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At seven, Nico’s mama takes him and his sister Bianca to the coast. Pastel houses are nestled between rolling hills covered in vineyards, waves crashing lazily against cliff faces surrounding the town. Teenagers jump from them, plunging into the water below. Nico watches them in awe, hoping one day he’ll be just as brave and handsome as they are. His eyes trail away from them, and back to his family. His mama glances at the incoming tide, sunlight cascading over her face. Bianca trots along beside her, chiding Nico for going off ahead. He can’t help it; they seldom spend time at the beach. What’s the point of practically living on an island if you don’t take advantage of it?

Around them, a few other families swim in the water, or sunbath on the shore. Colourful umbrellas shade them from the unforgiving sun, propped up between towels and blankets and picnic baskets. The di Angelo’s have their own too. The picnic basket they brought is woven intricately, once belonging to Nico’s nonna. Their umbrella is a bright red, slightly faded from use. Mama finds a spot perfect for them to settle, and begins unpacking. Bianca rushes to assist her, but Mama brushes her off with a flick of her hand. 

“Go keep an eye on your brother, Bianca,” she instructs, pointing to Nico, “I’ve got it.”

Hesitantly, Bianca nods, taking off her sun hat, and running towards Nico. He squeals, anticipating her mischievousness. Just as he thought, she grins, holding her hands out, and chases after him. Before Nico realizes it, he’s in the water up to his knees. Bianca pounces on him, capturing him in her arms. They fall into the sea, and Nico forgets to hold his breath. He surfaces coughing up water and scowling at his sister, who seems proud of herself. 

“Bianca!” he cries, shoving her a little. Her dark eyes squint with the force of her smile, and her long brown hair sticks to her face and her shoulders. She rushes off, diving into the water, and swims away. Thankfully not far enough that Nico’s completely on his own. 

He rises off of his bum, standing uncertainly. The sand beneath his toes is dense with rocks and shells, and the water flows back and forth, tickling his calves. He stares at it, appreciating its beautiful sea-green. The water is so clear he can see his body submerged in it, and the ground below it. It really is such a striking colour. To himself, Nico decides to make it his new favourite colour. 

Water sprays against his face, getting in his eyes and mouth. He follows in the direction of the splash, and finds Bianca there. 

“C’mon!” she pleads, a few meters ahead, deeper in the water. 

“You rotten sister!” Nico berates, throwing his arms against his sides, clenching his hands into fists. Bianca sticks her tongue out at him. 

His eyes are beginning to sting. 

“Don’t be a baby,” Bianca complains. “Come on! You’re not going to stay in the shallows, are you?”

“I am not!” he insists. “I’m just going at my own pace!” 

“Or you’re scared,” Bianca challenges. 

Nico ignores her, and looks over his shoulder to Mama. She’s laid down on a striped towel, olive skin glistening with tanning oil. Her hand is over her eyes, and she watches them with interest. She smiles at him, and he smiles back. He turns, and treads towards Bianca. 

His sister is waiting for him impatiently. The water is now up to his chest, so he raises his arms above it. 

“You look silly, Nico,” Bianca tells him. 

He puffs out his cheeks. 

“What do you want?”

“Let’s have a race!” Bianca declares.

She points to a boulder in the distance, peeking out between the waves. 

“To that rock. Whoever wins gets to eat all the bombolini.”

Nico gasps. That’s putting too much on the line! But before he can protest, Bianca starts to swim. 

“Bianca! No fair!” Nico screams, swiftly paddling after her.

Not only is she bigger and stronger than him, but she got a head start. She’s sabotaging him before he even agreed. Still, he does his best to catch up, lost in the waves, quickly losing sight of her. By the time he slowly pulls himself up onto the slimy rock, he’s panting. Bianca stands triumphantly with her hands on her hips. 

“Bianca! That wasn’t fair!” 

She grins. 

“I was only joking. You can have as many bombolini as Mama lets you,” she reassures, holding out her hand. Nico grabs it, and his sister pulls him to his feet. 

They turn to face the shore, the people on the beach now tiny, like his Mythomagic figurines. Bianca holds her hand out in front of her face, extending her index finger and her thumb. She lowers them close together. 

“Look, it’s like I’m holding Mama,” she says, peering between her fingers. 

Nico imitates her, holding his fingers up to his eye. He catches Mama between his fingers, and giggles. They probably won’t be bigger than her for a long time, so this will have to do. 

“Come on,” Bianca beckons him. “Let’s swim back.”

She launches herself off the rock, curling up into a ball. She hits the water just like those older boys did, not even having to plug her nose. Nico has to. When he jumps, he curls up his whole body except for his right hand, which closes his nostrils. He shuts his eyes, and the warm water engulfs him. 

Mama is waiting for them on the beach, the picnic basket unloaded across the blanket. Nico is winded from so much swimming, so he sits himself next to his Mama, curling up in her arms. Mama doesn’t mind that he’s dripping with water; she simply puts her arms around him, and pulls him close. Nico and Bianca grab sandwiches, fruit, and pastries with salty hands, filling up their tummies quickly. Mama eats much slower, and scolds them for eating too fast. 

“You’ll make yourselves sick,” she insists, wiping Nico’s cheek. He lets her, wise enough to know if he refused, she would make a fuss. 

“We’re growing children,” Bianca informs her, nine years old, but already considering herself an authority. 

“Yes, you are,” Mama smiles, wiping her own face with a napkin. “You’re both growing up much too fast.” 

“I can’t wait to be big,” he tells his family, imagining such a life in his mind. “Then I’ll be able to beat Bianca even when she cheats.” 

Mama laughs, and Bianca sticks out her tongue again. 

“Enjoy being little, Piccolo,” Mama advises. “You’ll miss it when you’re big.”

He tilts his head up, grinning at her. 

“Not possible, Mama. I will get so big, I’ll forget what it’s like to be little.” 

She places a hand on his head, ruffling his hair. 

“Maybe you will.” 

-

At ten, they discover a new section of the Lotus Casino. Nico thought they’d explored it all, but it seems like the casino is always under construction, adding new attractions. This time it’s an indoor pool. It’s so big, almost as big as a football field! There’s colourful slides, and pool floaties, and a big mural of some tropical island on the roof, which stretches far above them. It’s shaped in a wavy fashion, morphing from the kiddy side to the deep end for adults and big kids. Immediately, Nico and Bianca rush to their room, changing into their bathing suits, and grabbing their towels. 

They tread into the kiddy pool, slipping through families with their toddlers, and children much smaller than they are. The water smells very strange, and the colour is odd. Nico swears water isn’t supposed to look like this, but he’s not sure why. This greenish-blue is muted, almost synthetic. But he has nothing to compare it to. He’s never been to a beach before, and on the television, the black and white visage of the sea in movies gives him no clues. Still, it feels off to him. 

Even though he knows he hasn’t swam before, and hasn’t set foot in a public swimming pool, or the ocean, he’s able to. His arms and legs move on instinct as the water gets so deep, he can no longer touch the bottom of the pool with his feet. Bianca is the same. 

Eventually, Nico swims over to the edge of the pool, and clings to it. With no place to rest his feet, he’s getting tired. Bianca doesn’t have this problem. She starts chatting with a group of girls, and they swim around each other, dipping in and out of the surface. They look happy like this. Jealousy curls painfully in his stomach. Bianca is so much better at making friends than he is. She has friends all over the hotel, and Nico’s only friend is still her. The boys his age look at him weirdly. He keeps saying the wrong stuff, and driving them away. His cheeks ache with his blush, gripping the edge of the pool until his knuckles turn white. 

He knows he’s younger than Bianca, but only by two years. That’s not much at all. He could still be her best friend, even though he’s smaller. Surely he’s not that annoying or troublesome. But Bianca never smiles like that with him. Nico forces back tears, takes a deep breath, and ducks his head under the water. He squeezes his eyes shut until it becomes uncomfortable, and then he opens them. His body floats lifelessly, and he would rise back up to the surface if he wasn’t still holding onto the rim of the pool. He exhales through his nose, and watches the bubbles float up past his face. Now with no breath to hold, Nico pushes himself back up. 

He inhales a breath that rattles inside of his chest, wiping water from his eyes. His nose is running slightly, so he wipes that too. His vision becomes really blurry, and his eyes feel sore. He ignores it. Nico glances back to Bianca to see if she’s still playing with her new friends, and she is. She’s laughing at something a red-headed girl told her, throwing her head back happily. Nico scowls, turning back to the ledge. 

“Are you alright?” 

Nico jolts in the water, eyes shooting upwards. Standing over him is the lifeguard, clad in red swimming shorts and a white t-shirt. His eyes are the colour of hazelnuts. He has sandy-blonde hair, tufted with curls. Nico is instantly enamored. He’s so handsome! Nico quickly realizes he’s just been crying, so he wipes his face, hopefully concealing any stray tears with pool water. He slaps on a smile. 

“Mhm!” 

The lifeguard tilts his head, carefully observing Nico. Nico’s ears and cheeks burn. He finds somewhere else to look. Anywhere but him. 

“Are you sure?” the lifeguard asks. “You’re looking really red.”

That makes Nico blush more. Oh god, he can tell there’s something wrong with Nico! He really doesn’t mean to feel this way, and he definitely doesn’t want someone so impressive to know this. 

“I’m fine,” Nico insists, staring down at his hands in shame. 

It’s alright; as long as Nico doesn’t look at him, he won’t feel the jumpy nice feeling in his stomach.

“I’m gonna pull you out, alright?” the lifeguard tells him.

No, no, no! Don’t touch him! And definitely don’t look!

But curiosity gets the best of Nico. He looks up. The lifeguard is leaning over, holding out his hand for Nico to grab. Hesitantly, Nico reaches for him. His hands are calloused and firm. With little effort, he pulls Nico out of the pool, and helps him onto his feet. Nico feels exposed standing barefoot on the tiled floor. He looks down at his feet, hoping he’ll forget the face of this boy. 

One of his calloused hands presses into Nico’s shoulder. Nico makes himself very still. His arm throbs with pain where he’s been touched.

“It feels like you have a rash,” the lifeguard informs him. “Are you allergic to chlorine?”

“I d-don’t know,” Nico stutters, still thinking about the way the lifeguard’s hand felt on his shoulder. 

“Are you here with your parents?” 

Nico shakes his head. 

“I’m with my big sister.”

“Let’s go find her. I think you’re having an allergic reaction.”

That sounds bad. Nico finally meets his eyes again, and nods. 

He walks over to Bianca, the lifeguard in tow. Full of embarrassment, Nico calls out to her. 

“Bianca!”

Her head swings around, landing on Nico, and then the lifeguard behind him. He watches the excitement drain right out of her. With a grimace, she says something to the girls. They wave goodbye to each other, and Bianca swims over. 

“What’s wrong?” Bianca asks. “Gosh, Nico, you’re bright red!”

Bianca’s olive skin seems completely unaffected by this, “chlorine.” In fact, she looks entirely in her element. Nico hates ruining her fun, but another gross part of him is glad she’s paying attention to him now. 

The lifeguard puts a gentle hand on his back, and Nico freezes. Oh no. He knows he has to explain to Bianca, but all the words he could say just disappeared. Thankfully, the lifeguard speaks for him. 

“I think your little brother’s allergic to chlorine. You should take him back to your room, and have him rinse off in the shower,” the lifeguard instructs. 

Bianca’s face drops even further. She nods, pushing herself out of the water. When she’s on solid ground, she looks up at the lifeguard, protectively wrapping an arm around Nico. 

“Thank you,” she says. The lifeguard smiles. 

“Of course,” he turns to Nico, and ruffles his hair. The action feels familiar in a way that makes his heart soar. “Feel better soon, Kiddo.”

Nico nods, mumbling his own thanks, and Bianca guides him away to their towels. She wraps his around his shoulders before doing the same for herself, and they walk barefoot back to their room. Once they arrive, Bianca acts immediately. She rushes into the bathroom, and orders Nico to take off his swimming trunks.

He’s kicking off the tangled mass of wet fabric at his ankles when Bianca calls him into the bathroom. The shower is already running.

“Not too hot?” he confirms nervously.

“Yes, Nico,” Bianca sighs, opening the curtain for him. He hops in, grateful for the comforting and gentle stream of water that hits his back. Unlike the pool water, it doesn’t smell weird, and it doesn’t irritate his skin. 

“Thanks,” he says. 

“You should thank me,” Bianca grumbles. “If it wasn’t for your sensitive skin, I would still be swimming right now.”

“I’m sorry!” Nico whines. 

“So? Doesn’t change the fact that you’re a big baby that needs me to do everything for you.” 

Nico bristles behind the curtain. 

“You rotten sister! I’d be just fine on my own!” 

In response to his comment, he hears the sound of the toilet being flushed. The water turns scolding hot before he can escape. He yowls so loud the entire hallway can probably hear him. 

“Meanie!” he screams. 

Bianca slams the door shut, leaving him alone in the shower. He finishes rinsing off, climbing out of the shower carefully. He doesn’t want to slip. He wraps another clean towel around his shoulders, wincing as it brushes against his sore skin. He opens the door, and finds Bianca on her bed, lying on her stomach, kicking her feet behind her. She’s watching the television— some cheesy romance— and getting her water soaked body all over her clean bedding. 

“You’re getting your blanket wet,” Nico tells her, going straight to her bed instead of his. He sits beside her. 

“And now you are too.”

Nico shrugs, turning his attention to the film. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Bianca says. “They’ll change our sheets in the morning.” 

“You better not steal my blanket and make it soggy too,” Nico warns, giving her a threatening look. 

Bianca rolls her eyes. “I don’t want your stinky blanket.” 

Nico sticks his tongue out at her, and rolls onto his back. He raises his feet, aiming for her face. 

“Ew, gross!” she yelps, pushing him away. “Get off me!” 

Nico smirks, lowering his feet. Mission accomplished. 

“Boys,” Bianca mumbles unhappily. 

That night, they fall asleep together in her soggy bed, Nico still wrapped in his towel, and Bianca in her bathing suit. In the morning, she wakes up with a rash of her own. 

-

At eleven, Nico has no more family to swim with. All he has is himself, the night sky, and a ghost who promises him a chance at seeing his sister again. He’s gone months without bathing, wandering forests and towns and cities, learning as much as he can from his mentor, and struggling to make it on his own. 

It’s one evening when Minos comments on his hygiene, scrunching up his nose when Nico summons him. 

“You smell dreadful,” he says, waving a translucent hand through the air in front of his face.

“You’re dead. You can’t smell shit,” Nico counters, glowering. He’s tired of Minos’ games. 

“Still sporting that unsavory attitude,” Minos complains, crossing his arms. “Ok, let’s make a deal. Until you bathe, I will not help you.”

“That’s not a deal!” 

“Is that so? Oh well. Off you go, now. Don’t come back until you no longer reek of B.O.”

Minos fades out of existence, and Nico cries out in frustration. He kicks the dirt beneath his feet, sending it in Minos’ direction. 

“Stupid, useless ghost!” he screams. 

Because Minos decided to use his undead nostrils, Nico’s completely wasted a Happy Meal. Self-consciously, he grabs the collar of his shirt, and pulls it up to his nose. He sniffs it, and scowls. The damn thing smells like a dumpster. Nico looks around him, from the tall pine trees to the dusty forest floor, and sighs. He can find a stream or something to wash himself and his clothes in. He still thinks Minos is being entirely unfair, but with no other choice, he starts walking. It isn’t smart to shadow travel after summoning a spirit. He’d probably pass out if he tried. Nico needs to stay awake. When he’s awake, he’s useful. He can’t stop until he gets Bianca back. 

Thankfully, he finds what he’s looking for after about thirty minutes of walking. It’s a calm river, one large and seemingly deep enough that he can completely submerge himself. Since it’s nighttime, it’ll probably be cold. He stands nervously at the shore, dreading what comes next. He’ll need to undress, and Nico really doesn’t like what he sees lately. He’s grateful he doesn’t usually come across mirrors; he’s not sure he’d recognize his reflection. 

He shucks off his jacket, folds it, and then carefully places it by the edge of the river. Peeling off his shirt is more difficult. He’s grown a little, so it sits tight against his stomach, chest, and shoulders. It’s drenched and hardened from sweat, making it brittle and almost painful to remove. His black jeans have the same issue. 

Once it’s off, he tries to keep his gaze far away from his body. He quickly fails, his own desire to feel worse about himself surfacing. His torso is marred with new scars, jagged and ugly. He knows he isn’t healing properly when he’s injured, and that’s why each scar he receives turns out hideous. Along his wrists are a few he didn’t get from monsters, still red, puffy, and struggling to scab. His stomach is concave, and his ribs and hip bones protrude. His skin is so pale he can see his veins with worrying clarity. It hardly resembles his sister’s anymore. There was a time when they looked alike, but that feels like a long time ago now. 

Nico sucks in his bottom lip, a familiar weight settling behind his eyes. He bends down, and pushes his shirt into the water. He rubs it repeatedly, unsure when to stop. He lays it out on the grass, and repeats the process with his jeans. They take a little more work than his shirt did. He makes a face when he has to wash his briefs, too. 

With all his clothes laid out to dry, Nico wades into the river. It’s just as freezing as he expected. He winces the second he touches the water, but keeps going. The sooner he’s in, the sooner he’s out, and consequently, the sooner he’s no longer naked. In the sky above him, the half-moon shines. It’s giving him light, but is also a painful reminder of the goddess who took his sister away from him. She gives him no mercy, and continues to glow as she does most nights. She reflects against the water he bathes in. Nico’s forearms sting from the cold water, equally an oath and a punishment. He will not stop. Even tonight, he’s doing what he has to in order to get his sister back. 

He dips beneath the surface, and feels almost at peace. It’s quiet underwater. And at night, it bears no resemblance to the eyes he’s been doing his best to burn into his memory. He can’t forget the rage he feels. He has to feel it; it blocks out the way he aches to see them again. 

Nico reemerges. That’s enough of that. He treads out of the water, convincing himself that the redness of his cheeks stems from anger, not the alternative. His clothes are still damp when he puts them on. He’s shivering, setting his sights on the nearest small town. He’ll need more food to summon Minos again. 

-

At fourteen, Nico hasn’t swam recreationally since he was ten. He’s not alone anymore, finally settling into Camp Half-blood. He has a best friend, somehow, and whatever Will Solace is considered. He has a little sister. He’s on decent terms with Percy Jackson. He’s been through two wars. He can’t shadow travel anymore. That last one isn’t because he isn’t able to, it’s because the aforementioned blonde nightmare says it’s not allowed. And because the second aforementioned blonde nightmare thinks that it’s flirting. Things are different, really different. He’s still struggling to let himself enjoy it. 

Really, he’s just passing by. He’s not sure why his eyes linger on the group of demigods flanking the lake, wading in the water, and swimming circles around each other. Maybe it’s because they look so happy, and Nico remembers when he loved to swim that much. Or it could be because Will is there too, terrifyingly shirtless, and petrifyingly handsome (as per usual, unfortunately). 

In the summer, his skin darkens, and his hair lightens. He has no tan lines, which is so unfair. His sun-kissed skin practically glows beneath the sunlight, which always finds a way to shine on him. The few scars he has littering his body are pale, raised naturally from the rest of his skin. And of course, there’s the tattoo on his chest. Nico’s familiar with it, because whenever it’s hot, Will takes it as an excuse to toss off his clothes. 

Nico might’ve technically been checking him out, but he’s still not entirely sure what he feels for Will. Usually Nico’s crushes are accompanied by hatred, whether it’s for the object of his affection, or himself. That complicates things. With Will, there’s no hatred. It’s uncomfortable sometimes, but slowly and surely, Nico feels the guilt weighing down his heart for being gay lessen. Will makes it easier. He’s so aggressively supportive. It kind of infuriates Nico sometimes, so maybe the hatred part of his attraction really hasn’t gone away. But looking at Will and his dorky grin, it’s hard to genuinely hate him. All he sees is one of his best friends.

He knows Will likes him. He realized this because of Connor Stoll of all people, who nudged him in Will’s direction while he was blatantly staring at Nico. The moment was surreal. Nico could come up with other explanations all he wanted to; you couldn’t explain away that look. He never really thought he’d be wanted, and especially not by someone like Will. But he is. Right now, he’s waiting to see if Will can actually work up the courage to tell him. So far, no luck. 

Nico tears his gaze away from Will, and brings it to Jason Grace. He’s standing beside Nico, his eyes set on Will. He’s been looking at him for a socially unacceptable amount of time now. Nico elbows him. 

“Would you stop staring,” he seethes, trying to redirect Jason’s attention. 

Jason ignores him. 

“I think I get it,” he finally says. 

“Get what?” Nico asks, a little more prickly than he intended. 

“Will,” Jason explains. He gestures towards him. “He’s got this whole… surfer boy thing going for him. And his tan is impeccable.”

Nico rolls his eyes. “Jason, you’re straight.”

Jason keeps looking at Will.

“So? I can still see,” he defends, crossing his arms. 

“Not well,” Nico insists. “He’s stupid and ugly.” 

Jason pivots back to Nico.

“Don’t say that,” he chides, “you’ll hurt his feelings.”

“It takes a lot more than that to hurt Will’s feelings,” Nico says. 

Will can take an onslaught of insults thrown at him while he does stitches with his eyes closed. That boy is not to be messed with. 

Jason resets, staring at Will again. 

“Still, that doesn’t mean you should insult him— gods, is that a tattoo?!” Jason interrupts himself, straightening his glasses. He leans in. 

“Nico, that’s a tattoo!” 

“Yup.”

“How does he have a tattoo?! He’s fifteen!” Jason protests, completely flabbergasted. 

“Jason, you’re seventeen, and you have a tattoo,” Nico reminds him. 

“That’s different! It’s legion protocol. That,” he points to Will again, “is not legion protocol.” 

Nico sighs.

“Minors are allowed to get tattoos if they have permission from their parents,” he explains, recalling the first time he’d asked Will the same question. 

Jason’s eyes grow wide, and he gets very pale. 

“His mom let him do that?” 

“Yeah. He said she’s pretty easygoing.”

“Huh,” Jason says, lost in thought. 

It’s like he’s trying to infuriate Nico. He decides to zone out on Will, staring, again! This time, Nico nudges him repeatedly.

“Jason,” he begs. “Jason!”

Quickly, he glances at Will, and to his horror, Will has noticed Jason’s staring. He tilts his head, an awkward smile forming on his face. His cheeks turn a little pink. 

“Jason, you asshole!” 

Jason snaps out of it, his eyes flashing around him. 

“Uh— what?” he asks. 

“Too. Late,” Nico says. 

Another glance to Will, and he’s walking straight for them. No, no, no!

“You idiot!” Nico scolds. “Look what you did!” 

Jason chuckles guiltily. “My bad.”

Before Nico can berate him some more, Will arrives in front of them. Up close, he’s even prettier. Nico can see the freckles on the bridge of his nose, and his shoulders. One of Will’s curls is sticking up at the back of his head. It’s stupid, and not cute at all. 

“What’s up?” Will asks, his hands slipping into his board shorts. 

“Nothing!” Nico blurts. Fuck. He’s so screwed. 

Jason stifles a laugh, and Nico glares at him. 

Will tilts his head again, but thankfully looks more endeared than weirded out. He juts his thumb over his shoulder. 

“Wanna join?” 

Nico isn’t allowed to answer, which is both a blessing and a curse. Jason wraps an arm around him, holding his shoulder and pulling him close. 

“We’d love to!” Jason beams. 

“Awesome!” Will says excitedly. He’s practically vibrating now, bouncing a little on his feet. He looks at Nico, and blushes. Nico hates that he knows Will well enough that he can tell what he’s thinking. He was totally picturing what Nico looks like with his shirt off. He’d probably be disappointed if he saw the real deal. It’s better to leave it up to his imagination.

“No, you’d love to, Jason,” Nico quickly corrects. He turns to Will apologetically. “I don’t like to swim.”

It’s a total lie, but neither of his companions knows this. The two people who know that it’s a lie are dead now. It’s not entirely unethical to use that to his advantage. 

Will is good at hiding his disappointment.

“Suit yourself,” he shrugs, and runs back to the other campers. 

Beside Nico, Jason sighs.

“Nico!” he complains. 

“What? I am not taking my shirt off in front of a bunch of strangers.” 

Nico wrinkles his nose.

“You people have no modesty,” he continues. 

Jason just sighs one of his bigger sighs, the kind that sounds a lot like a disappointed father figure. 

“I can’t believe you turned down an opportunity to ogle him,” Jason says under his breath.

“I can ogle him just fine from over here.”

They’re quiet until Jason speaks up again. 

“Is it because of…” his eyes dart to Nico’s forearms. 

Gods, he’s way too good at understanding Nico. Self-consciously, Nico pulls the sleeves of his jacket further down onto his wrists. 

“Can you not?” Nico snaps. 

Jason looks concerned, but drops it. He’s good at knowing when to drop things with Nico, even if he’s weak at a lot of other social cues. He pulls off his own shirt, and leaves it folded on the ground. Then, he takes off his glasses, and hands them to Nico. Like second nature, Nico takes them without a word. 

“I’m gonna go swim with your boyfriend,” Jason tells him. 

He runs off.

“Not my boyfriend!” Nico calls after him.

Jason blazes onto the dock at full speed. He crashes into Will, sending them both off of the dock and into the water. The splash their combined body mass makes is ginormous. Campers start to laugh, but Nico only rolls his eyes. He watches, slightly amused but never going to admit it, as Jason and Will start wrestling in the water. Nico pities Will; Jason is built like a truck, and not holding back. 

When the sun starts to set, the boys return to him shivering. Will has graciously donated his towel to Jason, but it’s hardly large enough to do any insulating. Will’s teeth are chattering when he pulls Nico aside. 

“Wanna sit next to me at the campfire tonight?” he asks. 

Nico considers this. He gives Will a once-over. 

“Put a shirt on,” he says instead of answering, “you slut.” 

Will barks out a surprised laugh. He’s flushed a pretty pink. 

“Yeah, ok,” he says breathlessly. “Then you’ll sit with me?”

“I’ll think about it.”

The grin Will gives him is infectious. 

“That means yes, doesn’t it?”

“You’re delusional.” 

-

At fifteen, he’s back at the lake. Summer has rolled in again, like it does every year. It brings with it a new kind of grief. This is his first summer without Jason. He’s never thought about the passing of time like this with his mother or Bianca. Maybe it’s because this is the first person he’s lost who had no obligation to love him. Jason chose to love him, and that makes it hurt in a different, but just as devastating way. Watching some of his new friends weave around him, people he’s grown to love or appreciate, makes him bitter. Why didn’t Jason have more time to do this? Why didn’t Nico get over himself, and follow him into the water? That was his only chance to, and he refused it. It makes him feel nauseous. 

His arms are covered in a white long-sleeve, a secret for him and another person buried in the ground. He has bathing suit shorts on like he might swim, but he decides then and there that he won’t. 

A black sun hat shields him from the open daylight, as well as a pair of sunglasses. Will says he looks silly, but Nico burns easily. He’s not taking any chances. 

As if he can sense Nico’s souring mood, his boyfriend pulls him closer on their laid out towel. Will’s arm is hooked around his shoulders, guiding Nico towards him. He feels one of Will’s legs against his back, and the other rests limply at Nico’s side. It’s like he’s half crisscross-applesauce-ing around him. It makes him feel secure. 

Will knocks off his hat, and presses a firm kiss onto his head. 

“If I burn, you deal with the consequences, Solace,” Nico threatens. It doesn’t have his usual bite. 

“I’ve never had a problem with nursing you back to health before,” Will replies cheerily. 

“What, are you Munchausen by proxy-ing me?” Nico accuses. 

“It took you that long to figure it out?” Will jokes, kissing his head again. 

“You’re horrible,” Nico complains. 

“Mhm.”

“Literally the worst.”

“Yep.”

“The lowest of the low.”

“That’s me!” Will announces. 

Nico pulls his face out of the crook of Will’s neck, and looks off to the lake in front of them. Will’s friends, Lou Ellen Blackstone and Cecil Markowitz, are splashing each other in a worryingly violent fashion. Depending on Will’s mood, he’d usually either be out there encouraging it, or scolding them for it. But he’s here with Nico instead, even though he loves to swim. And that’s why they’re even here in the first place. 

“Will, you should go swim,” Nico advises. 

Will hums, following Nico’s gaze. 

“I don’t think I will,” he decides. 

Nico sighs.

“You don’t have to stay here with me. You can go have fun.”

“I am having fun,” Will insists. “I’m enjoying a beautiful day with my favourite person. What’s more fun than that?” 

Will knows exactly how to break down his arguments. It’s totally annoying. Nico folds back into Will, hiding his red face. Will gives him a pat on the back. He can’t find it in himself to care that they’re being so clingy in public, or that he’s practically in Will’s lap. He wraps his arms around his boyfriend, and ignores his thoughts. Except for one.

One day, he promises to himself, I will swim with you. For Jason. 

-

At sixteen, Nico finally musters up the courage to swim again. It’s on a day much like his last opportunity to; the sun shines brightly, and the lake should be cool in contrast to the summer heat. His friends and people he’s friendly with are buzzing around him, some swimming in the water, and others kayaking. A few simply sunbathe on towels, soaking up any ray of light they can manage. 

Drew Tanaka and the rest of the Aphrodite cabin are lined up seamlessly on pink towels, drenched in tanning oil, save for Piper McLean, who’s perched on the dock with Annabeth Chase, waiting for her next victim to approach. She’s been pushing her fellow campers into the water, even kids twice her size. How she does it, Nico isn’t sure, but the fact that she loves to, just like Jason, is making him ache with fondness. Off to the side in the water, Damien White and Chiara Benvenuti are bickering, completely oblivious to the fact that Percy Jackson is cornering them, just the top of his head and his eyes visible as he approaches like the shark in Jaws. Yes, Will’s siblings have been educating him on the classics. He’s just grateful to watch something that isn’t Star Wars for once. Speaking of the Apollo cabin, Kayla Knowles and Austin Lake are kayaking with their younger siblings, doing most of the paddling. It’s ridiculously cute. 

The Ares and Athena cabins are in the middle of a gruesome chicken war, Malcom Pace and Sherman Yang on the front lines, using some downright dirty tactics. Clarisse La Rue watches loudly from the shore, yelling thinly veiled insults as encouragement. She broke her leg last week, so unfortunately she’s banned from participating. And for some reason, she really respects Will, so they haven’t heard a single complaint out of her. Leo Valdez and the Stoll brothers are conversing in the water. The Stolls watch in awe as Leo boils the water around him, making it bubble. They clap, and Nico nods in approval. That’s a pretty great party trick.

And of course, there’s Will. They came here together, bringing a few essentials. For once, Nico was anxious to be prepared. He let his boyfriend double and triple check their little tote bags, filling them up with snacks, sunscreen, towels, and most importantly of all, emergency Kit Kats, which probably fit into the snack category, but deserve their own. Will came here already shirtless, excited to be back in his natural habitat. His board shorts are cyan. He bounces when he walks, barely containing his excitement. Nico rolls his eyes. He came dressed in a hoodie, but this time, he’s determined to actually swim. He’s not going to let shame keep him from having fun, or ogling Will. It’s what Jason would’ve wanted. 

His Cocoa Puffs scurry behind him, embracing the lighter sides of life better than Nico ever could. At this point, his peers are used to the presence of his cacodemons, though some of them still seem a little nervous. It works out for Nico, returning some of his original intimidation factor. 

“Over here!” Cecil calls, motioning towards a spot on the shore where he and Lou Ellen are sat on their towels. There’s room for two more. 

When they get close enough that they don’t have to yell to hear each other, Lou Ellen snickers. 

“Well if it isn’t the Tote Bag Twinks,” she says, tilting her sunglasses. 

Nico smirks, taking out his skull-patterned towel, and spreading it out beside hers. Will stays frozen in place, blushing up a storm. He obviously wants to complain about the nickname, but it’s Lou Ellen who said it, not Cecil. Will can’t just tackle her when he’s angry at her. He actually has respect for her. Cecil, not so much. This dilemma seems to really break his brain, because he tosses Nico his tote bag, and tackles Cecil anyway. 

“What did I do?” Cecil cries.

Lou Ellen laughs joyously. “I love being a woman.”

“You know he’s not doing that because he’s chivalrous, right?” Nico tells her. 

“Don’t ruin my fun, di Angelo.”

So he doesn’t. Instead, he rolls out his boyfriend’s towel beside his own in the middle. The Cocoa Puffs happily greet Lou Ellen, and she scratches their heads and under their chins. She calls herself their aunt, a big fan because they match her witchy aesthetic. 

Will rolls from where he’s pinning Cecil back to Nico, grabbing his wrist. He gives Nico his best puppy dog eyes.

“You’ll swim with me?” he asks. 

Nico stops unpacking. 

“I already told you I would. Just let me finish unpacking.” 

Will groans dramatically, and rolls back to Cecil. 

“What do you want from me now, Solace?” Cecil grumbles, crossing his arms. 

“Attention,” Will says. 

“Hmph.” 

Once Nico has everything unpacked, he looks between Will’s best friends. Will’s draped over Cecil, and Lou Ellen twirls the Mist around her finger, entrancing the Cocoa Puffs. 

“You better not eat my Kit Kats,” he orders. 

Lou Ellen puts her hands up. 

“We would never.”

“You would and you know it.”

She smiles. “Guilty~!”

He glares at her. 

“What?” she says. “Consider it payment for babysitting the Cocoa Puffs.”

Nico sighs. 

“Fine,” he concedes, “and thank you.”

“Pleasure doing business with you!” Lou Ellen chirps.

Nico turns to his clingy boyfriend. 

“One time offer, Sunshine. Take it or leave it.”

Will tears himself from Cecil so fast it’s ridiculous. 

“I can’t believe the way you use me,” Cecil moans sadly, hugging himself. Will ignores him.

“Let’s go!” Will exclaims, jumping to his feet. He waits, hardly patient, for Nico to get up after him. 

And suddenly, all of this feels very real. This is the part where he takes off his shirt. And he’s going to do it in front of a crowd of people. People he’s known since he was a kid, sure, who’ve accepted him for all his differences, despite his universally rocky start here. But sometimes even the most accepting people will stare at places Nico doesn’t want them to see. He takes a deep breath. 

Up until this point, the only person who knew about his self-harm was Jason. He hid it all carefully, wearing long-sleeves in ninety degree heat, changing only when he was certain he was alone. It was too personal to share. Too shameful. He didn’t even tell Jason himself. Jason found out on his own, back when he used to touch Nico without asking. A single firm hand around his wrist had derailed Nico’s secret. The look on Jason’s face was mortifying when he realized why Nico had cried out in pain. He was expecting pity and disgust, but Jason always surprised him. He asked if he could disinfect it. Nico’s knee-jerk reaction was to refuse him, but he couldn’t. He let Jason see years worth of scars, and let him put band-aids over the fresh ones. When he was done, he asked Nico if he would tell him when he cut himself, so he could help clean him up. Nico couldn’t promise him that. 

“Sometimes, then,” Jason decided. “But not all the time.”

And sometimes, Nico let him. 

He wonders if Will is going to be upset with him. Having your long term boyfriend keep such a big secret from you for so long is bound to hurt him, right? But Nico wants to be brave for him and Jason. He’s been clean for six months now, the longest since he’s started. Maybe now, he’ll be able to celebrate this achievement with Will. He doesn’t want to be ashamed of it anymore. He wants to be proud of what he’s been through, and what he’s been overcoming. 

“Hey, Nico?” Will speaks up, placing a careful hand on his shoulder. His smile is so understanding. “I packed a swim shirt, if you want it?”

Gods, his boyfriend is the best. 

“Thanks, Will,” Nico says, “but I don’t need it.” 

Nico is safe now. He doesn’t have to punish himself anymore. There is absolutely nothing worthy of punishment about him. None of his actions or what is inherent to him as a person is worthy of hating himself. Sometimes this is hard to accept as reality, but he’s taking steps towards being able to believe it. 

He unzips his hoodie, and slides out of its arms. He feels himself trembling, but keeps going. Nico pulls his t-shirt over his head, and when he looks up again, Will is staring at him. 

Nico knows what he sees. He’s been eating better lately, so his arms have built up more muscle, and his stomach is plumper than it’s ever been. You can no longer see his ribs, just the scars covering his pale body. He hasn’t quite gotten the colour back in his skin, but he hopes this is the first step in doing so. 

Nico’s eyes fall to his feet. His vision gets slightly blurry, and he sways. Will steadies him immediately with his hands on Nico’s upper arms. Nico looks up at him from his touch, and he’s bright red. Nico is too. Will’s eyes are much too intense, full of emotions that Nico can easily read. He doesn’t; he’s scared to. To his credit, Will doesn’t stare. His eyes dart once to Nico’s forearms, and then they’re gone, looking at something else. Following Will’s gaze is making him dizzy. 

“Um,” Will starts, “wow.” 

Nico manages to blush harder. His ears burn with heat. 

“I mean—“ Will corrects, “I mean— what do I mean?” 

Nico pushes air through his lips in a sound sort of like a laugh. Slowly but surely, Will is making him smile. 

“What I mean is—“ Will blabbers on, “you look good.”

He clears his throat. 

“Great, I mean great!” 

And Nico’s smile just keeps growing, watching Will dig a grave with his words. He’s smiling, but he feels like crying. 

“Yeah, great, that’s the word. Also— wow. I mean—“

“GAAAAAAAAAAY!” Cecil interrupts. 

Ironically, it stops Will from word-vomiting. In a way, Cecil is being a good wing-man. In a way. Will does not seem to share this opinion. He gapes like a fish, visibly betrayed. Then, he frowns. No, he straight up scowls. His lips purse in determination, and he storms over to Cecil, and launches him over his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry!” Cecil begs. “Have mercy!”

Will strides over to the lake, huffing to himself with each step. When he’s up to his knees in water, he pulls Cecil off of his shoulder, and throws him into the water. He dusts his hands off, and walks back to Nico, Lou Ellen, and the Cocoa Puffs. 

“Sorry about that,” Will apologizes. With his attention turned back to Nico, he smiles. 

Will holds out his hand, waiting for Nico to take it. His breath hitches in his throat. He recalls all those lonely nights under the moon, and looks towards the sky. The sun shines unconditionally. He recalls the itchy rash from the chlorine, how his skin felt so very hot, from feelings he wasn’t able to accept inside himself. He looks at the lake, free of chemicals. And he recalls the Italian coast, a picnic with his family, sitting in his mother’s lap. He glances behind himself, seeing his towel next to three others. His family is bigger now. When he turns his head, Will is waiting for him. He’s not alone. He hasn’t been alone for a long time. 

He takes Will’s hand. 

He lets Will guide him through young demigods running on the shore, towels, and smiles. He stops before his feet hit the water. Will stops with him, and turns to face him. He squeezes Nico’s hand. 

“I’ve got you,” Will promises.

And that, Nico believes. 

Just as he anticipated, the water is cool. It’s not cold enough to be uncomfortable, but it feels lovely after baking in the sunlight. Will pulls him deeper. They pass Leo with the Stoll brothers, and the chicken wars, and Damien and Chiara, still bickering, and Percy. And Percy. Nico isn’t brave enough to see if he watches him go by, or if his face crumples at the sight of Nico’s scars. Does he feel guilty? Nico doesn’t want him to feel that way. This wasn’t his fault. This wasn’t a mistake. He was surviving the only way he knew how. But now it’s time to let it go. One day, he’ll be able to forgive himself for starting. Will is his compass. When the pull of the water feels overwhelming, he focuses on Will in front of him. Their feet can still touch the rocky bottom of the lake when they stop. The water comes up just below their shoulders. 

Will hugs him. He places a steady hand on the back of Nico’s head, and cradles him close. His other arm wraps around Nico’s waist. Slowly, Nico wraps his own arms around Will’s back. He buries his face in the crook of Will’s neck, and takes in a shaky breath. Will is so warm. 

“You did it,” Will says. “You made it.”

"Yeah. I did."