Chapter Text
Wemmbu wouldn't call his life ordinary.
He would call it boring.
Seriously, everyone is always all like Ooh you're soo lucky, you’re a walking miracle, blah blah blah. He’s just a guy!? Wemmbu had grown quite tired of all the fussing. Just because uncommon things happen to him doesn't mean his life is interesting. He walks into a building and a fire starts? Walk back out. He gets lost and somehow has to walk across racetracks, during an active race, to get home? Clutch. The list goes on. Life threatening situations have become a mundane routine in Wemmbu’s life, and this makes him cocky, because he comes out unscathed every time. To him, death is more of a skill issue than a natural part of life.
Today was a rare, even more boring day. Nothing happened. Wemmbu sighed after a long day of work, unlocking his door and smiling when the sound was met by excited barking. He barely got a foot into the apartment when two dogs tackled him, making him laugh. Gambit and Crucible, Wemmbu’s trusty hounds. Why give them such names, you ask? Well, the story is thus: He was a teenager. …An edgy teenager. The names maybe came from something in a game…? Wemmbu honestly couldn't remember.
Wemmbu got up from the floor—not without a fight—and used the back of his hand to wipe the slobber off of his face. …He’ll shower later. He was just contemplating changing into something more comfortable as opposed to his usual formal attire, when a ping sounded from his laptop. Raising an eyebrow to himself, he checked the notification curiously.
Wemmbu was expecting…well, some kind of message. Not a whole new app!? He deleted it without a second thought, turned away, and—
Ping!
“...”
Ping!
Wemmbu slowly, deliberately picked up the app—that was back somehow???—and moved it into the trash, opening the trash, and then clearing it. He turned away, sighing in faux peace. Good. Silence.
Ping!
“Oh, fuck me.”
Wemmbu angrily opened his laptop, clicking and tapping harder than necessary. Surprise, surprise! The smug fucking app was back. Did that skull icon look more smug than before? Wemmbu thinks it looks more smug. Waiting for the app to open, Wemmbu was about to start lamenting, Why me??? when he found himself face to face with a wall of text. A rather amusing wall of text, he might add. This makes up for the annoyance, a little bit.
CHATROOM
Grim Reaper
bro stop fucking around
im TIRED of you bro YOU PISS ME OFF
STOP FUCKING AROUND IN YOUR ROOM
LIKE BRO
yes bro. your dawgs are cute. they deserve the best. so leave them alone you slimy little shit
LOCK IN BRO.
theres no way this didnt work
BROOOO
THERES NO WAY THIS DIDNT WORK
NAH NAH BRO LIKE BRO I DIDNT SCREW UP THE PROGRAM
FUCKKKKK IM SO DONE BRO IM SO TIRED OF THIS
Soul#6967
Yo
Grim Reaper
FINALLY
Soul#6967
I’m laughing really hard at you just an fyi
Grim Reaper
bro.
Soul#6967
HAHAGSHAHAHSGSHAH
You sure use that word a lot don't you buddy
So what is this anyway
Grim Reaper
bro
im here to take your soul bro
so uh
hand it over
Soul#6967
Is this your first damn day on the job?
Grim Reaper
????????????
Soul#6967
I’m your boss, dipshit. It’s me Jesus
Grim Reaper
??????? BRO.
NAH BRO
YOUR NAME IS WEMMBU IT SAYS SO RIGHT HERE
Soul#6967
Uh wtf
Did you steal my information???
Give it back dude I need that
Grim Reaper
i didnt “““““““steal””””””” your “““““““information”””””””
Soul#6967
…Why is information in quote marks
Grim Reaper
…
i didnt “““““““steal””””””” your information
just
bro
i cant frigging
screw it
Incoming Call
Call Declined
Grim Reaper
????? BRO
Soul#6967
SCAMMER!!! IM NOT ANSWERING A CALL FROM A SCAMMER!!!!!!
Okay, Wemmbu had to admit, messing with this guy was pretty funny.
Soul#6967
Ok but actually
I’m not giving you money to save my soul or whatever
Grim Reaper
what
bro what
like bro no
Soul#6967
Ok stop saying bro don't pmo
Grim Reaper
WHATEVER BRO
JUST ANSWER THE FRIGGIN CALL BRO
Soul#6967
You’re a really incompetent scammer yk that
Grim Reaper
IM NOT A SCAMMER????????
WATCH.
Incoming Call
Soul#6967
Decline decline decline
Why can't I decline???
Grim Reaper
lmao
i removed the option loser
Soul#6967
I can just…not answer though
Grim Reaper
…
Ongoing Call
Wemmbu’s eyes widened when the call answered itself, blinking in shock. “Dude, what!? How!?” His expression shifted from one of surprise to one of irritation when he was met with mocking laughter.
“Aww, you thought I couldn't control that, too?” The scammer snickered. “Bro, I made this app. Obviously I can start a call without you accepting, bro.” They crossed their arms and leaned back in their desk chair, a triumphant smirk on their face.
Wemmbu looked at them for a moment. Then, “Why are you wearing a blindfold?” The scammer’s smirk faltered at the sudden topic change. Wemmbu cackled at the reaction. “My bad, bro. But seriously. Bro’s actually just cosplaying the grim reaper…”
They looked offended. “Cos—? No!” they snapped. “Bro, I am the Grim Reaper!” Damn, this guy was really insistent about it, huh? Scammers are so annoying.
“The grim reaper isn't real.”
Wemmbu’s voice held no small amount of disdain and impatience. The scammer’s jaw dropped in offense, and he burst out cackling, rocking back and forth in his chair. “Okay, okay, okay,” he said, his voice shaking. “No need for that face, buddy.”
Yeah, this would be fun.