Work Text:
Well, it was the birthday of a certain Hobbit named Bilbo Baggins, and the Hobbit in question wanted nothing to do with parties.
It wasn't that he didn't care for company; he just wanted to spend the day with Thorin. But everyone else kept getting in the way.
For example, Fili and Kili saw fit to drag him out to the ramparts to have a tea party with them and Tauriel. Bilbo was flattered by that gesture, but he didn't want to go to any tea parties. He just wanted to stay home today.
And things got worse.
Bilbo was dragged to Dori's tea house, where he was subjected to an unnecessary and unwanted party by Dori, Nori, Ori, and Gloin (who brought his son, Gimli). Also, Oin gave him an unnecessary health inspection, saying that there was no way a 60-year-old Hobbit should be this plump. And there was no way Bilbo was about to subject himself to another miner jam session, courtesy of Bifur (who doesn't have that axe in his head anymore), Bofur, and Bombur (who somehow got very fat).
As for Thorin, let's just say that he just wanted to spend the day with Bilbo, but the group of demigods, shadowhunters, tributes, and spellcaster got in his way, which annoyed him to no end.
But that was nothing compared to what happened that evening.
Bilbo was hiding in the library, trying to escape from many well-wishers. Everyone in the kingdom had given him gifts from axes to heavy fur-lined boots. He had long since given up trying to convince the dwarves that he didn't need to wear boots.
Suddenly, he heard Jacquelyn coming into the library, saying, "You guys had better be good with this party. I've been trying to find him all day."
"Don't worry, we will," said Grover. "After all, it's not like anyone actually comes into the library, unless it's Ori."
"And even then, I don't think King Thorin has given this party his blessing," said Isabelle.
Bilbo watched with shock as everyone he knew filed into the place. They were setting up the chairs and putting food on the tables. He frowned, knowing what to expect.
Another blasted party.
Just as he was about to stand up and give the party planners a piece of his mind, 13 dwarves, four tributes, three demigods, four Shadowhunters, one spellcaster, one satyr, and one Cyclops jumped out and shouted, "SURPRISE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!"
Bilbo screamed as he saw everyone staring at him. "What is this?" He cried out.
"We made you a party," said Fili as he and Kili clapped him on his shoulders.
"And why would you do something like that?" Bilbo snapped at them.
"It's been 10 years since we first reclaimed Erebor, and to celebrate, Jacquelyn had us distract you so she and the others could put together this party," said Kili.
"I should have known," said Bilbo. To Gandalf, he said, "I bet you had a hand in this, didn't you!"
"Guilty as charged," said Gandalf.
But to make a long story short, Thorin secretly crashed the party and made off with Bilbo. Yet no one knew what they were up to until the next day, when Jacquelyn, Fili, and Balin had to take over court duties for the day.
Of course, this story wouldn't be complete without this song:
In the middle of the earth, in the land of the Shire, lives a brave little Hobbit who we all admire
With his long wooden pipe, fuzzy woolly toes, he lives in a Hobbit hole and everybody knows him
Bilbo (BILBO!) Bilbo Baggins! He's only three feet tall!
Bilbo (BILBO!) Bilbo Baggins! The bravest little Hobbit of them all!
