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Hiiro needed to leave the changing room.
It shouldn’t have been difficult. In fact, it was something he’d done a hundred times before. The other three had already stepped out, as if walking through that door were as effortless as breathing.
The problem wasn’t the act of leaving, Hiiro realized. It was everything waiting for him on the other side.
The stage lights. The choreography he’d spent weeks memorizing. The roar of the crowd. The talking, the singing, the performance—everything.
All the things he usually loved, the things he treasured more than anything, felt unbearably stifling and suffocating today.
Hiiro stared at his hand, quietly cursing at the way it trembled. He didn’t understand why this happened sometimes—why things he usually did without a second thought would suddenly feel like far more than he could handle.
And why now? Why did it have to happen right before a live performance, of all times? Why couldn’t it wait until he was back in the comfort of his own bed, where he could curl up beneath the blankets and shut the overwhelming world out?
He could hear the cheers of the crowd from beyond the walls, loud and relentless. The sound made him groan as he pressed his hands over his ears. He was an idol, that sound was supposed to make him happy, but all he felt was irritation and anxiety.
When even the harsh lights of the changing room began to feel like too much, Hiiro squeezed his eyes shut. He curled in on himself, shoulders hunched as if he could somehow shield himself from it all.
More than shielding himself, he wanted to get away. He knew it was wrong to abandon his responsibilities, he knew this was something he had done a million times, it should be easy by now, but—
I can’t do this, He thought with a shaky breath, tightening his eyes until they hurt. Everything was just too much—too loud, too bright, too overwhelming—and he couldn’t do it, he just—
Hands suddenly closed over his. Hiiro startled, gasping as he jerked his hands away from the unexpected touch. His eyes flew open, and through the harsh brightness of the room he made out Aira standing in front of him, his expression etched with concern.
“Hiro-kun,” Aira said, the gentleness of his voice breaking through the unbelievable loudness of everything else, “What’s wrong?”
Hiiro shook his head. He had no idea how to explain any of this to Aira; he wasn’t even sure he could. Everything felt impossible right now. Talking, formulating thoughts, even—
“Breathe,” Aira murmured, his voice barely above a whisper, as if he knew it needed to stay quiet. “Hiro-kun, with me. Come on.”
Hiiro nodded, doing as he said. With Aira’s guidance, he was eventually able to get his breathing steady and thoughts stable enough to say what he needed. “Can you turn off the light? Please?”
He braced himself for Aira to ask why, but instead Aira simply stood and did as he asked. The room fell into darkness, and a moment later he returned, kneeling in front of Hiiro once more.
“Is this better?” Aira asked gently, “Can you tell me what’s wrong now?”
With the lights off and Aira beside him, it was much easier for Hiiro to talk. Without the harsh brightness and noise overwhelming him, his other senses finally had room to settle. But he still had no idea how to explain what had just happened.
“I just felt…bad,” Hiiro managed to get out, lip trembling and eyes threatening to spill more tears (he hadn’t even realized he was crying, but the wetness on his face made it clear he had been). “Th-The sounds and the lights just—they were making me upset, I don’t know why, I—”
“You felt overwhelmed, right?” Aira said gently, reaching over to tuck a strand of Hiiro’s hair behind his ear. “Like everything was just too much?”
Hiiro blinked at him, surprised by how easily Aira seemed to understand. He had been bracing himself to explain everything—to somehow convince Aira that he wasn’t being unreasonable for no reason. He managed a nod, and Aira smiled smally.
“Mm. I get like that too sometimes,” Aira admitted, his expression slightly shy. “Like, overwhelmed and stuff.”
“You do?” Hiiro said, surprised by Aira’s nod. All this time, he’d thought he was the only one who felt this way. It had never even crossed his mind that someone else—let alone his boyfriend—might understand a feeling he’d always thought was irrational.
“Yeah, I do. I mean, I get overwhelmed all the time,” Aira replied, “Sometimes the tiniest stuff can set me off and make me feel like it’s the end of the world, and all I wanna do is curl up in my bed and ignore the world.”
Hiiro nodded a bit too enthusiastically. “M-Me too. I get like that too. But, I, I don’t know why. I don’t think there’s a reason.”
“I mean…the world can be a lot sometimes, right?” Aira said, lacing their fingers together. “You’re really strong, Hiro-kun, so you can usually just smile and bare it. But it’s unreasonable to expect you to do that all the time.”
“But…I’m supposed to,” Hiiro said, looking down at his lap. “As an idol. As a man of the Amagi family.”
“You’re only going to get more overwhelmed if you hold yourself to these impossible standards,” Aira sighed, moving to sit next to Hiiro. Hiiro leaned against him on instinct, closing his eyes as Aira started carding his fingers through his hair.
“Honestly, if you never got panicked and overwhelmed, that’d be weird,” Aira continued, “It’d be like you’re not even human, like I can’t relate to you at all.”
Hiiro fell silent at that, simply taking in the sensation of Aira’s fingers smoothing gently through his hair and the steady rise and fall of his shoulders with each breath. It was nice, and soothing—a stark contrast from how uncomfortable the changing room had felt a minute ago.
That anxiety nearly came back full force when he remembered where he was, why he was here in the first place—“The live,” He gasped, turning to face Aira. “I-I’m sorry, I messed everything up, I—”
“Tattsun-senpai and Mayo-san are taking care of it,” Aira said, gently taking Hiiro’s face in his hands. “And you didn’t mess anything up. You were having a bad moment, and that’s okay. It’s not something you did on purpose.”
Hiiro’s eyes glistened, and he swallowed back the lump in his throat. “Really?”
“Yeah, Hiro-kun. Really,” Aira replied, “No matter how hard things get, I’m here to cheer you on, okay? So if things get like this again, tell me.”
“Alright,” Hiiro said, “Um, can I hug you?”
“Of course you can~” Aira answered, letting out a small giggle when Hiiro immediately wrapped his arms around him.
He’s feeling better…thank God, Aira thought, lightly kissing the side of his head. Really, I was just telling him what I like hearing at times like this. But…seeing him relax, seeing him lean on me like this…it feels like I’m actually helping him. Like I can protect him, even just a little. I want him to know he doesn’t have to carry everything alone.
The two of them sat together in the dark, the silence stretching comfortably around them. Though the world could feel impossibly loud and unkind, like it wasn’t made for people like them, there was a quiet reassurance in knowing that here—right here—they could always find solace in each other.
Aira tightened his hold just a little, letting Hiiro’s presence sink in. Even if the rest of the world is overwhelming…we have this. We’ll face it together. Though he couldn’t hear Hiiro’s thoughts, he had a feeling he might be thinking the same thing.