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“Master Qui-Gon, if you can hear me?” Ben spoke into the nothingness, “You’ve had a hand in creating a monster.”
The monster in question – Luke Skywalker Kenobi. The five year old little boy who was currently wrapped around Ben’s leg, quite literally, begging.
“Please! Please! Please! Uncle Ben, please! I promise I’ll be good for the rest of the year! I’ll do all my classwork, and I’ll even do extra work. I’ll read like, 50 holo books!”
“Oh my, 50, you say?” Ben said sarcastically, attempting to shake the little boy off his leg.
“Uncle Ben.” Luke said seriously, squeezing his little hands into Ben’s shins, “I’ll do anything.”
Ben let out a very long sigh. Ultimately, he pulled Luke off and set the boy straight. He fixed the collar of his shirt, and brushed his hair out of his eyes. It seemed with every passing day Luke’s face spattered with more freckles. Darting across his noses and cheeks, Ben tried hard to remember if little Ani had as many at his age. Or, if his hair was constantly getting in his eyes as well. Maybe, but it’s hard to remember.
It was getting harder and harder to remember what Ani looked like.
“Why do you want to go so badly?” Ben asked.
“Because!”
“I’m not hearing a reason…”
“It’s cool!”
Ben blinked, “That’s it?”
Luke whined, stomping a little foot, “It’s really super extra cool and they go super fast. Laze said if you stand in the right spot they make your hair fly backwards!”
Ben did not like Laze one bit. But, he didn’t really like any of the boys Luke had become friends with since starting school. They were all troublemakers.
“It’s not safe.” Ben said, “I don’t like the crowds at pod races. You’ll just have to wait until you’re a little bit older.”
That was that for Ben, end of story. He walked around Luke to get to cabinets, so he could get a head start on dinner.
It was not the end of the story for Luke. He was hot on Ben’s trail, following him insistently into the kitchen.
“But there are other little kids like me there.” Luke whined, tugging at Ben’s shirt.
“I’m sure there are. There are a lot of unfit parents on Tatooine.”
“Uncle Ben!” Luke sounded offended, like he was personally attached to this planet and its people.
But again, he had grown up here. Luke knew no other planet. So really… he was. Luke knew nothing except the two sons of Tatooine and Ben himself.
Ben shivered. He should get into contact with Master Yoda. Maybe they should move.
Ben was chopping vegetables for a stew before he could think on that any longer. Master Yoda would never let him move Luke. He'd find the idea purely laughable. Not until he’s had some kind of proper training – and even then, he would never truly be safe. Luke may not ever dwell on any other planet. Not at least, while Darth Vader was still deep in the throws of power.
He focused back on the task at hand, it would be embarrassing to lose a finger to the blunt end of a kitchen knife.
“Just because others are going doesn’t mean you have to.” Ben said decidedly, nodding to himself. Yes, after half a decade of raising Luke, he may finally be getting good at this whole parent thing.
“I don’t just have to go, Uncle Ben.” Luke urged, standing up on his tippy toes in an attempt to be taken more seriously, “I need to go.”
It was the way he said it that got Ben’s attention. The intention of the words. Need, as though the young boy’s life actually depended on it. Ben spared a glance down at the boy, whose serious expression was equal parts Anakin and Padme.
“What do you mean you need to go?” Ben asked carefully.
Luke’s face scrunched up as though he was thinking very hard, “I don’t know how to explain it.’”
Ben dropped the knife to give the boy his full attention, “Well, try.”
“It’s like, in here,” Luke said, pointing at his own head, “If I think for even a moment I’m not gonna go it starts to feel really, really, wrong. It’s the biggest, most powerfulest feeling ever. I have to go to the pod race, Uncle Ben.”
Ben dragged a hand down the length of his face.
Force knows best, his mind supplied him in a suspiciously Qui-Gon sounding voice.
Yeah, yeah, he snarked back at himself, You can give me parenting advice when you answer my calls.
Nonetheless… he bent down, getting eye level with Luke. He placed two firm hands on Luke’s shoulders so the boy could give him his full, undivided attention.
“If we are to go–”
“Oh boy, we’re going!” Luke squealed excitedly.
“If-!” Ben repeated, “We are to go to the Pod Race. You are to follow my rules very closely. Do you understand?”
“Uh-huh, uh-huh! Thank you, Uncle Ben! Thank you!” Luke wrapped his arms around Ben’s neck squeezing him tightly.
Luke ran off before Ben could even get into the rules, calling out, “Let me know when dinner’s ready!” heading to his room to do whatever it is young boys do when they have free time.
“I guess,” Ben said into the silence, running an old rag along the end of his knife, “I’m going to another Pod Race after all.”
—
It became clear to Luke rather quickly that most of the pod racing happened deep within the sand dunes far, far away from the stands.
Ben watched as the initial excitement of watching the racers wave from their cars and idle at the starting line, started to fade as the announcers gave them live updates. At the beginning, Ben had put the boy on his shoulders so that he could see the tiny little pods racing all those miles away, but Ben knew the boy practically better than he knew himself. Luke had the attention span of a baby lothcat. What he was buzzing about just a few moments earlier, now had the boy pulling at Ben’s hair to get down.
“I can’t see them anymore.” Luke whined as Ben sat him down on the stands, “They’re too far away.”
“They’ll come back, and then we’ll have a winner.”
“We’re too high up.” Luke complained, pulling his knees up on the stands so he could rest his chin on them, “From this high they didn’t even make my hair fly backwards.”
“It's safer up here.”
Luke corrected, “It’s boring.”
Ben bit back his irritation. He was already on edge from the sheer amount of people in the stands. All it took was one person recognizing who he was, and then the Empire would be all over them. Not that many locals on Tatooine were too fond of the empire’s crusade either – but anyone would do anything for some extra credits here. Which is why he kept his hood firmly up on his head, and a watchful eye over Luke.
“Can I atleast go sit with Laze?” Luke asked, pointing much further down the stands where the boy and his family were seated. They were right up on the action, with loud cheering horns and gameside food. They were causing too much commotion. They might ask too many questions.
It wasn’t safe.
“No,” Ben said firmly, catching Luke’s wrist and putting it down before anyone noticed him pointing, “You’ll stay where we’re sitting.”
“But-!”
Ben's tone held no room for argument, “Luke.”
Luke groaned, kicking out his legs in front of him. He crossed his arms, a wicked scowl on his face.
Ben huffed out through his nose, “Continue and we’ll just have to leave.”
“But I wanna see who wins!”
“Then, at the very least, be a good sport!” Ben exclaimed. Quickly, he controlled his outburst, looking around to ensure that he hadn’t caused any attention to himself. They had a few onlookers, but nothing serious. No one who was of concern. He added much quieter, “We’re only here for you. What is going on?”
Luke’s eyes got glossy, “I thought it would be different.”
Ben always knew Luke was sensitive. Sensitive to the Force, without even realizing it, naturally. But also, more pressingly so, Luke was incredibly emotionally sensitive. He felt everything so deeply in his bones. Every emotion was so big, and Luke was still so young that he had absolutely no idea how to handle them.
Ben held out his hand, “Do you want to go for a walk?”
It had been their new go-to for when Luke's feelings got so much bigger than himself. Soon, Ben theorized, the feelings would start to materialize into a force-sensitive temper tantrum. Complete with cracked windows and rippling sand. By then, he'd have to sit down and explain it all to Luke, everything, but for now -
For now they just went on walks. Hand in hand, side by side. Child and Caretaker. Luke's entire world.
Luke nodded mutely, slipping his smaller one into Ben’s calloused palm. They walked down the stands quickly, and once they were out of view, Ben let the boy lead the way. They made a circle around the perimeter of the event, slowly.
“I’m sorry you expected something different.” Ben finally said, “But you’ve seen clips of the Pod Race on the Holonet. I know you and your friends talk about it at school. You know that most of the action takes place rather far away-”
“I knew what the race was gonna look like.”
Now Ben was incredibly confused. He hoped his silence would show Luke he needed more information.
“I just..” Luke shrugged, his tiny voice announcing, “I feel in between sad and angry.”
“Frustrated?” Ben supplied.
“No. I’m more sad than angry.”
Ben considered that. Racking his brain for the word that Luke might be missing in his 5 year old dictionary. It hit him:
“Disappointed?”
Luke nodded firmly, sniffling.
So much for a compromise. Ben shouldn’t have even taken him. This was certainly worse than a cranky Luke. This was far too mature an emotion for him. Ben thought he had at least a few more years before he started to really disappoint him.
Alas. It seemed Ben truly disappointed every generation of Skywalker.
“Oh, my boy,” Ben said sadly, “I’m sorry we didn’t sit closer..”
“No, Uncle Ben, it's not about the seats.”
“It’s…not?” Ben asked. Truly, how much of parenting was just asking your child for clarification? He needed Qui-Gon more than ever. It had been years, many many years since he last heard the Coruscantian drawl of his master’s voice, but somehow, it still held a comforting power over him. An ache of missing started to tug at Ben's heart, but he pushed it deep, deep down.
This was about Luke. Everything was about Luke now. His entire life had been spent pritorizing the safety of a head of golden blonde hair, Ben supposed. Somethings never changed.
Luke’s voice was baby soft and filled with untapped emotion, “My head kept thinking that if I just went to the race it would make that big, powerful feeling go away.”
Ben stopped in his tracks. It hit him like a bucket of cold, cold water.
That big, powerful feeling was:
The force, the force, the force, the force—
“It hasn’t gone away?” asked Ben calmly.
Luke shook his head, staring up at him with those Anakin blue eyes, “Everyday it gets bigger and bigger.”
THE FORCE, THE FORCE, THE FORCE.
Ben swallowed around his nerves. The Force buzzed from his head to his toes.
“Luke, what you’re feeling it's called the F–”
“I think I just gotta ignore it.” Luke decided, rubbing away the last of his tears from his eyes, “And go back to the race.”
“Go back?” Ben asked, exhausted.
“Yeah,” Luke said, using his hand in Ben’s to turn them around, “I gotta know if my team beat Laze’s!”
“But what about the big, powerful–?”
“C’mon, Uncle Ben!” Luke yelled gleefully, “We’re gonna miss it!”
The whiplash of that interaction was almost enough to send Ben flying off of Tatooine and into the zero gravity of space.
It didn’t, though.
It did however solidify one thing.
Master Qui-Gon was never going to answer him. If anyone was going to give Ben the advice he so desperately needed, he must get into contact with Master Yoda.