Chapter Text
“...Under different circumstances, we could have been great rivals... or perhaps even friends.”
Those words echoed through Akiren’s head over and over for hours. His thoughts were overanalyzing everything about Akechi’s last words. He mentally studied every tone change, every voice crack and every breath taken through words. It felt as though maybe if he thought hard enough, he could crack the code — any code really— to bring Akechi back to him. There was no way Akechi would be gone forever. There was no way a boy with a future seemingly so bright could just leave this world as quietly as he did. He was a brilliant man in every aspect. He had the intelligence and wit that many people could only dream of possessing.
He had the charm and the looks that made it easy for people around to fall for him — people like Akiren— easily. He had a charm that was hard to describe, something that the black-haired boy couldn’t pinpoint exactly. The now ex-detective had a way of pushing everyone’s buttons and making a room more lively. He pushed Akiren to fight harder, to use his brain and his abilities to their fullest potential, and then some. Someone like the intelligent ex-detective did not deserve to leave this world in such a brutal way. He didn’t deserve to sacrifice himself for others, only to be remembered as a false detective and a murderer. He didn’t deserve!—
Akiren was getting carried away.
Tears overflowed from his eyes, sliding down his face and settling on his shirt. His breathing was haggard and difficult, feeling as though someone was blocking his airways. Akiren — who was usually calm and collected— was now practically sobbing, his shoulders hunched over and shaking from pure despair.
He fell backwards on his bed, using the wall to keep him sitting upright, his body feeling too tired and weak. The boy was watching nothing as time ticked by past him. His eyes were unfocused and wet with tears. The feelings he had been holding in for the last few days finally spilled out of him.
Before this, everything around him felt blurry and unreal, as though he was in a video game watching over his own life. Things felt as though he wasn’t in control of his own life or behaviours, just moving on autopilot. He would watch as the days around him faded to night, barely acknowledging the world moving forward without him. Everything seemed to be moving too fast without Akiren and without Akechi, too. He didn’t remember the last time anything felt real. Everything since hearing that door slam shut felt numb, unreal, and not like it was something he was experiencing.
In Akiren’s mind, there was no possible life where he could live without Akechi. If you asked him to talk about his life, he’d probably separate it into two sections— before he met Akechi, and after he met Akechi. Never would he have thought there would be an “after Akechi.” Call him silly or foolish, but he truly believed that Akechi would stay by his side. Even when he knew that the fake detective was working against him, he thought he could change that — change Akechi.
In every scenario he thought of and planned, there was never an option for Akechi not to be by his side. He knew the boy wasn’t innocent, and he had a past filled with unjustified violence, but he believed that he could be free from that one day. Akiren believed with all of his heart that Akechi deserved better and that he would get better. But now Akiren was left with the crumbling pieces of his heart, and his plans to be with the only boy he ever loved.
Akiren loved everything about his Crow. He loved the way his face looked so pretty when he smiled, those rare smiles at unfunny jokes or when winning in a battle of wits. He loved how the boys' usually hard features would soften and make him look almost angelic. The way his hair always fell so beautifully around his face, framing all of his expressions, however minuscule they were. Akiren noticed all of them.
He noticed how his eyebrows knitted together when he read something. How when he was nervous, he’d bite the inside of his lip, causing a slight dent in his rosy lips. He loved how when he was relaxed —the few times he wasn’t tense— his lips would slightly be parted, his burgundy eyes seemed to close a little as well. He loved how, when panicked, his usually calm voice trembled a little and gained a rougher edge. He loved how his hands— wait. What was that last part?
Akiren’s breathing hitched. He remermberd that face the ex-detective made before shooting the button. He remembered how those usually calm and collected eyes showed a mix of emotions he never wanted to see on his Akechi. Burgundy eyes flashing with panic, fear, and acceptance, a brutal combination for his poor heart. He thought about how scared the boy must’ve been; he never wanted to die, he never should have wanted to die. Those eyes that were once his source of comfort in stressful situations now felt like they were oceans away from him.
He remembered how his voice was panicked, how it pitched up higher than usual. A relatively calm and even voice now trembling with fear. He thought of how he tried to sound calm despite the pain and fear gnawing at his composure. It was a disgusting sound in Akiren’s ears, a sound that played in his nightmares and his darkest nights. He could hear the fear, but he couldn’t move. His feet stayed plastered to the ground; the wall was firmly shut. He couldn’t do anything to save his detective. He was useless.
All he ever wanted to do was help people, and yet he couldn’t save Akechi. Sure, maybe you could say he was never really an ally to Akiren, and that he was no different than the other criminals they fought. But he was different, so different. This was a boy used and abused by the one person he had. He was just trying to take control of his own life and fix whatever was done to harm him.
He was someone, someone very important to Akiren. He wasn’t just some criminal; he was a boy with hobbies, likes, dislikes and feelings. He liked cycling, pool and throwing darts. He didn’t like sweets and manipulative people. He was human, so, so human. And in the end, he would only be remembered as a liar, a criminal and a murderer. But he was so much more than that.
Akechi didn’t deserve to die, not then, not like that, not that young, and not in front of Akiren. His death is something that will haunt his nightmares and his late nights forever. He is so sorry to you, Akechi. You are someone he will never forget, a scent he will never replace, and a home he will never get to go back to.
You were so beautiful inside and out, and you will always be beautiful to him. The world may never know the real you, and you may never get to meet people to trust, but you will live on in his memories. You will be remembered in stories about the boy he once knew and fell in love with. Your sacrifice was not in vain, not to him, not ever. Rest well.