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Arthur was a morning person, but it wasn’t because Mother Nature decided so, it was by choice. His own choice in order to ensure his survival. Growing up with three, then four, siblings made every morning an ordeal, especially because they had a single mother, and he most intense struggle was about the use of the bathroom. This is why Arthur had to train himself in order to be the first woke of the family so he could be the first to have access to the bathroom, unspoiled by his siblings. Waking up before Owen and Patrick, those sleepy-head, wasn’t exactly a feat, but Blair came up with the same tactic as him and once she locked herself in the bathroom there was no use trying to use it for a solid half-an-hour. And all those strands of red hairs afterward…
All in all, raising only two kids, even one as unruly as Amelia, wasn’t that nightmarish. They both managed quite well during the mornings before school and work, even if Marianne wasn’t the best person to have around at the first hours of the day. They were quite confident and comfortable in their little routine. That is, until puberty hit.
The circus they managed to pull this morning wasn’t exactly original. Arthur was up since 6 A.M and already brewing the two litres of coffee his beloved needed to resume being a functional human. Upstairs, Matthew was kicking at the bathroom’s door and telling niceties to his sister.
“Are you finished looking at your rolls?! We know you’re fat and you can’t melt pudge with hot water, you dipshit!” Arthur noted that Matthew was about as nice as his mother in the morning.
There was no response from Amelia, but the stream of water stopped. “Good” though Arthur, at least her brother reminded her not to use half of the damn hot water.
But it wasn't enough for Matt. He didn't had his maple syrup yet. “YOOO FATASS! Are you going to move your HUUUGE FUCKING BUTT FROM THE BATHROOM!?”
“Now that's enough” Arthur put his cup back on the toaster and moved to the stair “Matthew I don't want to hear any of the so...”
“WHATCHA SAID YO FUCKER!?” The bathroom's door flew open “WANNA FIGHT? I'LL BEAT YA FOUR-EYES!”
“BRING IN!”
Teenagers. Arthur and his own siblings couldn't have possibly be that awful, right? Well, at least they had a more imaginative choice of word when yelling at each other.
Arthur rushed up the stair and saw his children already in a brawl. Matthew's pyjamas were getting wetter and wetter and the pareo Amelia rolled up around her chest was on the verge of falling, which distracted her from getting a proper grip of her brother. Arthur stepped in, bellowing something about the two of them being grounded if they kept that up, a kind of threat that is very effective against 14 years old. It wasn't long before he started getting water – and drool – on his shirt. “I said enough!” he said as he was trying to keep the two overexcited and yelling teenagers at arm's length so they could stop clawing and screeching at each other “Ouch! Matt! Amy try to bite one more time and...”
“C'est quoi ce merdier ?”
Marianne's voice has creaked like the door she just opened. She was glaring at the scene through the messy curtain of their hair with a menacing squint in her eye. She passed her tongue on her lips to dampen them and the twins froze in unison.
“Mes chéris” She always managed to make it so menacing, half-hissing as she was “I'm going back inside. Five minutes. In five minutes, Amy, you're dry and clothed.” Amy fearfully nodded and Marianne turned to Matthew “Then, Matthieu, you'll take your shower. On quarter after and the bathroom is free. Is that clear?” Matthew nodded in turn. “Arthur-chéri, is my coffee ready?”
“Yes it is. Do I pour you some?” Answered Arthur with a hint of wariness in his voice.
“Yeees. Thankyou. A tout d'suiteee...” Marianne yawned and went back in her room.
An awkward silence fell on the scene. The twins weren’t moving an inch so Arthur decided to push things a little.
“Amy, remember what Mom just said?”
“Yes Dad.” Amelia went back into the bathroom to dry herself.
“Guess I… I’ll wait here till she’s finished” Said Matthew.
“In silence.” Added his father.
“…In silence.”
“But you can wait in your own room, you know dear?”
“Nah I’m good Dad, thanks” Matthew started to lean on the corridor’s wall, slightly hunched as he is when he’s not comfortable. Arthur couldn’t help at being amazed at the effect his wife’s wrath (or even signs of it) has on their children. It may have something to do with not showing it as often as he does, that’s what Kiku keep saying anyway.
Twenty minutes later and both Matthew and Amelia were clean, sort-of dry and seated at the kitchen table. They were looming over their bowls, occasionally glaring at each other before getting back to their breakfast. Arthur wasn’t really bothered by all of this, he was used to sibling’s squabbles and the glooming mood that follows. But this wasn’t the kind of thing his wife appreciated especially after a waking like she had this morning. He decided to break the ice and cleared his throat.
“But we should all know that life isn’t always so peaceful among the baby monkeys, despite their matching characters.” He started to declaim in a pompous BBC speaker tone “Squabbles happen every so often, over insignificant matters such as who will get the last fluorescent sickeningly sweet fruit or who will get deloused first. And here goes the scratching, the screeching and the snotting. The little ones manage to make such a ruckus that their parents have to intervene! Oh how unhappy are they to be grounded. Here they are now! Glaring at each other, accusing the other of their misery but not daring to make any more fuss. Indeed, what if the grown-ups have to step in again? But time will pass and no grudge shall be held between siblings. After all, driving their parents nut is so much funnier…”
Arthur watched with a smug face the effect his little monologue had on his children. He loved to use this method that he named after Sir David Attenborough. It was particularly effective provided the kids weren’t too loud to hear him. Anyway, there’ve been some progress. They’ve stopped glaring at each other and started to glare at him instead.
“Ah ah. You’re the funniest man alive, Dad” Croaked Amy.
“And was does that make you, uh? The omega’s to Mom’s Alpha monkey?” Snarked Matthew, much to his sister’s amusement.
“Well, we birthed a pair of omegas then, son” Arthur couldn’t help to wonder where Matthew learnt such concepts “They’re always fighting for scraps you know” The twins were now frowning at him. “Honestly. Was this mess necessary in the morning? Fighting like that about the shower? Matthew telling such mean things to Amy and Amy hogging the bathroom for a solid half-hour? And yelling like savages on top of that? Your Mom could have certainly showed more anger.”
Both were on the point of saying something but stayed silent. Their eyes were starting to show signs of regrets. Arthur noted the progress and heard that the water stopped flowing upstairs. The twins still weren’t saying anything yet.
“Oh well, you two aren’t going to stay on this tune the whole day, damnit!” Their father’s sudden rudeness was the thing the teenagers needed to decide themselves. Amelia started to chew her lower lips and Matthew stared at her, waiting for the first words.
“I’ll try to be faster the next time.” Matthew held his stare “Oh okay I won’t hog the bathroom alright! Happy?”
“Matthew?” Arthur turned to his son with an inquisitive face.
“Yeah I’m sorry. I was just angry. You’re not that fat…” Amelia started to show her teeth, “You’re not fat at all! Your butt is the smallest little wonder that ever graced our bathroom” He said with a wide grin and fluttering eyelashes.
“Son, don’t overdo it.” Arthur said with a tired voice.
“You’re the butt, loser!” Amelia replied. Matthew just grinned. He definitely was the smartass of the pair, though Arthur; he was nevertheless glad to see that the mood between the two of them definitely improved, just in time for Marianne’s arrival.
She had managed to reclaim some of her humanity while in the shower. Her long, lustrous hair were now tied in a chignon and she was wearing a loose red pull-over with a dark brown velvet skirt. Arthur was eating her with his eyes as she was slowly descending the stairs, he couldn’t help to find her half-awake gait utterly charming and sexy, the few wild strand of hair he knew she deliberately let out of her bun and around her parted fringe really added to the effect. He was so smited that he didn’t notice how utterly uninterested his children were of the whole show.
“Are you feeling better, love?” Her arrival after all this tension did wonder to his mood.
“Hum-hum” Marianne stepped behind his chair and placed her hands around his shoulder, Arthur took the right one in his with a contented look on his face. The twins were watching her soft smile with a look of apprehension. “Have my little darlings stopped their fighting?”
“Yes they did” The twins nodded at their father’s words “I believe I managed to get sincere apologies out of them”.
“Hummm… You two did wake me up.”
“We’re sorry, M’man!” said Amy
“We won’t be as loud in the morning again, promise!”
“See? All is good in the end.” Said Arthur with a smug smile.
“Hum. But you didn’t discussed punishment, didn’t you?” Marianne in a worrying sing-song voice, the twins started to look at her with dread plastered on their face.
“Huh darling? I know I’m usually the one advocating for that but his that really necessary?”
“You let the situation escalate…” She said with a mischievous smile.
“What? I di…” But Arthur let a high-pitched screech when Marianne went for his neck and started to suck while groaning. Matthew covered his eyes with his hands and Amelia made a shocked face before she started to yell:
“EW MAMAN YOU’RE GROSS!! STOP THAT! I’M GONNA PUKE MY CEREALS I SWEAR!”
Marianne maintained her grip for five seconds more before Arthur managed to pry himself out of her grasp.
“Okay! That was completely unnecessary!” He said breathily, his cheek flushed red. His neck was really one of the more sensitive part of his body and she knew it of course, the bitch.
“It absolutely was” She said with a mocking grin “Now the three of you know better than putting me through this kind of shit at the morning.”
“We said we were sorry. Can I uncover my eyes now or are any other gross things going to follow?” Asked Matthew.
“Oh I am so sorry, mon chéri. Don’t worry, maman got plenty of affection left for you!”
“Don’t wanna. Don’t…” But it was his turn to scream as Marianne was ruffling his hair and showering his cheeks with loud kisses. Amelia stood up and went to put her bowl in the dishwasher before her Mother could get the idea of doing the same thing to her.
Matthew was leaving the kitchen rubbing his cheeks turned all wet by his mother’s treatment. Marianne sat at the table in front of Arthur with a satisfied smile on her face.
“You’re a real demon of a woman, you know that?” Groaned Arthur.
“You awoke this demon this morning, lapin.” She answered mockingly “Besides, I need to keep my little hellspawns in check, don’t I? Along with the foolish little mortal who made a pact with me fifteen years ago, riiight?” She leaned forward with a carnivorous smile as she was saying that. Arthur tilted back a bit while rubbing his abused neck. Sometimes, he was scared of her.
“Daaad! M’maaan! Matt and I are leaving for the bus stop!”
“Alright sweetie. Have a good day the both of you.” Arthur said, turning to face her. Marianne just flew kisses in her daughter’s direction.
“Thanks! Huh. Dad? You got bruises all over your neck?”
Marianne let out a snigger. Arthur swiftly covered his neck with his hand and froze for a moment before turning to his wife:
“YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE, DON’T YOU?! YOU WITCH!!” Marianne cracked up with laughter which infuriated Arthur even more.
“Well okay… I’ll be leaving. Bye.” Amy waved awkwardly and ran out to the front door.
“Goodbye, ma chérie! Ah ah! Arthur, am I a witch or a demon? You’ve got to choose!” Marianne was barely able to control herself.
“BOTH!” Arthur shouted as he stood up and ran to their bathroom. He could hear Marianne calling him by some of his nickname as he was rushing upstairs. Once in front of the mirror he could appreciate the extend of the damage. “All over his neck” was surely pushing it, but there really was a damn hickey growing on his jugular, just for everyone to see.
“Chouchou. I swear it wasn’t my intention, I got carried away. I’m sorry” But Arthur could still hear the laughter in her voice. She wasn’t sorry at all.
“I can’t show up at work with this! And I have a very important meeting today!”
“It’s just a little hickey! You should be proud that your woman decided to leave her mark on you!” She said, smiling, as she was leaning on the doorframe.
“Your mark? What am I? Your pet or some kind of cattle? No! Don’t answer that!” he said as he saw her smile widen “What am I going to do now? I won’t go around wearing a bloody scarf the whole day? Fuck!”
“Don’t be vulgar. I think I have a solution.”
“And what would it be?” He inquired wryly. Marianne didn’t answered and took him by the hand to their bedroom. Arthur followed sheepishly. Once there, she started to rummage the old cabinet where she hanged their clothes.
“There! I bought it for you some month ago so it’s a bit last season, but since you rube never wore it it’ll certainly do good on you”
Arthur stared at the garment she was holding in front on him and snickered:
“I won’t be wearing a goddamn turtleneck.”
“Oh don’t be ridiculous! Will it kill you to be a bit fashionable for once? You’re always wearing those awful old sweaters despite all the nice clothes I’m buying for you.”
“There’s nothing wrong with my sweaters!”
“Yes there is! They make you look like you’re ten years older aaand… they don’t cover your neck. They let it even dangerously exposed” She said with a devilish tone. Arthur’s hand jumped at his neck again. “Come on, mon lapinou. Dark blue suits you sooo much and you have this pretty little jacket that’ll match perfectly with it.”
She was making doe eyes. Arthur cringed, she was right and he knew it, but all of that was her fault to begin with. All that mess for two loud brats. And now he was going to be late.
“FINE! Give me that!”
Marianne’s grin of victory was so infuriating that Arthur turned her back on her to undress. He pulled his sweater so roughly that his shirt underneath went off too. He heard Marianne’s chuckle behind his back, enjoying the show no doubt. Damn.
One minute later and Arthur was all prepped up in front of the room’s mirror. He had to admit that the ensemble looked good on him. Marianne came to glue herself on his back, her left hand rubbing his belly and her right one putting some order in his messy hair.
“Hummm… Mon homme is all neat and sexy like that” She purred “We should do it more often, Chouchou...” Arthur knew from her voice that she was starting to get some ideas and he couldn’t allow himself to let her work on them, time was running short already. He turned to face her and took her wrists in his hands to get them off him. She moved to kiss him but he escaped her and maintained his grip.
“Shoo now! I’m off to work. And you should too, be nice to your underlings for once, I know they’re always waiting for you!”
“That’s being fashionably late. Now kiss me…”
Arthur escaped her attempt once again and looked down at her with a smug smile. She was putting and staring at him with demanding eyes. She even added some whimper to her act and Arthur enjoyed his small victory before smooching her.
“Good morning, mister Kirkland!”
“Huh? Yes, morning to you too.” Arthur groaned. He certainly was getting a lot more attention than usual this morning. His wife dolling him up certainly has something to do with this. On top of that he could even smell her perfume on him since they almost started to make out in their room this morning. It wasn’t a good idea to smooch her like that… A real succubus she was.
When he entered the meeting room he welcomed with a soft sigh the sight of Kiku waving at him. His co-worker and friend was a blessing as he certainly was the most reasonable person in Arthur’s whole life, which – he realised – wasn’t saying much. He crumbled into the chair beside him, letting out a loud sigh.
“Your teenagers giving you a hard time again?” Kiku asked.
“Ugh! You won’t believe! I hope that those twats of the marketing department won’t put us through their usual bullshit ‘cause I won’t be able to stand it”.
“We’ll be only discussing which author they’re going to promote. It won’t be too long I hope.”
“Let’s fucking hope so.” Groaned Arthur.
The meeting room was slowly being filled with chattering employees and Arthur was starting to rummage through his file case in search for his edition list. Kiku already had his laptop open when he asked:
“How’s Marianne by the way?”
“Oh she’s fine believe me!” answered Arthur as he grew more and more frustrated looking for his damn piece of paper “She teamed up with the twins to make me suffer this morning in fact”
“I see…”
Arthur just realised he might have forgotten his list he printed on his desk this morning.
“I see she took the time to dress you up this morning though” Kiku said in an amused tone.
“OH BOLLOCKS!!”
Everyone in the room turned at Arthur at once. Now that was the kind of attention he was used to. As Kiku was muttering apologies, he noticed that the director did just entered the room with his P.A. and the marketing staff.
“Good morning to you too, Mr Kirkland” He said in a totally deadpan voice “I suppose you could start the meeting with this month’s author publication listing?”
Now he was cursed, for sure.