more irritated than she felt, when in reality it was mostly just funny.
He huffed, “I ran into the hospital because Harry told me Eddie was in the hospital and it’s just— it’d be so like Eddie to be hurt worse than he’s letting on, y’know? So I get there and it’s just him and Athena and the intervention lady and—”
“Alex?”
“Yeah, her, whatever.” Maddie smiled a little at her brother’s petty jealousy. She knew it was harmless, but it was also so him. Just the way he’d always been, ever since he was a spirited eight year old telling kids that they were hogging his best friend. Back then, it had come from a place of loneliness, Maddie knew. Her little brother had a tendency to get left behind, and as a result, he held on just a little too tightly. It wasn’t that this time though, and that was part of Maddie’s joy. His jealousy was silly and unfounded and it was clear from his joking tone that he knew that too. She loved that for once, he knew he wasn’t just being left. Even if he feared for his and Eddie’s budding romantic relationship, he was confident and settled in their companionship. As a big sister, it made Maddie swell with pride and joy.
“Well, okay.” Maddie sighed, gesturing for him to continue, playing the game of their dynamic back.
“So Eddie’s sitting there and he has this bandage on his arm and an ice pack to his face, and so I ask him to show me and he does and then— and then— I said something stupid, Maddie.”
She gestured for him to continue.
“I… I said we could sell his black eye as sexy.”
Maddie managed about three full seconds before she burst into laughter. Real, genuine, happy laughter. Her brother, the first real love of her life, was happy and ridiculous and Maddie glowed with it.
“Evan—”
“I know! I know! I just— I couldn’t resist! It just kind of, y’know, came out! Do you know how many times I’ve flirted with him without even noticing it? Because I’m starting to realise it was more than I thought and— and now he knows, Maddie! It isn’t a friendly joke anymore, he knows I think he’s sexy.” His eyes were big and a little wild and Maddie felt giddy with laughter.
She grinned brightly, “Evan, he’s your boyfriend!” She kept her tone hushed, though no one was around. “I’m fairly certain he knows you’re attracted to him.”
Buck groaned, “But I’ve never— we’ve never—”
She snorted, “I’m sure he still knows.”
Although, given how nervous they both were, it was possible that he didn’t.
—
Eddie: WEE WOO WEE WOO ALERT ALERT
Eddie: Buck just called me sexy!!! In front of ARHENA
Maddie: Oh my god.
Eddie: in front of ATHENA maddie!!!!!
Maddie: And now you’re telling me.
Eddie: oh my god you’re his sistrr! I’m making it worse!!!!!
Eddie: I am so sorry maddie I’m hiding in a rack of turnouts??????? Mssdie I’m litsrllg in a closet
Maddie: And, appropriately, the closet has no walls.
Maddie: It’s fine, Eddie. Isn’t this good? Surely you must have known he was attracted to you?
Eddie: theoretically I guess but ???? maddie it was flirty! like he looked me up and down as he said it! and made his voice all
Eddie: im so sorry i know you’re his sister I just have no one else to tell
Maddie: It’s okay, I’m just choosing to pretend not to exist right now, but please continue panicking if that’s what you need right now.
Eddie: maddie he’s used that voice on me before. I always thought he was fucking with me but what if he wasn’t?? what if I’ve actually been missing the signs all along???
Maddie: Oh, that one I can help you with. You definitely have been missing the signs for years. Everyone else was and is fully aware.
Eddie: what?????? What do you MESN?????
Maddie: Well, you obviously know about Tommy.
Eddie: what? What about Tommy?
Maddie: Alright Eddie, I need you to read this next text in my most sarcastic, most deadpan voice.
Maddie: Oh no. Clearly I have divulged something I shouldn’t have. What a terrible shame it would be if you and Buck had to, I don’t know, communicate about it.
Eddie: oh she’s got jokes
Maddie: I’d already heard this story, to be fair.
Eddie: oh??????????
Maddie: You’re both panicking again, what else is new? He’s worried he’s come on too strong, you’re all excited because you’ve just realised he means it romantically, it’s cute and also totally ridiculous.
Eddie: you’re still gonna bid on me right? And I’ll bid on him?
Maddie: I promised I would, didn’t I?
Eddie: yeah I just told Buck I might not go through with it, maybe I’d save the money instead but I just don’t think I can do it
Eddie: I think if I have to spend another night pretending to be into some poor woman I might scream
Maddie: Fair enough. For what it’s worth, I am proud of you for admitting to that.
Eddie: pfft. only you buck and chris know. not exactly brave
Maddie: That’s ridiculous, Eddie. You spent thirty odd years of your life not even being willing to tell yourself that information. Now the two most important people know, and so do you. That is incredibly brave. You don’t owe anyone else anything.
Eddie: do you really believe that
Maddie: Yes, of course. You told Evan how you felt. Told your son how you felt. Maybe that should feel the easiest, but they’re your whole world. Of course telling them was brave. It was huge.
Eddie: ive gotta stop texting you or you’re gonna bid on a weeping old man
—
Bidding on Eddie was easy enough. Maddie wasn’t shy, and she felt that it was for the greater good to protect some poor woman from whatever insanity getting between Buck and Eddie would offer her. She knew enough to know anyone getting between them was asking for trouble. Thankfully, at least they now knew it too.
It was kind of sweet anyway, she thought, watching Eddie be so genuinely out of his depth on that stage.
She was sure Buck was watching, and she wondered if he felt the same fondness for Eddie’s runway walk, looking a bit like a deer in headlights even as he flexed the whole way down. She’d expected a bigger crowd reaction, but based on everything she’d heard about their last auction, there might actually be people waiting on her brother specifically, as weird as that was.
Either way, by the time Eddie sat down, he looked deeply relieved to be done. Relieved and maybe a little excited.
For Buck, no doubt, though as soon as Evan began to walk, Eddie went still and silent. At one point, Maddie even saw him avoiding looking when Evan pulled his shirt off. Some combination of fond judgment and a genuine desire to hide his eagerness, she figured.
No Buckflip, thank god, but Buck’s presentation was exactly as comedically rom-com as it had been the first time he’d shown her. No mention of Eddie, though his presence was implicit.
When Buck talked about kids or about baking or about his job, Eddie was right there in between the lines. All the things Buck most treasured in life, they were things he did with or for Eddie and Christopher.
But the auctioneer dictated out how Buck was ready to settle down, and Maddie watched his expression flush.
It was like a game to observe:
Buck pulled off his shirt and Eddie hid his face.
Buck did his stupid, ostentatious performance and Eddie remained fixed on him with a searing intensity.
She didn’t want or need to know any more of his feelings about that specifically, but she was pleased to see how obsessed they were with one another.
Only when the bidding really took off did Maddie and Eddie make eye contact.
She raised her brows, a clear question.
Was Eddie going to bid on Evan?
To her surprise, he looked genuinely stricken when he mouthed back, “I can’t.”
And she wanted him to. She wanted him to feel confident, to feel sure, not so much for Evan as for himself, but she understood too. Or maybe she just understood all the context that she’d never really understand. Eddie’s upbringing and his background and the personal narrative that had defined him.
She gave him a small, sympathetic smile.
He looked a little heartbroken.
She pulled her phone out as the bidding went on.
Maddie: It’s okay, you know?
Maddie: He’ll understand, he’s good like that
Eddie: i know… i just wish he didnt have to understand
Eddie: it should be easier than this right? i should be better than this
Maddie: There’s nothing you should be, Eddie. You’re taking steps, and that’s something to be proud of. You don’t need to jump to the finish line.
Eddie: im sorry
Eddie: ive been freaking out in your inbox way too much this week
Eddie: im not normally this bad, i feel like im 15 again
Maddie: I’m not sorry! We’re friends now, right? We tell each other things
Maddie: Like how I’m definitely not telling you that Chimney was pouting all day yesterday about how the public missed Mr April…
Eddie: and suddenly i feel better
—
Maddie was safe for a little while longer before the interrogation started. With Jee and RJ asleep, there was nothing at all stopping her husband from bugging her constantly about her bids on Eddie.
Maddie could brush him off, but she didn’t want to lie to him. Which only made it worse, because he did know how to push her. He knew exactly which buttons.
The exact face to make that reminded her of their daughter and of him; the one that made her all gooey inside.
She was about to resort to pretending to fall asleep if he didn’t stop.
“I just think that it’s disloyalty in an otherwise perfect relationship for you to not tell me why you bid on Eddie,” Chimney huffed, turning over in bed again to face her, unable to keep himself from poking at it.
She sighed. “Howie, you cannot keep a secret. I can. That’s why I know things and you do not.”
He breathed in deeply through his nose, speaking like he was being very intentional in his words when he said, “But you don’t keep secrets from me. We tell secrets. That’s why no one tells us anything anymore.”
“I was told,” she answered simply.
“I want to know,” Chim whined, shifting closer in the bed. “I want to know, don’t I? This is something I’d want to know? Unless it’s a Code Red. But it isn’t a Code Red, right? You’d tell me if it was a Code Red.” He paused, eyes going big. “Oh my god. Oh. It’s definitely a Code Red. Okay, don’t tell me, don’t tell me! If you answer now, I’ll know for sure.”
With that, Chimney had talked himself out of knowing anything, turning over rather spectacularly and pulling a pillow over his ears, chanting out a lalala that made Maddie miss her son’s crying.
She slid further into bed, smile fond, picking up her phone to check if she’d missed anything new amongst all their drama.
You have received a payment of $2600 from Evan Buckley!
The notification sat there like a sore thumb, wrong against the background image of her husband and children — Jee-yun drawing on Howie’s face while he slept with RJ in his arms.
Maddie: ?? Why are you paying me
Buck: I got the prize, it’s only right that I pay the price.
Maddie: ew, Evan.
Maddie: Go to bed.
He reacted with a winky face that made her want to block his number, and Maddie tried and failed to pretend she was irritated.
The problem was, all was right with the world.
Her husband, ridiculous and wonderful at her side.
Her children, the brightest, most beautiful things she’d ever had the pleasure of loving.
And her baby brother, her first child, happy and in love and okay.
Maddie: I’m really proud of you both. Goodnight.
Buck: night maddie
Buck: love you