Chapter Text
March starts quietly and without fuss. Robert seems more himself than he has done for the last few weeks and Aaron has started to watch him like a Hawk a little less than he was before.
Sometimes, Robert just sits and stares and Aaron will stand in the corner of the room watching him until Robert notices. It takes ages sometimes. It’s like Robert’s in this other world and Aaron’s left begging to come with him. Other times, Robert won’t shut up at all. He’s sipping on a bottle of beer and his hands are greasy from the burgers Aaron has started to make from scratch and he’s full of all these ideas for the farm and ways to kill Joe metaphorically, he adds like he has to.
Aaron’s taking each day as it comes. His mum reckons he’s OK, she leaves Eve with him as she goes on a date with Liam and Robert stares at Eve for a lot of the night. Aaron would call him weird if he didn’t understand.
Harry used to sit in between them on the sofa.
Seb should be between them. Aaron’s asked about it twice since Harry and Vic landed in Portugal, once in bed when he could just work out the expression on Robert’s face in the moonlight and once at the pub. Robert agreed both times but nothing’s moved yet. Aaron blames the farm, he blames Joe, he wants to blame the whole world for constantly making things too complicated for them.
Aaron’s taking his frustration out on a barely held together motor when things get more complicated.
“You’re not Robert.”
Aaron barely looks up. He doesn’t exactly hear it, just catches the name Robert and squints up towards who is talking. He doesn’t recognise the bloke. He’s wearing a grey puffer jacket and black baggy jeans. He looks out of place in this unsettling way that makes Aaron want to punch him.
“Who are you?” Aaron stands straighter and instinctively stands between the bloke and the door to the cabin where Robert is inside working. It was Aaron’s idea, better than Robert sitting in the cafe getting pissed off by Ross or pecked in the head by Nicola.
It also meant that Aaron could keep a close eye on him. He didn’t let Robert know about that bit.
“The lady in the shop said Robert might be here.” The bloke takes a few steps forward and then looks to his left, then his right, then back at Aaron.
Aaron feels something twist in his chest and he recognises that it’s panic. For some ridiculous reason, he’s almost certain that this man has come to take Robert far away from him or something. Aaron breathes in and then out and then tightens the grip he has on the metal bar in his hand.
“What do you want from him?” Aaron says. He tries to keep himself as calm as possible. He tries to assess if this man is any sort of threat by staring him down. He looks like he hasn’t seen sunlight in a while. He’s got a fading bruise on his right cheek and a scar above his lip.
He’s Prison.
Another husband, he kids. Aaron tells himself to shut up.
“Nothing.” The bloke looks annoyed, like Aaron is getting in his way or something. “I’m just here to deliver a message.”
Aaron’s heart pounds and before he knows it, he’s waving the metal bar out in front of him and seeing the bloke jump back.
“Woah. What the –”
“Clear off. I swear to God if you come anywhere near –”
Aaron should have known that barking would get Robert’s attention. He’s suddenly at the door, frown on his face one minute and then surprise the next.
“D?”
The bloke nods at Robert who stays where he is. Aaron watches Robert’s face so closely, he can’t stop. He’s trying to work out if Robert is happy to see this guy, if he’s a friend or someone else Robert is scared of.
Aaron’s here this time. Aaron will stand in front of Robert this time and bark and bite and scratch until this D is far away and they’re alone again.
“Aaron.” Aaron doesn’t expect to hear Robert say his name. He turns in a daze and then feels Robert pulling the metal bar from his hands. Aaron looks down, realises his hands are shaking. He didn’t realise until now. “It’s OK.” Robert says and Aaron’s scared by how much it doesn’t reassure him in the slightest.
“Bloody hell mate, didn’t know you had a guard dog.” D says.
Aaron bites his lip so hard he tastes blood. Robert finally comes out from the doorway of the cabin. Aaron stares at his back as he walks towards D and sits his hands in the pockets of his dark blue jeans that make his arse look good. Aaron keeps looking at Robert’s back, at his dark green quarter zip. He keeps staring until D speaks.
“You look alright.” D says. “Bruises clear up nicely don’t they?”
Robert is silent for a second. Aaron wonders if he’s weighing up the possibility of small talk or if he wants D to go away as much as he does.
“What are you doing here?” Robert asks, Aaron feels this wave of relief.
D shuffles on his feet a little like the question is an awkward one. Aaron stays where he is, fighting the need to grab D by the collar and shake it out of him.
“Kev called me.”
Aaron staggers back just a little until he’s flush against the cabin. He feels his heart pound a little harder in his chest and he thinks about Kev for the first time in a good while. He thinks about the fact that Robert just doesn’t speak about him, maybe doesn’t think about him much either. Aaron wishes it’s true, wishes that Robert isn’t staring off into the distance worried about Kev coming back somehow.
Aaron realises that Robert hasn’t actually replied. He also realises that it’s started to rain.
“What did he do that for?” Robert says after at least another fifteen seconds of silence. Aaron leans away from the cabin and thinks about putting his hand in Robert’s. He thinks about showing D he isn’t just his guard dog. He thinks and thinks until D is talking again.
“Said he wants a divorce.”
Aaron expected many things. He expected this D to have a knife behind his back, ready to deliver a message of ‘I only sliced your arm that one time so now i’ll actually kill you’, he expected D to ask for money or threaten them somehow but he didn’t expect that.
Robert is completely silent.
Aaron charges forward, tries to get words out of his mouth for both him and Robert. “What?” It’s the only thing he can settle on right now.
D pulls a face like he doesn’t know what to say, then he shrugs and gets something out of his pocket. “Wanted me to give it to you so you’d know he was serious.”
Aaron looks down at the envelope in D’s hand. It’s strange to see it again. It’s stranger to watch Robert hold it in his hands, the way Aaron had to all those years ago.
“It was in your postbox.” D shrugs.
“You went through our postbox?” Aaron shouts, and he isn’t sure why he’s even surprised considering D is clearly just out of prison and has the moral compass of a flamming squirrel.
D just shrugs again. “He said he wanted it to be dramatic. Well no actually, he said show-stopping.” He tilts his head. “It’s even raining.” He almost laughs, like this is some kind of joke. “Why’d you look so miserable? He thought you’d be pleased.”
Aaron stops wanting to punch D long enough to think about what he’s just said. Aaron braces himself to look at the expression on Robert’s face, at first he can’t really tell. Robert’s just frowning down at the letter that he’s opened. He’s just reading it.
“Rob.” Aaron feels small and needy as he puts a hand on Robert’s shoulder.
Robert looks up at Aaron and then blinks quickly, turns to D. “Where is he?”
“Ibiza.” D says. Aaron rolls his eyes at the destination. “Probably just won big in some casino which is why he’s sending this through to ya before you find out and want half.” He laughs, bunches his arms over each other and then bumps Robert’s arm with his fist.
Robert doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t really react at all.
Aaron watches him.
“Right well. Cheers.” Robert waves the letter out in his hand. It starts raining harder. “Do you know when I’ll have to – sign or –” He looks towards Aaron like he’d know. Aaron thinks about Robert’s divorce from Chrissie, wants to point it out and tell Robert that he’s the real expert here but then he realises how cruel that would sound right now.
“He’s not pulling a fast one is he?” Aaron asks, because he can imagine Kev trying to take and take and take anything Robert has in his name considering Robert doesn’t want him.
D sighs. “No. At least that’s not what he told me, just said he wants to give you a divorce in time for your birthday.”
Aaron scoffs. For some strange reason, he imagines John being the one to fill Kev in on all the parts of Robert he never bothered to find out. He imagines this grey area of information that John found out about Robert that Kev never knew. It makes him feel sick.
D looks at Aaron, properly looks and then he’s raising an eyebrow.
“You’re Aaron.” He says, like everything’s clicked into place.
Aaron stands straighter. “Yeah. And you’re going.” He says. “Go on. Shift.” He practically marches D away. He doesn’t even consider the fact that Robert would want to say goodbye or ask how he is or have some nice general chit-chat now the Kev of it all has been discussed.
Aaron just keeps walking D away until he’s out of sight. Aaron stays where he is, just watching in case he reappears again. The rain is even heavier now. Aaron winces a little as the wind picks up and when he turns around again Robert is back in the cabin.
࿐ ｡ ₊ ·
Aaron almost knocks on the cabin door. He doesn’t think he’s ever done that before, not when he’s been fully aware that it’s only Robert inside. His Robert. Robert. Robert. Just saying his name over and over again in his mind makes Aaron actually open the door slowly.
Robert’s sitting there on his chair with his laptop open. He’s staring hard at the screen. He might be reading something. Aaron can’t tell. He wants to ask but feels this space between them that he can’t quite push through. Instead of talking, Aaron leans back on the other desk in the room and folds his arms over.
Eventually, Robert looks up.
“I’m fine.” Robert says.
“You are?” Aaron asks. He feels this desperate need to. Robert isn’t giving much away at all and it’s making everything feel heavy.
Robert leans back on the chair. It’s his way of trying to look confident. Aaron knows him so deeply, down to his bones. He knows that the small smile on Robert’s face isn’t genuine at all.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Robert decided to choose a particular route, one that makes Aaron seem sensitive and mad for even thinking he’d not be OK. Robert hasn’t taken this route for a very long time. He’s been careful not to because he knows it makes Aaron lose it a little.
“I’m just asking.” Aaron says, like he isn’t begging Robert to get up and kiss him and tell him how he feels whilst Aaron holds a hand on his arm and listens to every single word.
“Well, thank you.” Robert puts on his soft little face, one that tries to show that he’s grateful and touched, one that doesn’t go any further than that at all. “But I’m fine.”
Aaron gulps hard and thinks about leaving it completely. Then he thinks about the way he can’t bear to go through days not being honest, not after last summer. He’s never going to keep anything to himself ever again, not when it comes to Robert.
“Robert, it’s OK if …”
Robert’s phone starts ringing. Aaron hears it. He wishes it would stop but it doesn’t. For the briefest of seconds, Aaron imagines it’s a withheld number. It’s Kev. He’s asking Robert if he’s happy that he’s divorcing him, giving him something that Aaron can’t. Aaron feels so pathetic. It seems to take over completely until Robert is speaking again.
“It’s Vic.” Robert suddenly has a genuine smile on his face.
Aaron sees her face pop up. She’s holding Harry, sticking her tongue out. She’s happy and young and home. She hasn’t killed John yet.
“I should take it.” Robert says.
Aaron just stares at Robert for a second. Robert nods at Aaron. “Uh yeah. Of course. Yeah.” He says and then Aaron excuses himself like he has to, like it’s his time to leave. Robert doesn’t stop him. He’s picking up the phone and talking instead.
“Yeah all good here. Make me jealous, go on. Is it really hot?”
Aaron hears Robert laugh, he does it so easily. Aaron goes back to smashing a car up.
࿐ ｡ ₊ ·
By tea time, Robert is out of the cabin and looking sheepish like he knows he’s been quiet or difficult or something. He doesn’t say any of that, instead he asks Aaron if he wants tea in the pub.
Aaron agrees, nearly trips over himself to press a kiss to Robert’s mouth instead of asking if he’s OK again.
“What was that for?” Robert asks, like he has to.
Aaron wants to say:
Because I’m happy Kev and you aren’t going to be married anymore.
Because I love you and I’m worried you’re not OK.
Instead, he shrugs and tells Robert he’s fit and it makes things seem a little lighter for a second.
࿐ ｡ ₊ ·
The pub is mostly empty. Aaron buys them both a pint and sits opposite Robert in the corner booth. It’s the best spot for people watching but Aaron isn’t fussed about taking the piss out of Charity or Vinny or whoever right now. Instead, he’s focused on actually talking to Robert if he’ll allow him.
Aaron realises that isn’t going to happen pretty quickly. He should have realised as soon as Robert wanted tea somewhere other people were, where Aaron’s bloody mother is.
Chas joins them happily. She’s talking about Bear and Paddy and Mandy and Aaron can’t take much of it in considering Robert is just sitting quietly not saying much at all.
“I mean – everyone is just getting on with it aren’t they? What else can we do?” Chas finishes another speech with a sigh and then looks between her son and Robert. “So. Just fancied tea in here then?”
Tea is a burger and chips. Robert’s having a steak pie. Aaron can’t remember the last time Robert ate one. It bothers him, makes Aaron even more worried and he feels ridiculous.
“Yeah.” Aaron says quietly.
Chas pulls this face. Then she goes to speak but Charity calls her over to the bar and tells her to take over whilst she goes to the toilet.
“Bloody hell, she’s milking this pregnancy lark.” Chas tuts but gets up anyway and Aaron is grateful for the silence.
Aaron steals a chip from Robert’s plate to get his attention. Robert smiles faintly. Aaron feels about eight.
“So were you mates with …”
“Pint please.”
Usually Aaron doesn’t listen to what happens around him when Robert is right in front of him but now he does. He looks up to the bar and sees D ordering a pint. He’s in the pub, grey puffer jacket sitting on the stool next to him as he pulls down the sleeves of a black hoodie and smiles as Chas.
Robert notices too, he looks over.
D stares at them, then points. “Ah so this really is the local then.” He smiles and Chas whips her head back and forth between the men. Aaron can tell she’s fighting the need to ask questions. He’s almost proud of her when she pulls him a pint and takes his money without opening her mouth.
D comes over. Robert lets him come over, he doesn’t really say anything. Aaron watches Robert attentively, focuses on his shoulders and how they hunch over a little.
Maybe they were friends, maybe they were just acquaintances, maybe they hardly knew each other. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is, Robert must be thinking back to prison now and Aaron hates it.
“We’re having our tea.” Aaron points to their plates but D sits down anyway.
“Looks decent.” D says. “Better than prison chips right.” He tilts his head at Robert. He’s sitting on Aaron’s side. He’s staring across at Robert and smiling again.
Robert nods his head. “Are you planning on sticking around?” He asks. He gets to the point the way he did earlier and Aaron’s so grateful.
“Nah. I’m heading down south in the morning.” D says. “Fresh start and all that.” He moves a finger across the rim of his pint. “Thought I’d see my little girl. If her mum lets me.”
Aaron softens just slightly. Robert seems oddly touched in a way Aaron thought he wouldn’t be.
“Good.” Robert says.
D looks towards Aaron and then back at Robert. “So Kev coming out to try and get you back didn’t work I take it.”
Aaron breathes in sharply. Robert doesn’t really give anything away by the face he pulls. Aaron’s left wondering what D knows about him, what he saw between Kev and Robert, if he matches up to what this bloke imagined he’d be like.
“Not when I came out trying to get Aaron back, no.” Robert sounds the most confident he has been all day. He almost smiles. Aaron relaxes into the booth and then looks over at his mum who is staring. He pulls a face at her and she turns away.
“Kev take that well?” D asks, but he sounds so sarcastic like he just knows that wasn’t the case.
“No.” Robert says. “He um –” He breathes in like saying it is heavy, Aaron supposes it is. “Well he tried to stab Aaron, ended up slashing me with a sword, holding us hostage. Then he came back and tried shooting at us.”
Aaron watches D’s face for some sort of reaction.
“Sounds like Kev.” D sips at his point.
“It’s not funny.” Aaron can’t help himself.
D turns to look at Aaron. “I didn’t say it was. Just not surprised. That’s all.” He shrugs. “He was obsessed with ya.” He looks right at Robert and Aaron squirms.
Robert tilts his head down and then picks up his pint.
“Did you really just drop him when you got out? That’s what he said.” D asks, like he’s a girl and this is some sort of gossip session. Aaron wants to tell him to piss off. He wants to shove him far away and pull Robert back to their flat and hide under the covers until Robert starts talking.
Robert shakes his head. “I was there for him. I tried to be.” He says, like he’s really thinking about it, remembering it all. “Until I found out he was …”
“A psycho maniac liar.” Aaron points out. D laughs, hearty and annoying and Robert has a small smile on his face.
“Oh he told you then.” D says. “Oh mate, some would think it was romantic.”
Aaron thinks D is a psycho too.
“What’s romantic about it?” Robert asks, like he genuinely wants to know what D is thinking.
D laughs again. “Kept you with him didn’t it? I mean yeah it’s insane but he didn’t die did he? I probably would have.” He nods like he’s really thinking about it. “Like stabbed too hard and hit something. He’s lucky he didn’t.”
Everything sort of stops suddenly. Aaron’s pretty sure Kerry walks in with Jacob and Eric, one of them laughs, then someone asks something about the specials on today. Aaron barely registers it. All he does is stare at the look on D’s face, the way he goes to take a sip of his pint and then stops halfway like he’s confused by the reactions around him.
Robert’s eyes are wide and red suddenly. “What?”
“What do you mean, what?” D leans forward. “You said he –” He stops talking like he’s landed himself in it. “I thought you knew. You called him a liar.”
“About –” Robert breathes in. “He told me he was dying.”
D looks awkward, finally, like he’s realised how messed up everything is.
“Oh.” D scratches the side of his head. “I didn’t think he’d pile on something else n’all.”
“He stabbed himself?” Aaron says.
Robert looks so stunned, he looks so angry, he looks like he wants to run away and Aaron finally springs to life as he gets up and elbows D out of the way.
“Right – you best be leaving.” Aaron towers over D.
“What? I haven’t finished my pint yet.” D looks down at it and then up at Aaron. “Cool down mate.”
“Aaron, leave him.” Robert says, and he sounds so calm suddenly.
“Sorry I tried.” Chas comes over, waving a hand and looking right at Aaron. “What’s all this about?”
Aaron goes to speak and then Robert stands up. “Can we talk in the back?” He asks her.
Chas nods and Robert walks past Aaron like he’s on auto-pilot, D follows them and shuts the door behind himself. He sits on the sofa like he owns the place and Robert stands by the door just blinking, just staring and blinking. Aaron stands close to him and then starts thinking about what he needs to do to help here.
“He stabbed himself? It wasn’t that Jez guy? He told you that.” Aaron says quietly.
D nods.
“That’s …” Mental. It’s beyond what Aaron thought he was capable of and that’s saying something. It’s Kev risking his life. It’s selfish self serving Kev stabbing himself so Robert would stay with him.
D sighs hard. “I thought you knew.”
“Well I didn’t.” Robert snaps. “I came back to that cell and he was bleeding out, he was – he was dying. I was so sure he was dying and now you’re saying he did it to himself? It wasn’t my fault.”
Aaron feels sick.
It wasn’t Robert’s fault. It was never his fucking fault.
D sits up like he’s suddenly realised how serious this is, maybe he’s latched on to the emotion thick in Robert’s voice all of a sudden.
“Look mate. He was convinced you wanted to appeal or something.” D waves a hand out like he’s forgotten about the details, like it’s not really that important to him.
Robert’s chin wobbles. Aaron stands directly in front of him and thinks about the appeal that never was, the waiting, the reason why Robert never went through with it. He can see it all crashing over Robert’s face.
“Robert.” Aaron whispers. He isn’t sure what he wants to say really, he just wants Robert to only see him right now.
“I didn’t mean to upset ya.” D stands like he’s realised it’s his time to go.
Aaron turns, looks right at D and wants to chuck him out the room. Then he realises that he probably owes him a pint, he’s told them something they never knew.
“Upset me?” Robert laughs, it sounds so hollow and frail. “Did he brag about how stupid I was for believing him?” He sounds so angry again, it’s all Aaron can hear.
D shakes his head. “Nah it weren’t like that.”
“What was it like?” Robert shouts. “Come on. Tell me. You knew, we were in there together and you knew and you didn’t tell me.”
“What and have Kev kick my head in? No ta. You were married and attached at the hip anyways.”
Aaron has to shut his eyes for a second to stop thinking about how that sounds.
Robert rushes forward, and suddenly D is pinned up against the wall and Robert is shaking. D shouts for Robert to get off him but Robert tightens his grip. Aaron watches as Robert’s knuckles turn white and he breathes out raggedly like he’s exhausted.
“Rob.” Aaron says, and he starts dragging Robert away. Robert lets Aaron move him, he goes limp as he hangs his head and Aaron holds him gently. D slips out from Robert’s eyeline and flattens the front of his hoodie. “You should go.” Aaron gets out.
D doesn’t say a word, just goes to open the door.
“D. I – sorry for –” Robert says, and there’s colour in his face again. He looks like himself. Aaron loves him so much, it just takes over his mind for some reason and makes his shoulders and chest tingle a little out of nowhere.
“It’s sound.” D shrugs. “Soz.” D says. He looks at Aaron. “You got a good guard dog.”
Aaron still doesn’t like him but Robert smiles a little faintly like it’s actually a nice thing to say so Aaron doesn’t scowl as D goes.
The door clicks shut and Aaron realises they’re properly alone now. Vic isn’t calling and Chas isn’t going on about nonsense and D isn’t dropping a bomb with a shrug to his shoulders like it doesn’t matter.
Robert looks exhausted. He looks like he could fall asleep right on his feet.
Aaron comes towards him slowly, he has a hand on Robert’s waist that stays there for a second until Robert leans away.
“I have to –” Robert doesn’t finish the sentence. He goes back through the bar and grabs his coat and phone.
Aaron chases after him, completely ignores the way his mum and Charity are gawping at them as they pass through. Robert keeps walking, just charging like he’s a man on a mission and not a man who has just had the rug pulled out from under him.
“Robert.” Aaron starts a light jog until he’s yanking Robert back by the arm.
Robert pushes Aaron away, hard, roughly, like it’s not Aaron. “Don’t pull me.” He sounds so small, he sounds like a child, he sounds like he wants Aaron to listen but isn’t sure if he will.
Aaron falters a little. He feels this wave of sickness hit him and he stops dead on his feet. He nods and then gently puts a hand on Robert’s face, not caring that they’re standing in the middle of the village and he’s being soft.
“Sorry.” Aaron whispers, he means it so much. “Just – wanted you to stop walking away. I’m sorry.”
Robert leans his face down onto Aaron’s palm and then breathes in.
It’s probably the most intimate they’ve been in days. It’s not sex, it’s not making each other feel good and getting out of their heads. It’s different. Aaron wants to bask in it but Robert moves away.
“I need to find him.” Robert says and Aaron is speechless. He watches as Robert walks back towards the flat. His feet won’t move. He doesn’t know what he’s meant to do until he’s hearing Chas call his name.
“What’s happened?” Chas asks. “Who was that bloke? Is Robert …”
Aaron tries to tell her not to worry, he really tries but he feels like his head is going to explode. Chas notices, she looks at him, tilts her head and her eyes grow wider and Aaron feels himself start to blubber into her shoulder before he even realises what’s happened.
“Oh darling, oh it’s OK.” Chas whispers, and she has no idea how wrong she is.