Chapter Text
[In my kindergarten art class, sunlight dripped through fingerpaint covered windows. I learned the primaries: red, blue, yellow. I could make a whole rainbow out of three colors.]
When Mom and Jonathan dropped me off for my first day of preschool, I knew I was going to start the year alone. I fully expected it to end the same way. While the other boys played kickball and tag, I sat on the grass, with my legs bent on either side of me, watching the clouds move across the sky. Only the girls played pretend.
I learned to tell time just so I could know how long I had to wait until art time. I watched the clock every day, anxiously awaiting 10:15. On days we were running late, I stared at the teacher impatiently, not understanding why I wasn’t allowed to make art yet. There was nothing better than using the big pack of crayons with all the colors I didn’t have at home. I drew animals and clouds and flowers. Mostly I drew my family. Mostly Mom and Jonathan.
I wanted so badly to use the shiny new paint bottles stored on a high shelf. I only got to once. After a boy, one of the ones who was good at kickball, dumped his pain in my hair, teacher said we weren’t allowed to use it anymore. I cried.
By the end of the school year, I had succeeded in making exactly zero friends. Everything changed on my first day of kindergarten. By then I had changed the way I sat. I no longer watched clouds while the other boys played. Dad made sure of that. I decided to play on the swings, even though I couldn’t pump my legs the way Jonathan had taught me. I tried my best. A boy with dark hair and big, brown eyes walked up to me. He asked if I wanted to be friends. He had a soft smile on his face, so I nodded.
He said his name was Mike. I thought that maybe he was a special, one-time friend. Maybe just for recess. I was so, so happy when he sat with me during free choice. He let me watch when he played with some action figures. He even narrated what he was doing, making up a story about the heroes fighting a bad guy. I picked one up too, but mostly I watched and listened and laughed at Mike’s silly stories.
The second best thing in kindergarten was that we got to use the paints again! I was so excited I started shaking. We only got three colors: red, yellow, blue. I didn’t even mind. The teacher taught us how to mix them to make new colors: orange, purple, green. I could make a whole rainbow out of those colors. By that time, I knew better, though. So I didn’t. Instead, I painted a picture of me and Mike on the swings. Mike used his fingers. I did not know what he painted, but he smiled so wide, and I smiled back.