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Trina returned to her mother’s house feeling mentally and emotionally drained. Kai’s proposal, her turning him down, and sending him away. Then finally, Spencer’s return and the realization that he had been back for nearly a month and was just now truly getting in touch with her. It all had sent her reeling, and now, she was just so very exhausted...too exhausted to take care of Taby, and what she really needed was her mom. Taby’s birth had bonded mother and daughter like nothing else ever had. Watching her mother with the new baby had shed new light on the mother/daughter bond and made her understand why Portia could never give up on her. Why she had done all she had done, good and bad, for Trina. Seeing that bond so clear with the baby, it made her understand that it was a bond that never went away. No matter how damaged it got. No matter how old the child became. The love she saw was a love that lasted a lifetime and was indestructible. Her mother was always going to love her completely and thoroughly, no matter what. That understanding had put their bond on steady ground and made it easier to repair what had been damaged. Taby’s presence, her innocence and love, made it even easier as mother and daughter bonded over the care of the baby.
Trina walked into the house to find her mother cuddling with Dr. Isaiah Gannon on the couch. Her mother’s lover still wasn’t Trina’s most favorite person in the world, but he was good to both her mother and her sister, and he did have a hand in getting her to see that she was getting in her own way when it came to forgiving Portia for all her lies and had a hand in their reconciliation and building a new bond that now involved Portia, Trina, and her baby sibling. So she was grateful to him for that, so she accepted the relationship. As long as Portia was happy, so was she.
“Trina, you’re home! And why do you have Taby? This is supposed to be Curtis’s night,” Portia got to her feet, her lips turned down in a frown, then she sighed, annoyed. “Let me guess. They saddled you with your sister once again for another date night. That man. He asked for fifty-fifty custody, yet he barely has her with him! Trina, I need you to start putting your foot down. I know that you love your sister and love spending time with her, but your father needs to start pulling his weight!”
“Mom, it’s alright. I love having Taby. I think she’d rather be with me than with dad anyway,” Trina entered the room and set the baby carrier down, then began to unfasten her sister and lifted the baby up into her arms. “Plus, she misses you. So I thought that bringing her to visit would be ok.”
“Sweetie, you know it’s more than ok. I love having both of my girls with me. It just makes me mad that Curtis keeps doing this. Really makes me glad that you had Taggert when you were a child. Not a day went by that he didn’t have you with him. I remember, we all had to fight him, just to hold you,” Portia sighed. “I thought that Curtis would have been the same way for Taby. I wish…”
“Hey, don’t,” Isaiah got to his feet and placed gentle hands on Portia’s shoulders, gently massaging the tension out of them. “Don’t go there. You’re not responsible for him. Just be here for Taby. Let her know that she’s loved and wanted, which I think, between the three of us, she very well knows that.”
Trina watched Isaiah calm her mother, soothing the annoyance right out of her. She again realized that this was probably the healthiest relationship that her mother had ever been in. That made her both sad and happy for her mother at the same time. Happy that she had finally found her person, yet sad that it had taken two husbands and a grown daughter to do so. But she finally had, and that was what mattered.
Looking at her daughter, Portia grew concerned. Trina looked...preoccupied? Something was heavy on her daughter’s mind. She hoped that it wasn’t Isaiah. Trina had seemed to have accepted Isaiah a long time ago. Did something happen to change her mind? She turned to her lover with an indulgent smile, hoping that he would cooperate.
“Darling, Taby seems tired. Will you take her up to her nursery? Maybe read to her that one story she loves? Maybe two? Let her get some rest before Trina returns her to Curtis?” Portia pleaded with her eyes, signaling that she needed some alone time with her eldest daughter.
“Mom, that’s ok. I can do it. I don’t want to disturb you two,” Trina offered, feeling bad.
“It’s ok. I can do it. I don’t mind getting some extra Taby time,” Isaiah smiled without hesitation. He had picked up on what Portia was signaling and had no problem complying.
“Are you sure? I really don’t mind…”
“I’m positive. I’ll take Taby, and you and your mom can talk about your day. It’s been a rather...exciting one for us doctors,” Isaiah chuckled, gently taking the baby from Trina and giving Portia one more wink before heading up to the nursery, leaving Portia and Trina alone.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean to intrude,” Trina sighed, guilt mixing in with the rest of the heavy feelings boiling inside of her at the moment.
“Sweetheart, you can never intrude. Come. Sit. Let us talk. I can tell that something’s heavy on your mind,” Portia returned to the couch and patted the spot beside her. “Come. Tell me all about it. Maybe I can help.”
Trina didn’t know if there was any help for this situation. Besides, her mother didn’t like Spencer, and it had been a point of contention between them. She really didn’t feel like fighting with her mother about Spencer and having to hear all the reasons why she should tell him to keep walking. But who else could she talk to? Emma was having a night out with Gio, and Joss was busy with her family issues right now and didn’t need Trina piling on. Making up her mind, she decided to accept her mother’s offer and sat next to her.
“It’s a lot...if you want to take the time to hear it,” Trina sighed.
“I have plenty of time for you, you know that. Now tell me all about it.”
“Well...first thing is first. Kai got an offer in DC that he’s taking...and he proposed to me, wanting me to not only go with him...but to marry him.”
Portia’s eyes widened with shock and delight. She had always liked Kai! He had been so good for Trina! Nice, and safe! No girlfriends. No crazy family members, and he adored Trina! Yes, he did betray the family once, but that had been a misstep, and he had more than made up for it! He had long been forgiven, and Portia was as pleased as punch for her daughter. Her smile faded as she saw that her daughter didn’t seem at all pleased. Which meant….
“You turned him down, didn’t you? Why? I mean...you two seemed to be in love and happy.”
“We were happy...for a minute. But...in love...mom...I care about Kai...but I wasn’t in love with him. His proposal...it made me realize that. He wanted me to leave Port Charles, leave my family...leave Taby and start a life with him...because I loved him...and if I felt for him the way I had felt for…Spencer...it would have been an easy yes. But...I didn’t feel that strongly for him.”
“Oh Trina...love comes in all kinds of ways and levels and forms...Spencer was a first love, but Kai…”
“Kai was the guy who made me feel something again after losing Spencer. I loved him...for that...but I’m not in love. I don’t love him enough to leave all that makes up my life here behind. I’m sorry, but I don’t. You and I had just gotten our bond back on a healthy level. I love my job and the path I’m on in the art world. I love my baby sister, and I want to be here to watch her grow up! I know how I feel, even though he claims that I don’t!”
“So you told him no?”
“I told him no. Then I told him to leave when he told me that I was confused and didn’t know how I felt.”
Portia winced. “Well, that was a mistake. You know very well how you feel.”
“Exactly. I told him to leave, and he did. I wish him well, but I can’t be with him, Mom. Not when he doesn’t respect me and my decisions. When it’s clear that he never did.”
“Oh, Trina. I am so sorry that this happened. I know how happy you were with Kai. It may not have been what you had with Spencer...but it was something…”
“And now it’s over and done. I’m sad about it...but...I couldn’t marry him, Mom. Not when I didn’t love him enough to leave the life I have here in Port Charles behind! It wouldn’t have been right! He has a soulmate somewhere, it’s not me. I had to let him go!”
“Of course you did! I understand, and it must have hurt to let him go like that…”
Trina hesitated, then sighed and shook her head. “I was too angry to be hurt, to be honest. The way he tried to convince me that I was confused about my own feelings...I felt like he was...denying my agency, you know?”
Portia simply nodded. “Of course, I do. I understand. I can also tell that...there’s something else that’s bothering you. What is it, baby?”
Trina wasn’t sure if she should even talk about the Spencer part, but she had already spilled the beans about turning down Kai. She couldn’t think of a reason to hold back about Spencer, even if her mother would probably blow a gasket over it. She never did like Spencer, not like she had Kai.
“Well...actually, I guess what’s next can be considered a miracle. Something that I had hoped for for so long, but had to accept that I’d never get it and move on.”
“What happened?”
“Well...it was a good while after Kai had left when...Spencer arrived. Thinner than I remembered...a little worse for wear...but alive...solid...real,” Trina sniffed. “He came back to me, Mom...he really did.”
“Oh my god...Spencer’s alive?”
Trina nodded, wiping away her angry tears. “He is...and as stupid, inconsiderate, foolish...as ever!”
“Honey...what happened? I’ll listen. There’s no judgment here. I promise.”
Trina took a moment to pull herself together before continuing. “Well, at first...I was surprised, but happy. I was also confused because I couldn’t understand how he was there, alive, solid, real. Not a figment of my imagination. Not the return of the grief I had felt when I had lost him, or an impossible wish that would disappear. He was there. I asked him how. So he explained that a fisherman had pulled him out of the river. That he had been in a coma for a good year. When he woke up, he had no memory, and it took another year for that memory to return and for him to get back on his feet...and when he did...he came home. Came right home to me.”
“Oh, Trina…”
“We talked...I even introduced him to Taby. And that’s when more was revealed, because he knew about Kai. In fact...he thought that Taby belonged to Kai and me, talking about how she looked like me and all…”
“What? He thought that Taby was your daughter with Kai?” Portia arched a surprised brow. It had never occurred to her that such an assumption could be made. But then again, Taby looked so much like her big sister. It would have been an easy assumption.
Trina grimly nodded. “That’s when I realized something. Spencer never knew Kai. So how did he even know to mention him, or whether Taby had anything to do with him? So Spencer admitted the truth. He hadn’t returned home tonight. He’s been here in Port Charles for a month, just following me around, out of my sight, just watching me go about my life, failing to even alert me of his presence!”
“What!”
“I know. A freaking Cassadine thing to do! I’m so mad at him, Mom!”
“Why would he do something like that?! With the past he has with stalking! With what’s known about the Cassadines?! Did he explain himself?!”
Trina sniffed and nodded. “He claimed that he didn’t want to disrupt my life. That I had looked happy and at peace, and he didn’t want to complicate it. That all he had ever brought to my life was pain and misery, and he didn’t want me to feel obligated to leave the supposed life that I seemed to have had with Kai. He claimed that he was going to leave tonight, after realizing that Kai was about to propose. He assumed that my answer would be yes. So he had planned to leave without even letting me know that he was alive and well!”
“What changed his mind?”
“Joss. She came upon him and told him off and made him see that I deserved closure...a closure that only he could give me. She convinced him to come to talk to me after all.”
“Oh, Trina…”
“I am so mad at him, Mom! He...he didn’t give a thought to how I may feel! What I may want or need! He didn’t even think about how much I had missed him! Loved him! Needed him! God, I needed him so much...being without him, it had hurt so bad, Mom. I didn’t even know if I could have survived it!”
Portia reached out to run her hand through her daughter’s braids, her heart aching to see Trina’s tears. “But you did survive it, honey!”
“I know...but still...he didn’t think about what I may want. He just assumed that he knew what was best for me, and that was to be without him! And that’s what I am angry about, Mom! Him just assuming that the best thing for me was to be without the love of my life! To be without him! He didn’t think about how gray my world has become! How dim! How could he not realize that?! Why did he think that my world was better off without him in it?! I don’t understand!”
Hearing Trina’s tear-filled words, Portia winced, her heart dropping. She knew why Spencer would think such a thing, and she knew that she had a lot to do with it. Trina’s tears...they were just as much her fault as Spencer’s. She shared the blame for Trina’s tears tonight...and it was time to take responsibility for her part.
“Trina...I may know why Spencer assumed such a thing. It has to do with me...most likely,” Portia confessed, taking a deep breath, steeling herself for Trina’s wrath
“What do you mean?” Trina frowned, confused.
“Well...you know that I never liked Spencer and had a hard time accepting your relationship. I had never accepted it, really. I had just...tolerated it,” Portia gave a guilty sigh. “But back then...Whenever I found myself alone with Spencer...I’d tell him how undeserving he was of you. That he wasn’t good for you. That he was connected to too many dangerous people. That he had put you in danger and would again...even when you went to Paris and that drama with Esme...I can’t believe Laura never called me out for this, but I blamed him for Esme showing up.”
“Mom! How could you?!”
“I know! I know, and I am so sorry! When he fell into the river, protecting you...I felt so much guilt. I may have wanted him gone from our life...but not like that! I never wanted him dead, and I regretted my treatment of him ever since! Especially when I saw how his death had affected you...and even then, I couldn’t understand why you had loved him so much after all the drama he had brought to your life. It wasn’t until Isaiah happened….that I fully understood.”
“What do you mean? What does Isaiah have to do with this?” Trina stared at her mother, confused. She had long ago accepted that Isaiah was going to be a fixture in her mother’s life, but she had no idea how that influenced her mother’s feelings about Spencer.
Portia reached over to take Trina’s hands, hoping that her daughter would understand. She had to make her understand, because that would be the only way she wouldn’t lose the bond that they had worked so hard to rebuild. “You have to understand...my past relationships with both Taggert and Curtis...even though I did love them both and they had loved me, I believe that they had, even though it had all fallen apart...they were nothing like what you had with Spencer. There was no give and take. Both men had expectations of me that I couldn’t fulfil. They never...accepted me, flaws and all, for who I was. They needed me to be their version of the perfect wife, not the woman that I truly am. That’s why I had lied to both men, trying to fit what they wanted me to be, never being myself, because they couldn’t accept it. Their love for me...it wasn’t unconditional. Not the way Spencer’s was for you. So I couldn’t understand that kind of love. That kind of romantic love had never existed for me...not until now. Not until Isaiah. Trina, he loves me for me. He’s accepted who I am, Portia Robinson, flaws and all. He knows my past. He knows all that I’ve done to keep you and my family safe...all the good and bad parts...and he loves me anyway! I’ve never had that! Not once! Not when it comes to romance! So I didn’t get it when you and Spencer were together. I didn’t get how both of you could just freely accept and love each other, no matter the mistakes, the missteps, the danger, the drama. But now...now that I’ve been shown up close and personal that such love exists...I do understand it. And I am so sorry. I am so sorry that I ever thought about getting in the way of that because...that’s what I want for you, Trina. I want you to have a love like that...and you did have it with Spencer, and I realize that now, and I am grateful for it!”
“Oh mom,” Trina sobbed, feeling awful that her mother had such a hard time finding the kind of love she deserved, but grateful that she had it now and had led her to the acceptance that her own relationship with Spencer needed. “I never thought of how bad things had been for you with both of my fathers, and I am so sorry for that.”
“Baby, there’s nothing for you to be sorry for!”
“There is...because I had given you such a hard time when I had found out about you and Isaiah.”
“Hey, you could have been worse, and I would have deserved it.”
“I appreciate you telling me this, Mom. I do. It means a lot that you trusted me and our bond to reveal all that you’ve told me.”
“Well, you deserved to know the reason why Spencer felt that he wasn’t deserving of you and my part in it. I am truly sorry for all I had done, all that I had said to that young man to make him feel that way. I wish that I could go back and take it all back. Take those words...words that have probably played on repeat in his head, away. I really do.”
“But you can’t. But maybe...Maybe I can get rid of them for you. Make him see that he is deserving. I’m just...so mad at him, Mom! Even knowing all of that doesn’t make my anger go away!”
“Trina...maybe it’s not anger you’re feeling, baby.”
Trina frowned. “What? Well then, what is it? Because it’s dark and heavy...and I can’t stand feeling this way! That he made me feel this way! It…hurts!”
“That’s what it is, baby. It’s hurt! You’re hurt! You had grieved for him long and hard! You may have thought that I wasn’t paying attention, but I had been. Even despite your relationship with Kai, you had never stopped grieving Spencer! Even though you moved through it, you were never over it. It hurts that he doesn’t realize just how much you love him. How much his death had affected you.”
“Mom...I still love him so much! I thought that I had made him see that…made him feel it...but now I know that I’ve failed! How can I live knowing that he was in Paris all alone, probably feeling that I didn’t love him! That he wasn’t deserving of it…?”
Portia tightened her grip on her daughter’s hands, her eyes meeting Trina’s straight on. “You make him see it, sweetie. Make him feel it. Show him your heart and make sure there’s never a question of it. If you want back what the two of you had, you’re going to have to show him your heart. All of it. The good, the bad. The ugly, and the beautiful. And you make him not only see it, but feel it, so there’s never a doubt that he deserves your love. That he deserves to be the man by your side. That there can never be anyone else. No matter how much time has passed.”
“I get what you’re saying, Mom. You’re right...I’ll just have to show him...but right now…it just hurts to even think about him…”
“Well, you don’t have to do it right now, right? It’s not like he’s going to leave town anytime soon…”
“He promised me that he wouldn’t. That he’ll stay until I’m ready to talk…”
“Well, that’s good. So right now, you don’t have to even think about any of that. You have time to feel what you feel for however long that you need to feel it. Don’t even think about seeing him until you’re ready.”
Trina simply nodded, wiping away her tears. “Can I stay the night?”
“Of course you can. Your room is waiting for you. I’ll call Curtis and let him know that Taby is here if he wants to pick her up.”
Trina wrapped her arms around Portia in a tight hug. “Thank you, Mom. For everything.”
“This is what I’m here for,” Portia smiled, hugging her daughter back.
“Is everything ok, down here?” Isaiah returned, hesitation clear in his voice. He knew that Portia and Trina were having a private discussion and didn’t want to interrupt.
“Everything is perfect,” Portia smiled, releasing Trina, who got to her feet.
“Well, I am done intruding on your time together. I’ll just head upstairs to bed and continue to think about everything,” Trina smiled, turning to the stairs, then pausing before turning to Isaiah. “Um, Isaiah?”
“Yes?”
“...Thank you. For loving my mom in the way she deserves. I’m happy that she has finally found the love that she should have always had,” Trina simply stated before heading up to her room.
“Did that just happen?” Isaiah blinked in surprise. He knew that Trina had reluctantly accepted his relationship with his mother, so her words had come as a surprise.
Portia tearfully smiled and held her hand out. “It did. Come. Shall we continue with our night?”
“You don’t have to ask me twice,” Isaiah happily smiled, joining his girlfriend on the couch, wrapping his arms around her.
Portia sighed as she allowed herself to once again melt into Isaiah’s embrace, her mind wandering to Trina and her predicament. Feeling loved and blessed in the arms of the man who gave her such unconditional love, she hoped that her daughter would heal and find her way back to the man who gave her the kind of love that Isaiah so freely bestowed on her. If anyone deserved such love, it was her beautiful daughter, and this time, she won’t have to worry about a disapproving mother getting in the way.