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Everything had started normally, just another small thing when Yolanda tossed casual flirts her way, waiting to see if she would remember or make a move, and finally Santos working up the nerve to invite her out for a drink after their shifts. Obviously, not even Trinity herself expected things to go so… far.
It had been a complete oversight and entirely unprofessional to get involved with someone from work. Trinity knew that very well… however she had always had a certain weakness for intimidating women, which is why it didn’t take long before Yolanda ended up between her sheets.
It was just casual sex! Or at least that was what Trinity swore when Dennis began interrogating her during the weekly grocery run after seeing Yolanda wandering around the apartment so many times, whether in the middle of the night crossing paths in the bathroom or in the mornings finding her having breakfast as if she had all the time in the world.
Of course, Trinity herself didn’t even know when García had started the habit of staying longer than necessary. Maybe it was the night they fully talked through the situation regarding Langdon, and although Yolanda could have a blunt, somewhat rough way of saying things… she had understood her.
Or maybe it had been the first time Trinity broke down sitting on García’s mattress when they were about to actually do it and she wasn’t able to take off a single piece of clothing, starting to cry because the feeling of… failure with a patient still hadn’t gone away.
“That kid was scared shitless…” Trinity began, biting her lower lip to contain the sense of injustice. “…he pissed himself when he saw his father”. She finished in a low whisper.
Yolanda’s hand slipped beneath her shirt, her palm moving along her spine as slow circular strokes began.
“… I just wish Robby would take me more seriously and hadn’t let him leave with his father”. She admitted, her bite intensifying to the point she could taste blood when she moistened her lips to keep speaking. “I know I’m not the nicest person in the room but still…”
“You are kind”. García’s voice interrupted her and Trinity searched her eyes for something but… found nothing except sincerity.
“I need to help so desperately…” she confessed, her voice trembling.
Yolanda’s touch shifted, settling as her hand guided the back of Trinity’s neck. Trinity let out a shaky breath, slowly relaxing the tension that had settled between her shoulders.
“You’re helping him. He’ll come back in three days for another appointment”. Yolanda assured her, resting her cheek against her shoulder blade and breathing slowly to guide her breathing. “Okay?”
Trinity wanted to protest with every possibility that had been circling through her head, like the child never coming back or returning in worse condition and refusing to speak to her. But… at the feeling of Yolanda’s lips against her skin she kept her rebuttal quiet for the moment.
That memory still makes Santos smile faintly because it felt as if she understood her purpose when it came to treating others, and besides Yolanda had always been the first to highlight her qualities since the very first day.
So yes, now that she thought about it, that really had been her point of no return, and when it happened she didn’t even bother thinking twice about it because a certain intimacy had begun to weave itself between them, one that ended with them sharing glasses of wine after their shifts, toasting while exchanging gossip and criticizing others.
More than once Trinity found herself leaning against the frame of Yolanda’s bed with her legs tangled with hers, pouring herself more than she should from the bottle while listening carefully to every surgery she had performed and… admiring her deeply for her skill.
Of course sooner or later sharing their experiences with patients turned into… technical conversation, evaluating their coworkers. Name after name passed across their tongues, adding comments no one else could ever know. They would keep the secret; it wasn’t the first one they shared, right?
“You know what was weird…?” It was the key phrase in Trinity’s vocabulary announcing she was about to talk about someone else. “Last Halloween Victoria didn’t want to come with us”.
Yolanda let out a small huff at that, raising one eyebrow. “I doubt she drinks… it’s not fun being in costume and sober”.
“It’s ridiculous”. She agreed, stealing a peck from Yolanda’s lips.
Their mouths started with those playful brushes, briefly meeting before pulling apart until García cupped her face in both hands, deepening it into a real kiss, slow and languid, quickly turning into a competition when one of them opened her mouth to explore with their tongues.
They could have stayed like that for hours but something was still bothering Trinity, so she slowly broke the kiss after leaving another peck on Yolanda’s mouth.
“… do you think it’s because she didn’t like me?” she murmured against her lips, not nearly as haughty in her criticism as before. Although hearing herself say it made her slowly pull away, shaking her head. “It’s not like… like I want her approval”.
“You know who wants the nepobaby on her team. Mother eyes and her workplace”. Trinity added more sharply, trying to regain her usual posture.
Yolanda watched her, her brow faintly furrowing, and after a moment of silence she answered. “Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you keep calling her by that nickname..?”
“What? Crash?” Trinity asked, twisting her mouth to the side so a small laugh at her own wit wouldn’t escape.
“Do you have other nicknames for her or something?” Yolanda asked, rolling her eyes. “Seriously”.
“Alright then you hate me now”. Trinity pressed her lips into a line and nodded slowly.
Yolanda smacked her shoulder with her hand, pushing her slightly back with a scoff mixed with inevitable laughter. “Behave for once”.
Yes, she still couldn’t contain the verbal impulse to call people not-so-friendly nicknames, but it was stronger than her. What would a girl be without her attempts at jokes, right? She still hadn’t managed to give Yolanda a nickname because… she didn’t want to grow attached.
That was the main problem with all of this. It wasn’t casual anymore, not like before, if it had ever been at all. Much less now that Yolanda’s toothbrush sat beside hers in the bathroom and her favorite bra was stored in one of Garcia’s drawers.
And it became even less casual when García tried to get closer, genuinely trying to understand her with questions, more and more questions, inching closer to the truth of who she really was. That terrified Santos because she didn’t know if Yolanda would keep looking at her the same way if she found out.
She knew Whitaker had been the only person who had ever truly understood her out of everyone she had met in her life, and even with that she couldn’t be sure it would be the same with García.
It was easier when people thought she was a heartless bitch who only spoke in sarcasm and was always looking to mock any situation. Her attitude pushed people away, so why did García keep getting closer because of it? She wasn’t used to sweet kisses or… fingers tracing the scars on her skin.
So under her own reasoning she made what she thought was the best decision and had that fatal conversation.
“I want us to keep everything casual”. Trinity declared suddenly, watching from the bed as García fastened her bra. “You can see other people… I’ll do the same”.
“Casual?” Yolanda questioned, lifting one eyebrow.
Trinity nodded, pressing her lips inward. And that was when she realized that as soon as she said those words Yolanda started having trouble putting on her heels.
“… sure”. García whispered once she finally managed to stand with both shoes on. “Whatever you want”.
An internal confusion struck Santos’s stomach as she watched Yolanda. There was no warmth left in her eyes anymore, only a coldness, as if her proposal had been lethal to her, as if she had asked for something terrible and unforgivable.
“Are you okay with that?” she decided to ask, trying to dispel the feeling that this decision was wrong.
Not a single word left Yolanda’s mouth, who at that moment seemed far more focused on searching for her bag.
It didn’t surprise her in the slightest, the obvious avoidance García was imposing. She knew the kind of temper Yolanda had; most of the time it actually excited her. Still, she was left with a strange emptiness as she watched her leave through the door.
However now that they were casual they wouldn’t talk about it. There would be no feelings involved anymore, just outings here and there without any commitment. It was the best thing for both of them after all.
The toothbrush didn’t leave its place beside hers, however the secret language they once spoke had simply gone extinct like a dead tongue, and even when Trinity tried she couldn’t figure out what words could express what she felt. She had forgotten the dictionary they had written together, the one García had taken with her.
And it didn’t help the obvious distance García had started leaving between them during this shift. Fourth of July, they were supposed to watch fireworks together; she had the apartment to herself… maybe it had been her attempt to make things feel like before, but instead she only got Yolanda throwing her own words back at her.
“We're just keeping it casual, right?”
Santos really felt like she was about to have a breakdown right there. This was without a doubt the worst day of her life. Charts behind, the system going analog, Langdon breathing down her neck completely, and every time their eyes accidentally crossed Trinity kept repeating in her head the speech he had shouted at her. And really, the threat that she might have to repeat the year did not help.
Without a doubt it would be an even longer day… deep down Santos couldn’t help wishing that no other bad news would come her way and hoped for a possible movie night with Dennis next week.