Work Text:
From the start, there had been something hauntingly, breathtakingly familiar about the angel.
I don’t remember my life before I fell. Not really. If I closed my eyes and concentrated, I had vague impressions of being in space and creating my stars. But that’s it. Nothing else.
And yet…
When I slithered up Eden’s wall and locked eyes with the angel, I felt my corporation take a deep breath for the first time as a name flashed across my mind’s eye.
Aziraphale.
It defied explanation. Why did I feel such a strong connection to an angel that I had just met? How did I know his name? Had we met each other before my fall, up there in the stars I’d created?
I bit my tongue and didn’t ask my questions. I’d already paid too high a price for my inquisitiveness.
When the rain started and Aziraphale opened a wing to provide shelter, I shuffled closer, grateful to stay warm and dry. The sense of all this having happened before intensified, and I wondered how long it would last.
}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{
Looking back, I can’t say for certain when I fell in love with Aziraphale. I only remember the way he made me feel - how being around him affected my corporation in a very human way.
There’s a popular saying that falling in love is as easy as breathing. Sounds a bit ridiculous to me and yet — it’s a very good thing that demons don’t need air to live.
I didn’t realize how often I wasn’t breathing until a child shortly before the Flood pointed at me and screamed, “That man’s not breathing!” or something like that. I hadn’t spent that much time around humans before then – at least not enough for them to notice things like my lack of respiration. So, I began to practice until it became something I didn’t have to think about and soon, I was breathing just like any other human being.
Until I saw Aziraphale among the crowd gathered around Noah’s ark.
The moment my eyes found him, my corporation seemed to malfunction. My breathing stopped for a few seconds, before restarting at an accelerated rate. My skin flushed and my head spun.
Was this how the humans felt when I was tempting them to—
No! I was the original tempter! The serpent from the garden of Eden and the very idea that I was now being tempted by this pure, holier-than-Thou angel—
Breathe.
I just needed to remember how to breathe, and everything would be fine. This strange sensation, this malfunction would pass and my corporation would return to its normal rhythms.
It was several centuries before I could admit to myself that perhaps I was having — feelings. The sort of feelings that human beings had for each other that went beyond friendship.
I was in love with an angel. And I was fucked if the truth ever came out.
So I vowed to keep these feelings to myself until the end of the world.
}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{
CROWLEY’S MAYFAIR FLAT
2019
I’d been too late.
Unlike 1793 and 1941, I hadn’t arrived in the nick of time.
He’s gone. You pushed him away. You fucked it all up and he’s gone forever and you’re all alone now.
These thoughts had played on an endless loop in my head ever since I’d arrived outside the book shop and found it engulfed in flames.
I let the hot water cascade down my head and shoulders, as I tried to focus on the fact that the final battle was over. We’d won.
Aziraphale was back – just like that, Adam had fixed everything when he was supposed to be the one to end it all. Without our influence, he’d somehow turned out okay – and the world was saved. Except….
There was one final fly in the ointment. Aziraphale and I might still be ripped apart forever if we couldn’t figure out one last prophecy from a witch who had died centuries ago.
I slammed my forehead against the shower wall. I didn’t think I would ever get the smell of smoke off my skin. My clothes had been banished to the ether, and a pair of pajamas were waiting on the vanity, for whenever I decided to get out. I knew I was hiding, that Aziraphale was waiting for me, but I couldn’t face him. He wanted to talk, to figure out our next move but I had no answers. I’d failed him. His bookshop was gone. Heaven and Hell were coming for us–
“Crowley?” Aziraphale’s voice came through the bathroom door, breaking the cycle of my thoughts.
I stuck my head out of the water. “Yeah?”
“I – uh, I made something for us to eat.”
I stepped onto the bath mat, wrapping a towel around my waist. “Out of what?”
Aziraphale’s voice sounded tired and small. “I miracled us some nibbles from that deli around the corner we both like. I hope that’s alright.”
I snapped my fingers and was instantly dry and clothed. “It’s fine, angel. I’m not hungry but you go ahead. I’ll be out soon.”
There was a pause, but then came a tentative knock and a whisper, “Crowley?”
I thumped my head against the mirror. “Yeah?”
“You – you’ve been in there for a long time. Are you alright, my dear?”
“Fine.”
“I’d like to see for myself – just to be sure. Please open the door.”
I lifted my head and stared at the door, surprised at the emotion I heard in his voice. I wanted to open that door, but I was afraid, knowing that I wasn’t strong enough to keep up my walls tonight. Not after everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. As a very clever angel had said back in 1941, I was tired of pretending. So very tired.
I opened the door and Aziraphale’s eyes met mine.
“Angel.”
He lifted a hand and cupped my left cheek. “There you are. I was getting worried. I know you enjoy your showers but – ooff!”
The rest of whatever he was going to say was lost as I swept him up in a giant bear hug, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him against my chest. I rested my head on top of his curls and just breathed in his comforting scent: a blend of cocoa, old paper, and something uniquely Aziraphale.
“I thought I lost you yesterday,” I whispered.
“Oh dearest, I’m here.” Aziraphale pressed a kiss against the corner of my mouth before burying his face in my shoulder and tightening his arms around me. “You know, for a moment there, I thought I was going to lose you at the airbase. When you collapsed on the tarmac—”
I lifted a hand and ran it through his soft hair. “I’m still here. Not going anywhere.”
Aziraphale’s stomach rumbled, breaking the moment, and I smiled.
“Come on, let’s get some food in you—”
“Not yet.” Aziraphale pressed another kiss to my cheek. “For now, can we just do this some more?”
My lips twitched as I bit back a laugh. “Hold each other in my bathroom?”
“Doesn’t have to be in the bathroom, you foul fiend! We could relocate to another room.”
I pulled back and tried to hide how vulnerable I still felt. “Does that mean you would be open to –” I rubbed my neck in embarrassment. “Never mind.”
“No, come on, dear. Out with it.”
“Just, I’d like to have you close tonight. Not for – I’m not trying to tempt you into my bed, but I’d really like to sleep next to you tonight. Just so I can hear you breathe. Just to know you’re still here with me.”
“Crowley.” Aziraphale’s eyes welled with tears as he leaned in and placed a feather light kiss on my forehead. “I think that’s the sweetest thing you have ever said to me.”
“Is that a yes?”
Aziraphale took my hand and led me out of the bathroom, turning off the light as we left. “Why don’t you go lie down and I’ll fetch us the tray of nibbles?”
I shrugged. “Still not all that hungry.”
“Wine, then?”
I shrugged again.
Aziraphale stepped closer. “Crowley? What do you want?”
You. Just you.
I kept the words from escaping my throat by sheer force of will and backed away towards my room. “Mmm, sleep. But I don’t know if I can. When I close my eyes, I think I might dream of fire.”
Understanding flooded Aziraphale’s eyes and his hand squeezed mine. “I’ll be right next to you all night long, helping you dream of whatever you like best.”
I cleared my throat as the air left my lungs in a rush. “Ngk. Right. Good.”
Aziraphale lifted our joined hands and brushed a kiss across my knuckles. “And in the morning, we’ll figure out Agnes’ prophecy. Together.”
}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{
FELL’S BOOKSHOP
February 14, 2027
I felt his eyes on me before I opened mine.
“Aziraphale, you’re watching me sleep. Again.”
I opened one eye to meet his ocean blue ones peering at me from his pillow. He grinned and lifted a hand to run his fingers through my sleep tousled curls and I closed my eye, moving into the caress.
“Crowley?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you know you stop breathing when you sleep?”
I opened my eyes and stared at my angel, my lover. “How the Heaven would I know that? You are the only being I’ve ever let see me like this.”
Aziraphale leaned in and pressed a quick but passionate kiss to my lips. “You mean you’ve never fallen asleep with a demon in the room?”
“Are you crazy?” I scoffed. “I would never let my guard down like that. What about you? Have you ever napped with an angel?”
“You’re being silly.” Aziraphale giggled. “I’ve never partaken in any earthly pleasures with another angel. I still remember Gabriel finding me in the sushi restaurant and how his lip curled up because I was consuming gross matter.”
“What a wanker.” I reached out for Aziraphale, pulling him into my arms as I snuggled on top of him. “But he changed his tune in the end, didn’t he? Now he’s off with Beelzebub somewhere—”
“I can’t believe the two of them got together under everyone’s noses!”
I rolled my eyes. “I can’t believe they got their shit together first! It took us 6000 years, two Armageddons and you leaving me for Heaven for us to come to our senses.”
Aziraphale went very still. “Darling—”
I shook my head. “No, love. It’s okay. I’m finally at a point where I can tease you a bit about this. You’ve been home for nearly a year now. You came back to me – and deep down, I knew you would. I knew that you would always try to change Heaven for the better if you were given the opportunity.”
Aziraphale was rubbing my chest gently with his thumbs, a caress that always made it difficult for me to catch my breath. “They knew I’d hesitate to leave you – I think that’s why they offered to reinstate you at all. Knowing what I know now, I don’t think the offer was genuine. They knew you wouldn’t accept. Or if you did, it would only be for me, and they would find a loophole and cast you out again.”
“See? I knew you’d figure it out. My gorgeous, clever angel.” I leaned down and for several minutes I kissed him senseless: his mouth, his jaw, his neck, and back to his lips.
After a long time, Aziraphale held the sides of my face and stared deep into my eyes. “I wanted it to be a serious offer – I wanted you to have the power to choose the life you wanted.”
“Angel, stop. Please. That angel you remember – he’s not me. And that’s not who you love, is it?”
Aziraphale smiled, soft and sweet. “No, it’s not. I love you, this demon in my arms who wines and dines me, and is good with kids and plants but doesn’t want anyone else to know it. Who makes sweet love to me over and over again.”
I groaned and dropped my forehead to his, breathing the words against his skin. “Fuck, angel. For Sa– someone’s sake! You can’t just go around saying things like that. You’re going to ruin my reputation.”
“Sorry, darling. You’re in a proper relationship with an angel now. It’s my job to tell everyone how good you truly are–”
With a howl of mock outrage, I fell on Aziraphale and tickled him until he begged for mercy.
}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{
About an hour later, I stepped into Give Me Coffee and was instantly reminded of the holiday by the heart decor and music playing over the store’s sound system.
Nina and Maggie had decided at the last shopkeeper’s meeting that they would promote each other’s business for the month of February. Nina agreed to play albums from Maggie’s shop to promote sales, and in return Maggie would have coffee vouchers at her record store. According to Aziraphale, Maggie had only sold one extra album so far, but she was hopeful that things would pick up as the month was only half over.
Maggie stood in front of me in the queue, tapping her foot to the beat, humming and singing softly under her breath, “‘Please don’t stand so close to me, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m afraid of what you’ll see, right now-’” she paused and turned around to face me. “I love this song! Don’t you, Crowley?”
I rolled my eyes behind my shades. “More of a Queen fan, me.”
“Oh, I love them too! Freddie is the boss, isn’t he?” Maggie gushed before jumping when Nina called her name.
Maggie went to the counter to place her order and flirt, obviously and painfully, with Nina. Nina smiled but held herself at a distance, her body language saying she wasn’t interested in more than friendship. I waited my turn, scrolling on my phone to kill time, until Maggie gave up and headed out, but I saw the lingering look Nina gave Maggie as she left with her tea. How her dark eyes never left the blonde’s figure until Maggie was outside crossing the street.
Interesting.
“Hey, Mr. Six shot – your usual?”
I grinned, showing my full set of teeth. “Yup. But add some of your fancy chocolate croissants along with the Eccles cakes. It’s Valentine’s Day.”
Nina grimaced. “Don’t remind me.”
My eyebrows shot up, but I remained silent. I wasn’t a big fan of the holiday either, but Aziraphale had actually worked with Valentine back in the day. We knew that all the hype had little to do with the man himself and everything to do with greeting card and chocolate companies. But still, I had an angel at home who enjoyed the finer things in life and far be it from me to deny him sweets on a holiday devoted to showering your sweetheart with delights.
“How’s Mr. Fell? Haven’t seen him for a couple of days.”
“He’s fine. Doing inventory, getting reacquainted with his store after being away for a few years.”
“And how’s that going? You finally talk to each other about everything?”
I grunted. “Like I said before – we talk all the time.”
“About the important things?”
I grabbed the caddy containing our drinks and a large bag of pastries. “What did you say – other people’s love lives are so much more straightforward than our own?”
Nina laughed. “I did say that, didn’t I?”
“Yup. Don’t think it’s true though. Just looks like that from the outside. And straight forward is boring.”
Someone behind me cleared their throat and I stepped aside, but not before I gave one parting shot. “You should take Maggie to dinner. Not tonight – she might get the wrong idea. Tomorrow.”
Nina paled. “I don’t – we’re not –”
I nodded. “But you could be. She’s way too pure of heart to be your bit on the side.”
}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{
I was whistling Queen’s ‘Somebody to Love’ as I crossed the street and downed my six-shot espresso. The bookshop doors opened for me automatically and I grinned.
It really was our shop now. It was home.
“Angel!”
“I’m in the back, love!”
Smiling at the endearment, I sauntered through the stacks of books to the office where Aziraphale was peering over spreadsheets, his spectacles on his nose, his tongue peeking out from between his teeth.
He looked up at the sound of my approach and his eyes lit up.
“I have tea and treats!” I announced.
Aziraphale threw papers and spectacles on his desktop as he greeted me with a kiss and opened the paper bag. The scent of warm chocolate wafted out, and the angel wiggled in delight. He lifted the pastry and took a bite, moaning at the rich flavors.
“Good, angel?”
“Heavenly. Bite?” Aziraphale held out the pastry and without breaking eye contact, I took a small bite, enjoying the shiver that went through me, partly from the taste and partly from being in such close proximity to my love.
“Sinful,” I corrected.
We moved to the sofa.
Aziraphale sipped his tea and ate his chocolate croissant while hand feeding me small bites. When it was gone, he made a move to get up and return to work but I derailed it by laying down and putting my head in his lap.
“How am I supposed to get any work done?”
“It’s a holiday. No work today.”
Aziraphale giggled as he began to finger comb my curls. "Valentine's day isn’t a bank holiday, dearest.”
I shrugged. “Make up day.”
His fingers stilled. “For all the holidays I missed while I was away?”
My breath caught in my throat, making the words stick, so I just nodded slightly.
Aziraphale continued his finger combing. “Did you have any ideas for how you would like to celebrate our first Valentine’s Day?”
I grinned as I sat up and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, straddling his lap. “I was thinking we could head back upstairs to our bed—” I lowered my head and dropped a kiss to the side of his neck. “And I could kiss you until we’re both breathless.”
Aziraphale leaned back to meet my eyes. “You do recall that neither one of us needs air to breathe? Therefore, that activity could take quite a while.”
“Exactly.”