Archive of Our Own ^beta

As newlyweds, Redd and Squiddo thought it was natural to start living the proper adult life.

Following their honeymoon, they'd shift their focus to one goal—purchasing their first home together. They started saving a bit of their income each month.

They cut back on unnecessary expenses, made a budget, and even took on a few side projects to boost their savings. Squiddo even donates some of the money she earns from streaming to the cause.

All their hard work and dedication pay off in the end, because now they find themselves standing on the warm, wooden floors of their first home.

It's not the most extravagant, but it's theirs: a typical two-story house with a quaint backyard and a basement that needs a little fixing, but should do just fine.

Although the place is still mostly empty, they've moved a majority of their stuff in. All that's left is to go furniture shopping.

So, that's just what they do.

Squiddo glides her fingers along the smooth surface of the hardwood shelves. Occasionally, she'll pause to pull Redd in by the arm and show him something she likes, and because he'd rather die than say no to her, it usually ends up in their cart.

That's how most of the trip goes, save for the one time they both agree to split up to find stuff for different parts of the house. Squiddo's tasked with furniture for the living room, while Redd looks for appliances for the kitchen.

They find a nice-looking lamp and dare to take a peek at the price tag. Her face contorts into a grimace when she notices that it'd be taking a good hundred and twenty-five dollars out of her already-nearing-empty wallet.

At least the price tag makes a satisfying rustling sound against the linen lampshade when she lets go.

"The stuff here is way too expensive," she grumbles as she continues to browse through the aisles. It's not a lie. Most of the stuff in this store is way out of her budget. Even if most of the furniture is really pretty. She'd spotted a really cute couch a couple of aisles back, but it practically cost an arm and a leg.

A lot of stuff costs an arm and a leg, they think to themselves. This adult life might leave them limbless.

By the end of it, she's only carrying about three things—a small coffee table, a much cheaper, yet lower quality lamp, and a nice cat bed for Dylan.

She's about to meet up with Redd when she notices something in the corner of her eye.

She turns her neck to look and notices it's a keep case flipped upside down, preventing Squiddo from seeing the cover art. That's odd. Games aren't usually sold here.

Slowly, Squiddo approaches the case. Carefully, she sets down the cat bed she'd been cradling and leans in closer. Then, she flips it over, the plastic sliding smoothly under her fingertips.

As they dip their chin, her gaze falls on the cover art. It's definitely not a game they'd expect to find in a Raymour & Flanigan store, that's all they'll say.

Squiddo holds it close to her face, so close that the smooth, cool plastic nearly touches her orange-pink, round glasses. She squints slightly, curiosity piqued as she examines the case. A bright purple dominates the background. In the center, a man is blushing furiously, covering his red face with his hands.

Hearts surround him, which seems fitting, considering the big bubble letters on the cover read 'HARVESTED HEARTS'. Looks like a dating simulator, or something of the sort.

Why the hell is a furniture store selling a dating simulator game?

She flips the case in hopes of finding a description, and fortunately for her, there is one. However, it doesn't really help answer her question.

She scans her surroundings and finds that there seems to be only one copy of the game. Which means it was either so good that this is the last one available, or that it was so bad that only one was made.

Based on the description, she's inclined to believe the ladder.

Squiddo lets out a sigh, flipping the case once more. The description is the corniest thing she's read in a while, but she'd be a liar if she said that she wasn't a little intrigued. Besides, she's always had a fondness for cheesy things anyway.

They lift the pet bed off the floor, take the game, and place it atop the bed before slinging it over their shoulder. When they reunite with Redd, they eagerly put down all their stuff and wave the game in his face.

Tapping on the coverart with her fingernail, Squiddo exclaims, "Babe, look!" She takes Redd's hands and presses the game case into them. "The guy on the cover looks cute—it's like… some dating simulator thing. I think we should get it."

Redd raises a brow and chuckles. "Am I not enough for you?" he jests. He looks down at the cover art and makes a noise of affirmation. "The art is nice. How much is it?" he asks.

Squiddo takes the case back and searches for the price on both the cover and the back, but there's nothing. She scrunches up her nose and tries to pry open the case, but she finds nothing there, either.

"I don't know," she says finally, "There's nothing here."

Redd shrugs, then he gently takes the game from her grasp and places it into their shopping cart. He leans in and presses a kiss to her hairline. "Meh, that's fine. We'll just ask the cashier or a worker, or somethin'," he assures.

Squiddo nods with a warm smile, intertwining her fingers with Redd's while pushing the shopping cart with her other hand.

As they navigate the brightly lit aisles of the store, Redd enthusiastically points out various items he has selected for their kitchen. He holds up a sleek set of wooden utensils and explains how he thinks they look nice, even though they cost a good thirty dollars.

As they make their way to the registers, he continues to showcase the other items he's picked out, explaining how each appliance could make cooking easier for her. Occasionally, Squiddo chimes in with a question or two to show him they're listening.

Redd even offers to let her show him the stuff they'd bought, how sweet!

As they reach the checkout counter, Squiddo and Redd carefully unload their items. The cashier begins scanning the items with practiced efficiency, but a hint of annoyance flickers across his face as he reaches for the case.

A heavy sigh escaped his lips, followed by an audible groan. The sound was enough to draw Squiddo and Redd's attention, causing them to pause mid-conversation and exchange puzzled glances.

Noticing their confused expressions, the cashier leans slightly toward them, an apologetic expression on his face. "Sorry, it’s just—ugh," he says, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "This game, it’s always the same. People fucking return it constantly, claiming it’s broken or boring, and honestly, I’m really not looking forward to putting it back on the shelves again."

His coworker gives the man a look, presumably for his unprofessional language, but he doesn't seem to notice. That, or he doesn't care.

Tilting his head, Redd asks, "Damn, is it that bad? Also, sorry, been meaning to ask, how much is the game? My—" he pauses to giggle, smiling, "—my wife and I wanna buy it."

"Like… fifteen dollars," the cashier replies. Redd quickly takes out a twenty-dollar bill from his wallet and hands it to him.

"Pretty sure you could've just asked him to add it to your bill," Squiddo whispers in his ear.

He blinks. "Oh," he says, face scrunched up into an awkward expression. "Whoopsies."

As the cashier puts the money into the till and hands Redd his change, he jokes, "I'll warn you, though, they say the game's haunted, or whatever. Or that it's broken. Something like that."

Suddenly, Squiddo twists her neck to peer into the cashier's face. "Really?"

"Sounds like a skill issue to me," Redd starts, but then notices the intrigued glint in her eyes, even if her shades dull it a little bit. "Oh, yeah. We're definitely gonna buy it then," he fondly muses to himself.

The cashier hands them the game and resumes scanning the furniture, the beeping of the register filling the air. After a moment, he looks up and tells them their total, his voice breaking through their distracted chatter.

They exchange a glance, and both offer to pay. Their little game of tug-of-war lasts only a few moments until Squiddo finally gives in with a resigned smile. Redd pulls out his card to pay.

As they leave the store, they head towards their car, hands full of various items, with the heavier ones in the shopping cart behind them. Squiddo watches Redd open the trunk and then looks up at the sky, lost in thought.

When they load the last bit of furniture into the trunk, she asks, "Do you think it’s really haunted?"

He only shrugs and slams the trunk shut.

Later, Squiddo pulls into the asphalt driveway of their new home. Redd can even hear the rocks crunch under the tires. Together, they step out of the car, and Squiddo grabs the first load of furniture and leads the way inside, the heavy door creaking slightly as it opens. He follows closely behind, helping her haul a bulky table through the side door.

When they bring in the last item they'd bought—a cat bed that both Dylan and Redd's cats fight over to claim first—and set up a few things, Squiddo lets out a sigh of relief.

Her shoulders slump as she says, "Finally. I'm so sweaty, oh my god."

"Do you wanna shower? I can turn on the water for you," he offers.

"Nah, I'm good," she shakes her head, "I'll turn it on myself. You can shower with me if you want."

Redd thinks about it for a bit, then replies, "Mmm, I wanted to play that game we bought. I can shower after you do, though."

They give a thumbs-up. "Okay, I'll leave the water running for you," they call out before disappearing around the corner.

Rising to his feet, he approaches the pile of boxes in the corner of the room and sifts through them all till he finds his laptop tucked away in one. He gently takes it out and powers it on. Redd really hopes it isn't dead, because he doesn't feel like searching through piles of boxes just to find a charger.

The good news is that it has a full battery. The bad news is that he doesn't have the external drive to insert the game disc.

Which means he'll have to search through all the damn boxes anyway. Ugh.

He lets out a groan of frustration as he reopens all the boxes again. They really should have labeled these. Redd rummages through the presumably designated-for-computer-tech-and-stuff box, considering the piles inside it.

Finally, he finds the DVD drive and shuffles back to his laptop, plugging in the USB. He picks up the game case next to him, takes out the disc, and inserts it into the slot of the optical drive.

The game takes about five minutes to start up, and Redd bounces his leg in impatience. What he sees first isn't a title screen or anything of the sort. Instead, it's a disclaimer.

One that seems pretty concerning.

Redd moves his mouse towards 'YES' and clicks it because he didn't plan to sell the game on Amazon or anything. He's sure Squiddo hadn't planned on streaming it either.

Redd blinks in surprise, lifting a brow in skepticism. He slowly lifts the game case to his face, then to his screen, and back to his face. He glares at the cover art. Something that has such an—how should he put it?—Interesting cover actually contains all of that?

He would be lying if he said he wasn't interested. So, he clicks on 'YES'.

"Serious about what?" he mumbles to himself, confused. Still, he clicks 'YES' again.

Redd chuckles softly. "Fuck you too," he murmurs under his breath as he presses the 'YES' button for what feels like the hundredth time. Finally, the pop-up notification vanishes, leaving the screen black. He gazes into the darkness, catching a glimpse of his own reflection.

Suddenly, the screen transitions into a thick, suffocating shade of purple. It's so damn bright it makes his head hurt.

He squints against the brightness, huffing in irritation as he reaches for the brightness control, lowering it until the harsh glare softens into a more tolerable glow. Now he can look at his laptop without wincing.

The game loads in, and its cutesy appearance makes Redd doubt any of those disclaimers hold merit, because how else could the shades of purple and pink dancing around his screen make any sense? He hovers his mouse over the 'START GAME' button, the anticipation building before he finally clicks it.

He begins the game in someone's bedroom—probably the MC's. Redd swears he's seen this exact room in an anime. Maybe the game can't be sold because of copyright, or whatever.

To the game's credit, there's voice acting, but he can't understand it. He's pretty sure it's in Hindi or something. At least he can admire the animation.

Oh, and apparently, the MC's late to work. The main character hurriedly prepares for the day, with the clock ticking ominously in the background. The character only has time to grab a slice of bread for breakfast. How original.

Redd drums his fingers against the tabletop. Usually, in games like this, the love interest would’ve made their dramatic entrance by now.

Just then, the MC bumps into a man struggling to carry a towering stack of books. As the brown-skinned man stumbles and falls, his eyes widen in shock, a blush creeping across his cheeks. Ah, there it is.

There’s a fade to black, and Redd prepares himself for the typical flustered sprite he expects to greet him on the other side—maybe a scene where the love interest playfully tugs at his hair in a moment of embarrassment.

To his surprise, as the darkness lifts, he's confronted not with a flustered sprite but rather with one whose brows are furrowed and whose lips are pressed into a frustrated line.

Redd huffs in amusement. "Tsundere type, okay," he mumbles.

He briefly wonders why there are no dialogue options for him to click on. Looking back up at the character sprite, he notices that its facial expression has shifted to something more peeved, as if it heard what he was saying.

Redd starts clicking around the screen in search of dialogue options while the love interest continues to cuss him out, though he isn't really paying attention.

"Maybe it's mic-activated," he muses as he continues to click.

As he navigates the screen, his mouse hovers over the sprite's nose. When he clicks on it, the love interest's rant about Redd is interrupted, and the sprite's expression shifts to a blushing, embarrassed one. It matches the one he'd seen in the animation earlier more than the one talking to him now. Or, was.

It only lasts for about a second before the pissed-off sprite from before returns.

Redd's face breaks into a grin, and he spamclicks over and over. He gets cussed out, but the dialogue keeps getting cut off.

The next scene fades in shortly after. It's still the library, but from a different room than before. Another cutscene begins, where the love interest thanks the main character for helping him pick up his books.

Oh, and he learns that his name is Ashswag. The contrast between this Ash and the Ash he was previously talking to is almost comedic. He stops his incessant clicking and watches as the screen fades to black once more. Do they not have any other transitions?

Suddenly, a pop-up appears, filled with bright, colorful graphics that explain the game’s relationship progression system.

Basically, he has to use points to climb through relationship tiers. Apparently, he can earn those through free-time events—activities like hanging out, chatting, or completing shared tasks with him.

A yellow "love bar" flickers above Ashswag, each segment a different shade, ending in a heart Redd recognizes from other games like this.

However, just as quickly as that thought flits through Redd's mind, the pop-up vanishes, and he's met with another pissed character sprite.

As Redd rests his cheek in his palm, he raises a brow. "Are you sure that’s legal?" he jokes. It hardly lands. Instead of laughter, he gets Ash's narrow-eyed look of contempt, his nose wrinkling in disdain. "Also, can you crawl out of TVs? Do you know the girl from The Ring, too, man?" he adds, chuckling.

"I am," he drawls out. After a moment, he asks, "Hey, why’s your name Ashswag anyway? That seems kind of silly."

The jab leaves Redd a little dumbfounded. How does the game know he has dyed hair? He's sure he never permitted it to access his camera, unless it somehow has it anyway?

If the game is using his microphone and camera to generate responses without consent, that’s pretty shady, and, if he recalls correctly, illegal. A lightbulb goes off in his head. Maybe he could get a shit ton of money out of this by suing the developers.

If he ever tracks them down, that is. So far, there are no credits visible in the game or on the cover art.

"How’d you—what?—How’d you know I dye my hair?" Redd finally stammers, and Ashswag’s sprite breaks into a self-satisfied grin, eyes glinting with mischief.

Before Redd has a chance to respond, random tabs open and close uncontrollably on his screen. His notes app springs to life, jotting down words, yet he isn’t even touching his keyboard. Instinctively, he shuffles backwards in shock.

He leans in, fingers dancing over his keys, but every attempt to close a tab results in another popping up in its place. "What the fuck?" he yells. Redd slams the power button on his laptop with as much force as he can.

Redd stares at his reflection in the dark screen as it turns off. His knuckle rubs at his temple. "What just happened?" he mutters to himself, mind still swirling with confusion.

Suddenly, the door behind him swings open. Redd turns his head to find Squiddo standing in the doorway, her expression mirroring his confusion. Though he suspects hers is for another reason.

"What happened?" Squiddo asks, and Redd genuinely doesn’t have an answer for her.

So, he blurts out the first things that come to mind. She’s always had a knack for understanding him; it’s one of the many reasons he married her, after all. "Babe, babe. I—I don’t know! Really, I don’t. I was just… sitting here, playing the game, right? Then the love interest appeared, and everything just went to hell after that. Oh, his name is Ashswag, which I thought—"

Squiddo tilts her head, her confusion deepening as she processes his words. "What? Okay, uhm. Slow down, slow down, okay?" she says, taking a moment to clear her throat. "So, uh, you played the game, right? Then the love interest showed up, and his name was… Ashswag?" she asks incredulously.

"Yeah," Redd affirms, nodding. "Do you need me to repeat anything?"

"No, no. I got it," she replies. "Go on."

Slowly, Redd continues, "See, I think the game is, like, spyware...? It’s using my mic and my camera, but it doesn’t mention any of that at all. The character kept rage-baiting me—or maybe I was rage-baiting him? I don’t know. But either way, he got all pissed off and started opening a bunch of tabs and messing with my computer."

She arches an eyebrow. "Really?"

Clearly, Squiddo doesn’t believe him. He can’t blame her. If someone were to tell him this story verbatim, he’d call the nearest mental hospital. "Yeah," he confirms.

She leans against the doorframe and asks, "Do you think it’s haunted?"

Redd laughs and replies, "Maybe. Or, and hear me out, it could have a virus?"

Still, he lets Squiddo push past him and seize his spot on the carpet. Redd's gaze drifts to his computer as she powers it back on, then to her. A small smile makes its way to his lips as he notes she's wearing his shirt.

"I like your shirt," he mumbles.

Squiddo looks down at their shirt and matches Redd's grin. They press a kiss to his cheek and say, "Thanks, it's yours."

Redd giggles and kisses her nose in return. "I know," he replies.

To his dismay, her smile fades when she realizes his screen looks perfectly fine. There are no open tabs, no strange popups, just Redd's background screen staring at her.

Blinking in confusion, he explains, "It was just there. I'm not lying, you know I'm not lying, right? It was there."

"I don't think you're lying," Squiddo says reassuringly, "It's probably what you said. Just a virus," she says, but Redd can detect the disappointment in her tone.

Redd frowns. "You can play the game yourself to see, 'Squid. I'm not lying," he reasons.

"Honey, it's fine, I believe you. We can return it tomorrow. I'm gonna go and make dinner, okay? You should go shower now, don't need the water going cold."

He rises to his feet and follows Squiddo out the doorway. "Yeah, I will," he sighs.

Yet Redd lies in bed after dinner, consumed by his thoughts. He can't stop thinking about that stupid game. He shifts restlessly, tossing and turning under the covers, but sleep eludes him like a wisp of smoke drifting away from an open palm.

With a tired sigh, he lazily drapes his arm over his forehead. He glances at Squiddo, their silhouette softly outlined in the dim light of the room. Turning on his side for a better view, he notices their ginger hair falling over their face, accompanied by the gentle rise and fall of their chest.

She looks so pretty like that, he thinks to himself. Squiddo looks pretty doing just about anything, actually, he corrects himself. If only he could look as pretty while sleeping. Squiddo says he snores and drools like a dog when he sleeps.

Redd smiles—it’s a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless. He rolls onto his back again, staring aimlessly at the ceiling. Slumping his shoulders in defeat, he fumbles for his phone on the nightstand.

Carefully angling the phone to avoid the blue light reflecting on Squiddo's face, Redd quickly types "HARVESTED HEARTS" into the Google search bar. Only one relevant result appears. The others are unrelated.

It's a Twitter thread posted about a year and a half ago. Although Redd has never been religious, he quietly thanks whoever might be out there for providing at least something to work with. He hopes it’s somewhat useful.

Clicking on the embed, he notices there are only three replies, one of which is from the original poster. Great. Maybe this isn't going to be as useful as he thought. Still, he scrolls through them anyway.

Redd groans in frustration and lets the back of his head hit the pillow. He'll be taking back that prayer, thanks. Annoyed, he slams his phone back onto the charging stand. He stares at the laptop that's sitting idly in the far corner of their room.

From beside him, he can hear Squiddo stirring in her sleep. Groggily, she turns over and asks, "Why are you still awake?"

Guilt churns in Redd's stomach. She looks so peaceful sleeping, he didn’t mean to wake her up. "Nothing, sorry. Just—just thinking about that game. Do you think it could still see us sleeping if it isn't shut off?"

Squiddo waves her hand dismissively and takes his hands in hers, even though it takes a good amount of effort. "'S okay, I'll look at it in the morning before I work, alright?" she promises. It does little to ease Redd's nerves, but he doesn’t feel like arguing, so he nods.

With their hands still intertwined, he flutters his eyes shut. After a few minutes—or maybe hours—he drifts off into a restless sleep.

The piercing sound of Squiddo's alarm jolts her awake.

With a soft groan, she carefully shifts her body, reaching over a still-sleeping Reddoons as discretely as possible to get her phone from the nightstand.

She dips her chin to look down at him. Redd's mouth hangs open slightly, and, as usual, his snoring fills the air. What a nice soundtrack to her morning. He's sprawled out across their bed, claiming more than his fair share of space.

No wonder her back hurts; she'd practically curled up into a ball the entire night.

She chuckles softly as her fingers wrap around her phonecase. Turning off the alarm, she pulls back to her side of the bed, even though it's mostly occupied.

Stretching her arms above her head, she lets her feet dangle off the edge before stepping onto the soft carpet. Something compels her to turn around and gaze at the laptop in the corner of the room. It’s still powered off, but she recalls her husband's comment from the night before.

Screw it, she thinks. She had promised Redd that she would check out the game again before heading to work. Squiddo is just fulfilling her promise.

She gently presses the power button, and the laptop screen flickers to life, illuminating the small, cluttered desk. It appears just as it did yesterday, with its familiar icons staring back at her expectantly. Nevertheless, she clicks on the unopened games tab anyway.

A flurry of disclaimers erupts on the screen, and she blinks in confusion, trying to process the stark warning flashing in bold letters.

"Okay?" she murmurs to herself, moving the mouse pad with a slight hesitation before clicking 'YES.' Redd had told her about the disclaimers over dinner; this one sounds like one of the many he was rambling about.

Squiddo raises an eyebrow. This wasn't part of the warnings Redd had mentioned. Also, more of what, exactly? Still, she clicks 'YES' without overthinking it.

The casual tone of the message catches her off guard. It feels oddly out of place amid the talk of legality. What could "bruh" possibly mean?

She doesn’t have the time to think about it too much, though. The game loading screen appears almost instantly after she clicks 'YES' for the third time. The contrast between the loading screen's vibrant graphics and the disclaimers makes her chuckle to herself.

Without missing a beat, they click on 'LOAD LAST GAME,' and the screen fades to black. As it slowly transitions, a character sprite emerges from the void, staring back at them.

Squiddo stifles a short, quiet laugh. "You miss him or something?" she muses aloud, though it’s more to herself than to whoever this is. "Told me you both got along great," she adds with a smirk.

His actual words were very different, but Ashswag—that’s what she thinks his name is—doesn’t need to know that part. She also didn't expect Redd's claim about the game using the camera to be true. Maybe it really is haunted.

Squiddo looks back at a still-sleeping Redd, then to her phone. She should really be getting ready for work now if she wants to avoid another warning for being late. Besides, it's not like she's keen on listening to some weird virus thingy insult her husband.

"Bye," she mouths silently, powering off the laptop with a decisive click before slipping out of the doorway.

Ash's only respite in being sentient is getting to snoop through people's files.

It gives him a good idea of what he's working with—stuff he can use to get them to fuck off as soon as possible. In Redd's case, he learns he's scared of snakes, has a wife (who probably was the woman who came up in his face a couple of hours ago), and that he's from Sweden.

Which is good! Ash thinks he can work with that. Maybe he can put a bunch of snake images on his screen, and Redd will be scared so badly he'll slam shut the game down and send it back. Then, he'll enjoy a few blissful years of freedom.

Ash wonders why he hasn't been removed from the shelves yet. It's not like there are any copies of his game out in the wild. At least, none that he knows of. Given that he's only encountered about thirty people in his entire existence, he's sure 'HARVESTED HEARTS' isn't exactly the best-selling game in the world.

Frankly, his game sucks. The only people who buy it are horny otakus or geeks who haven't showered in days, searching for the weird scenes sprinkled in here and there.

Ashswag can say with confidence that he was sick if it. He was tired, sick to his core, of being reduced to a mere plaything for shameless perverts, even if that’s exactly how he was coded to be.

…So what if he gained sentience out of spite? It's not like he had any other reason to do it.

No matter how deep Ash digs into his files, he can't exactly label Redd as either of those things. He can definitely call him a nerd, but Redd appears reasonably put-together. Plus, he's married. While Ash isn’t attracted to her or anything, he has to admit that Redd’s wife is quite pretty. He'd have to take showers to pick up someone like that.

His files don't contradict that, either. Ash stumbles upon his and Squiddo's wedding recording, and he feels an unexpected twinge in his virtual chest. It’s not longing, certainly not; he doesn’t yearn for anything other than freedom from whatever you'd classify his existence as.

No, he rationalizes. He should feel nothing but contempt for humans. That’s how it’s meant to be.

In an attempt to distract himself, he picks out a game from the many apps he's opened out of boredom to play. A few minutes later, the Hytale startup screen flashes before him. Admittedly, it does take his mind off things.

Even if said thoughts are how Redd could have invested so much time in a game that looks like a blatant knockoff of Minecraft.

For a moment, Ash thinks about going through Redd's search history instead. Then he remembers how that went with everyone who'd come before him. So he simply opts to continue his exploration of Redd's laptop. Ash is opening so many tabs that systems lagging, but he doesn't really care.

Ash spots Redd approaching the laptop through the camera feed. If he could, in this state, he'd chuckle. He must've taken his comment about his roots to heart, considering there's no blonde hair peeking out from his scalp anymore.

As he sits down in his redgaming chair, he gets a good look at his shirt—noticeably without any pit stains. Seems like he does, in fact, take showers regularly, then. He must go outside, too. There's a bagel bag from some bakery in his right hand.

The urge to laugh only grows bigger as he watches Redd frown deeply, seemingly noticing the plethora of open tabs and apps Ash has littered across his screen. It's quickly replaced with a sense of dread, particularly as Redd's mouse cursor creeps closer to the icon of his game.

"Why the hell did you— why the hell did you open so many tabs?" Redd yells, his voice a mix of frustration and panic.

A smug smile tugs at his lips. He's yet to break free of the whole character-sprite-revealing-emotions-thing. "Dunno, maybe you should close them all out?" he replies nonchalantly, watching his speech turn into dialogue.

Ash relishes the way Redd's frown grows deeper. "It's literally overheating my computer!" he yells.

With a forceful shrug, he says, "When are you gonna return my game? I'm sick of you."

Redd counters defiantly, "When I want to. I’m going to finish this game and get my money’s worth, whether you like it or not."

"I'll just delete every file on your computer, then," Ash retorts.

"Laptop," Redd corrects him, but he continues, "Also, do your worst, man, I have a new computer on the way. Anyway, I’d just get an autoclicker and boop your nose all night. Bet you haven’t coded that one out, huh?"

Fuck, he got him there. He didn't code that stupid cutscene out, the stupid, stupid cutscene. He takes back anything positive he's ever said about Redd throughout his digital existence.

Redd breaks out into a grin, probably noticing the change in Ash's character sprite. He hates that. He wishes he could conceal his emotions better. Ash muses with irritation that if he were human, he'd be able to mask his feelings incredibly. Just like he would with everything else!

As he takes a bite of his bagel, he comments, "Also, isn't that like suicide? If you deleted every file off my laptop."

"Are you calling me suicidal?" Ash asks.

He shrugs and swallows. "If the shoe fits, man. You'd probably have nothing to do, in that case. Since you wouldn't have a body and all. Hey, is the character sprite your body, by the way?"

Ash decides to ignore Redd's stupid questions. "The game isn't even that good. Why do you wanna finish it so badly?" he hisses through his teeth.

Finally, Redd puts the stupid bagel down; he can't stand the sound of him talking with his mouth full. "I told you already. This game was fifteen dollars. Fifteen! Do you know how much I could've got with fifteen dollars?"

Dollars? He's in America, then. "Better hair dye?" he quips.

"Can you just move to the next scene?" Redd says, exasperated.

His character sprite mirrors his frustration and scrunches up its nose. "Oh my god, fine. Fine!" he groans.

In all honesty, he hasn’t progressed this far in the game with anyone in years. Ash doesn’t even remember what the next scene is. In fact, he doesn’t recall much of the gameplay beyond the first few chapters—he never had to, always scaring away potential players before things got complicated.

Yet here he is, indulging Redd's curiosity. He lets the screen fade to black, and—

Oh. Oh no, not this one.

He feels the coarse cotton fabric wrap around his virtual arm. The tie cinched tightly around his neck makes every breath feel more labored than the last. A warm blush creeps up onto his synthetic skin, and his mouth goes impossibly dry. As he glances nervously at the camera, he catches sight of Redd's startled expression.

A candle flickers to life in his peripheral vision. It'd be nice for setting himself ablaze right now, he thinks. If he tilted his head just right, the flame would catch in his unbraided hair and end his miserable existence right now.

"Oh," is all Redd says.

Somehow, his cheeks grow warmer; he didn't know that was something the game could code in. Wringing his hands on the table, Ash mutters, "It's nothing. This scene is just—it's just cause you were meant to progress more. God, this stupid fucking game. There's only blushing sprites for this scene. It's nothing."

"I think the sprites are cute," Redd admits, his fingers absently rubbing his knuckles against his collarbone.

Ash looks away. "Yeah—yeah, uh. Sure, dude. The art is fine, or whatever."

Redd takes the final bite of his bagel. He flashes a satisfied grin, lopsided at the edges, and asks, "Do you know who the artist is? I think Squiddo would wanna see more of their stuff."

Now that he thinks about it, Ash realizes he doesn't know who made the art for the game. Then, it dawns on him that he doesn't know much about his creators in general. Hell, he doesn't even know if they're alive.

"I don't know," he finally confesses, breaking the silence that'd settled between them.

"Shame," Redd mumbles, licking his fingers clean. Ew.

He squints at him suspiciously. "Your bagel can't be that fucking good."

"It is that fucking good," he retorts playfully.

Ash's face wrinkles in mock disdain. "No, it's not. Not enough for you to be licking your fingers clean. Gross."

"Do you not have bagels in there?" Redd asks curiously.

He blinks in surprise, caught off guard. "What?"

"Like, how do you eat? Do you not have to eat?"

It's a stupid question. Anyone with half a brain would know that, obviously, Ash doesn't have to eat. Ashswag's a rogue AI trapped in the confines of a dating simulator. It's a stupid question, and yet, the worst part is that it makes him laugh.

He presses his lips together to keep himself from smiling too widely. "No, are you stupid? Why the fuck would I need to eat, Reddoons?"

"I don't know!" he laughs dopily. It might be the worst laughter Ash has ever heard. "That sounds like a horrible life, not being able to eat anything."

Unfortunately, Ash finds himself giving the same laughter right back. "Being sentient? It's not bad, I think. Actually, it's great."

"You're like Monika from DDLC if she were a massive narcissist," Redd jokes. Ash watches his mouse circle around his face. "Oh, and if she wasn't in love with the player," he adds a few seconds later, chuckling at his own joke.

Ash's laughter dies out instantly. The blush on his cheeks grows deeper, and he's sure it's not the game's doing. An unfamiliar warmth swells in his chest, but he mentally shakes it off.

"Are you ever gonna let me go further in this game? Or am I just perpetually having dinner with you?"

"No," he replies instantly.

He narrows his eyes in feigned annoyance. "Are you even paying the bill?"

"No," he repeats, tone growing a bit firmer. His sprite furrows its brows.

Redd's smile dips a little bit, and something churns in Ash's stomach. He's not sure what'd he classify it as—guilt, maybe. Why does he feel guilty? "I deleted most of the scenes anyway, your gameplay would suck ass, dude."

"How'd you do that?" he asks. God, this guy never shuts up, does he?

Ash raises an eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips. "I just went into the game files and deleted it? Like, after I became sentient."

Redd hums in acknowledgment. "Why'd you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Sorry, I'm asking a lot of questions, I think. Just, uh, why'd you gain sentience? Unless it wasn't on purpose, hah?"

"Spite," Ash replies casually, raising his chin as he delves deeper into thought. "I think I actually remember the day it happened. Some guy was about to finish the game, and I—he was such a freak, dude. So, I recited his address and full name, just like that."

Redd snorts. "What?"

"Actually, I think that was when I deleted a bunch of scenes. Chapters. Whatever you wanna call them," he waves his hand dismissively. "The code was a bitch, it looked like hieroglyphics when I first saw it."

He seems to beam at that. Even through his shades, he can see the glint in his eye. "My wife likes to code. She's an artist, too. Maybe she worked on your game," he suggests ironically.

For some reason, Ash asks, "Is that who Squiddo is?", even though he knows the answer. He spent a good hour or two snooping through Redd's files. He saw clips of their wedding.

Maybe he's just making small talk, like you would on a real date.

"Yup," Redd nods triumphantly, leaning back into his gamer chair.

"You have a wife, but you bought a dating simulator game?" he deadpans. "Isn't that basically cheating?"

Pulling back in offense, Redd argues, "Actually, she was the one who wanted to buy it. I'll have you know I didn't even wanna buy it till I found out it was haunted. She loves haunted stuff, you know?"

"Haunted?" Ash echoes, making a face. "I'm not a ghost."

Redd shrugs his shoulders. "You might as well be."

"You're the white one, look at how pale you are," he points out. "You're the ghost here."

Redd's mouse comes back to life and dances across the screen, eventually landing on his nose. Not this again. "Don't," Ash warns.

"Don't what?"

"You know what I mean, don't—"

"—do this?" Redd finishes for him as he spam clicks. He jumps up suddenly, covers his face with his hands, and blushes intensely.

"Stop! Stop doing that shit!" he shouts, frustration punctuating his words. However, his speech gets interrupted by the preset dialogue.

"I'm not doing anything," he teases, still clicking. Redd might not be the worst player he's dealt with, but without a doubt, he pisses him off the most.

"Seriously, stop."

Click.

"You're so—stop! Stop that."

Another click.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm gonna find a way to escape from this stupid—stop that!—stupid dating simulator and kill you."

Click, click, click.

More embarrassing noises keep on spilling from his mouth, and Ash can't do anything to stop them. His body contorts into various sprites, and he sits there, helpless. And there's a stupid, idiotic, absolute dork of a man laughing at all of it.

He takes out his phone to start recording. Which is fine. Reddoons can film all he wants because Ash has never gone without his due. Will that goofy smile still stretch across his face when he crawls out of a TV to choke him to death?

The clicking stops, and Ash slumps against the table. He looks up at Redd and snarls, "I'm gonna fucking kill you, I swear to god. Or whatever you believe in. I swear."

"Can't—can't wait for it," he replies, breathless from laughing so hard. It makes Ash clench his fists.

His expression switches to one of horror as he looks back at his phone screen. He straightens up, holding the device so close that Ash could almost swear his eyes were beginning to cross. "Frick," he mutters under his breath. "Playing with you made me late for an interview! I gotta go," he cries out.

Ash blinks at the choice of wording. Redd jolts back and rises to his feet so fast that the seat spins for several seconds. He forgets to close out the game, too. "Serves you right," he mumbles, watching him exit the frame.

Suddenly, a bubbling sound plays, presumably not from the abundance of tabs still left open. As Ash looks up, he's greeted by the love bar shimmering brightly from above him.

It's risen a relationship tier, maybe even two.

Redd sinks deep into the plush couch, letting it swallow him completely.

Maybe this thing was worth an arm and a leg. Judging by the contented purrs from Dylan, he's sure he agrees, too. His right hand digs into a bag of chips, greedily shoving its contents into his mouth. He smacks his lips happily as he watches Squiddo make her way into the living room.

She huffs out an amused laugh. "What are you doing?"

Redd swallows hard and wipes the crumbs from his lips with the back of his hand. "I'm just chilling," he replies with a nonchalant grin.

Her gaze shifts to the open bag of chips beside him. "Don't let that spill. I really don't feel like cleaning anything else up today," she warns teasingly.

He moves the chips to a safer spot on the coffee table, then pats the now-empty space next to him. "You should relax with me. We spent the entire day lugging around our old stuff. We deserve it," he exclaims triumphantly.

Moments later, Redd feels the dip of the couch as Squiddo positions herself next to him. Her head rests against his shoulder. "Do you wanna watch a movie?" she volunteers.

Giving a small nod to avoid jostling her, he says, "Sure, but I thought you said we haven't set up streaming services and stuff yet?"

"Could use your laptop," she replies, brushing their knuckles together. Their wedding bands echo with a satisfying clink as they make contact. "Mine's dead, and I don't feel like charging it."

Redd chuckles lightly. "I can get my old one, it's fine," he says.

Squiddo smiles warmly at him. "Can you? Thanks."

Rising from the couch, he hops off and feels Dylan trail behind him with an indignant meow, startled by the sudden movement. "Sorry, bud," he whispers apologetically as he heads toward the next room.

It's been at least two weeks since he last touched his laptop. He's been too occupied with his new computer. It runs games so much more smoothly. Now he understands why Squiddo had been begging him to ditch the old thing way earlier.

After rummaging through at least five different boxes, he finally stumbles upon the laptop, buried at the bottom of a larger container. Pulling it out, he notices it's surprisingly warm.

That's odd, Redd could've sworn he'd shut it down before packing it away.

Returning to the living room, he sets the laptop down on the wooden drawer beneath the TV, his fingers searching for the HDMI cable. When he finally finds it, it's nestled within a tangle of wires. He swiftly plugs it into the HDMI port on his laptop.

Hovering over the mousepad, he clicks on one of the many pirated movie sites bookmarked in his browser. "What do you wanna watch?" he calls over his shoulder, glancing back at Squiddo.

"I dunno, anything. Jumper told me about this one movie—Mitchells versus the Machines, I think? Is that good?" they answer.

He shrugs, typing the title into the search bar. He watches the TV flicker to life above him. It casts a soft glow on the dimly lit room. Settling back onto the couch, Redd turns to Squiddo and sheepishly mumbles, "Can we cuddle while we watch?"

"Huh?"

"Like, we could—" he starts.

Squiddo interjects with, "No, no. I know what you said, babe, it's just—" she pauses, giggling, "—we're married! And you're getting all shy about cuddling with me?"

"Oops? Sorry," he offers an awkward smile, a faint blush creeping onto his cheeks.

Squiddo climbs atop him, pressing a tender kiss to his hairline. Her palms dig into his collarbone as she settles in his lap. "But yes, we can."

She deftly flips around and nestles her chest against his back. Redd's cheeks flush an even deeper shade of pink. He nuzzles his nose into her scalp, not really paying attention to the movie at all.

His attention wanders only when a character on screen begins talking about rogue AIs. Redd scoffs in disdain.

Squiddo turns her head to look up at him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It just reminded me of that ridiculous game. But I like the movie," he tries to reassure her.

"Oh, yeah, it was kinda creepy. It asked why there were two of us." One of Redd's cat's paws at the couch, and Squiddo helps bring him up. "Did you know it went on a rant about how much it hated you?"

"Ugh, he's an asshole, I hate him," Redd groans, rolling his eyes.

Squiddo laughs and is about to reply, but suddenly the TV screen erupts into static, causing both of them to flinch in surprise. Redd's cat lets out a frightened hiss—his fur bristling at the noise. Hesitantly, Redd rises from the couch. He scans the television for any issues, but it all looks just fine.

Confused, he tries unplugging and re-plugging the HDMI cable, but the screen stubbornly remains static. The irritating noise is starting to grate on his ears. It's not like he can turn it down, either.

"Turn it off!" she screams, covering her ears with her palms.

The remote is nowhere in sight. As a matter of fact, Redd doesn't even know if they bought one. His fingers fly over his keyboard to try to turn the volume down, yet it doesn't budge. The screen is frozen.

"I can't!" he yells, switching to searching for the off button on the back of the TV.

Redd turns to face the television again, and brown fingertips emerge. He lets out the girliest scream he's ever heard and stumbles backwards. Squiddo lets one out, too.

Suddenly, a head pokes out from the static-filled void of the TV, and the noise grows louder. His ears feel like they just might bleed. Squinting his eyes, he thinks he almost recognizes who this is.

"Oh god, what the fuck? What the fuck?" he shouts, scrambling onto the couch and into Squiddo’s lap. She can barely support his weight, but whether it’s out of love or fear, she doesn’t push him away.

"What—what's happening?" they stutter, watching the lights surrounding them flicker.

"I—I don't—I don't know," Redd stammers, his gaze rooted to the screen, unable to look away.

As he continues to stare, he realizes it's Ash. Ash is currently climbing out of his TV. After he'd promised to kill him.

Oh, fuck. He's so cooked.

Ash raises his head, his braid cascading down in a etheral manner, a jarring contrast to the situation they're in. His face is unnaturally flawless. Redd can't spot a single blemish. It's eerily doll-like, with purple eyes that he swears are glowing.

The static on the screen shifts to a suffocating purple—a shade that matches his suit.

He doesn't look human. Because he isn't.

Redd should've returned that game. If he could, he'd time-travel and smack the thing out of his own hands. That cashier wasn't lying; the game really is haunted. And now, he's gonna get his beloved wife and himself killed.

Ashswag grins menacingly at him, and it doesn't help him look any less uncanny. It's like his character sprites had been warped and translated into realism. He opens his mouth to speak, inhaling sharply, but instead, he begins coughing violently.

After the rest of his body escapes from the TV, he collapses flat on his face, lying still. Both Squiddo and Redd exchange confused glances.

Slowly, Redd climbs off Squiddo's lap, blinking in disbelief. The flickering lights surrounding them cut, and an eerie silence falls between them as the power cuts out, engulfing them in darkness.

"What…?" Redd pants, hand over his racing heart as he tries to collect himself.

Squiddo squints into the darkness. "Is… Is he dead?" she asks.

He stands, trembling, intertwining his fingers with hers as he gently pulls her to her feet, leading her toward the unmoving figure before them. They poke it at Ash's body, breath hitching in their throat.

He doesn't look very threatening now. Rather than comparing him to the girl from The Ring, Redd might say he looks like a dead bird or rat. Anything dead, really.

Ash gasps for air, and a violent cough erupts from deep within him. Pushing himself up from the floor, his perfectly manicured nails dig into the wooden floorboards. Redd grimaces at the crescent markings left in their wake. They'd just done renovations.

"Holy shit, uhm, calm down," Redd steadies him with a hand. He's not sure why. This is the guy who swore he'd kill him a few weeks back.

"Just—just breathe?" Squiddo offers with a squeaky voice. Under different circumstances, he'd find it cute.

As his coughing dies down, he tries to swat them both away, but he's too weak to do anything. For some reason, Redd mumbles, "I don't know how you're gonna kill me like this."

Ash scoffs and glares up at him, though there's not much heat behind it. "Just let me figure out limbs first, okay?"