Chapter Text
INT- TORCHWOOD MAIN ROOM, MIDMORNING. GWEN, TOSH, and OWEN are standing around chatting. JACK walks in from the corridor holding his phone out in front of him.
JACK: So we’ve got a problem. (He presses a button.)
JACK’S PHONE: (beep) Hi Jack! Spot of trouble, lost my card, could you come pick me up from the library? Thanks! (beep)
GWEN: Should I ring a cab?
JACK: No, that’s obviously not Ianto. Someone’s got his voice, and apparently my phone number.
GWEN: What do you mean?
JACK: That’s not him.
Everyone looks perplexed.
JACK: You want me to believe Ianto Jones lost his oyster card?
OWEN: Seems plausible..?
JACK: That man stitches tiny snaps into the ticket pockets on his jacket specifically for his oyster card to go in securely.
GWEN: What’s a ticket pocket?
OWEN: Y’know, the pocket in your suit where you put your train ticket. So it doesn’t have to go in your handkerchief pocket.
GWEN: Are you telling me, while I’ve been struggling with three centimetre pocket depth guys have had SPECIFICALLY DESIGNATED SEPARATE POCKETS FOR PIECES OF PAPER?
OWEN: How else are you supposed to carry things?
JACK: (clearing his throat) If you are done discovering the nature of the patriarchy we really ought to figure out who is pretending to be my boyfriend, why they want me to go to the library—of all places! —and WHERE SAID BOYFRIEND IS.
GWEN: Okay. Deep breath.
JACK: I’m fine.
GWEN: You sure?
JACK (irritated): Can we please spend less time on me and more time looking? Now would be good!
OWEN: Okay, okay! We’ll follow you.
JACK starts walking at a brisk pace.
JACK: Alright, today is (checks watch) Tuesday, so we should start at the dry cleaners. Gwen, there’s a travel mug on the counter next to the Tesco’s bag, could you run and fill it with coffee?
GWEN nods and obliges.