Work Text:
Long gone were the days Illario Dellamorte stalked the halls and conference rooms of Advanced Negotiation & Tactical International Vacancy Alignment for anything resembling work. He’d been fired, banished, and later reassigned to Caterina’s office as a receptionist one day a week—an arrangement he treated with the solemnity of a children’s puppet show.
He was, however, a very attentive boyfriend.
He’d never enjoyed Viago’s company much. Poking his head into the office, he was greeted with an expression that suggested Viago had been interrupted mid‑curse.
“He’s on break.” Viago pronounced the word like a personal insult.
Illario waved at Teia as he passed the doorway marked Andarateia Cantori — Human Optimization & Talent, Director, then slipped into the break room.
Aydenne sat at the table, his work laptop open but shoved aside like it had wronged him. In front of him, glowing with unearned confidence, was his personal laptop: a bubblegum‑pink monstrosity plastered with strawberry stickers, sparkly hearts, a cartoon crow in sunglasses, and a single black decal that read THE LAKE REMEMBERS in glitter font.
Illario’s heart did a small, traitorous somersault before burying itself six feet deep in bad taste.
Aydenne didn’t look up. “If Viago sent you to drag me back, tell him I’m unionizing.”
Illario slid into the chair beside him. “No. I came to admire your… weaponized cuteness.” He blinked at the laptop, slowly—like Aydenne was handling a live grenade wrapped in pink tissue paper.
Aydenne finally glanced over, deadpan. “It’s tactical.”
And Illario, who had once been a terror of the ANTIVA halls, nodded as though this were the most reasonable thing he’d heard all week.
“Can I…buy you a new laptop?”
Aydenne didn’t look up from whatever spreadsheet he was pretending to work on. “What?”
“I mean,” Illario said, gesturing vaguely at the device as though it were a small, glitter‑coated animal, “can I buy you a new not‑pink‑or‑thrifted one. And you can put new stickers on it. I thought you might enjoy something that's to your taste.”
Aydenne’s eyes lifted—flat, unamused, beautifully dangerous.
He stared at Illario with the slow, incredulous patience of a man evaluating whether his boyfriend had been concussed in the hallway.
“This is the new laptop,” he said, enunciating each word like a lesson. “I chose these stickers when I got a new one.”
Illario stared at the strawberries. The sparkly hearts. The tiny pastel skull with a bow. The offensively red THE LAKE REMEMBERS decal that shimmered under the flickering lights.
“Right,” he said, recalibrating his entire worldview. “You chose them on purpose. Of course.”
Aydenne closed the laptop with a soft, decisive click. “Is there a problem with my machine?”
“No,” Illario said quickly, hands raised in surrender. “No, it’s just… pink.”
“It’s a color, Illario. Anyone can like pink.”
“A very… enthusiastic color. And your decorations are… creative.”
Aydenne’s expression didn’t change, but something in the air did—the faint, electric warning that he was about to say something outrageous. Illario braced himself.
“I like it,” Aydenne said, admiring the stickers like icing on a particularly frilly and delicious cake. “It makes Viago furious.”
Illario’s entire posture softened. “Oh. Well. In that case, it’s perfect.”
Aydenne smirked, victorious. “Good. Because I’m putting a matching strawberry sticker on your work badge.”
In the ensuing race to the bottom, it was unclear whether Viago’s or Caterina’s expression was more horrified. Illario thanked the Maker for Aydenne’s outrageous taste.
