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English
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Published:
2026-03-09
Updated:
2026-03-09
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1,078
Chapters:
1/?
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I Need a Human's Touch

Summary:

What if you made The Joker a merman and Slade Wilson a miserable sailor? And then they were gay?

Notes:

i don't know how to write like at all so there's bound to be a lot of repetition and run on sentences, i apologize T_T this WILL be painfully ooc since i've literally never written for slade before.. also idk if i'll write more chapters currently but i'd like to maybe in the future if i get more ideas

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Counting.. Fish?

Chapter Text

The seas had been rough this particular night, making it hard to get any sort of shut-eye between the wind howling and the waves crashing into the side of the ship. Slade rolled onto his side, eye squinting in the darkness of the crammed crew’s quarters. He could make out the sleeping forms of his crewmates, all nestled tightly into hammocks or bedrolls on the ground, all of which were completely oblivious to the storm currently roaring outside. He gave a low growl as he twisted onto his other side, pressing the heels of his palms to his ears in an effort to get even the slightest bit of shut-eye. Unsurprisingly, there was little to no success with that, as he could still hear the incessant snoring of a few particularly noisy crewmates.

 

Not going to get a damn lick of sleep like this, he thought spitefully, a glare crossing his weathered features at a particularly loud snore from another of his mates. With a resigned sigh, he swung his legs over the edge of his hammock--carefully as to not kick the man sleeping beneath him--and rose to his feet near silently. He made it a point to walk as quietly as he could through the lower decks of the ship, careful--as always--to avoid any of the notoriously noisy planks that lined the floor. Just for a few minutes, Slade thought to himself, I just need fresh air. The older man’s footsteps were light as he made his way to the upper deck, leaning against the railing and quietly basking in the salty spray of the waves against his cheeks. 

 

Really, how he ended up here was… not his proudest moment. Slade used to be a somewhat respectable man--getting into the military at a young age, getting a wonderful wife, having kids… but of course, it was something he threw away, and so carelessly at that. He propped his chin up in hand as he gazed out into the open sea, the endless expanse of it all that was equal parts mesmerizing and terrifying. To think he ever thought it would be a good idea to trade such a comfortable life for this. For the wretched life of a lowlife pirate and the empty promise of wealth that would never truly come to him. Truly, it was a pathetic thing, instead of owning up to his own mistakes he had simply fled as far as he could possibly go.

 

Before he could really delve much deeper into that particular line of thinking however, something in those dark swirling depths caught his attention. Just barely in between merciless waves, he was able to make out two eyes peering back up at him. Reflective, the low lights of the lanterns swinging from the bow catching on them. Slade’s breath caught in his throat, leaning ever so slightly over the railing to try and get a better look at whatever it was peering at him from just beneath the waves. Of course, that hardly helped… not with his already lacking eyesight, and so he decided against his better judgment to really get a better look. It was potentially the most idiotic idea he’d had in.. well, decades.

 

Slade hadn’t really moved with this much purpose for a long, long time, but something about those eyes only drew him in, and that feeling increased tenfold when he heard a trilling from whatever that thing was. He approached the worn rowboat; it was held onto the side of the ship with ropes that had seen much better days, and lowered it as carefully as one could manage with the torturous rocking of the ship. He grabbed for a lantern that had been left sitting on the deck, and approached the ladder at the edge of the ship. He exhaled sharply, and before he could second guess himself, descended down the ladder. Slade lowered himself onto the rowboat, being sure the ropes connecting it to the ship were secure before he peeked back out over the edge. Surely enough, whatever it was, was still there, and even closer to the surface it seemed. 

 

He held onto the edge of the rowboat with bated breath and watched those reflective eyes get closer, until a face--an almost human-like face, breached the surface. Its hair, an emerald green unlike anything he’d ever seen before, was half slicked back, curling slightly just above its shoulders. Slade knew better than to lean in any closer than he already was, already able to make out sharp fangs peeking out from under the creature’s top lips. From closer up he could just barely see this thing’s eyes were mismatched, the light of his lantern casting a warm glow onto its face. One eye a bright yellow and the other a vivid indigo, a stark contrast against its unnaturally pale complexion.


He opened his mouth, getting ready to ask it.. something, anything really, when the floorboards of the upper deck creaked with heavy footsteps. Slade’s head snapped up towards the decks, just as a voice rang out. “Wilson? You down there?” The sudden noises seemed to have startled the creature, whatever it was, because it was gone by the time that Slade looked back down at the water. He was silent for a few moments longer before finally grabbing back onto the ladder to scale the ship once more. “Yes, just… couldn’t sleep.” He responded, climbing the edge and meeting his crewmate’s eye. Slade knew he couldn’t talk about what he’d seen down in those waters, lest he look like a madman, ranting and raving about monsters of the deep that never once existed. The other man--Floyd--raised a brow but he knew better than to question him any further, instead nodding his head back towards the stairs to the lower deck. “I’ll take care of the boat, you should probably try to get some shut-eye, yeah?” Slade spared once last glance overboard, looking for any signs of the thing, but upon finding nothing he simply huffed. “Right.. Goodnight.” He muttered, boots falling heavy on the floorboards the entire way back. At last, his exhaustion seemed to be catching up to him, his eyelid growing heavier the closer he got to his hammock again. With a drawn out sigh he settled back down, sleep finally overtaking the weathered sailor. And hopefully with the new day, he could see the creature, even just once more.

Notes:

sorryyy this is lowkey cheeks but i've had deathjokes brainworms for a while now and it makes me sad they had no fanfics, or like. any fan work to speak of to begin with... so you guys get self indulgent slop. pls be so so nice i'm embarrassed that these 2 are my favorite pairing rn

slade: i'm slaurd and i made my own life miserable
joker: i'm the FISHker baby
and then they? idk. lowkey a cliffhanger brah