Chapter Text
Kevin gazed absentmindedly at the night view of the city through the window of the last train of the day. The lights from the skyscrapers stretched into blurred streaks, reflecting in his vacant eyes. The city remained lively and bustling even after nightfall, yet the feeling of loneliness in Kevin's heart did not lessen.
For the past six months, Kevin had been leaving home early in the morning and only returning when the city had already fallen asleep. His coworkers often asked him, half-joking and half-serious, why he was burying himself in work like that. Was he supporting elderly parents? Preparing to get married? Raising a child?
None of those.
Kevin was simply trying to keep himself busy enough that he would no longer have time to think.
At the office, at least there were still people passing by around him. Even on nights when he had to work overtime alone, the bright office lights and the constant hum of machines made him feel more at ease than returning to his empty apartment. Kevin dreaded facing those four cold walls where no one was waiting for him anymore.
Kevin had never stopped blaming himself for his parents’ deaths. He had felt a bad premonition when they boarded that train. If only he had booked their tickets earlier, on a different train. If only he had been firm enough to stop them. If only…
But there was no “if only.”
Whether he wanted to accept it or not, Kevin still had to face the truth that the people he cherished most had left him forever.
More than a year has passed, yet the pain still lingers like an unhealed wound. Kevin can calmly respond to inquiries about his family whenever he meets distant relatives, but just mentioning the truth still causes him intense pain.
His own love life wasn't much better. After years apart, Kevin and Mei still couldn’t take a single step forward together. Time had changed them too much. Kevin was no longer the energetic boy nor the basketball prince of their school days. Mei was no longer the shy bookworm either. Five years of studying abroad had made her more mature and confident in her chosen field of research.
From the moment they met again at the airport, Kevin had already sensed the invisible distance between them. Aside from a few polite questions exchanged like old friends meeting after a long time, there was nothing left between them to hold on to. The budding feelings of high school had long since faded. Their messages grew less frequent as Mei’s academic schedule became busier, and then even more sparse after Kevin started working. And ever since the day his parents passed away, he had never once taken the initiative to contact her again. He wasn’t ready to talk about it with anyone.
Now, sitting across from each other in a familiar café, Kevin finally told Mei everything. She comforted him with the gentleness of a friend, nothing more, nothing less. Kevin was grateful for her concern, but he couldn’t help feeling a faint sense of regret for a love that had ended before it had even begun.
The meeting didn't bring him the relief he'd expected. Back at his apartment, Kevin collapsed onto his cold bed, allowed the quiet emptiness to spread through him. His mind drifted to the invitation from his cousin Siegfried, who had asked him to move in with their family after his parents’ funeral. Kevin loved their family, but he knew he was just an outsider. Living with them would probably only make things more awkward.
They say time heals all wounds. But Kevin had no idea how much longer he would have to wait before life stopped feeling as hollow and meaningless as it did now.
—
Kevin's phone vibrated incessantly on the table.
It was Su.
Su had always kept in touch with him, inviting him out whenever they had free time. Since the death of Kevin's parents, that concern had intensified. Su would often stop by on weekends if work allowed, checking on him bit by bit as if he feared that the moment he looked away, Kevin might disappear. Kevin never said it out loud, but he knew well—if not for Su, he probably wouldn’t have made it this far.
He truly didn’t know what words could properly express his gratitude. His best friend was so good to him that Kevin could only repay it with a quiet promise to himself: if Su ever found himself in trouble one day, Kevin would give everything he had to help him.
"Kevin, have you had dinner yet?"
Su’s voice came from the other end of the line, mixed with the steady beeping of a monitor. It seemed Su was taking a few minutes' break between shifts. Kevin paused briefly—Su seemed to have caught on to his bad habit.
The truth was, he hadn't eaten anything yet. Since leaving the cafe with Mei, Kevin hadn't put anything in his stomach. The moment he realized it, his stomach let out a small, protesting growl.
“Ah… yeah, I already ate,” Kevin lied, his voice slightly stiff. “Just focus on your shift. Don’t worry about me too much. I can take care of myself.”
“You always say that,” Su retorted immediately, “but every time I come over, you look like you’ve gotten even skinnier.”
Kevin didn’t need to see him to imagine that familiar frown. His chest tightened slightly with guilt.
“You’ll see I’m doing better this weekend,” he said, forcing a smile even though Su couldn’t see it. “Promise. Just focus on work, okay?”
“…Alright.” Su was quiet for a moment before continuing, “I’ll trust you to keep your word.”
The call ended when one of Su’s colleagues called him away.
Kevin sighed and set his phone aside. He got up, walked into the kitchen, and quickly boiled a pack of instant noodles. If Su saw this, he would definitely be disappointed. But Kevin’s mood was so bad today that he didn’t have the energy to care. Only that familiar dish could temporarily pull him out of the spiral of dark thoughts tightening around him. The heat and the familiar taste soothed some of the emptiness in his chest. Kevin told himself that starting tomorrow, he would keep a more regular routine.
Yet the moment he was alone again, he couldn’t stop himself from slipping back into those self-destructive habits.
Su had once suggested arranging for him to see a psychologist. Kevin had reacted fiercely at the time. He believed he deserved this torment, that he had to bear the consequences of their deaths. The argument that day had been so intense that the two of them hadn’t contacted each other for weeks. The prolonged loneliness left Kevin exhausted. He had considered swallowing his pride and apologizing first, but he was afraid Su had already grown tired of him and no longer wanted to care.
Fortunately, Su didn't abandon him.
Since then, Su had started dropping by more often on the weeks when he wasn’t on shift, just to check on Kevin. That sincere concern made Kevin try not to skip meals and cut back on staying up late. The care Su showed him sometimes made Kevin feel like he didn’t deserve it at all. He didn’t want to become anyone’s burden—least of all betray Su’s kindness—so he forced himself to stop mistreating his own body so much.
Even so, it was easier said than done. The knot in his heart was still there. That self-destructive tendency continued to smolder quietly, familiar like a reflex he couldn’t shake. Kevin knew it wasn’t good for him—he just hadn’t found a way out yet.
And so his life went on like that, quieter and more routine than before. Work, home, and occasional weekends when Su stopped by to check on him. Kevin learned how to exist, even if it couldn’t quite be called living.
A few months later, the day of the Kaslana family’s annual gathering finally arrived.
Kevin forced himself to dress neatly, carefully hiding the familiar exhaustion—not only to avoid his cousin’s scrutiny, but also for the sake of his niece, Kiana. He truly didn’t want the girl to have another thing to worry about.
Only when the reflection in the mirror looked presentable enough did Kevin leave his apartment and head toward the Kaslana family estate.
_____
The Kaslana house was decorated as brilliantly as it was every year. Strings of lights hung along the entrance, casting colorful glows across the wide courtyard and creating a warm, lively atmosphere.
This year, however, a few unfamiliar faces appeared right at the gate: a woman and three children standing hesitantly, seemingly unsure whether to enter.
Kevin frowned slightly and slowly approached.
"Excuse me... who are you looking for?"
The woman looked up, paused briefly before cautiously asking in return: "Do you know Ms. Khaslana?"
The name, uttered instantly, stirred up a fragment of old memories. Khaslana—his cousin a few years older than him, with the same platinum hair as his, always gentle and always buying him snacks whenever they met. When they were children, they had been so close that Kevin had once seen her as his older sister. But after she got married, they gradually met less often. As for her children, Kevin had only caught glimpses of them a few times during rare family gatherings.
Kevin nodded.
"Yes. She's my cousin. Is there something wrong?"
The woman let out a soft sigh, as if relieved to have finally found the right person.
“I’m the younger cousin of her husband… It’s a bit of a long story. Could we find somewhere quiet to talk?”
Kevin led them into a small sitting room in the corner of the house, a place where few people passed by. The three children followed, sitting close together on the sofa. Their backs were straight, but their shoulders were slightly hunched, unable to hide the tension inside them.
The woman clasped her hands tightly together before speaking.
“The Khaslana family was involved in an accident. Both husband and wife… didn’t survive.”
Kevin’s heart tightened.
“Right now, the three children have nowhere to rely on. He didn’t have any siblings, and on my side of the family… no one is in a position to take in three children.”
Kevin turned his gaze toward the kids. They kept their heads lowered, their silence unsettling. When the woman mentioned their parents, their shoulders trembled slightly.
He looked more closely.
One child had white hair and blue eyes—a striking resemblance to their mother. Another had silver-gray hair and deep blue eyes. The third had blond hair and golden eyes. Those childlike features, especially the two with light-colored hair, made Kevin instinctively think of himself as a child. At the very least, he was certain this wasn’t a fabricated story.
"So… you want to ask the Kaslana family for help?" Kevin asked, his voice lowering.
The woman nodded slightly.
"If that were the case… that would be great."
At that very moment, all three children reacted simultaneously. The white-haired one looked up, red-rimmed eyes fixed on Kevin as if clinging to a fragile thread of hope. The other two also glanced at him briefly before quickly lowering their heads again.
Kevin's chest suddenly felt heavy. The feeling was painfully familiar—exactly like how he himself had felt more than half a year ago, standing in the midst of loss with nothing to hold on to.
And before he could think it through, he blurted out:
“I’ll adopt them.”
“Y-You… you mean that?” The woman was stunned, her voice trembling with joy.
The three children also widened their eyes and stared at him, bewildered and disbelieving.
Only then did Kevin realize what he had just said.
What the hell was he thinking? He was struggling with his own grief; how could he possibly take care of three children? Kevin hated irresponsible people—and he didn't want to be one of them.
But the correction got stuck in his throat. He couldn’t say it.
He couldn't bear to see the pale, weary face of the woman—who must have been managing everything alone all this time. Nor could he bear to see the three pairs of young eyes were looking at him with desperate hope.
Kevin realized that there are certain looks that make it impossible to turn away.
Kevin took a deep breath, trying to steady himself and forcing himself to accept the responsibility he had just placed on his own shoulders.
"I'm able to adopt three children," he said slowly. "Could you please help me with the paperwork? I'm not very familiar with these things."
The woman paused briefly, then smiled with relief.
"That's fine. It's great that you agreed. I'll take care of the paperwork for you."
She looked at him, hesitated for a moment, then asked again:
"Oh... could the kids move in with you starting tomorrow? Their belongings have already been packed."
“That’s fine. In that case,” he added, “why don’t you stay and have dinner with the family tonight?”
"Thank you very much."
The woman bent down and gave the children a few instructions before going to fetch their belongings and bring them into the room. Before leaving, she turned back and added:
"The guardian registration process will require your presence. I will contact you again when needed."
"Alright. Thank you."
When the woman disappeared from sight, the room suddenly became unusually quiet. Kevin had just turned toward the three children when three small voices spoke in unison:
“Thank you very much, Uncle…”
The little one with white hair—probably the youngest—couldn't hold back any longer and burst into tears, clinging tightly to his legs. The one with gray hair bowed his head, his shoulders trembling. The one with blond hair tried to appear strong, but a few tears still silently slipped from the corners of his eyes.
Kevin suddenly felt a lump in his throat. He blamed himself for the moment he had hesitated to send these three children away. How could he possibly be heartless enough to watch children like these being passed around by adults like a burden?
He sighed softly, bent down, and gently stroked the heads of all three of them, his movements clumsy but tender.
“We may not have seen each other very often,” Kevin said, his voice warm and gentle, “but I’ll do my best to take care of the three of you. I know how painful it is to lose your family… so there’s no need to hold your feelings back.”
"We don't see each other often," Kevin said, his voice , "but I'll do my best to take care of you three. I know how painful it is to lose a family... so don't try to hold back your emotions."
More than anyone else, he understands that pain.
The three children burst into tears in his arms. The youngest clung tightly to his arm, sobbing uncontrollably. The gray-haired one couldn't help but start weeping as well. The blond-haired one—presumably the eldest—simply shed tears silently, but tightened his embrace around his two younger siblings.
Kevin hugged all three of them tightly, feeling for the first time the full weight of a "family" resting on him.
He told himself that no matter what, he would take good care of these three children.
When the three children had gradually calmed down, Kevin led them outside to wash their faces. He had just bent down to turn on the faucet when a familiar voice sounded behind him.
"What's this?"
Siegfried stood at the bathroom door, raising an eyebrow at the scene in front of him.
"You have kids already? And… three of them, at that?"
Kevin let out a sigh.
"It's a misunderstanding. This is Khaslana's child. Do you remember her?"
The man with the ponytail pondered for a few seconds, then let out an "oh."
“Ah… the cousin with platinum hair like yours? Ever since she got married she hardly came back home, so I didn’t really keep up with her news.”
He glanced at the three children once more, then continued,
“What happened? Did the two of them go on a long trip and ask you to look after the kids?”
Kevin paused for a moment.
“They’ve… passed away,” he said softly. “In a traffic accident.”
His voice seemed to crack at the end of the sentence.
Siegfried was silent. His gaze slowly swept over Kevin, then settled on the three children huddled together. After a moment, he finally spoke:
"Are you sure you can take care of all three of them?"
Then he added calmly,
“If you need to, I can adopt them instead. Cecilia and Kiana would probably be happy to have more family members.”
Kevin hesitated.
Reason dictated that entrusting the three children to Siegfried was the most logical choice. Kevin had never taken care of children before and and he was still struggling with himself. Meanwhile, Siegfried’s home was already used to the presence of kids, to large family meals, to the noise and warmth of a family—something the three children undoubtedly longed for most.
But he also saw other things.
Three daughters in that house were already exhausting enough for Cecilia at times—especially since Kiana had never been the type to sit still. Adding three more children… could she really handle it? Would the kids be loved wholeheartedly, or simply “taken in”?
And somewhere deep inside Kevin, a very selfish part of him was speaking up.
He wanted to take care of these three children himself. He wanted a reason strong enough to force himself to live on, to get up every morning. He wanted to believe that if he could protect them, perhaps he was also, little by little, atoning for his own mistakes.
After a few minutes of silence, Kevin lifted his head.
“I think… I’ll still adopt all three of them,” he said. “I’ll learn how to take care of them and raise them.”
He gave a small smile, but his eyes were firm.
“You know how it is—when a Kaslana makes a promise, they don’t go back on it.”
His blue eyes shone with a rare determination that had not appeared for a long time.
Siegfried paused for a moment, then burst out laughing.
“Seeing you this full of determination… that’s a good thing.”
He reached out and patted Kevin’s head, a familiar gesture from their childhood.
"I thought I’d never see you like this again."
He gave his younger cousin’s shoulder a light squeeze.
“If things ever get difficult, just call your sister-in-law and me. Don’t carry everything on your own.”
The three children timidly huddled together in a corner near the bathroom door. It seemed they had overheard part of the conversation earlier, because the white-haired child spoke up again first, voice trembling.
"Uncle... are you going to abandon us?"
His voice cracked at the end of the sentence, as if just one more word would make him burst into tears again.
“No,” Kevin answered immediately, without hesitation. “I already said I’d adopt all three of you.”
He bent down, lowering his gaze to the level of the children.
"Since we'll be living together from now on, let's reintroduce ourselves properly. My name is Kevin."
The blond-haired child finally stepped forward a little. His voice was still hoarse from crying, but he tried to remain calm—the demeanor of an older brother.
“There are three siblings in our family. I’m the eldest. My name is Neikos.”
He pointed to the right. “This is Fure, the middle child.”
Then he pointed to the left. “And this is Phainon, the youngest.”
Kevin nodded and smiled.
“Alright. Then Neikos, Fure, Phainon,” he said slowly, as if engraving each name in his memory, “from now on, the four of us are a new family.”
He looked at the three of them in turn.
"You kids are probably hungry too. Get ready to join the family party. If you're worried about the crowd, you don't have to come in with me; I'll bring the food out for you."
“If the three of you feel uncomfortable,” Siegfried added, “I can have a separate table prepared in another room.”
Kevin startled slightly, only then remembering that Siegfried was still standing there.
“Um…” Neikos hesitated for a moment before bowing his head politely.
“We’ll follow Uncle Kevin. Thank you, sir…”
The dinner party went much like it did every year. A few close relatives asked a couple of questions and expressed sympathy for the children’s situation. But in the end, most of them seemed reassured when they saw Kevin by their side—something that surprised him a little, and also stirred a quiet sense of pride within him.
When the party ended, the guests gradually left. Only Siegfried’s family and Kevin remained behind to oversee the cleanup.
“Are you planning to take the kids back to the apartment you’re staying in,” Siegfried asked, “or back to your parents’ house?”
“My apartment still has enough space for the three of them,” Kevin replied after a brief pause. “Maybe when they’re older, I’ll reconsider. But for now…”
He hesitated. “I’m still… not ready.”
“Alright.” Siegfried nodded. “Then I’ll drive the four of you home.”
"Thank you."
–
The three children couldn't hide their excitement as they sat in the spacious, comfortable car. They huddled together in the back seat, alternately looking out the window and curiously glancing at Kevin through the rearview mirror.
Half an hour passed so quickly that no one even noticed. Kevin and Siegfried carried the three kids' luggage up to the apartment.
"Well," Siegfried glanced around the living room, raising an eyebrow in surprise "I thought you'd be more laid-back and messy living alone."
"Su occasionally drops by to remind me," Kevin replied, his voice sounding like a sigh, but still unable to hide the tenderness when mentioning Su. "I can't afford to be untidy."
Siegfried burst out laughing. “I’ve never had a friend that close.”
“I’m really lucky to have Su around,” Kevin murmured. “To be honest… I don’t even know how I could ever repay him.”
Siegfried was pensive. His lips parted as if he were about to say something, but in the end he simply let out a quiet breath and continued helping Kevin move the children’s belongings into the guest bedroom.
"I still don't understand why you rented a two-bedroom apartment when you live alone."
“Well, when you and your family drop by sometimes, you need a separate room, don’t you?”
Kevin stopped in front of the door, his hand resting on the doorknob.
“And besides… it worked out nicely. Now this room won’t be empty anymore.”
He glanced at the three children peeking from behind him.
“Good thing I just cleaned it yesterday. The kids can move in right away.”
Siegfried smiled. He gave Kevin a few more instructions and then drove away, leaving the apartment suddenly much quieter.
Kevin thought the three of them could share the bed he'd bought, but it seems he was wrong. The bed looked much smaller when three little figures climbed onto it.
"I'll have to buy a bigger bed tomorrow," he thought to himself.
“Have you three finished settling your things?” Kevin asked, standing at the doorway.
“How about one of you coming to sleep in my room tonight? I’ll switch to a bigger bed tomorrow.”
“It’s okay,” Neikos shook his head. "It's okay if we're a little cramped."
The three children pressed close together. It was clear they were very attached to one another, and they also seemed a little wary of him—which was completely understandable, considering Kevin was still just a stranger who had entered their lives less than a day ago.
Kevin brought in extra blankets and pillows, carefully covering each child with them.
"If anything feels wrong, or if it's too cramped," he reminded them, “my room is right across the hall.”
“Okay… good night, Uncle.”
Kevin smiled and patted each child on the head.
“Good night.”
Tomorrow happened to be the weekend. He would have to spend some time reading more about how to raise children and looking into the necessary procedures so the kids could start school as soon as possible.
____
For the past year, Kevin hadn’t even had the energy to play games, let alone read books. And yet now he could sit quietly in front of a stack of books hundreds of pages thick, patiently turning page after page about child-rearing, child psychology, and the hurried notes he had marked during the night.
Even so, his body still wasn’t used to pushing itself for long. After only a few dozen pages, Kevin’s mind had already begun to grow hazy. He let out a long yawn, closed the book, and glanced at the clock.
Eight in the morning already.
Kevin stood up, thinking about the three children still asleep in the room next door as he walked. His heart still ached slightly with pity, but this time, the feeling wasn't solitary. It was filled with a desire to protect and care for them, and the responsibility he had willingly taken upon himself.
When he returned, the apartment was no longer as quiet as when he left. Phainon was awake. The boy stood in the middle of the living room, clutching the hem of his shirt tightly, his eyes wide with panic as if he had just woken from a nightmare.
Kevin put down his bag and hurried forward.
"What's wrong, Phainon?"
“Uh… Uncle Kevin…” the boy’s voice trembled, tears welling up in his eyes, “I thought… you had left us…”
Kevin paused for a very brief moment, then immediately bent down and wrapped his arms around the child, holding him close.
“That won’t happen,” he reassured him gently.
“I only went out to buy breakfast. I’m here. I would never abandon you.”
He softly brushed the boy’s cheek, wiping away the tears that were still falling. Phainon clutched Kevin’s shirt tightly, as if letting go would mean being abandoned again. Only after a while did his sobs slowly quiet down.
"Where are your two older brothers?" Kevin asked softly. “Still sleeping?”
“Yes… I didn’t dare wake them,” Phainon replied in a small voice.
Kevin smiled and gently ruffled the boy’s soft white hair.
“Then let’s go wake them up together.”
Breakfast that morning was nothing fancy—just bread, warm milk, and a few simple things Kevin had bought in a hurry. But the three children ate obediently, occasionally whispering to one another, their eyes no longer as wary as they had been the night before.
“I bought this pastry for you to try,” Kevin said, pushing the plate toward them.
“If you like it, I’ll buy it again next time.”
Three pairs of eyes lit up ever so slightly.
“Thank you Uncle…”
Kevin sat there watching the children chatting and smiling around the table, warmth rising quietly in his chest—a feeling he hadn’t experienced for a very long time. The apartment that had once been cold and empty was now filled with small sounds: the clink of spoons against plates, soft laughter, children calling to one another.
That day passed more peacefully than he had expected. Kevin talked with the children more, listening to their hesitant answers. He played a few rounds of board games with them, even though the rules kept changing over and over again.
He came to understand the three children a little better. About the fears they kept hidden. About the loss that was far too great for children so young.
The time they had gone through had truly been too cruel for such innocent kids.
Kevin kept that in mind. Phainon—and probably Fure and Neikos as well—were deeply afraid of being abandoned. At the thought, he clenched his hand slightly.
From now on, he told himself, I have to stay here.
Not just as their guardian.
But as their family.