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I take the last pin out of my hair and flop onto my bed.
I was out at the Bronze with Willow and her new girlfriend Kennedy trying to dance away the unbidden sadness that has been plaguing me ever since Spike’s death, it, obviously, didn’t work, nothing ever works, I just try to cling to the idea that the pain will subside over time, even if deep down I know the mammoth despondency will never leave.
I pull the duvet over my head and cry silently, tears dampening my eyelashes.
It’s been a month since he died but the pain still feels new and immense, like a freshly cut wound.
I reach for a tissue and wipe my eyes, Spike wouldn’t want me to cry (No matter how much he craved my attention.) He’d want me to stay strong.
Memories of his laughter and his warmth permeate my head, memories of the way he looked at me when he thought I wasn’t looking, with warmth and adoration burning in his eyes.
Tears threaten to fall again and I throw my wet tissue across the room and pick up another from my desk.
Then a sudden clang from downstairs reverberate’s around the house, Dawn’s probably trying to make some tea for herself, she’s adopted a weird obsession with trying to be British this last month, and tea was the first aspect of British culture she attacked. I swear to god my sister is so weird.
I close my eyes and snuggle deeper into my duvet. Suddenly, a random memory floods my mind and my eyes snap open, Dawn isn’t home, she’s at a sleepover.
I climb out of bed and I move towards my door but just as I reach it, it opens.
The figure standing in my doorway smiles as his eyes land on me and a shocked tear falls from my eye.
Spike, Spike is standing in my doorway alive and unscathed.
"Spike." I whisper, a smile matching his euphoric grin creeps onto my face."You’re alive."
He wraps his arms around me and rests the side of his face on my head.
"How are you still alive?"
"That doesn’t matter, all that matters is that I’m here now."
"I missed you so much"
"Me too, me too Buffy."
"Promise you’ll never leave me again."
"Buffy I didn’t intentionally-"
"Promise Spike."
"I promise."
I turn my face and look him in the eyes, the eyes that for the last month, I’ve been cruelly deprived of. I missed his eyes so much, I missed the sweet sheen that fell on his eyes whenever he stood in good lighting, I missed the transparency of his eyes and most of all I’ve missed the permanent glint that shines in his eyes.
I smile and press my lips to his, ensnaring him in A ecstatic kiss, and to my insurmountable delight after a few seconds of shock he returns my fervour and passion.
After a minute I break away from him for some air.
"I’m so happy you’re back."I whisper more to myself than him. Then louder I say. "Tomorrow you have to tell me how you’re back but for now I just want to indulge in this euphoric feeling."I say, whilst running my hand down his face.
He smiles and says. "Ok deal, so what do you want to do tonight?”
I smile back at him and say. "I have a few ideas."
The I tilt my head back to his and touch my lips to his once more.