Chapter Text
“She’s crashing!”
“There’s too much blood-”
“Jesse get him out of here!”
“Someone call Robby-”
“Frank, Frank, you can’t go in there- Iet them work-”
“I’m so sorry for your loss, sweetheart.”
Frank nodded numbly at yet another condolence, Lena reaching out to give his arm a gentle squeeze before moving deeper into the sea of black that occupied the cluster of rooms at the funeral home that smelled too much like mothball and air freshener.
It has been six days, and the buzzing in his ears had yet to go away, and his hands and feet were numb with loss and the need for a pill; instead, he took another breath, not sure if he was taking in any oxygen.
“How are you holding up?” Robby’s voice swelling with regret and concern, low in Frank’s ear. “Do you need to get out of here?”
They hadn’t really talked since that day almost two years ago, Frank too tired to keep trying, and Robby holding on to too much to care. “I’m fine.”
“Frank.”
“I’m fine.” He repeated, not meaning a single word of it and knowing the older man saw right through him. Frank was grateful Robby didn’t push. “Where-where are the kids?”
“Dana has them,” Robby assured, putting his hand on Frank’s shoulder, giving a small squeeze, letting it rest there. Once Frank would have sunken into that touch, warm and loving, now it was merely an anchor, the only thing keeping him together.
“T-thanks for” Frank swallowed around the knot in his throat. “For keeping an eye on them. I should be-”
Robby squeezed his shoulder again, taking a step closer. “You don’t have to do anything right now.” He assured so gently that if Frank’s heart wasn’t already so broken, it would have broken further. “Just another hour, and then we can go home.”
Frank nodded, not trusting himself to speak. “I’m going to call Jack, he’ll want to see how you’re doing…do you want to talk to him?”
“No…not yet.” Frank admitted, “I don’t want him to blame himself any more than he-” Frank's breath hitched, and he took a moment to compose himself. “Any more than he already does. I can’t be yet another reason for him to struggle.”
Robby stiffened where he was standing next to Frank, who was looking everywhere at the man who rightfully had cut him out of his life so fucking thoroughly out of his and Jack’s life, who now was here not for Frank but out of love for Abby and his kids.
“Oh, Frank. Okay, I’ll talk to him.” Robby gave Frank’s shoulder one last squeeze before slipping off, leaving nothing but numbing cold in its wake. “I’ll come get you when it’s time.”
Frank didn’t say anything as another person, a friend of Abby’s parents, approached. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Frank. She was a beautiful woman.”
Frank nodded, the guilt of never truly being able to love her eating away at him.
***
Awareness washed over Frank in waves, fussy and warm before settling with cool certainty. A small knee dug into Frank’s stomach, Penny’s small hand smacking Frank in the face as she shifted in her sleep, curls a tangled mess across Frank’s pillow, brows furrowed in her sleep.
Inhaling deeply, his hand moved automatically to the space Tanner had occupied, his nights occupied by his children’s nightmares and the fear Frank might just disappear, the way Abby had, even if they weren’t old enough to truly understand what was happening. Slipping out of the bed, Frank pulled back the blankets in search of a small stuffed animal that was in desperate need of new stuffing and a good wash, making sure he had it before picking Penny up, despite the sharp pain in his back at the motion, cradling her against his chest and heading carefully down the stairs to the small sounds of quiet chatter and the smell of coffee.
He was halfway down the stairs when Robby intercepted him, clad in an old sweatshirt and sleep pants. “Hey, I’ve got her.” Frank wasn’t given much of an option when Robby stopped in front of him at the bottom of the stairs and took Penny from him, Penny giving a whimper and curling further into Robby’s warmth.
“Tanner’s helping Jack with breakfast.”
“...thanks.”
It had been two weeks since the funeral, thirteen days since Robby had gone to Frank’s house and packed their bags, while Jack sat with Frank at the hospital, not saying anything, just holding his hand while he watched Penny and Tanner sleep, his mind still blank.
“Hi, Daddy.” Tanner greeted him, making Jack look over his shoulder at Frank’s arrival, giving him a nod from where he stood at the stove.
“Hey, buddy.” Frank walked over and placed a kiss on Tanner’s dark curls, yet another thing she had left behind. “You go back to your room?” He inquired softly.
Tanner looked down at the kitchen island where he was seated with a small shake of his head. “He crawled into our bed around 5:30,” Jack supplied. “Hope that’s not-”
“I’m glad you felt safe enough to do that, buddy.” Frank was looking at Jack as he spoke, making sure Jack knew that Frank had no issue with Tanner turning to the other men. No matter how badly Frank messed things up with them, knowing how broken he made things, Jack and Robby would never take it out on Tanner and Penny.
They never got the chance to ask the pair if they would take care of them if something happened to Frank and Abby before everything had gone so wrong. Frank doesn’t know if he ever will.
“Coffee mug is on the counter,” Jack instructed, going back to plating the latest pancake with ease.
“Penny’s asleep on the sofa,” Robby informed them. Penny had started panicking anytime she woke up alone. It started when she woke up once in the hospital, and no one was there, Frank had just stepped out to use the bathroom.
“Uh-thanks for taking her, and sorry about Tanner-”
Robby shook his head, cutting Frank off. “Don’t, Frank. There’s nothing to apologise for. Not for this.”
“Right.” Frank took a sip of his coffee.
“Tanner, why don’t you go wash your hands? ” Jack suggested gently. “Almost time to eat, and be careful with your cast, bud.”
“Okay.” He agreed, climbing down from the barstool and running to the kitchen.
Frank waited until he was out of hearing before starting. “Thanks for letting us stay here while…” The words died on this throat. “We can be out of here this afternoon, give you your space back...”
Robby’s frown sent another wave of guilt through Frank. “And go where Frank? Back to the house?”
The house you shared with your wife, the wife who was leaving you? The house where everything is a memory of your failures and a reminder of what could have been?
“That sounds like a spectacularly dumb idea.” Jack chipped in blanacing on his crutch, looking at Frank. “Look, ultimately it’s your call, Frank, but I know we would feel a hell of a lot better if you stayed for a bit, for us, the kids, for you…”
“Jack’s right.” Robby grabbed the plate of pancakes from where Jack had put them on the counter and brought them to the island, grabbing plates and silverware next. “It’s your call, but either way, it won’t stop us from wanting to help you."
Why?
“What do you mean why?” Jack demanded. Frank hadn’t realised he had spoken the question out loud.
“Just…why? I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and I sure as hell don’t deserve your help. You can’t even look at me half the time, and fuck, Robby straight up told me to my face there wasn’t a chance in hell I was ever welcome in your life anymore, and told me outright he doesn’t want me in his ER…”
The words tumbled out of Frank’s mouth hot and rushed, not giving either man a chance to react.
“And listen, I understand it's because you love Tanner and Penny, and you would never take your issues with me out on them, but that doesn’t mean you have to be so…with me, I’m not going to relapse. Don’t get me wrong, I want to, I so want too, but I’ve already lost your love and your trust, I’m not going to lose my kids too.”
“Daddy?”
Frank froze at Penny’s little voice, the three-year-old, standing there looking lost and scared and clutching her bunny to her chest. “Why is Uncle Robby crying?”
Robby wiped away his tears with a sad smile, and Jack cleared his throat and looked away, blinking away his own.
“Oh, my luck, girl,” Frank whispered, walking over to Penny and kneeling down to pull her into a big hug. “Uncle Robby is just feeling a little sad.”
“Is that why you’re crying?” She asked against his shoulder.
“Yeah, bug. That’s why I’m crying.”
“Uncle Jack” Tanner yelled out from the bathroom, “I ac’idently got my cast wet.”
Robby stood up. “Next time, we should supervise the four-year-old with a cast when he washes his hands.” He teased his husband.
"Hey, baby girl.” Jack greeted Penny with a warm smile. “Made pancakes.” He wiggled his eyebrows, his smile growing when she gave an excited yell and ran to the island.
Jack’s hand shot to Frank’s waist when he moved past him to take a seat. “Because we still love you, that’s why.”
Frank was afraid to breathe for a moment.