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“I remember.” The text said, freezing Ren’s blood cold in his veins.
Takuto’s phone screen lighting up had caught his attention, distracting him from the new law texts he’d been reading since the beginning of the morning. He shouldn’t be peeking at his partner’s phone, he knew. But this one time, he was grateful he did. Not so much because this little text might put an end to his relationship, but because he’d be able to prepare his partner mentally before he’d read the text. Carefully, he grasped at the phone, keeping it by his side as he kept reviewing the new laws.
The bathroom’s door squeaked, warmth and steam in its wake as Takuto came out of it, large blue shirt tucked in wide cream pants, dampened hair that would air dry easily the moment they’d step out of the apartment. The older man bent, pressed a kiss against Ren’s temple, then sat in front of him, sipping the coffee that had cooled down just enough while he was showering.
“You’re looking preoccupied. Are the new laws so bad?” Takuto asked, sipping his beverage.
Ren shook his head, looking away from the numeric papers. He folded his laptop, pushed it aside, then started to fidget with the charm hanging off Takuto’s phone. Was there even any way to announce it tactfully? Hey, your ex-fiancée, the one who forgot about you because of your own powers that you couldn’t control, yes, that one, well, she texted you to tell you she remembers you. No, absolutely not. Even though, yes, that was what happened, Ren couldn’t be so straight forward with such a sensitive topic. He had to find the right words, if they even existed.
“You…got a text.” He started, glancing at Takuto's phone.
He expected a jab, offended words for having peeked at his phone while he was in the shower.
“Have I forgotten to pay my share of the rent again? Is that why you look so gloomy?”
Gods no, he didn't care one bit about rent. Even less when their relationship was threatened.
“No… It's…” He looked down, pressing his lips. A part of him wanted to delete the text and act like nothing happened. The selfish, ugly part of him, that only wanted to protect their happiness, their love, wished that he'd have never opened his mouth and just deleted both the contact and the message. But not a single cell of his being had ever been able to straight up lie to his lover.
Ren took a deep breath, trying to stabilize his voice, to ground himself under the increasingly concerned gaze of his partner.
“I'll need you to breathe and…not freak out.”
“For two? Cause you look like you're on the verge of collapsing.”
Ren huffed a half-heartfelt laugh, and turned on Takuto's phone, handing it to him so that he could see it.
“You received it when you were in the shower… I swear I didn't mean to—”
Thump.
The phone fell off Takuto's hands, one of which covered his mouth to muffle the sobs shaking his body. Ren's heart broke in his chest, as he got up and came to wrap both arms around his partner, nuzzling his head against his neck he pressed a soft, deep kiss against. He wished he could find words to comfort him. But what could he say? That Takuto would be okay? That he was happy for him? That everything would be fine? That he shouldn't cry? None of that rang true, and then again, he'd never been capable of lying to Takuto. He remained there, a — hopefully — warm presence against his lover, stroking his stomach as if to help him with the paralyzing news. He'd seen Takuto at his worst, in the Palace, as the Phantom Thieves shattered his dreams, his reality and the very reason of his existence. He'd seen him, broken by life, by his traumas and Rumi's, yelling until his voice turned hoarse how unfair things had been to them. But sobbing and shaking, clutching onto his phone like a lifeline, his cries muffled by his hand as if ashamed of his feelings? That was a sight Ren had never wished to see and did not know how to deal with. None of what he could think of saying sounded appropriate. And he wasn't even sure he had the right to intervene.
He remained there, like a lingering, quiet presence he hoped brought a sense of familiarity to his lover, so he wouldn't feel completely alone in the midst of his torments.
“I…need to see her…” Takuto's words sounded like a pitiful plea.
As he had expected. He couldn't blame him. Not when he knew the circumstances of their separation.
She's the love of his life…
He glanced at his partner's shaking hands, how he struggled to type his password through the tears and the trembling fingers, how his grip tightened around the phone not to throw it across the room. His own hand slid over Takuto's, thumb stroking his skin, feeling his blood pulsing below.
“Do you need me to send the text..?”
Takuto froze. He put the phone down on the table, fists curling against the surface like it would lessen the shaking, and he looked up at Ren.
“You…would?”
The genuine surprise could have hurt. And maybe it should have. Ren couldn't care less at the moment. Of course he would. For tears to stop running down Takuto's face. For him to get closure with the woman he — still — loved. For him to get a chance at experiencing true happiness.
“I'll be your hands.”
Takuto pressed his forehead against Ren's arm, then slowly nodded, a soft ‘okay’ sighed through his lips. Ren took the phone, unlocked it, then went to answer the message. How should he word this? In a way that sounded like Takuto, of course, yes, but what should he say, really?
He typed a couple of answers, trying his hand at it, before he settled on one he showed to his partner. The latter cleaned his glasses first, stained by the salt of his tears, then read through the text.
“Mhmh… That…sounds good to me.”
Ren pressed on the sent button, awaiting for an answer. His free hand slid to Takuto's shoulder, his thumb circling over it in a movement he hoped to be soothing. The phone lit up again. He opened the message, then let out a small sigh, akin to a breath he'd been holding.
“She says she'll be at the park in thirty minutes.”
Takuto flinched, as if thunder had struck nearby. His hand slid to Ren's, fingers intertwining.
“Could you…come with me?”
A lump formed in Ren's throat as he looked up to the ceiling, his grip on the phone tightening. He had to be there for Takuto. To support him. To serve as a rock amidst the storm. But gods wasn't it cruel to make him witness the reunion between Takuto and the love of his life? To watch over his relationship being terminated over a single meeting, that had been hoped in vain for over a decade?
“I—”
Words vanished from his mouth. He did not have the strength in himself to say yes. A simple nod answered, and it seemed that in his own distress, Takuto noticed not how little Ren wanted to come.
“I'm getting ready…” Ren managed to say as he pulled away and headed to the bathroom.
A short shower followed, and he slid in large grey clothes that would keep him warm on the couch when he'd be devouring ice cream pots. Back in the living room, he informed Takuto he was ready, grabbed his set of keys, and waited for him in the entrance. Shoes on, they left the apartment for the park, a twenty minute walk spent in a profound silence, safe for the engines' purr of cars passing by. When Takuto's fingertips brushed against his, aiming to hold his hand, Ren let him. Tears welled up in his eyes as they entered the park, a rain of pink petals welcoming them. And she was there, on a bench under a blossoming tree, flowers at her feet like she'd been chosen by a deity of love. Takuto froze by his side. His arms fell limp. His loose hold on Ren's fingers weakened. He took a few steps forward, a foot after the other.
“Rumi !!”
She stood up. Ran. So did Takuto. Jumping in each other's arms. Holding each other like a lifeline, surrounded by falling petals akin to shooting stars.
“I've missed you.” Takuto's voice, thick with emotions Ren had never heard, never seen, not once in seven years of relationship.
Rumi's hands clenched on his back. Ren's nails dug in his palms, hidden deep in his pockets.
“I'm sorry…” Rumi hid her face in the crook of Takuto's neck.
Her grip on him tightened. A warm liquid sip under Ren's nails.
“It's not your fault…It's…really not.” Takuto plunged his nose into her hair, shaking his head as to further deny her words. His arms squeezed her harder, closer, as if he was trying to merge with her, so that they wouldn't be separated ever again. She pulled her head away, facing him, and at the way her hands slid in his nape and hair, Ren knew where this would be going. He looked away. Why were they surrounded with cherry flowers? Why couldn't he find a single square inch of the grass around them? Everywhere he looked, petals covered the ground like a sickeningly sweet song of love sung by nature itself, and the sound of lips pressed against each other added to the symphony he wished not to hear.
Slow. Soft. Filled with love, the kiss seemed to be. He'd know. Takuto never kissed him like that, and he had a hard time imagining the man wouldn't pour his heart into a kiss with the love of his life.
A glance. Takuto's hands threading in Rumi's hair and holding onto her back. His lips, moving along with her, responding, not just going through the kiss. Ren looked back at the ground. He wished he could say he'd like to be buried right there, right now, but he'd rather get reduced to ashes than be six feet below their overflowing love graced by ever falling petals.
“I love you…” Rumi said, louder than a murmur, because why would she hide her love for a fiancé?
Another glance. The ring on her finger caught the sunlight, shimmering in the middle of Takuto's messy hair. She had worn it, even after losing her memory? Even without knowing who she was promised to? Would he have done the same in her place? Would he have kept an engagement ring, not knowing who it would have woven his fate to?
Maybe then… I don't deserve him.
His nails didn't contain the blood flow that now stained his fingertips like he had soaked them in paint.
“I—” Takuto's voice stopped before he could pronounce the three words Rumi likely expected.
What are you waiting for? Say them.
He didn't even know why he was thinking that. He should be fighting. He should be pushing her away from Takuto. He should be yelling at them, for kissing right in front of him like he didn't matter, like he was invisible, like his heart, bleeding for a man who had never quite loved him right, deserved to be stepped and spat on.
“Rumi, I—” Takuto cleared his throat.
Ren scratched the bottom of his pockets, to avoid digging in his own skin deeper as he shot a glare at Takuto. He what ? Loved her? Loved someone else? Then why were no words leaving his lips?
Takuto's gaze met with his, and realization seemed to dawn at the man, his eyes widening.
“Ren…” He called, and Ren needed not to hear apologies from him — his tone begged for mercy already.
Rumi pulled away from him, looked at one, then the other, before she put both of her hands on her mouth.
“Takuto, you did not—” she started, then rushed in Ren's direction, bending low, lower than anyone had ever done in front of him. He stepped back, shaking his head. “I'm so sorry, I didn't know Takuto was taken. I wouldn't have kissed him if I knew.”
A knot formed in his throat. It wasn't her place to apologize. She had done nothing wrong, but taking back the heart that waited for her for all those years.
“It's fine.” And the words felt like slicing his throat from within, the bitter taste of bile on his tongue. “It's not your fault.”
He saw Takuto wincing at his words, as if he'd been shot, and Ren didn't find in him the strength to be sorry. The man tried to reach out, his hand extending in his direction; Ren stepped back, staring at the beautiful reunited couple in spite of himself.
“Ren… please…”
He should be lashing out. Because deep down, he had always known. Always known it would end the moment Rumi came back. Always known he didn't occupy enough space in the man's heart to be an option worth thinking about for longer than the present moment. Always known it would only last under conditions that were no longer met. But he guessed it was his fault, for believing in the dream a little too much, for believing that the conditions would always be met, that Rumi would never recover her memories.
“It's…okay.” Was all that came out of his trembling lips.
He had no energy left to get angry and properly hurt Takuto back, for having dared to step on his heart.
“No it's not!” Rumi protested, fists on her hips as she spun in Takuto's direction. “Apologize you imbecile!”
Takuto stiffened, and the hesitation on his parting lips didn't go unnoticed. Gods, right when Ren thought he'd reached rock bottom, the former counselor buried him even deeper.
“Don't bother.” He offered a soft, shaking smile to Rumi. “He meant it. That kiss. I know he did.” A sharp pain shot through his throat as he swallowed. “Cause he never kissed me like that.”
Rumi looked at Takuto's petrified shape, eyes wide with disbelief, and Ren couldn't tell if it was due to his lack of reaction or to the information he'd just given.
“Say something!” She snapped. “You're breaking your boyfriend's heart! Prove him wrong! Say something for god's sake Takuto!”
Boyfriend… The word held a bitter taste. It should have been more. It could have been more. He looked at Takuto, who still hadn't moved, like turned into a marble statue.
“You know… The laws I was reviewing this morning… The Diet, they passed the bill for marriage for all last night. Unfortunate timing, isn't it?”
Takuto fell on his knees, looking up at him as if it'd change anything. Tears ran on his face, staining his glasses like earlier this morning. And gods did Ren only want to wipe them off his face and hold him, but it'd ask for a strength of heart he lacked.
“I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry you have no idea…”
For not loving him enough? For having kissed his ex-fiancée in front of him? For not being capable of telling her he was supposed to love another person? For everything? Ren couldn't tell, and he didn't know if he wanted to ask, didn't even know if he wanted to stay here and watch as Takuto would probably fall deeper and deeper in misery.
Taking a deep breath, he stepped back, one foot after the other, digging the gap in between them, yet he found not in him the power to fully spin around and leave.
A hand wrapped around his ankle, nails digging the thick fabric of his sweatpants.
“Don't.” Takuto said, “Please… Let me… Just, please, listen to me.”
Ren closed his eyes to shut down tears.
“Go ahead.”
He'd regret this. Stepping back and leaving would have been easier and less painful than an official break up…
Takuto dried his tears with his sleeves, still on his knees, looking up at Ren like a devotee begging pardon from their god, a pardon neither of them knew if it'd be granted.
“I love you.” The words came out like an uninterrupted stream, hesitation absent like he was stating the obvious. “And I know you're doubting me, you have every damn right to do so after…after I kissed Rumi back. If I have to spend my whole life working to get your trust back, to make up for how I made you feel — inadequate, not loved enough, not even loved right — then I will.” His fists tightened on his thighs, and he bent until his forehead touched the ground at Ren's feet. “You said I never kissed you the way I did with Rumi… And I might never… But let me prove to you that different doesn't mean less.” His forehead pressed harder against the dirt. “Please…give me a chance…Ren…”
Ren's breath caught in his throat. He had never wanted this to begin with. Takuto, kneeling, begging for forgiveness, because of a simple mistake that could be easily forgiven… Because it could have been worse, right? It could have been so much worse than just a kiss. So why did it hurt so much? And why did he feel miserable at the sight of Takuto begging for a second chance?
“Get up…” He managed to say through the pain.
Takuto obeyed, stumbling on his feet as he did so, before he faced Ren, anchoring his eyes in his. The younger man took a deep breath. His fists still flexed in his pockets, and when nails weren't lacerating his palms, they picked at threads.
“It…hurts.” The words came out like they tore apart his vocal chords.
Takuto remained close, patient, waiting for him to continue, as if prepared to hear everything Ren had on his chest.
“It’ll take time…to forgive you.”
He expected a wince. A grimace. A scowl. Disappointment. But Takuto only nodded, and offered him a soft smile, as if thankful for hearing him open up about his feelings — which Ren rarely did.
“But I…don't want you to leave…”
Even if it hurt, he didn't want them to stop there. Not after having been there for each other for so long. Not after a relationship of seven years and many more to come. It couldn't stop there. He couldn't just let go of Takuto, even if he might end up happier with her than with him. He couldn't sacrifice his own happiness for the man he loved — he did not want to sacrifice what they had in the name of compassion and love. Not anymore. And if that made him a selfish bastard, then so be it.
Soft hands cupped his face. Gently tilted his chin up, for his world to be reduced to the softest of smiles and shimmering brown eyes the stains on glasses did not manage to tarnish.
“I don't want to leave either.” Takuto murmured, his thumb stroking the skin just under Ren's own glasses. “Take all the time you need to forgive me — and even if you don't manage to — I'll be there.”
The hands slipped from his face to his shoulders and pulled him tight against his partner. Ren hid his face against his neck, eyes closing as he gripped Takuto's back, grounding them in the moment, flushing the man perceptibly closer against him. He'd melt into his lover if he could, to make sure he wouldn't leave, so that life wouldn't tear them apart.
Even as they broke the embrace, Ren clung to him, both of his arms wrapped around Takuto's, slight trembles going through his body like successive waves. Takuto's hand slid to his back, stroking it to ease the stress out of his body. Ren's breath shook, before it deepened, the feeling grounding, reassuring, like Takuto's presence had always been.
“Ren?” Rumi's voice caught his attention, and he shifted his eyes, previously lost in the distance, on her.
He didn't expect to be called by his name, but as she knew not his last name, he couldn't get angry at her. So he simply nodded, acknowledging the call.
“You mentioned marriage earlier. Have you two…ever discussed it?”
He shook his head. Upon receiving the news, he had hoped to talk about it with Takuto, until the text interrupted his plans.
“How long have you been together?”
His grip on Takuto's arm tightened. The strokes on his back slowed down, deepened. Saying you don't have to feel threatened. I'm here.
“Seven years. Eight in October.”
A smile stretched her lips, her eyes shining in joy. She turned to Takuto, huffing a small laugh.
“It's twice what we had, isn't it?”
“Almost twice, indeed.” He answered, the nostalgia in his tone not lost on Ren who clung harder to him, only to receive a kiss on the temple.
Rumi focused back on Ren, “can I see your hand for a moment?”
His hand? Why would she want to see his hand? Especially with the dry blood covering the fingertips, and the crusting crescents scattering his palms. He unwrapped an arm from around his lover, and presented his left hand, palm facing the ground to hide the wounds, his fingers slightly curling down. She took off the ring seating on her left hand, raised Ren's, and slid the jewelry around the dedicated finger. Her smile stretched further.
“Fits you perfectly.” She said, admiring the way the ring looked made for him, how it hugged his finger without constricting it.
Ren slid his thumb on the underside of the ring to feel the metal, delicate and simple, devoid of intricate designs safe for the leaves designed to hold the small, red jewel at the top. Red… like her hair. Like the gloves he wore in the metaverse back then. A color that fitted them both, like the ring itself. He looked back up at her, his mouth agape.
“Are you sure..? It's yours.”
She nodded, taking a few steps back as if to admire them both together. “But his heart is yours now.” She slightly turned to Takuto, a frown etched on her face. “And don't you dare break his heart ever again. He seems to be a really sweet boy, make sure you're worthy of him.”
Takuto stiffened by his side. Ren intertwined their hands, clenching it to remember him he was still there. Still by his side. Even if it still hurt. Even if it'd take time before he forgave and forgot. He would stand by his side.
“I will. I promise.”
Ren bit down a smile, unlike Rumi who shot one at them both, before she left, disappearing under a rain of pink petals Ren didn't loathe as much now. Takuto squeezed his shoulders, averting his eyes from her to look back at his lover, then pressed a deep, lasting kiss against his forehead.
“Let’s get back home. We need to take care of those wounds before they get infected.”
Ren flinched, spinning to face him with incredulous eyes.
“You noticed?”
Takuto rolled his eyes, a long sigh escaping him.
“I know you, Amamiya Ren. And you couldn't really hide those bloody fingers when Rumi gave you the ring.”
Ren bit his inner cheek. Shit.
“I'm sorry…”
Takuto shook his head, shouldering the burden of the guilt as he was the source of Ren's pain and the cause it bled from the heart to the skin, both knew and had to acknowledge it. They left the park, returning home, for the older man to get bandages, cotton shreds and disinfectant, while Ren settled at the table. He opened his laptop to finish reviewing the new laws, a hand turned upward to let his partner take care of it.
“It's going to hurt a bit.” Takuto said, applying antiseptic on a cotton, before he gently pressed it against the wounds.
Ren winced, like thousands of small needles poked at his palm in the process. The former counselor wrapped gaze around his hand, then started to clean the dried blood below his nails and on his fingertips.
“Your other hand,” he gently asked, and Ren switched hands to use his laptop's pad.
The contact with the antiseptic had him wince again, hissing through his teeth as he continued reading, typing notes with his bandaged hand to distract himself from the pain.
“I'm sorry I made you do that…” Takuto murmured, as he cleaned his fingers like he did for the other hand.
“I did that to myself, and you didn't have to clean my mess for me.”
Soft kisses peppered his knuckles at his words, distracting him from his reading. He shifted his hand, and curled his fingers below his partner's chin, stroking his stubble like he'd pet a cat. Takuto leant his head heavier against his fingers, and Ren huffed a chuckle at the sight. Sometimes he wondered if he was in love with a man, a golden retriever, a cat, or a strange mix of the three.
Takuto straightened, his hand coming to rest atop Ren's, thumb stroking the ring.
“She was right… It does fit you perfectly.”
Ren looked back down at the ring, spreading his fingers to admire it better — the details of a red circular jewel adorned with silver leaves not going unnoticed to him.
“You really love apples hm?”
Takuto's eyes widened, his body recoiling on the chair.
“Ha!?”
Ren stifled a laugh, pointing at the ring. “It looks like an apple. You never noticed?”
The older man pressed his lips and shook his head.
“No…”
So that was a subconscious choice. Ren couldn't say he was that surprised, but he sure found it adorable. Turning back, he pressed his lips to Takuto's, smiling against them as he stroked his cheek with the tip of his thumb.
“Well, at least…I've got something on me to remember you any time of the day now.”
Takuto smiled back against his lips, and brushed his nose against Ren's.
“I like how that sounds.”
Another soft, tender kiss, then he added.
“And one day… Maybe I'll have a ring that'll remind me of you too.”
Ren's heart fluttered in his chest as he looked back at the newly passed law text, the one that, one day, if they so desired, would unite him to Takuto for life. Their hands intertwined once more, days, weeks, months stretching before the ringed finger wrapped around its twin, delicate silver brushing against intricate gold topped with a shimmering diamond, with a striking ressemblance to Ren's honest, brilliant eyes.