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When Banri woke up, the ceiling was unfamiliar and his body felt heavy. He turned his head slightly, but stilled almost immediately due to the injury.
Orikasa Yuki was sitting beside the bed. He looked like he hadn't slept. His usually sharp and cold eyes were a bit red, fixed entirely on Banri as he might disappear.
"Ban...?" The way Yuki said his name was too fragile, too careful.
Banri tried to speak, but his throat was dry. Instead, he managed a small sound that had Yuki standing up so fast that the chair scraped loudly against the floor.
"You're awake". Yuki said in a trembling voice.
Before Banri could react, Yuki grabbed his hand like he needed a proof of his warmth. Banri didn't pull away, yet he didn't squeeze back either. His fingers were resting there, unsure whether they were allowed to do it.
Acknowledging the touch, naming or answering it was heavier than any refusal.
Yuki swallowed. "You saved me".
The other boy frowned."Anyone would’ve done it."
He looked at Yuki's vulnerable expression.
"That's not true."
Banri wasn't afraid that Yuki cared. Friends did. But the thing in those eyes were beyond that. Something frighteningly close to devotion.
"Yuki" he said."You don't have to stay all the time."
"I want to."
"I bet you didn't sleep properly."
"I'm fine."
...
"You act like I'm going to escape from here" he finally muttered.
Yuki didn't answer right away. When he did, his voice barely audible."I thought I lost you."
That was it. The moment something twisted painfully in Banri’s chest. He wanted to pull his hand away. To laugh it off in order to make it easier for both of them.
"I'm here."
Yuki was still looking at him unconvinced. The Ban he'd known wasn't there.
The strange feeling of discomfort and warmth tangled together. Banri didn't have a word for it. Even if he did, he doesn't want it.
Love was definitely not born from fear and almost-loss.
He remembered the split second he'd moved without thinking, where his body has chosen before his mind could argue.
The lack of hesitation.
I could have died, he thought.
The realization sat heavy: he didn't regret it.
This love was terrifying. The kind of thing that made you throw yourself into danger.
Wanting was dangerous.
"You should go home."
Banri wondered if this was the moment Ban realized that he might be in love, as how badly he wanted to run from this Yuki's quiet presence and relentless care. It felt like standing too close to an edge.
Maybe it would have been simpler.
Maybe Yuki would have confessed out loud. Or Banri would have spoken first before fear learned how to disguise itself as a reason.
Maybe they would still be idols. Partners. Standing side by side under lights that didn't shade their real selves.
But walking away was kinder.
Every time.