Work Text:
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]
CG: WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME, YOU BACKSTABBING SPIDERBITCH?
AG: Look who decided to grace me with his presence! Mister Vantas! What a wonderful surprise. I missed you, you know?
AG: Except you trolled me a few hours ago so there was no time to actually miss you. And it's not a surprise either. You're predicta8le, Karkat, so very predicta8le and naive. I could pro8a8ly predict what you are going to say…
AG: Except I’d die from em8arrassment typing it out so let's just acknowledge you’re a8out to say something very stupid and move on with our lives.
CG: I ASKED YOU SOMETHING YOU NOOKCHAFFING BULGESUCKER AND I AM NOT LEAVING YOU FUCKING ALONE UNTIL YOU EXPLAIN YOURSELF
CG: WHAT DID YOU DO AND WHY THE FUCK IS EGBERT JUMPING AT THE MENTION OF YOUR NAME LIKE YOU CONTROLLED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY TO DO A NAKED DANCE IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE COUNTRY BEFORE BRUTALLY MUDERING EACH OTHER IN THE GROSSEST PARODY OF THAT ONE JAPANESE SUICIDE METHOD DAVE DOESN'T SHUT UP ABOUT RECENTLY
CG: WHAT WAS IT CALLED ANYWAY, SEKIRO?
CG: SUDOKU?
CG: FUCK IF I KNOW
CG: THE POINT IS, YOU **8ACKSTA88ING SPIDER8ITCH**, WHAT THE *FUCK* DID YOU DO TO HIM
AG: Aww, you put the 8s in it, 8n't that just the sweetest.
AG: As much as I’d love to make John squirm and jump at the sound of my name, and I’d love to get credit for that state of his, I’m not the one to interrog8 on that topic, Karkat.
AG: I did not do anything, haven't even talked to him l8ly.
AG: You know, I had too many irons in the fire?
AG: The irons I told you all a8out?
AG: The ones that did not involve any nut creature toothed dork?
CG: I’M STANDING IN FRONT OF YOUR HIVE.
CG: AND YOU *BETTER* BE HERE AND OPEN THE DOOR.
CG: OR ON ALL THE HUMAN DEITIES, MOTHER GRUB AND THE MIRTHFUL FUCKING MESSIAHS THEMSELVES, I *WILL* END YOU BEFORE I END OUR MOIRALLEGIANCE BY A VERY JUSTIFIED MURDER.
AG: Karkat, you a8solute doofus.
AG: You didn't think to just
AG: Ring the dong shouter?
AG: You decided to start sending me these messages, standing at my door instead?
AG: W8, that's actually hilarious.
CG: WILL YOU OPEN THE DOOR, NOOKSTAIN, OR DO I REALLY NEED TO FUCKING RING UNTIL YOU DECIDE TO TAKE PITY ON ME.
CG: OR MAYBE I SHOULD START SHOUTING TO THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD WHAT A GRUBFUCKING MORON MY MOIRAIL IS AND WHAT A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT I AM FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO KEEP HER IN CHECK FOR ONCE IN MY PATHETIC EXCUSE OF AN EXISTENCE!?
AG: While I do agree you are pretty pathetic and I h8 to 8ring you down even more…
arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
You open the door to a very angry looking Karkat, furiously typing on his palmhusk, probably to send you another tirade. Before he notices you though, you finish the sentence you started over on trollian.
“You're wrong this time, I did not do anything. Though now I wish I did.”
He jumps, startled by your voice and looks at you with a patented Vantas scowl before storming inside your hive.
You just snicker at how predictable he is. If he truly wanted to scream outside he would have done so without texting you first. And he wouldn't scream outside because he liked keeping his relationships private. He wasn't the one to announce his moirallegiance with you to the entire neighborhood. You on the other hand had absolutely no problem with letting others know about your diamond.
After a solid minute of him staring daggers at you, you mercifully close the door. Boy, is riling him up fun.
“What do you mean you didn't do anything? Are you fucking lying to me right now? Or is this a joke? Haha, funny, Karkat fell into your web once again and made a fool of himself. Bring the cameras because that's the only thing this nightmare of a situation needs. A live stream of my failures and desperate attempts at helping my fucking friends, broadcasted to the world because the paradox space never gets enough of humiliating me, might as well give it a hand.”
There he goes again, right from being angry at you straight to taking all the blame onto himself. Pitiful. He must feel responsible for that thing you did not do.
You truly didn't have anything to do with it this time. You were way too busy to humour John again. So hell if you know why he’s avoiding you. He’s been flush-crushing on you forever, but never had enough guts to tell you. And you've been patient with him. So much more patient then you would normally be with anyone. Mostly because of two reasons.
Firstly, as you already mentioned to Karkat over trollian, you have all the irons in the fire. All of them. So John could wait. The other reason is currently standing in front of you demanding answers.
You take your palmhusk and open logs of your conversations with John, then pass it to your moirail. There is nothing much there, just John bothering you a few times and you truthfully telling him you're busy. Your last proper conversation was before the party Roxy threw to celebrate getting her own apartment. And as far as you remember, it was all pretty normal back then.
“You know my mind control doesn't work on humans. I can barely make them fall asleep.”
You observe how he deflates the more he scrolls your trollian logs, finally giving you the palmhusk back. He’s still angry, that's kind of his default, but he shuts up at least for a few seconds. And thosefew seconds you plan to use very constructively, even if you know it's going to be quite harsh on him. Because letting glaring issues that could be easily solved fester is not your style at all.
“Karkat, we’ve been together for sweeps now. I proved to you countless times that I have changed. The world has changed and I adapted. Don't you think it's about time you put some trust in me?”
You know that's overdue. And you know exactly why he's so reluctant to trust you. You did hurt a few friends when you were kids. But you also had time to repent and change. And quite a great moirail at your side that helped you through this process.
“I trust you, stupid, but…”
“But, but, but, there are always buts and buts. Come, you loser, it's about time we took this to the pile.”
He tries to protest, but you're not letting it go. So you use just a little bit of your power on him. You focus on controlling his body and moving it right after you to the room with your pile.
It is nothing short of a mess, various broken and unbroken eight balls laying between romcom books and dvds. There are some spider and crab plushies woven into it, gifts from your human friends who all collectively agreed they need to get you all more comfortable items for the piles. Which was a sweet, but completely unnecessary gesture. But Karkat seemed to like them so you kept them in there.
You lay down and make your grumpy little moirail plop next to you, releasing him from the influence of your power. His confusion is really funny, even funnier is his face scrunching the moment he regained control over his own body. He’ll get over it.
“See!? That's precisely why I can't trust you! You did that! You fucking made me walk all the way here and..!”
It looks like he's ready to start another of his temper tantrums, and you don't really have time for that. The irons are still in the fire. So you raise your hand and touch his cheek. A few gentle rubs and slow, meticulous pats.
“Shhhhh… shoosh, Karkat. Calm down at least a little. I just walked you to the pile. To our pile. Because you started doing the thing we talked about. So it seems like you need a refresher.”
He does actually shut up, and you feel like you might start believing in miracles, because that is definitely one happening right in front of your glance nuggets. The shooshpaps worked their magic, and you can feel just a bit of tension leaving his body. Good. That's a start.
“Okay, I got it… So you really did not do anything to him? Not even a message or your sleep magic or anything at all?”
He’s still frowning, but you work your hand on his cheek, tenderly, yet with purpose. He knows the answers to his questions at this point, you're sure he does. But he still waits for your response.
“You saw for yourself. You can also ask his siblings. They live together, they’d know. Probably.”
You don't know what you said but his mutant red eyes are focused on you, while his mouth gapes open in shock. You wait it out, giving him a moment to process whatever it is he's processing. Look at you, doing a good job as a moirail.
“They… John moved out, he doesn't live with them anymore. You really aren't fucking with me. Fuck.”
To be honest, you like the news that John moved, when you get time you should pay him a visit. But Karkat comes first.
Speaking of Karkat, he's tensing up again, even despite your continued paps. You swear, this guy is so much work. How did he even manage before? Right, he didn't. He was a mess. He still is.
It's time for you to save the day again. You scoop him up and pull him into a hug. He doesn't protest anymore, nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck, one of his nubby little horns pressing into your chin.
“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I fucked up again, didn't I? I can't go a week without utterly messing something up. I’m the absolute master of destroying everything I care about and fucking my miserable life up more than it already is. It's dead, on the floor, and I just keep kicking it as if it had not enough fucking humiliation yet.”
You do listen to his ramble this time. At least for a bit. You thought maybe he’d tell you straight away what in the world is on his mind, but he's going into this self-deprecating spiral again and you know fully well how this will end.
“Karkat, shoosh. You're being overdramatic. You made a mistake, yes. But you constantly make mistakes, what’s even so different about this one? That's why you have me, to get you all sorted out. As much as I like the show, that's not what you should be addressing. We have been together for a while now. You still don't trust me.” You finally cut him off before it goes into even bigger self-hatred fest and drop the actual issue onto him. You’ve been as patient as you could, but it's gotten ridiculous.
He almost freezes, poor guy must be scared shitless you're going to dump him. You won't, but the faces he makes will never stop being entertaining.
“Fuck. Sorry. It's not that I don't trust you…”
“Karkat, we’ve been together for a while and I still have to force you to the pile. You jump onto every possibility of shooshing me, yet you don't let me take care of you. You don't trust me. We need to fix that.”
“Fine, maybe I do have SOME issues… Mainly because you did fuck over multiple of our friends. You know, paralyzed Tavros, blinded Terezi, almost killed Aradia? I think it's at least partially fucking justified I’m careful with you and trying to be a good moirail. It's my responsibility to keep you in check and it's my failure if you go shithive maggots again and...”
“Karkat. I’m not Gamzee. I’m not going to go shithive maggots and it's not only your responsibility to keep it that way, you moron. Close your eyes.”
You demand. This already went on for too long. You’ll show him he can trust you. You’ll make him trust you.
“What the fuck? Why should I close my fucking eyes?” He grumbles, completely taken aback. Cute. But you bet he will be cuter when he finally lets go of his trust issue and relaxes. So you repeat.
“Close your eyes. I have an idea how to help you trust me. Come on, just close them, you’ll be fine.”
He is very reluctant, but finally listens to you and closes his eyes.
“Now don't move, no matter what” You add, earning a very confused unintelligible mumble.
He keeps his eyes closed while you get up from the pile and walk to your closet. You don't have much stuff that would work for this, but ultimately manage to take out a few scarfs Kanaya left for you and a rope. It’ll have to do. You fold one of the scarfs and put it over Karkat's eyes, fastening it behind his head as a makeshift blindfold.
“Vriska, what the actual fuck are you doing?! This is bullshit, I’m out of here.” Predictably, he’s not happy. But that's the point, you’ll make him happy, even if it's against his wishes.
He's raising his hands to take the scarf off but you catch them in an iron grip.
“Relax, Karkat, it's to help you. I’m your moirail, remember? There’s no one else here. And I want you to relax. Trust me.” You can't really hold his hands and prepare the rope so you let go of your grip. It's tempting to just hold him in place by getting control of his body again, but you don't do it. You can respect his preference to not be controlled, sure you can. Even if it's a little dumb and he's so impressionable it's a wiggler’s play to control him. Oh well.
He is seemingly pondering what you said, giving you enough time to wrap the rope in a scarf and make it softer this way. You don't want to hurt him. Then you catch his hands again, bring them behind his back and tie them together before he understands what you're doing. You are proud of your handiwork. The bonds are tight enough to not let him slip out of them but also tied in a way so they wouldn't hurt his wrists or shoulders, the scarf adding a layer or cushion.
The moment he realizes what you just did, he starts growling and flailing, trying to get up on his legs. You don't let him.
“Vriska, what the fuck, what the everloving fuck, release me this instant or I fucking swear to gog I will end you and then myself. What kind of pan addled fucking…”
You lay down next to him and bring him into another hug.
“Shhhhh… shoooosh, Karkat, you're okay. Trust me.” You repeat again and bring his still growling head to the crook of your neck. It's a dangerous position, especially with a bundle of pissed off troll in your arms, having his fangs near your jugular is a gamble. If he decides to bite, he could kill you. But you know too well that without a little risk there's no gain. So you keep his head there, while you bring your hands to his shoulders.
“See? I’m vulnerable with you too. You could fuck me up right now, but you won't. I know very well you won't. Because I trust you. I’m also not going to hurt you.” You point out and feel like he tenses up again, but stops growling. Gog, this guy is impossible. So you start out by slowly massaging his shoulders.
“Talk to me. About how you feel.” You say after you feel him shift a little bit. His fangs are still so close to your jugular you can feel his breath there. Your pulse jumps a little, your body instinctively alarmed by the amount of trust you did in fact put in this troll. But it's Karkat. Karkat won't hurt you, no matter what.
“Fucked up.” His answer is mumbled, cautious. He's still all stiff and nervous. So you start moving your fingers on his shoulders slowly massaging the tensed up muscles.
“Tell me more about it.” You demand, your hands working relentlessly and very meticulously. He's still way too tense, you can feel it under your fingers. It'll take more to get him to relax.
“Fucked up, Vriska, I am a fucking moron the size of Jupiter. That's also how big of an asshole I am. I literally fuck everything up like it's a fucking Olympics in assholery and I’m trying to get first place. That's me, the biggest douchebag on this stupid planet in the entire stupid universe. Striders would love the irony, fucking bastards. Here I jump into conclusion that you did something to Egbert, I come to shoosh your murderous ass to oblivion but I’m the one ending up in a pile being shooshed the fuck down because I assumed wrong. I am a shitty moirail. The worst. I couldn't trust you. I still fucking can't, I still have that scenes in front of my moronic gander bulbs. I still see Tavros right after falling to his death only to end up in a fucking four wheel device. Thank fucking god Earth is nicer to disabled than Alternia, because that would be a death sentence in any other circumstances. I see Terezi’s bleeding glance nuggets and pathetic attempts to get around without sight. I see fucking Aradia, barely alive after you got Sollux of all people to attack her. I see both of their misery. I know, it has been sweeps. I know, you repent, I forced you into admitting you regret that, apologizing to them and making this shit fucking better. But that didn't change a fucking thing in my own stupid think pan. I still can't fucking bring myself to… to… don't make me fucking say it again, please.”
You don't know if it's the fact he can't see, the bindings or your shoulders around him but he finally talks. Maybe it's a combination of all of them. He has no other option now, being at your mercy and you are not going to let him out of here before you solve these problems once and for all.
By the time he finishes his monologue, he's shaking. Make-shift blindfold absorbing his tears, quiet sobs wrecking his entire body. He tries his best to not cry. You know he does. But in the end he is just a pitiful, wrecked mutant troll. Your pitiful, wrecked mutant troll.
“You absolutely are a moron, Karkat, but you're far from being the biggest asshole, even if we count only the people and trolls I know personally. Which is a lot but not that much in comparison to the population of the entire world. And get this, I have news for you.” You run your hand up, from his shoulders through the mop of tangled, coarse hair, until you find the little nubby horn. God, they are so small. Kinda cute. They suit him somehow. Your fingers brush it from the tip to the base, literally digging into his unruly hair. He shudders and gasps in your arms. A newfound wave of tears wets the make-shift blindfold.
“You’re not a shitty moirail. You are a really good moirail. What I did was fucked up, I was a confused kid and would have probably done much worse if you didn't shoosh me the fuck down. So thanks for that. I also know this is eating you away so I’m going to inform you. Gamzee was not your fault. It was one-sided, he used you. You’re the romance expert here, you should know that better than anyone. He was the worst possible moirail for you, and you still put up with his bullshit for our and his sake. You take blame for everything that goes wrong in our friend group, but you're hardly at fault for most of these idiot shitheads being damn losers. It sucks you don't trust me. It does, I’m not going to pretend it doesn't. It also sucks you never let me do this. I got you, idiot. I got you.”
“I’m sorry… I…” He starts, but you shut him down.
“Shhhh… Shoosh… It’s okay. You're okay. Shhhhh.” You start gently paping his shoulders with one hand, while you finally find what you were looking for with the other. His horns are so small that getting a feel for that softer, more delicate part, especially with his hair in the way, was a harder task than you expected..
You brush that part of his horn with the pads of your fingers, keeping your claws as far from the sensitive tissue as you can. He squirms a little at first, but a small chirp escapes him at your ministrations.
“Vriska, that's… stop, that's too much.” He still doesn't trust you enough. But you are going to prove him wrong. So you do stop. You keep your hand there because it would be a shame to let it go after you found it in his mop of a hair, but you don't move it anymore.
“Sure, if you really don't want this, I won't force you. But humour me for a moment. What's the difference? You're just as helpless right now as you’ll be if I do it. I also can control you anytime I want, I don't need to trigger your submission reflex for that. I walked you into this block. I told you already, I got you. For once in your life, pathetic as it may be, let go. Let someone else take care of you. You did good, you deserve to get some actual, proper rest.” He goes silent after this and you start to get worried it didn't work. You're in the middle of contemplating a new plan when you hear a choked sob. Then another.
He starts trembling like a leaf, and you repeat the words “you did good” and “I got you” like a mantra while he completely soaks the scarf with his tears. Well, Kanaya won't be happy with the red stains, but she should be proud of you for being such a great and patient moirail.
He nuzzles closer to you, trying to disappear in your arms, to hide from the world and your blood pusher skips a beat at the sight. He finally, FINALLY cracked.
You hug him closer, still shooshing and paping him the entire time he cries. You back your hand from his horn, to massage his scalp instead and after a few seconds of that you bring your fingers down, through the nape of his neck to his shoulders.
He doesn't oppose you, finally letting himself drown in the comforting embrace of your arms, touches and words. And then you feel his chest vibrate, a rumbling purr spilling outside.
That's it. He trusts you now. You got to him. He finally let himself be vulnerable with you and you're so proud of him. You’ll show him he made the right choice.
You answer him with your own purr, comforting sounds escaping your thorax and meshing with his into a satisfying symphony.
“Vriska… Fuck, I… Okay… okay, you can touch them…” You cannot stop a smile forming on your lips. You did it. Of course you did it, there was exactly zero possibility you would fail. You're the best moirail, it's you.
Permission secured, you move both your hands towards his horns. His hair proves to be a problem once again and it takes you a while to find the softer parts on both of them, but the moment you do, you absolutely go to town with them.
You circle them with pads of your fingers, very mindful of your claws. Once, twice, then you wrap your fingers around them and gently squeeze. Small, rhythmic pulses to which he reacts with small chirp and louder purr.
You repeat these gestures, his body slowly relaxing until he's completely limp and purring up a storm. You doubt anyone ever saw him like this. You reach to undo the binds on his arms but a startled little chirp stops you.
“No, please, leave them…” He’s kinda adorable like this. In the past you would have berated him for being weak, for not keeping up with you. You used to be especially harsh on those you cared about. Because you wanted them to live. Then you all found yourselves on Earth and it suddenly didn't matter. Because there was no more danger for the weak.
It took you a while. And by a while you mean two sweeps to get yourself sorted out, to make sense of your feelings and adapt. And he was there for you. You wouldn't say it out loud obviously, but he wasn't as weak as you used to think. He had his strengths, but you did notice how the way he constantly tried to care for others wore him down. And with time you also accepted it's okay to have moments like this. It was okay to be vulnerable with your moirail, give and receive help.
“You're a great troll. You're doing a good job. You deserve this. You deserve this, Karkat. I got you.” You whisper sweet words to one of his ears, while your hands go back to his shoulders.
“I did a good job… I deserve this…” He repeats, by now drowned in subduing chemicals flooding his think pan. This is probably the best moment to hammer some actual self-esteem into him. Right when his sponge is turned to mush, his body lays limply in your arms and he is ready to agree to everything for you.
“You're not a failure.” You add, brushing his hair with your hands.
“I’m… not a failure…” He repeats. It's great to hear him say this. It's great, and you just might tear down anyone who even tries to make him feel worthless ever again.
You stay like that, comfortable in the pile, locked in a hug, until you hear his purrs quiet down and feel his breath steady on your neck.
This feels like a turning point in your relationship, and you hope it is. Your purrs slowly die down too and now you reach once again for the binds. You untie his arms, and bring them forward, examining his wrists for any marks. Thankfully, the scarf did its job and prevented the rope from digging into his skin.
Then you maneuver him so you can remove the make-shift blindfold. As you expected, it's stained red with his tears, and on your cerulean blue it will be a nightmare to clean. But even if you could turn back time, you’d absolutely do that again.
A few stains are a cheap price for a bundle of small, relaxed, sleeping, mutant troll in your arms right now.
Your small, relaxed, sleeping, mutant troll.