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“ALEX, YOU LITTLE SHIT!” You yelled, snatching your phone off the staircase leading down into your basement. “What the fuck!? You could have broken my phone!”
Your brother, Alexander, just bounced around, gleefully cheering. “YES! I CAUGHT AN ABRA!”
“An Abra that I found, you little jerk!” You smacked him in the head from behind, then headed towards the kitchen. “You can't just take my Pokémon, Alex!”
“It's not yours, it's mine, because I caught it!” Your brother sneered back.
You were seriously considering throwing a ripe mango that had been sitting on the kitchen counter for a little over a week at his face when your phone buzzed in your hand, indicating a text message.
It was from your boyfriend.
“Gotta go,” you said quickly, grabbing an apple from your fridge and running up the stairs next to the ones you'd almost broken your phone on that lead to your room, slamming the door shut.
You didn't want to tell Alexander about Thomas. Not because Thomas was Alexander’s rival, but because you didn't want to listen to the headache that would surely arise should Alexander discover who your boyfriend was. He'd hated Jefferson ever since they were put in the same English class in their freshman year of high school. He didn't like that while he could turn out more work than his classmates, Thomas was praised for his eloquence and word choice. They seemed to like his style better, and it infuriated Alexander to no end. Ever since, he'd take any excuse to hate Jefferson and run with it.
Jefferson didn't figure out math problems the same way Alexander did- to Alexander that meant he skipped crucial steps and somehow just stumbled into his nearly perfect scores.
Jefferson had successfully prevented Alexander from scoring a goal in soccer during gym- that meant Jefferson was doping for whatever reason, despite not being on any sports teams and therefore having no reason to.
Your personal favorite was from their Foods class- apparently Thomas had added extra cheese to their homemade macaroni and cheese recipe, and Alexander accused him of destroying the original chef’s culinary vision and encouraging anarchy.
Your brother was as over dramatic as hell was hot, and maybe even more so.
You texted Thomas for about an hour, eating your apple as you chatted and watching Inception on your laptop.
Your phone buzzed again just as your movie was drawing to a close.
----
To: (Y/N)
From: Thomas
Hey, did you know there's a Ghastly in your driveway?
----
You stared at this text for a moment. He wasn't seriously- you peeked through your blinds. He was. Of course.
Thomas was standing in your driveway, smirking up at your window and holding up his phone to show you his newly captured Ghastly.
“That little-”
You seized your phone and sent your boyfriend a response.
----
To: Thomas
From: (Y/N)
You better turn off Pokémon GO and get your ass out of here because Alex is on a fucking “gotta catch ‘em all” rampage and he will most certainly attempt to beat you into the concrete if he sees you anywhere near our house
----
----
To: (Y/N)
From: Thomas
Come on, cutie, don't you love me? ;3
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To: Thomas
From: (Y/N)
I do love you and that's why I'm trying to save you from the Tiny Tornado of Terror. Scram.
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----
To: (Y/N)
From: Thomas
I like that. I'm going to start calling him that.
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----
To: Thomas
From: (Y/N)
Don't you fucking dare he doesn't need to know about this
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To: (Y/N)
From: Thomas
????
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To: (Y/N)
From: Thomas
Wait do you really not want to tell your brother?
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To: (Y/N)
From: Thomas
(Y/N), seriously, are you uncomfortable with this?
----
----
To: (Y/N)
From: Thomas
(Y/N), you don't want to break up, do you?
----
----
To: Thomas
From: (Y/N)
Can you stop freaking out over text when I have to use the bathroom? I just don't want to listen to his goddamn rants for the next 3 months
----
----
To: (Y/N)
From: Thomas
….
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To: (Y/N)
From: Thomas
Fair enough, I guess. I don't live with him. Wanna Facetime in 15?
----
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To: Thomas
From: (Y/N)
Nah, sorry, I have to get up early to go with Alex to get some album he's been waiting for so I gotta go to bed
----
----
To: Thomas
From: (Y/N)
I'll talk to you tomorrow. Night!
----
----
To: (Y/N)
From: Thomas
Okay. Night cutie! Sleep well <3
----
Thomas is such a fucking nerd, you thought, climbing into bed after putting your phone on the charger. But he's a cute nerd.
It didn't take more than five minutes for you to fall asleep.
~(*)~
Alexander was yelling at you to get up. Apparently you only had an hour before you had to go get his album with him.
You groaned and flopped back onto your bed. “It's too early for this.”
“(Y/N)!! COME GET SOME BREAKFAST OR YOU’RE NOT EATING UNTIL WE HAVE THE ALBUM!”
“Threaten me, will you, you little shit,” you muttered, reaching for your phone on your nightstand. “I'll teach you to act like a fucking- what the fuck?”
You had a massive list of notifications on your phone, the majority of them texts from Thomas.
You pulled up the conversation to see he’d spammed it with cute pictures of animals, adorable phrases, and silly tumblr post screenshots.
“This boy is going to be the death of me, I swear,” you muttered to yourself.
You went downstairs and poured yourself a bowl of cereal, propping your phone against Alexander’s ridiculous chicken Scentsy warmer that he never used but insisted on having in the house. You opened YouTube and spent your breakfast listening to Alexander yell in excitement over the album he intended to purchase and the Cubone he'd found in the guest bathroom. You tried to concentrate on the RoosterTeeth podcast you'd turned on and were attempting to listen to with your headphones, but Alexander’s voice was loud enough to penetrate the conversation no matter how loud you turned up the volume.
After you'd finished your cereal, you headed back upstairs to get ready to go. Thomas kept texting you, and since you weren't going to really be able to text back after you trapped yourself in the car with Alexander for a few hours, you texted back. Thomas was in one of your favorite moods, which you liked to call his Cute Mood. That meant he just wanted to talk about you, and how cute or pretty you were. Sometimes a bit of his arrogance would shine through and he'd talk about what a cute, fabulous couple you were, but that was rare.
He sent you a link to a sleepy French bulldog puppy and told you it reminded him of you when you were tired. You were about to text him back and half-heartedly tell him off for the compliments when Alexander yelled that he didn't want to be late. You grabbed your purse and shoved your phone into it, then grabbed your keys.
~(*)~
“You owe me big time,” you growled, while Alexander texted Laurens, Hercules, and Lafayette.
“I love ya, sis,” Alexander grinned at you.
“‘I love ya, sis’,” you repeated in a mocking tone before slamming on your brakes. “NICE BLINKER, FUCKER!” You screamed, flipping off a red truck as it cut you off.
Alexander had screamed like a girl when the car had screeched to a sudden halt, pulling his knees up to his chest and throwing his hands over his head like his phone would protect him. Now that you were both safe, though, he was cackling like a hyena, texting the friends about your road rage outburst.
“You better not have told them about that,” you warned him.
“I did,” he giggled. “See?” He showed you his phone as you turned and headed down the street, even though you were ignoring him.
“Too bad,” you said in a tone of false sorrow. “Looks like I'm telling them that you screamed like a four year old girl.”
“No! (Y/N)! You can't do that! If Lauren's finds out-”
“Ooh, Laurens? Did someone just tell me who he has a crush on?”
Alexander screeched. “I didn't- did I, did I say Laurens? I mean- I mean he's hot, but- shit, I didn't say that out loud did I?”
“God, Alex, you're a mess,” you laughed. “Listen to The Book of Mormon and shut your mouth.”
You turned on Hasa Diga Eebowai, knowing it always made your brother laugh. As you had expected, Alexander eventually stopped stressing about revealing to you he had a crush on John Laurens. Soon he was laughing and singing along with the soundtrack of the musical.
~(*)~
You were waiting for Alexander to come back from getting his precious album, just sitting in the driver’s seat and listening to another musical (this time you'd chosen In the Heights). You'd been texting Thomas ever since your brother had gone into the shop, which had been about twenty minutes ago.
You didn't particularly mind- Thomas was mostly telling you how he'd felt about a book you'd recommended to him, The Foxglove Killings by Tara Kelly.
It was a murder mystery novel, and Thomas seemed to have enjoyed it.
You looked up just in time to see Alexander finally appearing as he exited the store. You quickly turned off the phone, though you didn't fully power it down, and deposited it in the cup holder beside you, since you didn't have time to put it back in your bag.
“Sorry, (Y/N). I ran into Madison, and when he's not with that complete asshole Jefferson, he's a pretty good guy.”
“Right,” you replied awkwardly, trying to ignore your phone as it buzzed to signify another message from your boyfriend.
“You didn't get bored, did you?”
“Nah, I've had this to hold my attention,” you replied, gesturing to the radio, still playing In the Heights. Currently it was switching tracks, and in all truth you'd been more focused on Thomas’s text messages. Speaking of which, another buzzing vibration from your phone. Nice, Thomas. Timing to rival that of a guillotine operator during the Reign of Terror- it certainly felt like he was trying to get you executed as promptly as possible by your brother as he got into the passenger seat of the car.
“I dunno what Madison sees in Jefferson,” Alexander complained. “If they weren't so damn close I'd like to be better friends with him. He's a good guy but I can't put up with Mr. Magenta that long for anyone.”
A third buzz.
Alexander looked at your phone as you pulled away from, the curb. “Someone wants to get your attention,” he offered.
Executioners, prepare your guillotine blades.
“Probably those damn tumblr notifications,” you replied dismissively, checking for pedestrians before turning down another street. “Subway good for lunch?”
“Sure,” said Alexander, as your phone buzzed a fourth time. Before you could stop him, he had seized your phone. “Thomas? Why the fuck would you want to text that fuchsia freak?”
“‘I can't stand that ending, though,’” Alexander read aloud. “‘I really got attached to that character and then they turned into a murderer. It sucks.’ The hell?”
“I-” you began, attempting to explain about the book, but Alexander cut you off with more texts.
“‘Also, why the hell didn't you warn me it was scary? I started reading it after I got home and it gave me nightmares, (Y/N).’ ‘I hate it when I get signed up for really freaky shit without being told, that clown makeup shit was too far, (Y/N).’ ‘Seriously, cutie, I thought you loved me.’”
Executioners, release your guillotine blades.
“What the fuck? ‘Cutie’? ‘I thought you loved me’? What the hell is this?”
You tried to keep your voice steady. “Alexander, who I decide I am in love with and choose to date is, frankly, none of your damn business.”
“It is my fucking business, (Y/N)! You're my baby sister! That fucker is a piece of absolute trash!”
“Alexander, I-”
“Stop calling me Alexander, you never do and it sounds weird. Thomas is a disgusting womanizing asshole! You need to dump him immediately! And not any of that nice bullshit about ‘it's not you, it's me’ either! You need to roast his ass! ‘It's not me, it IS you, you dick!’”
“Alexander-”
“You're too good for him, (Y/N)!”
“Alexander, shut your goddamn trap,” you yelled, anger finally winning over fear. “I'm dating Thomas Jefferson and that's final. If you don't like it, I'll move out. I'm sure Thomas would be happy to let me move into his apartment with him.”
“You wouldn't dare.”
“Try me, Tiny.”
Alexander glared at you, but finally returned your phone to the cup holder and just pouted.
~(*)~
You were finally home. Alexander hadn't spoken to you since he'd discovered your boyfriend. He was just sitting on the couch in the living room, playing with his captured Pokémon on his phone.
Since Alex knew, you saw no reason to hide Thomas anymore, so you'd invited him to come watch Treasure Planet and Atlantis: The Lost Empire at your house. You were popping a couple bags of popcorn while you waited for him to show up.
Since Alex wasn't bitching at you over your choice of boyfriend, you decided to reward him. His “reward” was you pelting him in the eye with a kernel of popcorn.
“That's for not being a dick,” you told him, handing him his own bag of popcorn. “Behave yourself.”
You heard the doorbell ring and went to open it. “Hi, Thomas.”
“Hello, (Y/N),” Thomas smirked. “Hey, Hamilton,” he added to your brother, who was still pouting on the couch.
Alex looked at you, Thomas, his popcorn, and back to you, before sighing. “Hello, Jefferson,” he mumbled in the most civil tone he could muster.
~(*)~
The movies went by with little incident, besides Thomas complimenting you and snuggling with you, which visibly stressed your brother. Still, Alexander held his tongue for your sake, which you appreciated.
Once they were over, you and your brother both lead Thomas to the door.
“Thank you for a lovely evening, (Y/N),” Thomas said.
“Thanks for making time for me,” you replied, a blush coloring your cheeks.
“Anything for you, my love,” Thomas murmured sweetly.
“Hey, where's your car?” Alexander interrupted.
“I didn't drive,” Thomas scoffed. “I walked.”
“You're sure you don't want me to drive you home?” You fretted. “I really don't mind….”
“No thanks, cutie,” Thomas smiled. “I appreciate the offer, but I have hunting to do,” he said, holding up his phone, flashing the Pokémon GO opening screen at you and Alexander. “There's bound to be some great finds out there tonight. Remember that Ghastly I caught in your driveway last night?”
Alexander looked up, his eyes flashing dangerously.
“THE ASSHOLE CAUGHT A FUCKING GHASTLY IN OUR DRIVEWAY?! OH, THAT’S IT!”