Chapter Text
The vastness of Daguanyuan extends in front of her. It was quiet before Xichun became the new Family Hierarch, but for other reasons. People were wary of assassination attempts. Treachery lurked behind every corner, every bush, every tree. The beauty of the gardens masked their danger, the ugliness behind it all. How fitting for someone such as her. Though, with Xichun’s ascension, the entirety of Daguanyuan was not so perilous any longer, which is why the Manager has been allowing the Sinners to explore on their own time. Compared to the majority of the City, the openness reminds her of the past, when she was free, travelling fields and plains with her Father…
Sancho has been going on nightly walks to clear her mind — it hasn't been that long since her turn passed. She barely had time to process everything: her returned memories, the (re)discovery of her family and immediate loss of every single member of it, the difficult acceptance of pursuing a dream that'll likely never come true, and, of course, the Thirst, amongst many other issues that plague her. Her knowledge that she could never remove Rocinante, lest she turn into a bloodthirsty monster, scared her in a way she couldn't quite explain.
She was afraid. Afraid of hurting her dear friends once more. She has hurt them too many times already. A real Hero wouldn't do such a thing, would they? How could she even call herself one? All she could do was play the part of a righteous Fixer of Justice — keep up the mask no matter the circumstances. It was his last wish, after all. However, she knows Fate will catch up eventually. A Bloodfiend cannot become a Hero. The day will come that her ambitions run out; she will fail to find a dream to chase after, and succumb to the Thirst. There's no precedent for any individual breaking free from the curse, so why would she be a special case? She'll be forced into Motherhood to withstand the curse, to share the pain — a role she's never wanted, thrust upon her against her will.
Too much was haunting her… While she was aware that the other Sinners knew of her internal struggles — they all had something that made them eligible to be hired by Limbus Company, so they could all relate — they were not privy to just how badly it truly affected Sancho. Her facade was almost immaculate; strangers or closer allies that lacked perception thought she was simply a rather annoying, upbeat, enthusiastic Fixer fan. And honestly, it did not bother her to be viewed as such. If only it really was so simple.
She's shaken from her ruminations when she detects a sound from a nearby grove. You could never be too alert in the City, after all. Stealthily, she moves up to observe the source of the noise. It was most certainly a person, that she was sure of… As she inches closer, a sense of familiarity strikes her. Was that..?
Peeking from behind a bush, she spots the culprit. Sinclair is swinging his halberd at those ridiculously advanced training dummies found within Daguanyuan. He certainly was dedicated to his training, wasn't he..? She'd instructed both him and Xichun on Fixer history and conduct, but hadn't been the professor for combat training. From what she's seeing, the Night Drifter taught him well. She feels… What is this emotion? Admiration? In any case, she's proud of him. He's come a long way since their very first meeting. Observing him from a hiding spot was rude, wasn't it? So she jumps out and greets him with a cheer.
“What ho, Young— Nay, Sinclair! Art thou in the midst of thy training? The hour is quite late!”
At her exclamation, he gives a surprised yelp and fumbles the swing on the nearby dummy, which earns him a smack on the back in retaliation. Whoops.
“Agh—! D-Don… I mean, Quixote… Good evening. Did you come to practice as well..? I thought I was the only person who knew about this spot — well, apart from Hong Lu, of course,” he responds, slightly out of breath, still struggling to drop her title despite their closeness.
Yes, now that she was closer, he was very disheveled. How long had he been practising? She had noticed that he left early in the evening to go somewhere — not just today, but the previous days as well.
“Hmm… While I commend thy dedication, ‘tis important thou dost not tire thy spirit! Indeed, this may lead to what is commonly referred to as ‘burnout’! I recommend not to toil past thy strength. There is no rush!”
Hopefully, he'll take the advice to heart. He has been pushing himself a bit too hard recently. Was he afraid of something..?
“I… I understand what you mean, but… Soon, it'll be another one of our friend's ‘turn’, won't it?” Sinclair explains as he grits his teeth, most likely remembering what happened back in Calw. “For that… I must become stronger. I was really low on the rankings back at the check-up, right..? That means… I’m bringing everyone down. I have to train more!”
Ah. So that was it. A sense of inferiority, coupled with a very low opinion of himself. This wouldn't end well for him… She feels a sharp pain, seeing him so desperate. No, she couldn't leave him like this.
“Pray tell… Dost thou believe that Young Yi Sang is holding our party back?”
“What?! No, not at all! He's really talented, and kind… He invented the Mirror, and a bunch of other things! Why are you—”
“I shall remind thee that his ranking was below thine own,” she interjects, cutting him off. “As thou hast just proven, those ‘rankings’ hold no import. Do not write thyself off merely because of them.”
Silence. Did she manage to convince him even a little? It saddens her to see him think so little of himself. Was he unaware of how pivotal his actions in La Manchaland were for her? Without him, it's possible the LCB would've failed their mission. She would've done her Father's bidding and wiped them all out… her friends. Though… she was waiting for someone to acknowledge the Dream. To give it life once more. Sinclair saw that, and bravely stepped forward. He doesn't realise how special he is to her.
“It— it's different for Mister Yi Sang. I don't have any achievements. I'm just… Someone who killed his own family. Who was too afraid to face Kromer!” He begins to sob. “My whole village burned to the ground, and Effie..! It's all my fault. I didn't even get to kill that bitch! I failed, up to the very end. All I can hope for is to redeem myself by helping the rest of you.”
“I shan't tolerate such insults towards thyself, Sinclair! Thou didst not cause thy family's downfall — Lady Kromer did. Likewise all those innocent townspeople, and our dearest ally… I understand the allure of revenge, however, thou art still breathing, and our adventure continues, does it not? There hast not been any failure on thy part. No need for redemption…” Sancho sighs. He was very stubborn. She needed something that would shut down his train of thought. “If thou art guilty of familicide, then what about I? The one who killed Father with mine own hands? Dost thou also hold me in such low regard, perchance?”
Of course he didn't. She knew that he was too gentle and kind to ever think such things about any of his friends.
“N-no, no, of course not… I, umm… I really admire you. You're— I want to be just like you. Brave, and strong… I've been watching you fight, even! So that I can learn your footwork, and you—”
He's rambling again… He does this when he gets nervous, usually. His face was bright red and he looked rather bashful. It was… cute. Part of her wanted to see what would happen if she teased him a little.
“Oho! Dearest Sinclair, thou hast been observing me? In the midst of battle? Perchance, is this the cause of thy fumbles last expedition — thy mind wast wandering afar?” She grins at him, and his face reddens even further. A shame she can't see it fully, due to the artificial nighttime.
“What—?! That's not… I wasn't being creepy, I swear! It was for practice! I'm not— I wouldn't do stuff like that!” He panics and attempts to explain himself.
There was something incredibly charming about this silly man. To still have the drive to do good, to help others, after all he's been through, after experiencing the City with his own eyes… She saw him as more of a Hero than herself. He's been much more assertive as of late, too. She'd even taken advantage of that to prank him at the Council meeting, to which he gave her the cold shoulder for the rest of the day. Rodya even made fun of them both by telling everyone they were acting like ‘an old married couple.’ That had made Sancho burn up from embarrassment, though she tried to play it off in character, not that it fooled Rodya.
“Nay, ‘tis no issue! If I may propose an alternative, perhaps?” She has an idea, one that could speed up his training tenfold; it would also help her escape her evening ruminations. “Together, we should strengthen our fellowship through strenuous exercise! I shall lend thee my aid!”
“You… You want to help me practice..? Umm, well… I— I wouldn't want to take up your time. You have other things to do, right?” He responds nervously, shifting his feet.
“If I were beset with mine own duties, I would never have offered in the first place. Now, wouldst thou be willing to offer me company in the evening hours for training? Do not feel pressured to say yes.”
“Yes! Uh—! I mean, of course, Quixote. I'd love to practice together. It'll be a lot less lonely!” The awkward smile he gives stirs something inside her.
“A-ahem! Indeed! Then, we shall commence from the morrow onward! For to-day, thou should retreat to thy quarters for some much needed slumber, as should I,” she advises and begins to walk in the direction of Yihongyuan. “Come, walk with me. I have many stories to share on our journey home!”
Sinclair hurriedly runs after her, and a memory resurfaces of him chasing her in La Manchaland. She was truly lucky to have been blessed with such a good friend. It soothes her raging thoughts as she recounts epic tales of valour on their trip back, which he listens to with great intent. Everything about him was so genuine, it made her heart ache. Why was she feeling like this? She's never experienced such a strange emotion before. For now, it would be best to simply focus on each day at a time — she'll have time later to sort through her feelings.
When they arrive back to their lodging, a few of the other Sinners greet them. Sancho doesn't miss the curious gaze of Rodya, analysing each word and gesture from both her and Sinclair. The gambler had been making teasing remarks about the two of them — this wasn't anything new, but the comments definitely intensified after their visit to P Corp. On the other hand, Yi Sang smiled gently at them and welcomed them back, informing them that dinner was ready, prepared by Xiren.
Since they had been staying in Yihongyuan, the Sinners hadn't had to prepare any of their own meals. Some welcomed this, such as Gregor, who had a fair amount of trouble cooking one handed. As for herself, Sancho's feelings are… mixed. She has a complicated relationship with cooking. Sitting down in front of the veritable feast prepared for them, she reminisces on the first meal she'd had to cook after her memories returned…