Chapter Text
Spencer found himself sitting on a nearby bench on the docks, staring wistfully at the castle that had once been his home. He’s been back in Port Charles for a good month now after two years of being in a coma, amnesia, and physical therapy. Finally, he had been cleared and released to return to his life, but the life that he had thought he was returning to, it seemed to have disappeared into the dark depths of the river that he had been fished out of by a lone fisherman.
Once he was back on his feet, he had hopped on the first plane back to Port Charles, wanting to reunite with the people he loved most in the world. Once he was back stateside, instead of heading for his grandmother's, he headed straight for the gallery, wanting to reunite with the woman he thought of as the love of his life. What he walked in on was something that he hadn’t been expecting.
Trina and some guy, standing at her desk, their backs to the door so they didn’t see him. All of their attention was focused on a baby in a car seat. A beautiful baby with brown skin and brown eyes that matched Trina’s perfectly. The man standing next to Trina had his hand on the small of her back, standing intimately close as Trina played with the baby’s small hand and cooed to it as the guy laughed, his deep voice full of affection. It was a scene out of one of those Norman Rockwell paintings that spoke of family, warmth, and love. The scene was everything he had ever wanted to share with Trina...yet sadly, he was no part of it.
He could put an end to the peaceful scene. Step forward and announce his presence. Step back into Trina’s life, as if he had never left. Ignore that her life had obviously moved on without him. That the new guy and child simply didn’t exist or matter. He was a prince, a Cassadine. It was his wants and needs that mattered. Not Trina’s...and not the child’s. That would have been his actions if he didn’t love Trina endlessly. If it wasn’t her happiness and well-being that he wanted most of all, even after all this time. He had brought Trina so much pain, so much anxiety, and grief during their time together, despite his deep love for her. Pulled her in situations she wouldn’t have been in if not for him. Ruining her life...her opportunities.
Making a decision, Spencer turned around and walked out of that gallery. It broke his heart, but it was the best thing he could do for Trina. She deserved a world of peace, security, love, and family. A world that the man by her side in there can give her, where he could only give her chaos and heartbreak. All he ever brought to her was trouble, just like her mother had said. He was weak when he had failed to stay out of Trina’s life, but now, he was going to be strong. He was going to stay away. Leave her to the calm, happy, safe life that she deserved.
At least...that had been part of the plan. He was going to stay away from Trina, yet reconnect with his family...but he soon found out that Ace was in Ireland and his father was in prison. He was happy to find out that his Aunt Lulu was awake, but somehow...he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t reconnect with his family. So he had decided to leave Port Charles altogether...but he failed at that too...because Trina was a flame to his moth. He had to see her again, even if she never knew that he was around. So...he went back to his old stalking habit and followed her around for about a month. Watched her as she lived her life. He saw her happy and her not-so-happy moments. He watched as she cared for her baby and lived the life he had nearly died to give her. He watched as that guy, who he learned was named Kai, proposed to her, and how she hesitated and told him she’d think about it.
That had been when Spencer had enough. He wasn’t about to watch the woman he loved accept a marriage proposal. So after a month of quietly following Trina, he decided to leave Port Charles and the past behind once and for all.
He had just wanted to see Wyndemere one last time before he left. Say goodbye to his old life before starting anew somewhere else. His heart ached as he sat there, allowing all the pain of the past flow through him. Memories of a loving father turned cold. A loving grandmother. And the most amazing, most beautiful girl whose love was given to him freely for an all too short time. The only girl that will ever own his heart fully, no matter how much time passes. He’ll never forget that time with Trina. He’ll hold her in his heart forever; that was for sure. He just hoped that Kai person treated her right. That he knew what he had and never hurt her.
“Oh my god! Spencer?! You’re alive!”
Spencer’s heart fell into his stomach as he found Josslyn Jacks staring at him in clear shock and disbelief. He swallowed hard and tried to smile, a smile that he didn’t feel. In fact, all he felt at that moment was dread. Joss was sure to tell Trina about this, and she’ll probably hate him now. Which was just as well. Trina will be sure to turn away from any path back to him for good and go on with her happy life with that Kai guy.
“Hello, Joss. Long time, no see, right?” Spencer greeted, trying to keep any sign of emotion out of his voice.
Joss stood there just staring at him, then shook her head in disbelief. “Spencer, where have you been all of this time? We’ve all grieved for you! Trina grieved for you! We all thought that you were dead, and now here you are alive and well...I don’t understand!”
“I was rescued, but was in really bad shape. I was in a coma for a year...then had amnesia for another year and worked on getting all of my facilities back in order...then my memory returned, and I made my way back home as soon as possible...just to find that everyone has moved on. Is that enough of an explanation for you?”
“How long have you been back? Have you even attempted to see Trina? Or your grandmother and Alexis and Sonny, for that matter?” Joss took the seat next to him, her mind full of questions. This was so unbelievable. Spencer was back! This would mean so much to Trina, especially after the morning she had with Kai. She was sure that once Trina saw Spencer alive and well...that bit of something that had been missing in her friend for so long would return.
Spencer swallowed hard again, knowing that Joss was not going to like his answer. He didn’t like it either. It had been one full month of torture, watching Trina go about her life without him. Needlessly heaping pain onto himself, and only now finding strength enough to stop. “A month, and no. Trina doesn’t know. Nobody does.”
“What?! Spencer, you asshole!” Joss exclaimed, her eyes flashing with anger and hurt. “Oh my god! What the hell?! Why?!”
Spencer winced, seeing the anger and hurt in Joss’s eyes and just knowing that it would be even worse for Trina. “I...I saw her with that Kai. I saw how she moved on...how...she seemed...more at peace...and I couldn’t bring myself to disturb that. She deserves that peace, Joss. She had gone through so much because of me and my ties to Esme...I couldn’t take that peace away from her...so I...I called myself staying away. Not only from her...but everyone else I love...because let’s face it. Everyone’s better off without me. I’ve been nothing but trouble from the moment I returned from boarding school. I know, you know it...Trina’s mother knew it…it was a choice I had to make because it was for the best…”
“But what about Trina’s choice? Shouldn’t it be her choice on whether she wanted you back in her life or not?! You took that choice away from her, Spencer!”
“She doesn’t need me, Joss! I’ve spent a month following her around, and she’s fine! She’s living life, happy and safe, and at peace! She doesn’t need me, and doubt she’d even want me to turn back up!”
“So you’ve spent a month stalking her?! Like a fucking creep?!”
“I couldn’t help myself! On some level, I think I was trying to talk myself into approaching her, but then I saw him propose to her...I knew I had to leave. I can’t stick around and watch her become someone else’s...it was torture enough to see them together. So don’t worry. My days of stalking Trina are over.”
“Oh my god...Spencer, this is insane! You are insane! Look, Kai Taylor is a good guy, alright. I like him. Everyone likes him...but he’s not you. Ever since your death, something has been absent in Trina...it took her a good year to even think about seeing anyone else...but there was something that went out in Trina that had never returned. When she lost you...she lost a part of herself...and I think you owe it to her to let her know that you’re alive. To give her back that part of herself, at least!”
“Are you serious? No way am I going to let Trina know that I’m alive after all!”
“Because she’ll be rightfully pissed and hurt that you didn’t go to her straight away? You deserve her anger, Spencer!”
Spencer rolled his eyes and sighed. “No. Because she’ll feel conflicted. She’ll feel guilty for moving on. She’ll feel bad because she found happiness again, and I don’t want that for her, Joss! She’s happy, in love, and she doesn’t need me ruining that for her! It’s best that she doesn’t know, and you know it! Let her have this peace!”
“You really don’t know Trina at all, do you?”
“I do. That’s why I’m staying out of her life and leaving town...so she won’t have to feel that.”
“You’re being so unfair to her, Spencer! To her and your family! Heck, you even have a new cousin that’s your age, who would love to get to know you, but as always, that doesn’t matter to Spencer Cassadine!”
“How can you say that?” Spencer stared at Joss with pure hurt in his eyes. “You know this is killing me.”
“Because it’s the truth! You have this negative perception of yourself, Spencer! A perception that you think is true, because you say so! Who cares how the rest of us see you! Who cares that we love you and missed you terribly! Who cares that your return could bring so much more happiness than pain! What matters is that you think you’re bad, and that’s all that matters! Who cares what the rest of us may think!”
Spencer couldn’t help but snort, rather surprised by Joss’s rant. “Is this from the girl who once told me to go back to Europe and stay there?”
“Yes. The same girl who told you that had also given you good advice more times than she’s given you bad. Lucky for you, you had always taken the good.”
Spencer nodded and looked down at his hands, thinking of all the times he had deserved Joss’s anger, and all the times she had come through for him regardless. They may not have been the best of friends, but she had always had his back when it came to his relationship with Trina. He’ll always appreciate that, and he regretted the fracture in their friendship that his own attitude had caused.
“Joss...I’m sorry.”
Joss frowned, confused. “You should be. Trina has the right to…”
“I’m sorry about Dex. I know that you had loved him a lot and that his death had most likely devastated you. I’m also sorry for my bad attitude towards him and how I allowed it to affect our friendship. I was horrible to you both, yet you were still my friend. You kept me from imploding my relationship with Trina.”
Joss sighed, her voice somber as she spoke. She didn’t talk about Dex much, and when she did, there was a deep ache in her heart that she knew would never go away. It joined the ache that she felt whenever Oscar was mentioned. Which was why she knew that Trina would want to see Spencer. “You know...if Dex somehow returned from the dead...even if it was for an hour..I’d love to see him...talk to him...just be in his presence. Even if it was to see him one last time. What you had with Trina, it was on a deeper level than even what I had with Dex, so I know that Trina would want to see you again. Even if it was to say goodbye. Even if it was just for a few minutes. She’d want to see you, Spencer, and it’s wrong of you to deny her that.”
“Joss...it won’t do her any good. Leaving is the best I can do for her.”
“I don’t believe that, and neither do you. You want to leave, because you’re scared. You want to avoid Trina because of the chance she’d tell you to get lost. Look, I can’t tell you what to do. I can’t make you stay. But, if you leave...at least give Trina the closure she needs first. You owe her at least that much.”
“She’s moved on, Joss…”
“Has she, Spencer? Has she really? Because the last she saw of you, you were falling to your death.”
Spencer swallowed hard, not sure how to respond to that. Maybe Joss was right, and Trina deserved a chance to get closure...but it had hurt to watch her with that guy...to not be the man by her side. To know that she would never be his ever again...but Trina did deserve closure where their relationship was concerned...and perhaps that could be his final gift to her.
“I’ll think about what you’ve said.”
“You do that, Spencer. Hopefully, the next time I see Trina, she’ll have a story to tell. That is, if you’re the man that both of us believe you to be,” Joss got to her feet and sadly smiled. “I have to go now...but..good luck, Spencer. I’m glad that you’re not dead.”
Spencer chuckled and gave her a smile of his own. “So long, Joss.”
He watched her go before returning his attention back to Wyndemere. Joss had indeed given him a lot to think about. He didn’t know what good could come by going to see Trina, but perhaps Joss was right. Trina deserved closure...they both did. But in order to get that, he’d have to go see her...something he didn’t know that he’d have the strength to do.