Chapter Text
You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put-
Blessedly, a thin-sounding thunk interrupted the endless loop her mind; a song that had played on repeat ever since she got back from Maine last week.
The Hokey Pokey had always vaguely irritated her, but given its staying power and the creepy context with which it was associated- it had become her most loathed.
She quickly discovered the culprit of the noise when she caught Mulder’s eye ; he looked flighty and a little embarrassed. He picked up the offending projectile from the floor and placed it in his desk drawer.
“At this rate, Mulder, we are going to get audited for our pencil budget alone”, she said with a smirk.
“Yeah”, he said with an eager smile. It’s still a mystery. But I believe that we can find the truth, and one day we will learn how they got up there”.
He seemed happy to play along at his expense if it meant that she would talk to him.
She knew she had been quiet since she returned, distant, even. She was just a bit grumpy because she didn’t have a proper vacation- that’s what she told herself. She planned a lovely trip to decompress and instead she got sucked into some bizarre mystery.
Her bubble baths were interrupted with grizzly news; beach excursions thwarted by pleas to “come down to the station”. Aside from the fresh air and the formidable shell fish, she may as well have been at home.
Except for one thing…
"That, or I guess I’m lost without you, Scully”, he said in a low register with a shy smile.
She willed herself not to blush. She was a bit stunned hearing the overtly romantic words leave his lips, however silly he she knew he intended them to be. They held each other's eyes for a beat longer than they should before she averted her eyes and pretended to engross herself into her latest expense report.
On one hand she understood that he clearly was thrown off balance by her absence. Looking at him last week, as she saw those first few pencils betray him, she plainly saw the evidence.
He counted on her to keep him on track; she was the partnership’s steadying force. If not for her he would find a million side quests to pursue- she helped him to focus.
She bristled then, suddenly realizing how depressingly maternal this sounded.
Is that how he sees me- a tiresome school marm?
“It’s amazing what I can accomplish without incessant meddling or questioning into everything I do-” she remembered the words he had started to say to her that first day back, right before the pencil assault began. He had sounded playful, but part of him surely felt that way.
He relies on her, yes. He likes her, respects her. He would do anything for her.
But she was doubtful he was “lost without her” the way she wished he was. The way, she feared she was learning, that she was lost without him.
She interrupted her own thoughts by grabbing her coat and heading for the door.
“Heading out?” she heard him ask when she reached the threshold. It was only 3:30pm.
“Uh, yeah, I think I’ll head home. I hit my maximum capacity for bureaucracy for the day”.
“Fair enough, Good night Scully- see you in the morning?”
She didn't hear his question, having already turned the corner into the hallway.
How quickly “Lost without you” had replaced “shake it all about” as the latest ear worm.
Why did he have to say that?, she asked herself.
Why did he have to say it and not really mean it?, she internally edited herself.
—-----------------------------------------
Scully arrived to the office the next morning early and determined to forget these nonsensical thoughts and feelings. She had been through so much; surely she could conquer some simple, unrequited affection.
Something caught her eye as she hung her coat; a croissant and a coffee perched atop the table she had appropriated as her desk. Coming closer she glimpsed an envelope with her name on it, as well.
She opened it to reveal a simple card decorated with watercolor of some idyllic lakefront, and opened it to find Mulder’s familiar scrawl:
You deserve a real break.
No demented dolls this time- I mean it.
-M
He had folded up a printed out piece of paper with details of her stay at The Greenbriar in historic Havre de Grace, WV.
She was startled to find Mulder had entered the office while she studied her gift, and he now stood in front of her wearing a wide smile.
“It’s just a little over an hour out of the city. If you leave soon you’ll get most of the day in”.
She looked back at the paper to see that the reservation indeed started today.
“But, we have- I have to finish-”
“I got it, Scully. I’m gonna knock out the admin stuff while I watch the playoffs. It'll be nice, actually”.
He preempted her next line of questioning deftly.
“You have an overnight bag in your car already- I added a few items to make sure you have some casual things too.
And threw in a few books I thought you'd like- so you have to read something other than a medical journal”.
She was touched and grateful- he had gone to so much trouble for her.
“Mulder, you didn’t have to- I mean this isn’t necessary-”
“Nah, none of that. Have a nice time. You really do deserve it”.
She thought she might tear up, but instead she offered him a sincere and toothy smile and squeezed his bicep.
“Thank you, that’s very thoughtful”.
He nodded and returned her warmth.
She made herself step away to pick up her breakfast and coat, beaming with the thought of a quiet weekend, but much moreso, that maybe things between them were changing.
Maybe he thought about her like she thought about him.
Maybe he struggled to contain his complicated feelings, too.
Maybe he really would be lost without her…
“And I promise we won’t talk this time”.
The words hit like a rock to her stomach.
…Maybe not.