Work Text:
illuhow it even happened in the first place
Veneration for the Hunt is quite literally the definition of an impulsive decision if I have ever made one in my life. Spontaneously born out of this funny little post I randomly came across on twitter (shoutout to illuhen fics official head of marketing Samai) at 2:00 AM in the morning.
Prior to that I had encountered some art of Lohen and Illuga together and found it really adorable but it didn’t really click just yet. But damn, I just kept seeing post after post and artwork after artwork of them as if the universe was inducing this illuhen fever into my brain and it worked lmao.
So just an hour later, Veneration for the Hunt officially became a doc in my google drive and thus started my yet unending spiral for this rare—at least for now—pair.
Story Breakdown and Thought Process
One of the first decisions I ever became sure of for this story was some idea of Lohen having some sort of Wild Hunt curse or corruption about him. There’s at least three things that contributed to this 1) a reddit comment thread of people discussing his design when it first came out, particularly noting that Lohen’s eyes were similar in color to the Wild Hunt, 2) the many works of art depicting him as bloodthirsty or just a guy with loose screws in general, and 3) the natural drama it would create between him and Illuga.
The idea also just gave me a lot more to work with. It’s easy to forget that at the time this was written, we legitimately knew ZERO things about this guy besides that one infographic where he described his subordinates as useless (we love him for that). And thus, Wild Hunt Lohen was born and Chapter I was written.
Chapter I is the standard introduce-the-characters-and-what-they’re-going-through yadda yadda. There’s not a whole lot to discuss about this Chapter although I will say I’m quite amazed by how little I had to rewrite about Chapter I in hindsight given I wasn’t really sure how the story would shape up just yet. I always knew the ending was some sort of “Illuga calms Lohen down from the Wild Hunt in a moment of distress” but the specifics of it didn’t even fully form until the end of Chapter 2.
The interesting part about this chapter, I think, is the setup of Illuga’s arc. One thing I was determined not to do was to portray Illuga in this overly positive light (hehe get it). Not that canon Illuga is flawless or anything—he's a sweet and kind person yes but is troubled by insecurities about his competence which drives him to being self-sacrificial. That being said canon Illuga is a lot more level-headed and calm with his emotions and he would have a far too easy of a time dealing with the plot of this fic. Lol.
So for this story to work, I decided to play up Illuga’s self-doubt and just made him worse at managing his feelings overall—self-doubt about being a leader which later worsens into self-doubt if he’s even a good person. It could still work as canon if you squint I guess given that this story is set about six months to a year before the game’s events. Anyways yeah Illu needs to have more self-doubt for the plot and for the theme about self-perception to work.
The other thing I should mention of course is the crush he has on Flins. I 100% fully admit that the crush thing is nothing more than a plot device for cheap drama. Flins and his relationship to Illuga is not developed and it’s really just there to cause Illuga and Lohen some problems. But hey, I’m not tryna be Shakespeare. I just like my fic flavored angst and my pairs miserable so that the making up is hot.
Okay let’s finally talk about Lohen! You do not get much of a character for Lohen in Chapter I and he is painted as a far more monstrous entity than he ends up being. This is intentional. Beyond the opening, Chapter I is primarily told through Illuga’s POV and thus antagonistic language is used to describe Lohen. You get bits and pieces that suggest that Lohen isn’t a monster, but like Illuga, you aren’t sure what you’re seeing just yet.
This introduction also serves the greater narrative by making you assume that the fic would be about this “saving the man from the beast” trope—Lohen is clearly possessed by an evil entity therefore the story would be about Illuga freeing him from that entity. But obviously that’s not what happens.
Oh last little fun fact, the ending of Chapter I is pretty much directly inspired by this artwork.
Chapter II is supposedly where you get a bit confused about what’s going on because oh? What’s this? Illuga doesn’t get to search for Lohen after his recovery, he shows up at his doorstep instead and acts like a completely different person. So this must be some sort of dual personality situation then? I give you some idea about how Lohen's situation works and we get to see more of his personality (he’s a flirty little freak!) but like Illuga, you still don’t know what his deal is.
At the end of the chapter you’re kind of hit with this small twist where Illuga remembers more details about the night. Particularly, the fact that he hit him when he already knew in his heart that Lohen wasn’t a threat to him anymore. And this is really what amps up Illuga’s self-doubt.
And now we get to Chapter III. I know most of you aren’t really gonna complain but I’ll explain why it ended up being thrice the length of the previous chapter. This is where Lohen really becomes the POV character of the fic and with Illuga being 4000 or so words ahead of his co-star and love interest it was only right that I spend a thousand words or three diving into his interiority and finally revealing things about him.
We first get to learn that his cocky attitude is, of course, a bit of a facade. This was already suggested in Chapter 2 with his “For a moment you didn’t look at me like I was a monster,” line. But here you really see that Illuga is sort of a hope for him. He wants to connect with someone who can deal with him at his worst and prevent the worst from even happening. Illuga is a solution to his problem but also the closest he’s ever gotten to having a deeper connection (oh my god bruh he’s a yearner). I imply that he’s at least tried something like this before without much success.
Simultaneously, Illuga’s guilt is slowly eating him up. He now firmly believes that he hurt and abandoned Lohen during their first meeting. This leads to the conversation where Lohen finally reveals what’s really going on in him. There’s a bit of an unfortunate thing going on here in the sense that Lohen is motivated to open up to Illuga in what he sees as a genuine act of kindness and reaching out when Illuga is primarily being driven by guilt at this moment. Not that the gesture isn’t kind or anything but at this point Illuga still doesn’t know how to deal with the situation so all he ends up doing is finding a way to make himself feel better (ouch).
This scene also contains maybe my favorite bit of characterization for both of them.
Illuga doesn’t respond.
“I need a yes, Captain.”
“...yes.”
Lohen teases and flirts with Illuga by calling him “young captain” (woweee definitely not a riff on Flins’ “young master” meant to incite comparison). It’s meant to be this fun, gratuitous, endearing but a bit demeaning thing that Lohen says to annoy and leave an impression on Illuga’s mind.
This scene is the one time he doesn’t call him that. Lohen is serious about his request. He addresses him not only in the most formal way, but by the title that reminds Illuga of a duty that he has. Lohen needs Illuga to vow to never allow himself to be hurt by him. Lohen cannot stand the idea of it.
By this point I’ve already set up everything that needs to happen for them to fall out. They first get closer of course, through the fighting and bantering and flirting and making out and friendly dry humping. You know. Friend stuff.
But alas, Illuga is stupid.
The Flins crush plot device goes into full swing. Illuga deals with it in perhaps the worst way possible. And the rest of the story unfolds. In the first draft, right after the Illuga leaves, the story actually follows his POV for a bit as he tries to draft a letter:
Illuga locks himself in his quarters in Cliffwatch Camp, crying from heartbreak and shame. Never in his life has he ever hated himself. But now he will never unknow the feeling.
The day passes. And another. And another. Until it turns into a week. Illuga's mind races through a myriad of possibilities, each somehow more devastating than the last. A thousand letters are drafted, a thousand speeches are rehearsed, and a thousand prayers are cried to the moon maiden but every single one of them just made Illuga hate himself more.
Lohen,
No words can ever excuse or make sense of what I did to you. I'm sorry. For the longest time, I've harbored unresolved feelings for—
Illuga crumples up yet another letter and bashes his head in frustration. “Who the fuck says ‘harbored’?” He groans in anger. ut he's terrified. Not of what Lohen might say or do—he knows he only deserves the worst—no, he's terrified of confronting the idea that he only latched on to Lohen because he gave him everything Flins couldn't.
Does he even like Lohen? Illuga has had feelings for Flins long before he met the vice captain. His heart flutters and swells for Flins but Lohen eventually manages to do the same. Lohen makes his heart pound and race in fear and danger, and some other indiscernible rhythm. He finds him endlessly annoying and yet he likes his company. He misses him dearly, he loves him.
I decided against this scene because, ultimately, we already know everything that's being described in this scene and it feels a bit repetitive. The few new things we do learn about Illuga here will be illustrated much better by later scenes anyway. I also think that Lohen's POV after the falling out scene is much more important to the story.
Conclusions, Conclusions
I think this is the first time I had a lot of fun and confidence writing a conclusion. I think I set things up well enough and the emotional payoff ties everything I set up. The funniest part about writing the ending was that I was so adamant that this wasn’t a dual personality plot. I avoided any and all variations of the phrase “I know you’re in there” like the plague HAHA. Nothing against the trope or anything! It was just a deliberate goal for me for this fic in particular to sort of subvert that trope.
By now you understand that Lohen’s “Wild Hunt” is really just a metaphor for a person allowing themself to be the worst version of themself much like Lohen states—of course with the added benefit of enhanced strength and whatnot. It was very important for me that what gets Lohen out of the wild hunt “state” is not Illuga reaching down to his inner humanity because Lohen was never a monster in the first place, not even at his worst.
Their conflict is resolved by Illuga apologizing to him, acknowledging the ways he hurt him and claiming full accountability for them. The story is not resolved by Illuga professing his love to Lohen, not in the typical sense at least.
There’s a little bit of reversal going on in the sense that despite Lohen being referred to as “a monster” multiple times, it’s Illuga who does most of the hurting in the story. Even after being hurt by Illuga, Lohen doesn’t lash out and pursue him. He resigns himself to being hurt. During the one time where we expect him to hurt Illuga—during the height of all his negative thoughts and emotions—the one time where it was narratively justified for him to do so, he still fights it back so much. He refuses to be the worst version of himself. He refuses to have a version of himself that could ever hurt Illuga.
And then when you couple this with an Illuga sincerely apologizing and taking accountability for everything he did wrong, the story earns an ending of them at the beginning of their reconciliation.
But of course since they, and by extension, the author, are horny freaks at an emotionally intense high. They are gonna put aside the mature talk for now for a really nice and wholesome mature make up activity that is totally not nasty and depraved in the best possible ways.
Some Final Thoughts
If there’s one thing I regret about this fic it’s that Lohen doesn’t really have as much of an arc as Illuga. Illuga kinda still does default to being the protagonist of the story despite the shared POV. I originally really did intend for them to have equal footing and stakes in the plot but it kindaaaa just didn’t happen as the story went on.
Still I’m very proud of this work and it really does swell my heart that so many people found it really good.
The playlist for the fic was also something really fun to work on. If you haven’t noticed by now the main song for this fic really is “Howl” by Florence + The Machine. The theme of that song really influenced the direction of the fic and every chapter title is lyrics from the song hehe.
Anyways, that’s all for the breakdown/commentary on the story. The parts below are just some deleted scenes to give you some insight to how I shaped the story and how the direction of the fic changed over time.
Chapter 2 Original Second Interaction
This is a drastically different characterization for Lohen and Illuga where they are a bit more warm toward each other from the get go. Lohen has a bit of a sunnier personality in this one. Had I gone this direction the fic would’ve definitely not have been an angsty one. Funnily enough this scene is more accurate to their canon personalities lol.
Lohen sighs and raises both his hands up. “I'm sorry, Illuga. I really am. I could've killed you that night. Thank all the Archons you stopped me.”
Illuga expression softens for a split second before hardening back again.
“What are you?”
“I’m human.”
Illuga's lantern glows brighter.
Lohen looks away from the bright light while still trying to keep his eyes on Illuga. “I'm cursed.”
Illuga lowers the lantern a bit but still keeps it aimed at Lohen.
“Or something. It's probably better to call it an affliction. I can wield the strength of the wild hunt but also exhibit its mindlessness.”
“And when does this happen?”
“It's been more frequent here in Nod-Krai. Back in Mondstadt it was more mild. I just thought that I was prone to bursts of bloodlust but when I got here in Nod-Krai I saw similarities between myself and the hunt. Too many similarities.”
Illuga finally lowers down his lantern and invites Lohen to sit.
“I appreciate that.”
“So what, you just get these random bursts where you go on a murder spree?”
“It's not random. I can feel when it's about to happen, somehow. And all I have to do to get rid of it is to exhaust it.”
“So that's why you were on that beach that night.”
“Yes, precisely.” Lohen gets up and looks over Illuga's map of Kipumaki Cliff. “That beach is a little wild hunt hotspot that I've been using as a place to exhaust my affliction for the months I've been here in Nod-Krai.”
“And now it's being patrolled 24/7 by Lightkeepers and Knights alike.”
“Exactly! I knew you could help me out!” Lohen says cheerfully.
“Woah woah woah, ‘help you out’? Since when did I agree to anything?”
“But you get it! You're the only one that does. Please Illuga, help me.”
“Oh yeah, I do get it. I get that you're a danger to everyone around you and it's only a matter of time before this thing gets out of control and you kill someone for real this time.”
Lohen plops down on the couch in defeat. His irises flare up a bit but Illuga doesn't see it.
Illuga goes to sit next to him. “I appreciate you telling me all of this…”
Chapter 3 Original Opening
This is the first draft of the chap 3 opening which I have decidedly expanded so much more in the final version of the story. This is one of those serviceable drafts that work in theory but could be expanded so much more. Expanding the opening also allowed me to make the conversation about Lohen’s wild hunt its own separate scene which I think benefitted the story a lot.
Hearing the cheers and celebration behind him, Lohen decides to wander off camp and take a small trek into the valley between Kipumaki Cliff and Amsvartnir. Veering left, he climbs a small hill for a view over the serene lake. The breeze travels through the gaps in his clothes as he stands there for a while, just letting the cold wind run its course through him. He hasn't fought anything since the incident and his useless subordinates don't give him enough of a challenge even if he was against four of them. He wonders if the arrangement with Illuga would really do anything to remedy his damned affliction, let alone neutralize it. It's the first time he's ever tried something like this, first time he hoped for an alternative solution, first time he hoped that something would go well.
“Vice Captain?” a sweet and deep voice asks, coming from below.
Lohen looks down over his shoulder and sees Illuga. “Hm? Miss me already?” He smiles. He then leaps off the small hill and slides down the slope towards the other man.
Illuga brushes off the response. “Dinner is about to be served, everyone should come join.”
“Just save some for me. I'll eat later.”
Illuga is somewhat disappointed with his response.
Lohen smirks, finding the young captain’s expression adorable. “I appreciate the lightkeeper hospitality. I'm just not hungry right now. Go on, I don't mind eating cold food.”
“...If you insist.” Illuga turns around and begins walking away.
Lohen keeps his eyes fixed on Illuga for a short while, watching him walk away. He then turns around to resume his stroll.
But Illuga's voice calls for him again. “Do you remember things whenever it happens?”
Lohen halts his stride. “Everything.” He turns around. “I'm completely conscious even when I go all ‘wild hunt’, my control over my body just becomes looser. If that makes sense.”
“I see…” Illuga replies. There's clearly something in his mind.
“Why?” Lohen asks.
Illuga freezes up. His heart pounds heavily.
“Why ask?” Lohen presses yet he keeps his tone playful.
“N-nothing… I was just curious.” Illuga's eyes avoid Lohen. “When I… when I hit you, in the head, were you still ‘wild hunt’?”
Lohen's expression softens, a quick thought seems to run through his mind before he decides to reply. “Yeah,” he says. “I was.”
A tinge of relief runs through Illuga but he still feels a bit of unease recalling the tail end of his first encounter with Lohen.
“Got any more burning questions for me, young captain? Your food might be starting to turn cold now,” Lohen jests.
“N-no, nothing more. Please do find the time to eat.”
That’s about all of the deleted scenes that I decided to preserve + the one I already included in the breakdown. Had I continued with this direction the fic probably would’ve had the makeup sex ending with Illuga pretty much just riding the wild hunt out of Lohen. Yes I am not joking that was the initial original ending. The fic originally had a lighter tone before I went all in on the angst.