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Enjin waves goodbye to Tamsy as he leaves. Tamsy, in return, dips his head with a smile before turning back around. He watches until Tamsy's only a speck in the landscape amongst the yellow plains before turning away.
He waits until he's in a random empty hallway before his warm gaze turns into a frown.
He always knew that Tamsy was going to kill him. Well, not kill him, but certainly having ulterior motives behind getting closer to him.
But as time went on and the two become closer, Enjin began to doubt his suspicions.
The way Tamsy changed as soon as someone else was out of sight, shoulders laxing, almost a sense of relief plastered across his face, had Enjin feeling special, because he was the one seeing that. Tamsy was comfortable with seeing him do it, intentionally or not.
He was able to see Tamsy open up and be more casual compared to his usual. The nights spent together, curled into each other's arms, backs pressed against chest, it felt like all of it was real.
Only for him to be stabbed as he held Tamsy in that exact embrace.
Enjin has to steady himself against the wall for a moment, legs failing to move forward. He grits his teeth, and continues on until he reaches his bedroom and closes the door behind him.
Was that Tamsy's true intention? Did he want to kill Enjin this entire time? Was everything they've done just a fabrication to keep Enjin hooked, having him fall in love with Tamsy so it'd be easier to backstab him in the end?
...Enjin slowly shakes his head. No. It wasn't just that.
The look in Tamsy's eyes when he moved his hair aside—his hand trembling when the stands brushed against his knuckles—felt too real. Nobody, not even someone as good as Tamsy, could fake an expression like that.
He was shaking. Shaking as he gripped Enjin's neck, fingers wrapped around, his nails digging into his skin.
Enjin traces the marks with his hands, knowing there's bruises and cuts that's formed around his neck.
He doesn't want to look in the mirror and see how bad they are.
Enjin's hands travel from his neck up to his face, and buries his face into them. He presses his back against the door, the wood cool against his back.
Tamsy tried to kill him.
Tamsy tried to kill him.
A haggard breath escapes Enjin's lips. His heart hurts, heaving, and his legs finally give way as he crumbles to the floor.
Fuck.
Is he going to try killing me again?
Did he never love me, not even once?
How can I still love him after that?
Why do I still love him?
The question has Enjin stutter, eyes coming back to focus as he stares at his hands. Tattoos trail up and around, lines of red and black. His nail polish has chipped, and there's faint marks of scabs across his palms.
He curls his fingers into his palm, slowly. He exhales, closes his eyes, and rests his head against the door.
He just tried to kill me and I'm over here worried about whether he really loved me. Enjin laughs half-heartedly. Really got my priorities straight.
I just... Enjin frowns again, resting his hands back down as he stares at the interior of his room. I still love him, despite that.
His smile, his touch—Enjin still loves him after what happened. He doesn't even know if Tamsy actually loves him back. The words had never left his mouth, but... he didn't need to.
Enjin could see it in his eyes.
He's scared; scared of being in love with the person he wanted dead.
No wonder why he pushed me away. Enjin lays his back against the wall, a hefty breath leaving him. What can I do then? What should I do now?
It's a long time before Enjin does anything, still crumpled on the floor—he knows he'll just fall again if he stands up. He rubs his thumb over his knuckles, face blank of emotion. I love Tamsy. I love who he is, and nothing will change that.
But Tamsy's going through an emotional crisis right now. The most I can do is... be there for him.
He'll try to run away. I know he will. Flashes of Tamsy's face come into mind, of water across the floor, blood splattered on his clothes. I... I don't want him to run anymore.
I don't want him to leave.
Enjin hesitates, his hand hovering over his collar. He clears his throat, eyes squeezing shut.
Inhale, exhale, repeat. He manages to calm his heart ever so slightly.
He presses the pads of his fingers into the cool red of the collar.
"Hey, Tams! It's been a while. Just wanted to know when you'll be coming back." For good measure, he adds, "I misssss you."
Enjin hears a huff of amusement from the other end. It brings a small smile to his lips. "...I'll be there in just a moment," Tamsy replies dully, then hangs up.
Enjin's fingers lay limp against the collar. It'll be alright, he tells himself.
It'll be okay.