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A battlefield, ashen with blood, smoke and the chilling hum of the wind.
And there he knelt, blonde hair swaying in the wind, amber eyes misted. The same amber eyes that reflected in the golden irises of his dying lover.
Nothing else seemed to matter as he softly cupped his lover’s face for what may be the last time it seemed. Rui’s hand reached back to gently hold that of Tsukasa’s, only causing the soldier’s breathing to grow even more ragged.
Touseled purple hair, the stray strands of cerulean tinted with blood and dirt. Rui’s eyes flickered, the last glimmers of life draining out of them. And in his last moments, he smiled. That same knowing smirk he always played.
Tears welled up in Tsukasa’s eyes, desperately trying to hold onto the man under him longer. Gripping a wad of the sorcerer’s robes in his fists, he wept, tears splattering down onto the face of his lover, growing paler by the moment.
“I’m sorry…” Rui whispered, barely audible. Blood spilled past his lips, dragging a dark trail in its wake as it dripped down his chin. His eyes fluttered shut, his lips remaining in the stubborn smile he always wore.
“For what?!” Tsukasa’s voice cracked as he sobbed harder. “What could you be sorry for, Rui?!” He buried his forehead in Rui’s chest, his chest heaving heavily.
But it was no use.
For Rui was dead.
And Tsukasa couldn’t believe it.
Because this wasn’t how their story was supposed to end.
Their future together was a bright one, one so bright that it shone under the veil of night. They were the “perfect” couple, one of the most beloved knights of the kingdom and a brilliant healer.
A healer who was so brilliant that he could heal anyone and everyone in all of the land, but never himself.
~
A battlefield, ashen with blood, smoke and the chilling hum of the wind.
A cacophony of explosions and the guttural cries of soldiers rang through Tsukasa’s ears. Steel clashed against steel as the knight moved through the battle, defeating his enemies with practiced precision.
Every move he made was methodical. He commanded his men methodically, he swung his sword methodically, and he dodged enemy blows methodically.
Until everything wasn’t methodical anymore.
“Tsukasa! Move!” Was the last thing he heard before he was harshly shoved in the side, causing him to lose balance and fall back. He hit the ground hard, his sword clattering against the ground.
And when he looked back at the blur of purple and black that pushed, it was Rui. With an arrow sticking out of his chest.
“No…Rui, this can’t be…” Tsukasa frantically crawled over to the sorcerer, the grits and grains of the battleground digging into his palms. “Rui, you’ve healed tons of people. You can heal yourself, right?” His demand to the latter carried the slightest tremor woven into his voice, his breathing becoming more erratic by the moment.
“I’m…I’m sorry, Tsukasa-kun.” Rui managed to whisper. He coughs, the sound reaching Tsukasa’s ears the way the sound of glass shattering does.
“No, stay with me! That’s an order from your commander!”
And Rui just smiles that lopsided smile he always wears. It was as if Tsukasa had said something amusing, because he softly giggled for the last time.
But the cruelest joke of all was that death doesn’t care about rank or love. It just strikes whenever it feels the need to.
~
A battlefield, ashen with blood, smoke and the chilling hum of the wind.
And Tsukasa was absolutely sick of it.
Once again, he slashed at the enemies coming in from the other kingdom, eyeing each and every archer who dares to fire. His eyes found the captain of the other force, fierce lime eyes colder than that of the night.
Eyeing a specific purple haired man who was supposed to be on the sidelines, helping heal wounded soldiers.
The air felt thicker, tasting of iron, dirt, and dread. Tsukasa’s muscles ached, the dreadful cost of reliving the same nightmare over and over again.
Though this time he didn’t fight with measured precision. He fought with frenzy.
And through the corner of Tsukasa’s eye, he saw the beginning of the end. Not his end, but Rui’s end.
He rushed over, arms extended ready to push him out of the way again. But Tsukasa had different plans, and before he could be moved, he ducked under the arrow and tackled Rui to the ground.
And just as he thought they were safe, he noticed the dagger sticking through the latter’s chest.
“No. Please no. This cannot be real.”
Tsukasa’s voice wavers as he speaks,
And Rui just smiled weakly, but warmly, as he reached up to gently brush his knuckles against Tsukasa’s face.
Tsukasa plants a desperate kiss to his knuckles, holding Rui’s cold fingers in his hand.
“You’re right.” Rui murmured, his voice barely audible over the chaos of the battlefield. “None of this…is real.” Rui coughed weakly once again.
And he’s gone again, the warmth from his body slowly creeping away.
A sob wracked out of the soldier, hot tears streaming down his face. He buried his face into the sorcerer’s chest,
Because his lover died in his arms for the third time.
And he couldn’t do anything about it.
~
He watched that scene play again.
It unfolded right before his eyes again.
And again.
And again.
And again and again-
andagainandagainandagain—
A strangled gasp tore its way through Tsukasa’s throat.
The battlefield dissolved into a blinding white light, the roars and cries of the soldiers fading into a pleasant hum of silence.
Everything felt fuzzy. His vision was blurred and there was a persistent ringing in his ears. He sat up slowly, feeling the soft cushioning beneath him. He sat on a hospital bed. No, he sat on a couch. A couch in a house that was all too familiar to him.
His sword and armor were perched against the wall across from where he sat, a small reminder of his nightmares.
“Tsukasa! You finally woke up!”
A familiar voice cut through the ringing in his ear. A rather pleasant voice at that. A voice he was all too familiar with.
A familiar purple-haired man came into view as Tsukasa’s vision finally cleared up. Rui.
“…I’m parched.” Is all that he could say, the words of what he truly means lingering at the tip of his tongue. “…Rui, how long was I away for..?”
A small disbelieving laugh bubbled up from the latter, a tremor woven into his voice ever so slightly.
“2 months, Tsukasa. You were injured severely after that last battle against the Hinomori’s. Nene had to take on your position as captain for a while.” He spoke as he returned with a teacup of water. “I do hope that warm water will suffice, I was just boiling tea earlier.”
He nods gratefully as he takes up the glass, gulping the water down.
“You know, Rui, I dreamt of you. In my coma, I mean.” He starts slowly, the jagged pieces of the nightmares resurfacing in his mind.
“Oh really? Hopefully I didn’t look too horrible.” Rui commented, a soft laugh escaping his lips.
“Heavens no.” Tsukasa continues, a laugh emitting from his lips too. “You…you were dying. I watched you die over and over again.” His tone became softer, eyes staring down at the dark carpet.
Rui’s smile fades too, just a little. His hand made its way to gently grasp the soldier’s, rubbing his thumb gently. “I’m here now.” He begins quietly. “You don’t need to worry about me anymore.”
Tsukasa intertwined his fingers with that of Rui’s, slowly looking up.
He didn’t realize what he was doing until he felt the familiar flutter in his chest as he smashed his lips into the latter’s. A soft gasp escapes his mouth, just to be engulfed by the soldier’s mouth. Rui kissed back, desperation washing over him like a tidal wave.
Rui’s hands made their way to cup Tsukasa’s face, pulling the soldier even closer.
“You’re… you’re alive.” Tsukasa pulled away momentarily, noticing how flushed Rui’s face was.
“I am. I’m right here, Tsukasa-kun.” He bumped their foreheads together, rubbing noses. “Right here.”