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With the Mark of Cain gone, Dean feels lighter and his head is more clear than it has been in a long time. Everything feels normal, and the darkness Death mentioned never came. A win is a win!
When Sam and Dean returned to the bunker, celebration was in order. Nothing like getting pizza and drinking yourself into a stupor, right? It was how they celebrated the wins they got, and they certainly weren’t going to stop now. Why would they?
Sam left to go pick up the pizza and some more beer, leaving Dean alone to his devices. Dean wanders around the bunker aimlessly, no real destination of where to relax in mind with a beer in his hand. He feels…good. Everything is fine - which is odd enough - and nothing is going to take that from Dean.
His mind begins to wander. He wonders how Castiel is doing after Rowena hexed him. Should he reach out and check on him? That would be a good move, and he’d be a dick if he didn’t. Should he call or text?
The adoration and the pain of his absence swallows Dean whole. He misses Cas’s stupid little head tilts when he doesn’t understand something. He also misses how Cas would look at him.
What?
Dean shakes his head, confused by his own thoughts about his best friend. The thoughts felt like a way of yearning - ugh - and it scares Dean. He likes chicks, not dudes. But, Cas wasn’t exactly a dude - he was an angel from Heaven sent to protect him. Yeah, that’s right. Obligation turned mutual friendship. That’s all it was. That’s all it will ever be.
Castiel doesn’t adore him that way.
How could he? Dean was a broken man. But still, Cas doesn’t abandon Dean - he’ll always choose to stay. Since the day Dean swallowed it - the darkest fruit called life that Cas presented to him when he raised him from perdition all those years ago - his days were empty, his barren ways turned an unmistakable ashen gray.
However, Dean definitely doesn’t adore him that way. But like Cas, he can’t abandon him and he’ll choose to stay too. Since the day he choked it up - the darkest fruit of life consumed so sweetly by him - his days were empty, his barren ways turned an unmistakable ashen gray.
Cas doesn’t need a man like Dean. Besides, Dean likes women, no, he loves women! And yet, he couldn’t shed a single tear for it. His love for them will live on until the end of time.
So when the rest of Cas’s life drags on, Dean hopes it’s as miserable as his. He can’t have feelings for his best friend. It was wrong in so many ways. Everything in him screamed to get rid of the feelings.
The stress of it all begins to weigh heavily on Dean so much that he doesn’t hear Sam announcing his return. He just stands there in the middle of the war room - dazed and unmoving. He refocuses when Sam sets the pizza and beer case down on the table, his once somber expression now replaced with content.
Sam notices the shift, raising a brow at his brother. “You good?” He asks, eyeing Dean up and down curiously. Dean looks up at Sam when he flips the pizza box open with a shrug. “Never better. Let’s eat!” answered Dean, already picking up a slice.
Dean doesn’t adore Castiel that way. He can’t. For now, pizza and beer will be his solace.