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Enjin knew a lot of things. He knew how to beat trash beasts, he knew how to cook without burning down the kitchen, he knew quite some history about the ground and trash (mostly due to his job) and most importantly, he knew that he never ever wanted to have kids. They were annoying little beasts who constantly needed attention to not die and Enjin was many things but patient wasn’t one of them. He couldn’t be bothered to deal with kids and he didn’t want to.
Not in this lifetime and maybe not even in his next. Oh, did he mention that he never wanted to even have a singular one? So, if you told him years ago that he would become the father figure of a handful stray teenagers, he would have laughed in your face and called you insane.
Now he only called himself insane.
1.
After a particularly rough day, Enjin shut the door to his bedroom, hair still damp from his shower, fiddling with a half empty pack of cigarettes. Smoking inside the building wasn’t prohibited but also not welcome. Enjin mostly respected this unspoken rule and only sometimes smoked out of his window. He smelled like cigarettes anyway which automatically made his room smell like them too, so who really cared? Sometimes he needed a cigarette in silence.
He put on his checkered pyjama trousers, a gift from Semiu, and a random washed out shirt he didn’t want to wear during the day anymore. He opened his window and leaned out as far as he could to light a cigarette and luckily a slight breeze carried the smoke away from the building into the dark night. Thanks to the polluted sky, stars were impossible to see and added to the gloominess. Enjin’s thoughts wandered to today’s mission as he let smoke fill his lungs and looking into the far, endless distance.
A knock on his door made him swing back to reality and inside his room. His body turned around but his hand stayed out the window for obvious reasons.
“Yeah?”, he said barely loud enough. Whoever stood outside his room heard him because the door creaked open and Rudo’s face appeared. Same tiredness on his face, same dark circles beneath his eyes, same tenseness in his shoulders as always. Enjin’s gaze flicked to the clock on his nightstand. From his place at the window he had to squint a little to read the time.
“Why’re you still awake, kid?”, he asked even though he knew the answer. Rudo’s sleep schedule was probably the most fucked up one he had ever witnessed and he knew quite some people.
“Bad dream”, Rudo answered, voice barely a whisper. His eyes wandered through the dimly lit room, scanning every item he could find. Enjin couldn’t remember if Rudo had ever been inside his bedroom but the way he looked at the pictures on his pinboard told him no.
“You wanna talk about it?”, Enjin asked as Rudo waddled closer to the photos and closed the door behind him.
He completely ignored Enjin’s question and pointed at one of the pictures, “You look empty without your tattoos.”
Enjin put the cigarette stump out against the outer building wall and put it into a closable ash tray he kept on his windowsill for those occasions before he went to stand next to Rudo.
He crossed his arms in front of his chest, “I’m seventeen there but I already had a small tattoo on my shoulder. Didn’t like it tho and got it blacked out later.”
“Why?”, Rudo kept his stare fixated on the pinboard. Enjin kept a lot more pictures inside an album and only had his favourite ones on display. A recent group picture of team Akuta, one of him an Semiu next to each other on bar stools, one of him and Gob after the latter had tattooed him, his twentieth birthday, Gris and him repairing their coffee machine (again) and a few of himself throughout the years. Lot’s of memories he liked to remember.
Enjin raised his eyebrows even with Rudo’s eyes on one of his memories, “Because my tattoos look fire now, that’s why.”
“You don’t look that much older now”, Rudo dared to sound surprised and Enjin sighed dramatically.
“Kid, I’m 28, not 82. Of course I won’t have wrinkles and shit already but I promise; you kids will give me grey hairs earlier than I want to have them”, he shook his head and ruffles Rudo’s hair. It felt surprisingly soft and smelled suspiciously like Riyo’s shampoo. Rudo ducked away from the affection like it burned him and looked at him with pure horror in his eyes while his cheeks gained some colour. Enjin just laughed at his reaction.
“So”, he changed the topic, “You don’t want to talk about your nightmare?”
Rudo shrugged his shoulders, looking away again, “’S always the same anyways.”
Enjin nodded. He didn’t know much about Rudo’s life on the sphere, as the kid kept the topic shut down but Enjin knew a little bit and he knew about his adoptive father getting murdered. He didn’t need a degree to count two and two together. Maybe talking would help, getting everything off his chest and mourning for a while. Even though Enjin thought it the worst feeling to exist, it was better than keeping everything hidden and locked away because sooner or later you would loose the race against said feelings and the longer you waited the worse it got. He really wanted to help Rudo but if he wasn’t ready to talk yet, then Enjin wouldn’t pry.
He crossed the few steps to his bed and sat down. He felt Rudo’s gaze on him and tapped the empty side of his bed in an inviting manner without saying anything. He tossed his second pillow on the other side and fluffed it a bit. Rudo stalled for a moment before he accepted the invitation and sat down as well, pulling the spare sheet over his legs.
Enjin clicked the light switch and laid down completely. He heard Rudo’s blanket rustling soon after.
“Good night, Rudo”, he said quietly and pulled his blanket own all the way up to his chin.
“Night, Enjin”, Rudo murmured. The room go quiet soon and at this hour not even occasional steps from the hallway could be heard. Rudo turned around like kebab meat on a skewer and Enjin tried to not say anything. Maybe it helped him to fall asleep. His restlessness revealed itself to be something else entirely.
“Enjin?”
“Hm?”
“Does it stop some day?”, Rudo’s voice shook only slightly but it made Enjin’s heart drop and stomach twist. How could be possibly tell him that those feelings never fully left? That they would always be present, some days stronger, some less.
“It gets better”, Enjin took a deep breath, “You can talk about it whenever you’re ready, okay?”
“Thank you”, after that, Rudo actually managed to fall asleep and get some decent amount of it as well, because when Enjin woke up in the morning, the kid was still fast asleep, only centimetres away from him. It made Enjin smile and stay this way until Rudo started to rotate again.
-
“Is everything okay?”, Gris approached him with a mug of tea in his hands and sat down next to him. The dining area of Cleaners HQ wasn’t as busy as usual because some teams were already away on different missions.
Enjin raised his eyebrows in question, “Yeah, why’re you asking?”
“Well, you came in, sat down and haven’t said or done anything since even though I’ve called your name three times”, Gris gave him a once over and settled by keeping his eyes on Enjin’s, who shifted in his seat and sighed heavily. Does one need to say anything if his mind is talking?
“Does it have something to do with Rudo? I saw him leaving your room earlier”, Gris shoved the mug closer to Enjin. He looked at the small etiquette at the tea bag’s thread. Fruit tea. Sometimes he forgot how observant Gris could be. He took a sip and instantly noted the right amount of sugar as well. It was just a mug of tea and still, this gesture made him happier than he should be about it. He quickly reminded himself of the other’s question and sat down his mug again.
“He slept in my room last night. Came to me after a nightmare, asking if it will stop one day”, Enjin eyes wandered towards Rudo, who sat a few tables away next to Zanka, Riyo, Eishia, Amo and Follo, all laughing and talking.
Gris nodded, understanding immediately, “What did you tell him?”
“That it’ll get better. D’you think we can help him with this?”, it was a dumb question, Enjin knew there was no purpose in even asking. No one could really help in this situation.
“You’re already helping him, Enjin”, Gris said. Enjin turned his head to look at him.
“I’ve’nt done anything.”
Now Gris raised his eyebrows, “No? If I recall correctly, Rudo slept in your bed last night. And I mean really slept, the boy looks better rested than ever. Plus he has talked to you about his adoptive father which he almost never does. He trusts you.”
“Oh”, Enjin just said. When Gris worded it like that it actually sounded quite good.
“You’re a great dad”, a grin spread across Gris face and Enjin boxed his shoulder without any force.
“Fuck off, Rubion.”
“If you insist”, Gris stood up and Enjin’s hand instantly shot up to catch his wrist.
“I’m just kidding. How’s your day going?”
Gris, same smile on his face and Enjin let go of his wrist. Maybe he was right and Enjin did manage to help Rudo one way or another.
2.
Enjin only owned a few pieces of jewellery he kept in his nightstand’s top drawer. Or at least he thought that’s where he kept it. He needed a specific pair of earrings Semiu wanted to borrow for an upcoming party and he couldn’t find them for the life of him, not matter where he looked. Small golden ones with a red stone in the middle. Not really his style anymore but he hadn’t thrown them away. They had to be in his room; a house doesn’t lose anything.
He stood in front of his closed, one hand on his hip, and looked for the small black box he knew he had bought them in. Where could they be? He remembered wearing them at a festival a year ago and putting them back inside his drawer afterwards. He sighed and closed his closet in the same moment someone opened his door.
“Hey, Enjin”, Riyo greeted him with a smile.
“What’s up?”, he mirrored her expression almost automatically.
“Not much”, she shut the door with her foot and flopped down on his bed, a bunch of stuff in her hands. Despite it not even being 7 p. m., she already wore pyjamas consisting of short pants and an old, cut up shirt Enjin had given her once which resulted in it being off-shoulder and too wide. Enjin was surprised seeing her still wearing it.
“Already making yourself comfortable, hm? What’s the tea?”, he sat down next to her.
“Zanka told me he will kill me if I tell you, so nothing’s happened. Well, except for my hair”, she pulled her hair tie off and let her red hair fall down, but it didn’t fall as gracefully as usual. It was full of knots and Enjin saw a few drops of paint here and there. “Remlin wanted to do my hair. Turns out they aren’t exactly good at this stuff”
She didn’t ask for help, she just handed Enjin the hair brush she was holding together with some spray. She pulled her legs up on the mattress and turned to face away from Enjin.
“Oh, man”, he murmured as he attempted to pull a few strands apart with his hands. It looked fucking horrible, to word it nice, and he saw them sitting here for at least an hour. Doing Riyos hair wasn’t something new. He knew how to use a curling iron and a straightener and he could also do quite a few hairstyles, including various types of braids. Dutch, French, fishtail – all the nationalities.
He took the spray and used it on the smaller knots at first. He tried to not hurt her and grabbed the strands tight as he brushed them out carefully. He used a lot of spray and soon his whole bedroom smelled like vanilla. He was sure the floor next to his bed had already turned into an ice rink because this always happened with those sprays even when he only sprayed it on Riyos hair. Quite a few people in Cleaners HQ had long hair or extravagant hairstyles which caused a high increase in people slipping on hairspray and other products. It happened more often than one would assume.
Enjin worked his way through all knots and tangles and slowly saw positive results. Remlin’s artistic skills seemed to only work in combination with paint brushes and pencils, not with hair ties and whatever the fuck they had used on Riyos hair. He sighed and used the spray once more.
Between all kids he had the best relationship with Riyo. He knew her the longest and talking with her was easy because she always anticipated the conversations. Maybe he sometimes even saw himself when he looked at her. Like right now. Not because of her hair situation but because of their current topic.
“I can show you Remlin’s design. It looks fucking sick and you just have to sign a simple paper”, Riyo talked with her hands even though Enjin sat behind her.
“No, you’re too young for a tattoo, no matter how cool the design looks”, Enjin shook his head in disbelieve and braided the left half of her hair.
“Why? You got your first tattoo at seventeen. Where’s the difference?” she pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them close.
“There’s no difference”, Enjin started, “That’s why it’s a no. Can’t Remlin do something semi-permanent?”
“I’d have to ask them.”
“Turn around real quick”, Enjin said and waited for her to turn her head back, “No matter what they want in return. Do not let them touch your hair again. Got it?”
Riyo laughed and turned back again, “I promise.”
“Good. I think I’m done. Let’s wash out the paint”, Enjin stood up and stretched himself. Being hunched over for almost two hours probably wasn’t the best thing to do. Something in his back popped, his fingers felt numb and he already felt an incoming headache from all the vanilla smell in his bedroom. He immediately went to open his door. He fetched the plastic comb and his bathroom door for Riyo, who knelt down in front of the shower. Enjin took his time to really wash every single drop of paint out.
“Have you ever touched Rudo’s hair? It feels like literal straw so I gave him my shampoo and now it’s better”, Riyo told him, her eyes closed to not get any water in them.
“I thought so, it’s definitely softer now”, he massaged her scalp and watched as the paint washed out and down the drain.
“Yeah, now I just need to convince Follo to use something other than five in one shampoo.”
“Five in one? Can he wash my car with it as well?”, Enjin joked as the water finally started to run clear.
“Windows, tires and seats”, Riyo confirmed. Enjin wrung out the excess water from her hair and helped her stand up. He took a towel and hung it over her shoulders so her clothes wouldn’t get wet while he blow-dried her hair. Afterwards, he braided it into a simple Dutch braid.
“There, all done!”, he was quite proud of himself. Last time he had cut out a strand because nothing would work to untangle it.
“Thanks, Enjin. You’re the best, really”, she looked at her hair in the mirror and touched the braid with both hands, a big smile on her face. Enjin wrapped an arm around her shoulder and drew her close for a short moment.
They went back to his room and Enjin expected her to take her stuff and leave, instead she put everything on the nightstand and plopped down on his bed again to continue their gossip session. Who was Enjin to stop her? At this point she knew more about everyone’s business than he did and he dared to call Semiu, who literally saw everything, a close friend of his.
Time went by and at one point Riyo laid down mid conversation until her words got slurred and she fell asleep. Enjin quietly changed into his pyjamas and covered her with a blanket. As he did that he noticed her earrings; small, golden and with a red stone.
He didn’t wear them anymore; she could have them.
3.
“Where are you going?”, Gris asked as Enjin stood up. The common room was quiet except for the buzzing light above them.
“I’m tired, I’ll head to bed now”, he said and stretched. Something in his back popped with a noise louder than expected. Gris gave him a concerned look and Semiu laughed.
“Turnin’ 80 soon, hm?”, she said with a grin, leaning halfway across the table.
“Time to retire”, he just answered and grabbed Umbreaker, “Well, good night. See ya tomorrow.”
“Good night”, Gris and Semiu said at the same time as he already left the room.
At this hour the entire hallway was empty without a single soul in sight. His steps’ echo ricochetted back from the bare walls and Enjin only heard someone talk behind a single door, everyone else seemed to be asleep already. Gris, Semiu and he himself had played a few card games and just took their time to catch up. All of them lived under the same roof and worked together but sometimes they needed to analyse current situations with each other, their last topic being nightmares and horror stories. Typical stuff you talk about late in the evening.
Enjin was not someone who got scared easily. He fought trash beasts for a living, of course he couldn’t afford being jumpy and fearing ridiculous things. Gris tried to scare him with some childish story about a lurking creature called “the hat man”. Of course Enjin didn’t get scared. Why would he? If he started to worry about non existent stuff he could shoot himself on the spot. Really, who had time for that?
He reached his room and toed out of his shoes the second he opened is door. He closed it behind himself and flicked the light switch before he turned around.
“Hi.”
Saying that Enjin jumped at the shaky voice coming from his bed was an under exaggeration. His head nearly hit the ceiling as he pointed Umbreaker towards the voice.
“Fu, what the fuck?!”, Enjin clutched his imaginary pearls (his chocker) at the teen sitting criss cross applesauce on his bed. He put Umbreaker down and raked a hand through his hair.
“I-I’m sorry”, Fu stuttered, playing with the hem of his shirt. His doll sat between his legs, looking as cursed as ever. Enjin’s opinion about whether the doll looked cute or ugly was as split as Fu’s personalities.
“It’s- don’t worry. Is everything okay?”, he really tried to treat Fu like everyone else but the boy made it a bit difficult with how he lured around HQ. Fu lowered his gaze towards Hii and continued the fiddling. He murmured something inaudible, if to himself, Enjin or his doll was hard to say. Enjin stepped closer and decided to sit down next to Fu, who immediately grabbed Hii with both his hands.
“I won’t take him away, Fu”, Enjin assured him, “But if you want to talk, you have to talk a bit louder, okay?”
“I had a nightmare”, Fu started, eyes looking everywhere but at Enjin, who had to think of Rudo. He kept his mouth shut a waited for Fu to continue. “I can stay with you guys, right?”
Enjin’s stomach twisted, “Yes, of course.”
Corvus still hadn’t exactly approved of the ex-Raider staying here and officially joining the Cleaners but Enjin was convinced that it would be a yes eventually. Fu only acted with orders and wouldn’t hurt a fly otherwise.
“Okay”, Fu nodded, his grip around Hii loosened again, “Thank you.”
“Do you want to tell me about your nightmare?”, Enjin asked. He knew asking didn’t really get him anywhere with Fu but ordering him to talk just to get answers the teen maybe didn’t want to give seemed unfair. Fu said nothing and played with Hii in his hands. The way he turned it back and forwards made it look like it was laughing.
“You could sleep here for the night”, if it helped the other kids, maybe Fu also slept better in Enjin’s bed. To his surprise, Fu nodded and laid down against the pillow. Enjin tucked him in and laid down as well after turning the light off. He felt Fu trembling and staring at him in the darkness. It gave Enjin goose bumps and made him slightly uncomfortable but he said nothing and just tried to sleep. He still had to figure out how to properly deal with him.
“In my dream”, Fu started and swallowed audibly, “You- you guys sent me back to Zodyl and they weren’t happy to have me.”
And then, Fu told him about every detail from his nightmare. Enjin let him talk and listened carefully without interrupting him. It took Fu some time to get all the words out but when he finished talking, his breathing sounded at least a little bit lighter. Enjin reached out and placed Fu’s hand in his own, like he did with Riyo.
He felt sorry for Fu and considered talking with Corvus about him. They couldn’t send him back and it felt wrong to even think about it. The nightmare sounded far too close to what would happen if they did. Yes, maybe the boy was a bit creepy and strange but weren’t they all? For fucks sake, Zanka had sat in a well for three days and Rudo was a sphereite. How much worse could an ex-Raider be? People changed and deserved second chances, Raider or not.
Soon, Fu fell asleep, still holding Enjin’s hand. He stayed, no matter what Arkha said.
His door creaked open and hallway light spilled inside. Semiu’s head appeared with a questioning look as she saw Fu next to Enjin, who only made a shushing-motion with his finger in front of his lips. She just shrugged and closed his door again.
-
“Mornin’”, Enjin stopped in front Semiu’s desk. He put one hand on his neck and his other on his chin, trying to crack it properly. He never manage to and already felt an approaching headache.
Semiu put her magazine down, “You trainin’ for future kids?”
“As if. Can’t even imagine me with one. Can you?”, Enjin said and sat down on her desk, crossing his ankles. No, he couldn’t see his future with knee-high things running around. Especially with his job it would be a really bad idea.
“I mean”, she never continued her sentence and just picked up her magazine again. Enjin didn’t bother to continue this topic. No, kids would be a terrible idea.
“By the way, did you need something last night?”, he asked, still trying to pop that specific spot in his neck. He felt it and even dug his fingers in it without success.
“Nah, just stuff about a mission”, she looked up again at someone approaching them, “Somethin’ small, you’ll go with Gris.”
Said person placed a hand on Enjin’s shoulder, “And if you try to twist your neck any more I’ll have to go alone. Maybe it’s the best if you get a massage.”
“Or a different pillow”, Semiu suggested and she was right. Usually, he always slept with two pillows, yes, not the healthiest thing one could do but he never had any problems with it and since the kids had started to regularly climb in his bed he only used one for himself. Getting a second one would be too easy.
Enjin turned around to look into Gris’ eyes, “Will you massage me?”
“I’m not an expert. You should get it done professionally”, Gris immediately shut him down. Enjin sighed. Maybe he was right, after all his neck was killing him. “I do know a trick, though.”
A spark of hope, “Please, anything.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Take your coat off”, Gris went to stand behind him and Enjin put his coat next to him on Semiu’s desk. A moment later, he felt Gris’s hands on either side of where his neck met his shoulders. Without a warning he dug his thumbs in and pressed down hard enough for Enjin to see stars as something shot up his spine. He arched his back and went limp against Gris’ hands soon after. Gris let go of him and stepped around Semiu’s desk again.
“Gris, what the fuck?” Enjin looked up at him and moved his shoulders to test if everything still worked. To his surprise he felt the knot loosen up, “Thank you.”
“No problem. So, where are we needed?”, he turned towards Semiu. At least for now Enjin didn’t feel the need to shoot his neck off.
4.
When Enjin couldn’t fall asleep, he tended to clean his room or like tonight, his closet. August had given him a new outfit which had to fit in the limited space. He didn’t own many clothes but everything with a thick material, his hoodies for example, took up too much space for his liking. He took every piece of clothing he owned out of his closet, folded it neatly and put it back in, giving each piece an individual look. Apparently, he owned the same white hoodie two times and also possessed a t-shirt with some nonsense written on it. Maybe Riyo wanted to cut it up and wear it. He put both items aside on his chair designated for clothes and called it a night. He got dressed in his pyjamas and closed his window. His other drawers had to wait for another sleepless night.
A knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts. He eyed is alarm clock before he faced his door, “Come in.”
A moment later, Zanka entered his room, holding Lovely Assistaff tight in his hand. Enjin was quite surprised to see him because Zanka usually didn’t seek him out. He knew how much the boy looked up to him and how he always wanted to be perfect in front of him. Right now, he seemed a bit distressed and out of place. The door swung close behind him.
“Sorry, I know it’s late”, he apologised, gripping his Jinki harder.
“Don’t worry, I’m awake anyways”, Enjin leaned against the wall behind him, “What’s keeping you up?”
“Do ya have a moment?”, he asked even though he knew the answer. Enjin made an inviting gesture towards his bed. Zanka immediately hurried over and leaned Lovely Assistaff against the bed frame. She slid down two times before he put her on the floor in a nervous manner.
Enjin watched him and sat down as well. What could cause him this much distress? The last time he saw someone this jumpy was when Guita had broken the HQ’s coffee machine after Bro had told her and Dear to not play football inside.
“The stage is yours”, Enjin told him and waited patiently. Zanka opened and closed his mouth a few times like a fish and usually Enjin would make a joke about it but right now wasn’t the time for jokes. It could wait until tomorrow.
“I fucked up. Are ya mad at me?”, Zanka asked and fixed his gaze on his own hands. He fiddled with them in his lap and pulled around at the skin next to his nails until it bled.
“Depends. What did you do? Murder someone?”, Enjin couldn’t even imagine anything that made him this upset and suddenly he thought, what if Zanka did murder someone? How should he even react? Should he inform Arkha? Arkha would probably know already which meant he could rule out this possibility. Besides, he knew Zanka – he wouldn’t murder anyone.
“Worse”, his voice changed to a whisper.
“What’s worse than murdering someone?”, Zanka didn’t answer and kept pulling at his skin until Enjin reached out and took both his hands in his own. Zanka lifted his head with a terrified look like he had seen a ghost mere seconds ago.
“I slept with Jabber.”
It wasn’t easy to catch Enjin of guard. He had already seen and heard way too much in his life but this sentence managed to do it for at least a moment.
“You- what?”
“I don’t want to repeat it”, Zanka’s entire face turned red, fear still visible behind his eyes.
At least a million different thoughts ran through Enjin’s mind. Should he congratulate Zanka? Should he scold him? As the responsible adult he had to say something but what? Nothing sounded right or good enough and he felt Zanka getting more nervous the longer he kept quiet.
Scolding him seemed like the best option because Jabber was a Raider which meant they stood on opposite sides. Both of them had almost killed each other multiple times but then Enjin thought of Fu. Yes, comparing apples with pears – two completely different situations and still, both situations included a Raider. One of them was now an ex-Raider and part of the Cleaners which showed how much people could change.
Zanka opened his mouth.
Enjin was faster, “Was it consensual?”
Zanka’s cheeks grew even redder, “Yeah.”
“Look”, Enjin sighed, pulled his hands back and made a few too many meaningless gestures with them, “Don’t tell Corvus and it should be fine.”
“Yern’t disappointed?”, Zanka’s posture straightened and Enjin saw some of the imaginary weight fall from his shoulders.
“I mean, it’s not the most convenient to date your enemy but I know how complicated love can be, so just be careful. You can always come to me if you need help, got it?”
“Yeah, thanks.”
Enjin smiled and ruffled his hair. His also smelled suspiciously like Riyo’s shampoo. Zanka still appeared to be shaken up from the whole talk which Enjin couldn’t blame him for. He could only imagine how much courage the teen had to collect to tell him about this. Gris’ words about Rudo appeared in his mind. Maybe he did something right if Zanka trusted him enough to talk to him.
“You want to sleep here?”, Enjin offered because he knew Zanka wouldn’t stay without an invitation.
“Uhm”, now he looked at Enjin like he grew a second, third and fourth head.
Enjin laughed at his expression, “You don’t have to if you don’t want but Riyo and Rudo always sleep better in my bed when they’re all fussed up.”
“If ya don’t mind”, Zanka muttered.
“Don’t worry”, he patted his head again before he stood up and fetched the hoodie he had sorted out earlier. He threw it at Zanka who caught it mid-air and raised a questioning eyebrow.
“You can have it if you want. It’s good enough as a pyjama”, Enjin said while opening his closet, searching for a specific pair of jogging trousers he knew had to fit Zanka without sliding off. He found them in the arranged depts of his closet and threw them as well. Zanka changed his clothes and Enjin turned off the lights.
He plopped down on his bed and still felt the teens nervous energy lighting up the dark room beside him. There had to be something else he needed to get of his chest. Enjin heard Zanka fiddle with his hands underneath the blanket, heard how he bit his lip again and again.
“Please don’t tell Hell Guard”, Zanka whispered.
“I promise, I will never tell them. I won’t even let them near you”, Enjin wouldn’t let Zanka go back. He knew Zanka’s situation with his blood family which was enough for Enjin to do everything he could in order to keep him with the Cleaners.
“Thank you”, Zanka’s breathing finally got a normal pattern and his energy shifted to something more relaxed.
Enjin would move mountains to keep those kids safe because at the end of the day he called them his family.
5.
Enjin set his alarm clock for tomorrows mission and let his head hit his pillow afterwards. The second one still laid on the other bed half and even though he could fetch it when he stretched his arm a little bit to the left, he let it be.
Rudo’s nightly visits got more frequent and sometimes he came in while Enjin already slept. He didn’t wake him up, he just made himself comfortable and that’s why Enjin didn’t move the spare pillow even an inch. He pulled his thin blanket all the way up to his chin and sighed. Even with his strange sleep schedule he loved his bed and apparently everyone else loved it, too. Not that he complained, he didn’t mind it at all.
A faint knock on his door let him sit up again, “Yes?”
Slowly, his door creaked open and someone stepped inside. At first, he couldn’t tell who because of the light from the hallway hitting their back. The person shut the door and Enjin flicked the light switch next to his bed. He shut his eyes at the sudden brightness and when he reopened them, he saw Follo, clothed in pyjamas and clutching a small pillow.
“Sorry, did I wake you up?”, he asked, guilt noticeable in his hoarse voice. His bangs stuck to his forehead and his face was white and blotchy with redness at the same time. The flu made it’s way through Cleaners HQ and Follo was it’s current victim.
“No, I wasn’t asleep. What brings you here at-“, he looked at his alarm clock he apparently only sat three minutes ago, “-1:23 in the morning?”
“I threw up twice and I keep having fever dreams. Rudo told me he always sleeps better in your bed and Gris is already asleep so I thought I come here if it’s okay because I don’t want you to get sick as well and-“ he rotated his little pillow and Enjin put both his hands up to signal a stopping motion.
“It’s okay, get in. I haven’t gotten sick in years despite being around sick people.”
A faint smile appeared on Follo’s lips as he walked closer and laid down, placing his pillow on top of the other one. Enjin got up and put his trash can next to Follo’s bed side. Just in case. He carefully placed his hand on the teen’s forehead. His fever shouldn’t be too bad, especially if Eishia let him leave the hospital bed to sleep in his own (or Enjin’s).
Tears formed in Follo’s eyes and silently slipped down. Enjin drew his hand back.
“What’s wrong?”, did he do something? Why did he cry now? Maybe he should go and wake Eishia up, if it got worse she knew what to do.
“’m sorry. I get emotional when I’m sick. Everything hurts and I start thinking too much”, he quickly wiped his tears away and turned to lay on his side.
“Do you want to talk?”, Enjin asked. He knew Follo good enough to know that his brain always talked all day long, from sunrise until sunset. No matter if sick or not and he could only imagine what this fever did to him. Enjin wasn’t particularly close with Follo because the teen mostly clung to Gris – which was fair, he also wanted to cling to Gris sometimes but he hoped he could help him anyways.
Follo shrugged and sniffled, “Just the same thoughts over and over again.”
Enjin laid down and waited for Follo to continue but he never did.
“The typical problem?”, his problem about not being good enough, similar to Zanka’s fear. Enjin knew it from Gris and the few words Follo had said himself since his start as a supporter. Thinking could be nasty sometimes with no way to escape those gnawing thoughts and if they intruded your sleep, it made you feel twice as helpless about it and being bedridden all day only added to it.
Follo just nodded, “I don’t think talking about it will shoo them away.”
“Prolly not”, Enjin shrugged his shoulders, “You want me to tell you a story?”
“A story?”, Follo raised his eyebrows comically high and Enjin laughed.
“Why not? Close your eyes and enjoy”, he said and brushed Follo’s bangs back. The teen smiled and closed his eyes, already grabbing the spare sheets but Enjin snatched them and tucked him in, earning a quiet laugh.
He switched the light off and staring into almost complete darkness, he started to tell a story with the first topics that came to his mind.
“Once upon a time, there was a Cleaner called…”
Follo actually managed to fall asleep quite soon and throughout the rest of the night he only woke up once because of his upset stomach but never because of a fever dream.
+1
Enjin never dreamed and if he did, he only wandered around strange, empty worlds with nothing in them but himself. He walked around one of those green, quiet grounds, Umbreaker in one hand and a soda can in his other when he heard a whisper near his ear. His vision shifted and he lifted his arm to place it over his ear. Another whisper.
He opened his eyes and saw a pair of red ones practically glowing in front of him. He inhaled sharpy like a distressed mother and twitched violently. Rudo stood only centimetres away from his face.
“Enjin?”, the boy whispered again.
“What? What’s on fire?”, he asked and sat up, leaning against the headboard.
“I had a nightmare. Can I sleep here?”
Enjin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “You don’t have to wake me up. Just get in.”
“I know but Riyo’s already here. I dunno if you have like a max capacity or sum”, Rudo murmured and climbed over Enjin’s legs towards the middle of the bed, almost kicking him with his foot during the process.
“What?”, Enjin asked himself and squinted at the redheaded lump next to him. Definitely Riyo-shaped. He shook his head and laid down again while Rudo snuck underneath his blanket. It didn’t bother him to have both of them here, he just didn’t expect it after the usual single visits.
He closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep which worked until he felt Rudo pressed against his back. He stirred awake again and turned around to see Amo splayed out half across Riyo. Well, this was certainly new. He would’ve never expected seeing her here, after all she wasn’t really fond of him. Maybe he finally managed to get a bit of her trust.
Rudo pulled at his blanket and Enjin took it as a sign to grab something to drink. He quietly put on some socks and slipped into the first best shoes he found before leaving his bedroom. He blinked against the bright hallway light and made his way to the dining hall. He felt like a train had hit him from all possible angles and his neck hurt. How he missed his second pillow. Maybe he could snatch it from underneath Riyo’s head. She had enough hair anyways. He looked for a soda can like the one he had dreamed of and actually found one. He emptied half of it before he waddled back.
When he opened his bedroom door he thought he was still stuck inside some weird dream. Zanka now laid on his side of the bed, all huddled up with Rudo and Lovely Assistaff. Of course he slept with his Jinki like others would with a stuffed animal.
Enjin closed his door again and sighed. What choices did he make to end up in this situation? Yes, the kids loved him and he loved them with his whole heart but he also loved his bed and his sleep – which he needed both very desperately. He stood in front of his closed door and pondered for a second. What now? Waking them up wasn’t even an option to think about and neither was squeezing in between them.
Only one solution came to his mind and somehow it made his stomach flutter in a weird way. He had no other choice and his legs automatically dragged him towards Gris’ room. He knocked once, twice, thrice. On one hand he didn’t want to wake him and with his other he knocked a fourth time before he entered the room without waiting for an invitation.
“Gris?”, he asked, his voice a little louder than a whisper. Now he felt like one of the kids seeking shelter during the night.
Click. The small lamp on Gris’ nightstand illuminated the room.
Gris rubbed his eyes and squinted at him for a good second, “Enjin? What are you doing here?”
“Funny story”, he clasped his hands together in front of him, “There are four kids sprawled out in my bed. Can I stay here?”
Gris huffed out a laugh, “Sure. If they get a sleepover why don’t we? Should we invite Semiu? Perhaps Tamsy and Arkha or maybe even Bro?”
Enjin crossed the room in a few steps and let himself fall down next to Gris, putting the soda can on the nightstand, “Semiu steals blankets, Tamsy sleep-talks, Arkha snores like a wounded wolf and I bet Bro also has something going on.”
“What’s the deal with you?”, Gris asked amused.
“No deal, I’m perfect”, Enjin claimed. Gris owned a few pillows and he gladly shoved two underneath his head, in hopes of curing his sore neck and shoulders. He knew about all the “sleeping without pillows is the best alternative” but he simply didn’t care enough. He slept best with at least two of them and in a world full of trash beasts and chaos he was allowed to.
Gris laid down as well and smiled slightly, “Of course. The kids really love you, huh?”
Enjin pulled the blanket tighter around himself, “Honestly, I still don’t understand why.”
He thought back to one of his and Gris’ previous conversation about the kids trusting him and he knew they did, he just didn’t understand why.
“Didn’t you say you are perfect a minute ago?”, Gris raised his eyebrows and Enjin focused on the big scar instead. Up close it looked even more bad ass. He saw every detail and suddenly got the urge to trace it and feel it underneath his fingertips.
“I am but they’re acting like I’m their father figure or somethin’”, he shrugged his shoulders beneath his blanket. Everything smelled like Gris and he hoped the other didn’t catch his deep inhales. His eyelids started to feel heavier with each passing second.
Gris laughed, “You are. Don’t you see how much they look up to and like you? Enjin, for fucks sake they sneak into your bed when they have nightmares or can’t sleep and even when they need to get something off their chests. They do this because they feel safe with you and know you won’t judge them. At least not for serious stuff.”
And suddenly, the truth slapped him right across his face, using a dead fish for emphasis.
“Am I a single father?”
Gris laughed so hard his entire body shook and he hid his face behind his hands.
“What?”, Enjin joined in. Their laughter filled the room and they desperately tried to keep it down and not wake anyone else up. Enjin felt like being a kid in school who wasn’t allowed to laugh with his classmate which automatically made everything ten times funnier than intended. He turned on his back and caught his breath, desperate for some air as giggles still bubbled up his throat.
“And you really never wanted to have any kids”, it was neither a question nor a statement. Enjin rolled his head to the side and look at Gris, a lazy smile still plastered on his face. Enjin probably mirrored his expression.
“I jinxed it, didn’t I?” he rotated his body again to avoid another strain in his neck.
“Do you mind?”
“Nah, I’d choose this every time. Prolly need a bigger bed, though.”
They stayed quiet for a moment and Enjin nuzzled deeper in his blanket. It wasn’t cold but he felt like doing so while he studied Gris’ face in the warm light of his bedside lamp. Enjin never fell asleep easily, especially after he had woken up in the middle of the night like right now. He had accepted this problem long ago after trying every possible aid on God’s green earth with no impact but right now he felt his tiredness seep inside his bones. He felt safe and sound next to Gris and in this moment he understood why the kids slept better with someone else around because he did, too.
“You know, you don’t have to be, right?”, Gris said and Enjin tried his best to understand the meaning behind this sentence. His brain turned into complete mush when Gris reached out and pushed a few strands of hair away from his forehead. Enjin leaned against the soft touch and Gris clarified his statement.
“I mean a single father.”
“’T was just a joke, I’m not their real dad”, Enjin said and forced his eyes to stay open.
Gris sighed, “I’m talking about the single part.”
“Ouch, twist the knife Rubion, it only has spiked edges”, his last date lay months back and even his last hook up seemed far away. Work, kids and training didn’t leave a lot of free time lately and maybe another reason for his lack in current dating interest and bar hoping rolled his pretty blue eyes in front of him. He knew about his own feelings, there was no use in denying them but there was something inside him telling him to not act on them. So he had kept quiet. Luckily, Gris wasn’t as scared as he was. He propped himself up before he swung one leg over Enjin’s thighs, his face leaning closer.
Their lips met and Enjin’s surprise about the situation delayed his reaction but when he finally grasped what happened, he immediately moved his lips against Gris’. They felt soft and tasted a little bit like mint toothpaste mixed with tea. Enjin sighed into their kiss and Gris took the chance to deepen it and move closer until he pressed Enjin further into the mattress. Their bodies got tangled between blankets and each other while Enjin’s hands roamed free and managed to slip underneath the others shirt. Oh, how he had dreamed about doing this. Gris’ abs felt as fantastic as they looked and Enjin couldn’t get enough of it. He only broke their kiss when his blood started to pool downwards.
“This is so much better than a hot milf”, Enjin grinned and pulled his hands away. Gris, who still sat on top of him, laughed.
“You always know what to say, hm?”, Gris pushed one of their blankets away to the side without real effort or care.
“I like to talk without thinking, uses less energy. You should try it sometimes”, Enjin put his hands on Gris’ thighs and just left them there. If he had the privilege he should use it, right?
“If you say so. Would you like to go on a date with me?”
“You for real?”, Enjin shouldn’t be surprised by this question after they had kissed but it still caught him of guard.
“I am and if it makes you feel better, I don’t mind that you already have kids”, Gris only got a second to hold his arms in front of his face, as Enjin reached behind him and threw one of the pillows.
“Are you jealous I took yours? You should’ve taken care of him when he was almost dying!” he took another swing without real force.
“That’s how we play? Rudo ran to me yesterday because you took his sweets away”, Gris snatched the pillow and quickly grabbed Enjin’s wrists to pin them down above his head.
“Next time you get to deal with his sugar rush and then we can talk about it”, Enjin tried to free his arms but he was too tired and he didn’t even mind. Gris could do with him what he wanted, which reminded him, “About our date. It’s a yes, obviously.”
“I have something in mind already but let’s discuss it tomorrow”, he let go of Enjin’s wrists and swung his leg back over him to lay down. Enjin couldn’t help the smile appearing on his face. He untangled their blankets and turned to his side to face Gris, who switched off the light. Enjin closed his eyes and almost immediately fell asleep and damn he hadn’t slept this good in ages. Maybe his kids should host pyjama parties in his room more often.
-
Semiu looked at her watch and stood up from her place at the front desk. She needed yesterday’s report and Enjin had promised to turn it in this morning. Where even was he? Usually his tattooed ass always lurked around somewhere, except when Semiu needed him. Or rather needed something from him. A 190 centimetre tall man couldn’t hide anywhere – she would find him.
She walked along the hallway, heels clacking with every step and announcing her presence. She quickly reached Enjin’s room and opened his door without even thinking about knocking.
“Enjin”, she said firmly and swallowed her remaining sentence. Zanka, Riyo, Rudo and Amo all laid in his bed without him, all of them still sleeping. She closed the door again and walked back.
“Yeah sure, he don’t like kids and never wants ‘em. This is gold.”