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It is the third bar you visit tonight. And the tenth human soporific you are trying your best to finish, despite the less than tolerable taste. It did not get you human drunk, like you expected it would. It did, however, give you a panache. And yet, you are still sitting at the bar counter, sipping it as slowly as possible to an undeniable discontent of the bartender.
Things weren't going well recently, Rose turned to the human soporifics once again because of stress and you had trouble running the boutique, helping with the mother grub and keeping tabs on your continuously inebriated matesprit. Matesprit, not “human girlfriend”, because you decided long ago you want to try doing quadrants instead of human romance. You were happy she wanted to learn and understand your culture and didn't deny you relationships that were natural to you. Except it quickly turned out that finding a moirail, kismesis or auspistice when you have a human matesprit and hands full of responsibilities isn't exactly a walk in the park.
So here you are. Your first free evening in forever, doing your best to understand what Rose sees in these soporifics and trying to get into a similar state as you always see her in. Without any success, only rewarded by a throbbing panache and awful taste.
The bartender looks at your slumped form with a mix of disgruntlement and curiosity. Not many trolls order human beverages, and equally not many attend human-centered bars and pubs at all. And definitely not any as distinguished looking as you.
You are in fact the only troll currently in the bar and that puts you right in the center of attention. Which only worsens your panache and adds to your stress. You probably should just wrap up this entire escapade as a failed attempt at learning human culture and go home to get some sleep. That’s the best idea you have this entire evening. Human soporifics be damned.
You stand up, sighing heavily and preparing to just take your purse and leave when you hear a loud, bubbly “GLUB” coming from the direction of the door.
The entire bar turns their attention to the source of the sound, including you, and rightfully so. The troll standing there is gorgeous. Long locks of luscious black hair, fuschia pink dress with lots of gold accessories and shades just as pink.
You are incredibly glad to see those. You begged the seadweller to ditch the goggles for so long and it looks like your pleas have been finally listened to, your wish granted by the beautiful heiress herself. That’s a relief.
Before you manage to utter even a word, you are enveloped in a chill, enthusiastic hug. Her temperature is so different from Rose's fiery warmth. Her bubbly weight settles along your tall lanky figure, her earfins doing a small excited flutter. The cool of her body is doing wonders for your throbbing panache.
“Kanaya! Glub! It's sooo nice to sea you! How are you doing, darling?”
The hug ends so she can grab your hand in both of hers and look at you with those big eyes full of wonder and life. Her makeup is cute. It suits her and you just have to appreciate how skilled at applying it she got since you last saw her in person.
“I’m glad to see you in good spirits, Feferi. It's been a while since we last saw each other, hasn't it? How are you doing, our dear heiress?”
“Don't turn the question on me, Kanaya, I asked you first!”
“Alright, alright, you got me. I have been a little… busy these days. Things have become quite hectic.”
Feferi raises an eyebrow at you, a silent invitation to elaborate.
“It's not really a conversation I’d like to have in public. And don't you have a moirail?”
You ask, but your hand lands on one of hers as if it has a mind of its own and a lot of pale interest in Feferi. You can't deny that last part.
You had a palecrush on her for sweeps. Her beauty making you want to shower her with pretty dresses and help her with make up so she can look the prettiest for her dates with Sollux. Every time she mentioned how much of a burden Eridan was to her you wanted to saw the violet in half just to please her. Every time, when after a lot of coaxing she finally mentioned being overwhelmed by her responsibilities, you wanted to drag her to the pile, kiss her beautiful lips, then shooshpap her until she goes limp in your embrace, freed from all the worries and stress. You wanted to see her bubbly, excited smile and be part of its reason. You wanted to take care of her. But she had that moronic Ampora in her pale quadrant…
“Oh, no, I dumped him ages ago! He didn't tell you? I was shore he’d go whine to every single one of our friends aboat it. Phew, good riddance!”
Oh. She did? Your blood pusher jumped in your thorax. You shouldn't be that delighted to hear that news. And yet, you absolutely are. But she seems just as glad to be rid of him, if not even more, so it's not completely inappropriate to be happy about it. Yet, you do try to keep your emotions at bay.
“I believe I might have been a little too preoccupied and dismissed his messages entirely for a while before forgetting to answer him all together…”
“Serves him right! I still conchsider him a friend but you don't have to put up with his carping, you seam tired enough as is… What do you think aboat a little trip to my place? Since you don't wanna talk aboat it in public… You’ll get some rest, no one will disturb you there. Let me kelp you out a little.”
Even in the dim lights of the bar you can't miss a little pink flush on her earfins. Your blood pusher skips a beat.
“Would it be pure sophistry if I assume you are inviting me for a paledate?”
“Glub! Busted right away! I’ve missed you, Kanaya. And I’m really worried about you. You look like you got swallowed and spit back out by a whale. I doubt you’d look like that if you had a moirail.”
You consider your options. You can just say no, go back home and continue trying to brave through everything yourself, possibly with an even worse panache. Or you can take her offer and let her soothe you. You aren't used to that, others taking care of you. It is usually you taking care of others, meddling into their affairs on pure instinct. But you aren't unbreakable. You are just a troll. A very tired, very stressed troll with a hidden palecrush you tried to get rid of for sweeps, unsuccessfully.
“I guess it couldn't hurt to rest a little bit…”
***
When you get to her beautiful underwater castle, she drags you straight into a secluded room with a meticulously constructed pile.
Your protests do nothing to convince her you’d be fine with just a friendly chat on one of multiple couches.
She pushes you onto the soft cushions and dresses, for a brief moment making you wonder if she prepared it just for you. You discard that thought as quickly as it came though, there is no possibility she predicted meeting you at that bar.
With a small sigh you lay down, the comfort of the dresses and pillows soon making your instincts kick in, but you refrain from burying into the pile. That would be really rude, even despite Feferi’s clear invitation.
Speaking of Feferi, she is running around, soon joining you with snacks, warm scalding leaf fluid and more dresses and pillows ready at hand in case you need any. She is so sweet… And so caring.
With a pretty pink dress draped over your shoulders and warm clay drink cylinder in your hands you are already feeling better.
“You're so beautiful Kanaya, it's so sad to sea you wither like this… Did you drink a lot of the human soporifics?”
“I had quite a number of them, yes… But I didn't experience any of the effects for which humans supposedly enjoy these. I only gained a panache.”
“Oh you poor thing! The tea should kelp, then. I had a suspicion you weren't eeling well.”
“You did? Was I being that obvious?”
“I was just paying attention to you, silly! What has been clouding your head so much you tried to get human drunk?”
Of course the question comes, but the comforting pile on which you are currently sitting and warm fluid you just drank helped soothe your nerves just a little bit. Maybe it is okay to let someone care for you for once.
“Are you sure you’d like to listen to it? Those are multiple quite long stories and I myself would prefer to not burden you with such.”
“Kanaya, please, on cod, you’re not burdening me at all.”
She reaches her hand towards you and cards your hair, gently untangling all the unruly strands. It feels so nice, her soft, careful touches eliciting a small sigh from you.
Her earfins perk up, just very slightly fushia-tinted at your positive reaction to her ministrations.
You put away the clay drink cylinder, and can't help your need anymore. Hugging a pillow actually seemed to help for now, so you go with that, relaxing into the pile with another sigh of relief. Emotions are tugging at your blood pusher, while her cold fingers are doing wonders for your panache. How did you go so long without this..?
“I might have become subjected to a lot of stress lately, The boutique is doing well, splendidly even. Too well for my own good, as I haven't caught much sleep for what seems like forever. The new mother grub is having her first brood and I was called to help on that. I’m back to the caverns every other night. I’m tired, Feferi, so tired… I do not wish to make this about Rose, my matesprit, my wife, light of my life. But she once again turned to the human soporifics. Every day, every moment I can't stop thinking I’m not a good matesprit if she finds the need to be inebriated every time we’re together. She missed the flushed affirmations day, because she was drunk. Just like she missed our first official outing. Due to the exact same reason, may I add. I pity her so much, even more when she's like this, but I can't even shake her from this state. Feferi, do you think... Maybe she started drinking because I was too busy..?”
When the first words fall from your squawk gaper it becomes increasingly easier for more to follow right behind. You don't even know when you let go of the pillow and let Feferi’s arms envelop you whole, cold fingers gently tracing your shoulders and massaging tenderly the tense muscles under your skin.
You sigh, one of the knots releases under her gentle pressure and your body finally takes a clue to start relaxing. For the first time in forever.
“Kanaya… Dear, sweet, darling Kanaya… It's not your fault. It's alright. You're the best quadrantmate anyone cod possibly want. Anemoneone is busy from time to time. That's just natural… And you do a lot, I’m shore Rose understands that too. She just has her own problems to deal with and frankly, should consult her own moirail on that. You agreed on doing the quadrants because of her curiosity, right? So now she can't just expect you to do her moirail's job for her.”
You kind of hate that she is right. You know it's just your nature, your inner need to help everyone around you, especially those you care for. Your thoughts start running once again. If anything, you should be mad at Rose. Not question your own efforts, but hers. She promised you she won't get human drunk ever again and yet there she was. Of course you pitied her. It was so hard to not get lost in these feelings when your blood-pusher was splitting in half over her wobbly figure, slurring words and tired smiles. And you wanted her to get better, you wanted your matesprit to be happy, but there was no one else to take care of her so it was once again your responsibility and…
Your train of thought gets completely cut off by soft, cool lips on yours and you momentarily forget what you were thinking about.
Feferi is kissing you. Slow and sweet, without an ounce of lust. Just a plain conciliatory gesture. You can't help it, you just melt into it. She tastes like raspberry and seasalt. She gently sucks at your bottom lip, one hand still massaging the knots in your shoulders while the other caresses your scalp.
You feel like all the tension and worries slowly leave your body, your panache giving way under the flood of relaxing chemicals. You hear purring and it takes you a while to notice it's you who’s letting that sound out.
A very distinctly comforting purr also reverberates in her thorax in answer to yours. The vibrations making both your pusher and pan melt into the safety of her embrace.
You’ve never been safer in your entire life. You’ve never belonged more in your entire life. It all doesn't matter anymore, Feferi is absolutely right, you can't do everything and Rose probably understands that. It will all be fine if you let yourself have this and for once let someone take care of you. And not just anyone. Your moirail.
You return the kiss. Savouring each moment of her soft, beautiful lips on yours. She is so beautiful. You're going to make her so many new dresses when you get back to your hive.
Her hands work tirelessly on your shoulders and neck, gentle, tender, sweet. She smiles a little when she feels you participating and relaxing. Her fingers now tracing your spine all the way down to the hem of your shirt before slipping under the clothing and going all the way back up. Your shirt lifts a little bit but you don't care. It doesn't matter anyway now that she’s your diamond. You could be butt naked in her arms and she wouldn't touch you in any inappropriately flushed or pitched way.
She resumes massaging your shoulders, only now without any clothing standing in her way and you can't control a few pleased gasps.
When the last knot of muscles gives way under her careful fingers and she ends the kiss, gently laying your head in the crook of her neck, positioned just right so you don't gore her with your horns, you go completely limp. You are blissed out of your sponge, worries melted together with your muscles. Everything is warm, fuzzy and mushy inside you and you don't think you could move now even if you wanted.
You don't want to. Your eyes shut and you don't even register when you fall asleep. It doesn't matter. Feferi will be here to wake you up when you get all the proper rest you need so much.