Chapter Text
As much as racing was his entire life, Lewis looked forward to the winter break every year, the time to relax, recoup, and come into the next season fresh, and ready to win. The year though, he needed the break more than he ever had before. It had been a rough season. Zero wins. Zero podiums. Below the top five in points again. He was ready to lock himself in his house for at least two weeks and hide from the whole world. And that was exactly what he did. A week and a half of nothing but catching up on shitty TV shows and eating food delivery was exactly what he needed before he felt normal enough to return to the world.
His first outing was to the park he could walk to from his apartment building. The evening had been mild for December, and all he needed was a light jacket as he strolled down the path, lined with small bushes that bloomed with flowers in the springtime.
If you had told Lewis even ten minutes earlier that he would run into—literally run into—Nico Rosberg as he rounded a corner he would have laughed in your face.
As it were, he turned around a bend in the path, running headfirst into the man. It took him a second to realize who it was, his rushed apologies falling flat as he froze, mouth open dumbly, staring into too-blue eyes that were full of the same panic he could feel rising in him.
Nico collected himself first, blinking his eyes rapidly, and straightening his posture, "Lewis, wow, sorry, I did not expect to see you."
Lewis shook his head, "Me neither, I—" he considered his words, before deciding to say the first thing that came to mind, "It's nice to see you."
It was silent for an awkward moment, Nico's eyes wide like he hadn't expected to hear those words from his mouth—and honestly, Lewis hadn't expected to say them either—before they softened, and his mouth twitched into the ghost of a smile, "It's nice to see you too. I-" he cut himself off, and the I missed you hung heavy in the air.
This was how it always went. Every few months they would run into each other somewhere, a cafe, the paddock, the lobby of their building, and it was strained, every word full of the tension of the last decade, loaded and ready to fire.
"Walk with me?"
Lewis wasn't sure what made him speak again, what made him ask the question, rather than offer the usual tense pleasantries and rushed goodbyes as they went their separate ways.
He wasn't sure why Nico said yes either.
It was quiet as they continued down the path, back the way Lewis came, the sun beginning to set distantly, turning the world into shades of oranges and pinks.
"Nico?" He kept his gaze focused on the path ahead, trying to pretend this wasn't the longest period of time they've spent together in damn near a decade.
"Hm?"
Lewis let out a long breath, pausing on the path. He turned towards Nico, avoiding his eyes as the other man also stopped to stand. A glance around showed that they were the only ones on the path, the park seemingly deserted as darkness quickly approached.
"I-" Now that he was here, he wasn't sure what to say, let alone how to say it. He needed to apologize. He wanted to apologize, but this wasn't the right time, he needed to think about what to say, how to possibly express how much-
"Do you want to get a coffee?" His mouth moved without his brain even processing the words. Nico's eyes widened, and his mouth opened, lips moving without anything sound coming out, "I- I mean," Lewis took a breath, eyes finally locking with Nico's, "If you want to, I- I would really like to talk about-" he paused, "I want to apologize. For everything."
Nico's mouth closed, eyes blinking a few times before a small, almost tentative smile spread across his face, "I would really like that." He gestured with his head, and they continued walking the path back towards their apartment.
They could see their apartment doors ahead of them when Lewis spoke again, "Tomorrow?" Nico turned to look at him, "I mean- if that works for you?"
Nico smiled again, wider this time, his eyes crinkling at the corners, "Yeah, I'd like that. Meet in the lobby at nine tomorrow?"
Lewis nodded, "I'll see you then,"
They had reached the doors, and Nico turned away with a small wave, "Bye Lewis."
Lewis stood there in the lobby for too long for it to be normal, finally trudging off to his apartment with a strange twist in his chest.
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Somehow, the light of morning hadn't shattered the delicate peace between them, nor had it dulled the awkward tension that filled every word they exchanged. They didn't say anything but a quick greeting in the apartment lobby until they had gotten their coffees, and sat in a booth in the back corner of the cafe.
Lewis took a sip of his drink, trying to give himself even the tiniest bit more time before he was expected to speak. He had hardly slept the night before, scenarios and possibilities spinning through his mind. He'd worked himself into an anxious mess by midnight, but once he finally stopped pacing his living room and got in bed, his overthinking had become at least a little bit useful. There was so much shit he had to apologize for, there was so much shit he was still upset about. Last night was the first time since 2016 that he'd let himself truly think about everything that happened.
He set down his coffee mug, looking at Nico across from him. He took a breath, and tried to meet his eyes, "Um," Nico's eyes flicked up, meeting Lewis'. Fuck. This wasn't going to be easy, "I want to apologize. For everything," he took another breath, turning the words over in his head, "for how I treated you mostly, when we were teammates and—" his voice cracked, and he cleared his throat, "And I'm also sorry for how I've acted more recently, avoiding you for so long, it was…" he looked back down at his coffee, tapping his nails against the ceramic mug once, twice, "It was stupid. Immature." He looked back up again, gaze tracing over the unreadable expression on Nico's face, "I'm sorry for what I said, I never hated you, not really. I was just too stubborn to admit that I missed you."
The confession hung in the air, the bubble of their corner booth silent except for the soft tapping of Lewis' fingers against the surface of the table. Lewis turned his gaze back down, and stared into his half drunken coffee, hoping that Nico would just say something.
He felt a hand on top of his, warm and comforting, and when he looked up, Nico wasn't looking at his face anymore, eyes now trained on their hands as he traced shapes onto the back of Lewis' palm.
"I want to apologize too. We were both… terrible to each other. I wasn't in a good place mentally then, and I'd convinced myself that you were trying to take everything I'd worked for— which, even then I knew that wasn't really true. I thought there was no way for me to win without cutting everything else off but racing. That being tog— friends, with anyone, but especially with you, was the same as killing my career." He shrugged, smiling weakly, "In the end it killed my career anyway, and almost killed me." He tapped a small pattern onto the back of Lewis' hand, tilting his head as he thought for a second, "And for the record, I've missed you too."
Lewis' eyes prickled, and he flipped his hand over, holding onto Nico's gently, giving a small squeeze before speaking, "I really am sorry for being so stubborn, for running away for all these years, we should have had this conversation sooner."
"Eh," Nico shrugged, "Better late than never."
Lewis shook his head, "I still feel awful about it, even just hearing your name made me a pissy asshole for years. I just wish—"
Nico finally looked up again, making eye contact, "I forgive you Lewis. I forgave you a long time ago."
Lewis smiled, feeling his lips wobble as they curved, and now he really felt like he was going to cry. He leaned forward, resting his forehead on their joined hands on the table, and let out a long breath. Nico's other hand came up to pat the back of Lewis' head. He didn't pick his head up before mumbling, "I'm sorry for not forgiving you sooner."
He wouldn't have thought Nico had even heard, if the other man hadn't tightened his grip on Lewis' hand. He was quiet for a long time.
"I was the one who left, in the end." Lewis looked up, and could see that Nico's eyes were looking a little glassy too. He sniffed, "You—I left, so I didn't hate you nearly as much as I hated myself. It made forgiving you a little easier I'm sure."
Lewis moved his hand overtop of Nico's, rubbing a thumb over his knuckles, "We both know it was just as much my fault as yours. And it's in the past now, and we've apologized, and forgiven each other. Maybe we can figure out how to move on together. If you'd like—because I really would like to be friends again."
Nico smiled, a wide, hopeful thing that crinkled his eyes in a way Lewis hadn't realized how much he missed seeing, "I'd also like to be friends again Lewis." Lewis returned the smile with one of his own, taking a sip of his coffee again.
Conversation turned to much lighter topics after that, how Nico's kids and ex were doing, his commentating work, Lewis' racing, and hopes for the next season, a decade of life for them to catch up on for each other.
When they finished their coffee, they winded their way back through the streets of Monaco, talking as they walked. It was easy, and it was the biggest relief Lewis had felt in ages, like a massive weight had lifted off his chest.
He really had missed Nico.
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Lewis talked to Nico almost every day of the break after that. He felt like a teenager with how much time he was spending on his phone texting the other man. They had seen each other in person a few times, but only ever in passing; running into each other in the elevator twice, and waving hello and chatting for a few minutes in the grocery store.
By New Year's Eve though, they had yet to meet in person again. Lewis had typed up a message half a dozen times, offers for lunch, a walk in the park, coffee again, but he'd deleted every one before pressing send. Every offer felt a little too close to asking Nico on a date. That was something he kept pushing off too, an awkward weight still hanging over their conversations, a twist in his chest that tightened every time he thought a little bit too hard about what they used to be, and if that had any bearing on what they were now. Their text conversations had gotten dangerously close to flirting a few times, but always were firmly back in the realm of friendship before it crossed the line. Thinking about what they were before everything felt wrong, like he was taking advantage of this new friendship. It was too fresh, too delicate to ruin with those thoughts of what-if, the near painful grip of nostalgia.
It was noon on the 31st when he got the text from Nico. He had heard less from the other man in the past week, which he had expected, he knew he was spending time with his kids for Christmas.
Any big new years plans? I'll be at my apartment all night if you want to stop by :)
Lewis couldn't help but smile at the emoticon tacked onto the end, endeared in a way that made his chest clench. He typed a message back and then pushed himself up from the couch, moving to the kitchen to make himself something to eat.
I've got an open calendar, when should I head over?
7? If that works with you?
I have some sparkling cider we can have as well
Lewis peeled open an orange as he read Nico's response, and then typed up one of his own, setting his phone on the counter as he ate.
Sounds good! I'll see you then!
As much as Lewis tried to play it cool, he was freaking out a little bit. Nico and him hadn't visited each other's apartments in years, and he wasn't sure if this was a step too far, too soon. Everything between them felt too fragile to risk, and it was easier to keep a tentative distance than rush back into their old friendship and risk tearing themselves apart again. The thought terrified him, that he'd waited so long to be friendly with Nico, and he'd rip that away before they truly had the chance to be friends again.
Lewis sighed, pressing the heels of his palms onto his eyes, and reached for the TV remote. He collapsed back into the couch, and found his latest enthrallingly shitty TV show, pressing play and hoping that drama and bad acting would distract him for long enough to stave off the overthinking.
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Lewis wasn't sure how successful his trashy TV show distraction was, because now he was standing outside of Nico's door at five past seven, sweating in his white and gold sweater. He'd spent the last 20 minutes debating when was the appropriate time to show up, finally deciding that a few minutes after their agreed upon time was the best. He didn't want to look too eager, nor did he want to appear rude or disrespecting of the other man's time.
He took a deep breath, lifting his hand to knock twice against the apartment door. It was only a few seconds before the door cracked open, and Nico appeared, eyes crinkling as he smiled and gestured for Lewis to come in. He hated that he noticed it ever time, the little wrinkles around Nico's eyes, and the adorable scrunch of them whenever he grinned. It was driving Lewis mad.
After he kicked off his shoes and set them by the shoe rack, Nico pulled him into a quick hug before turning towards his kitchen, too fast for Lewis to reciprocate the embrace.
He followed Nico into the kitchen, where the other man was pouring sparkling cider into champagne flutes. He handed one over to Lewis, and gestured him to follow him over to his couch. Lewis knew he'd been in this apartment before, but save for the layout, the furniture had been changed and rearranged over the years, and was near unrecognizable.
They settled onto the couch, Lewis sipping on his sparkling apple juice as Nico turned the volume of the TV down, where the New Year's broadcast was playing.
He turned back to Nico, scratching at his nose, "Was Christmas good?" He wasn't sure how to start the conversation, but that seemed to work well enough, Nico grinning wide as he launched into the stories of what he and his kids got up to, their dinner and the unfortunate mishap of dessert, when they'd set the oven too hot. It was easy to fall into the affection clear in Nico's voice, and Lewis was laughing along to the mischief that they'd gotten up to.
By eleven thirty, they'd traded their best holiday stories from the past few years back and forth, and had drained the sparkling cider bottle, moving to just plain orange juice in their champagne flutes, trying to keep the spirit of New Years, despite the lack of alcohol.
Nico yawned wide before he dropped his head back against the couch.
Lewis grinned, "Is it getting too late for you, old ma—" he teased before yawning too, cutting himself off.
Nico laughed, head tilted back against the couch, "Looks like you're the old man here."
Lewis chuckled as well, shaking his head, "God we really are old men if we can't stay up until midnight on New Years."
"No, no we can make it, I believe," Nico yawned again, and settled further into the couch.
Lewis glanced over, where Nico's eyes were drooping, he looked at his watch, "We have 27 minutes left, come on, Nico, we can't be old men if we make it until midnight."
Nico snorted, pushing up from the couch, setting his glass on the coffee table and holding his hand out to Lewis. He set his own drink down, and took Nico's hand, allowing himself to be pulled up, and tugged towards the balcony door. The popping noises of fireworks had been going off sporadically since before sunset, but he knew from years past that they would only get more frequent as they approached midnight.
It was nice, sitting in the chairs next to the railing, pushed close enough together that their knees could almost touch, looking out over the harbor, the glittering lights of the boats dotting the water like stars in the sky. The light pollution and firework smoke obstructed the view of most of the actual stars, but there were still a few whose light managed to poke through. It was peaceful, and the minutes until midnight passed quickly. The New Year's broadcast was faintly audible through the open balcony door, and he turned as he heard the announcers getting louder. The countdown was visible on the screen, and he turned to Nico as the last ten seconds counted down.
Nico smiled at him, eyes crinkling at the corners, "Happy New Year, Lewis."
"Happy New Year, Nico," He returned the smile, and they both turned back towards the harbor as the countdown reached zero, and the skyline lit up with hundreds glittering fireworks. He felt pressure against his knee, and he looked down to see Nico's knee pressed against his, the other man's eyes still fixed on the harbor.
Lewis smiled, pressing his knee back against Nico's, and turned back to the fireworks. That lingering worry hadn't fully left yet, but he could feel it begin to unravel in his chest.