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The day hadn’t gone well. For the first time, the hustle and bustle of the Garrison exhausted Shirogane to the point that it was hard for him to even stand. The reason was the simplest lack of sleep, although it looked more like insomnia with each day. After the fight with Adam last night, he hadn't been able to sleep a wink until dawn, tossing and turning and hiding his face in the pillow in a desperate attempt to stifle his thoughts. As if the fabric and sintepon could work as a sedative.
On the way back to his apartment, he typed a short text to his boyfriend in the hope that he would come and they could make up.
He's flying to Kerberos tomorrow. To the very edge of the solar system. And it is unknown how long the mission will last. He didn't want to leave it like this.
However, fate seemed to have other plans.
Lulled by the monotonous ticking of the clock, he fell asleep with his phone in his hand, which miraculously did not fall out of it when his fingers went limp. In the light of the screen, the objects around cast intricate shadows on the walls of the room. It displayed an open chat with a still unread message. The view would have been depressing to anyone who saw it. Fortunately, there was no one here to see.
For the first time in the last thirty-six hours, the man managed to forget himself in one of the most pleasant and warm dreams.
***
It was strange to watch yourself from the side. But not when you're sleeping and you don't even know that everything you see is just a figment of your imagination and memories. You are simply dragged into a previously familiar environment and atmosphere, which forces you to forget about reality, albeit only for a short time.
When Shiro returned from training, his neighbor aka lover was already at home and cooking something in the kitchen. He was spinning around the room with groceries and dishes, not yet noticing the presence of his partner. It was in this that the newcomer saw an opportunity for a little prank.
He tiptoed up to the other man from behind, and then abruptly hugged him, crawling with cold hands under his T-shirt. He instantly screamed, so much so that probably all the neighbors heard, almost dropping the whisk from his hand and knocking over the bowl of dough.
“Takashi!” his voice was high with indignation and fright. Adam turned his head back a bit, looking at his boyfriend over the top of his glasses and frowning. “Very mature,” the offended tone was feigned, just to hide a smile.
The man giggled, resting his chin on his partner's shoulder, while the latter, muttering all the well-known curses, returned to cooking. He knew that the man wasn't really angry. Shirogane scanned the white countertop, finding a plate of sliced pumpkin and a round baking dish.
“Pumpkin pie? But halloween has already passed,” he said, tilting his head to the left like a puzzled puppy. “And since when you cook?” It was difficult to resist a little teasing.
Adam's frown deepened, pretending to be annoyed. His free hand found a sugar spoon and tapped it lightly on the other's forehead. There was a cry of displeasure from behind.
“I do what I want. This is my apartment too,” as always, his answers left much to be desired. But at least this time he didn't throw something heavier than an aluminum spoon at Shiro.
Takashi rolled his eyes slightly, reluctantly pulling away from him and rubbing the place of the blow. He took another look at the mess in the kitchen and decided to help anyway. I threw the empty packages of baking powder and eggs into the trash, swept the flour off the floor, and washed the dishes that had accumulated in the sink. And all this in silence. But the silence, broken only by their rustling footsteps and the soft clink of ceramics, was not oppressive or tense, on the contrary, cozy. This place was a kind of bubble of tranquility that shielded them from the constant bustle of the Galactic Garrison.
However, when Adam was about to put the pie in the oven, this silence began to bother him. He wanted some kind of noise and action, or something.
Shiro went to the hallway to get his phone, and then came back, turning on the first song he could find. He put the device on the dining table and turned up the volume.
I lay down by the river
The shadows moved across me, inch by inch
His partner turned at the sound as soon as he closed the stove.
“Music mood? Why so?” he asked with raised eyebrows, leaning his lower back against the counter and resting his hands on it. A smile played on his lips. Finally.
And all that I heard
Was the war between the water and the bridge
The brunette shrugged his shoulders, walking slowly towards him with a smile that was too pleased for a man who had spent the whole day with cadets and probably earned himself a few gray hairs.
“More like “dancing’,” the man corrected, stopping a meter away from the other to bend down a little and extend his hand in invitation to dance.
Adam raised his eyebrows again. This movement seemed to stick to him today. At first, it might have seemed like a refusal or some kind of excuse was coming, given how skeptically he looked at the outstretched hand.
“If I forget about the pie because of you and it burns, you'll sleep on the couch for the next month,” the threat was nothing more than a joke, as always. Then the dark-skinned palm covered the light one, which seemed whiter than snow against its background.
Takashi laughed and pulled his partner closer by the waist with his other hand. He knew he would get approval. After all, how can you refuse such a charming young man?
And, on top of everything else, dancing in the kitchen has long been their peculiar tradition. After a hard day, spending time alone with your loved one, enjoying music while the apartment is filled with the sweet smell of some dish – isn't this real happiness?
Turn to me, turn to me, turn to me
Turn and drink of me
The brown-haired man exhaled softly, relaxing under Shirogane's familiar touch. He rested his chin on his shoulder, circling the kitchen on autopilot.
Carry me
Carry me
After so many evenings spent at such a pace, they no longer hesitated, merging together and turning into a well-oiled mechanism. The movements were smooth, like a ship sailing peacefully at sea during a calm. They have all the time in the world, they have nowhere to rush.
Or look away, look away, look away
And never more think of me
Adam's face softened into a warm smile when he felt his partner's temple against his head. While no one was watching, it was possible to leave the image of a collected and straightforward officer aside, giving way to something affectionate and gentle.
“Admit it, you love me,” Takashi said, burying his face in his boyfriend's hair. The familiar scent of shampoo, which was actually the most ordinary, was soothing like nothing else.
“I thought we've already passed the stage of love declarations,” the brown–haired man dodged, chuckling and tilting his head to drop his forehead on someone else's shoulder.
“Is it so difficult?”
A heavy sigh was heard. But there was no usual fatigue from everything around him, rather humility mixed with love for the person next to him.
I heard the many voices
Speaking to me from the depths below
“Okay, okay. I love you,” Adam surrendered, speaking almost in a whisper, as if someone could eavesdrop on them and find out a terrible secret. He placed a light kiss under Shiro's jaw before nuzzling into his neck. “Now shut up and dance.”
“Whatever you say…” the brunette let go of his hand and then wrapped him in a relaxed embrace.
The footsteps in the room changed to measured swaying. The repetitive movement plunged both men into a serene state, allowing them to drown in each other's presence.
This ancient wound, this catacomb
Beneath the whited snow
Nothing mattered now. Not the rowdy cadets whose antics they'd have to deal with again tomorrow, not the management who was brainwashing everyone about the upcoming operation at the edge of the universe. The most important thing for them at the moment was their closeness, warming them even in the coldest winters. The music and each other's heartbeat, which they could easily feel when they snuggled a little closer, drowned out disturbing thoughts about the troubles of adulthood.
***
Standing in front of the huge memorial, Shiro couldn't stop thinking about that unfortunate day. About spoken and unspoken words. About what else they could have done if he had listened to Adam. About the future they could have together. But if he hadn't left Earth, fate could have taken a drastic turn around. How many people would have died? More than now? Or less?
He ran his fingers over the familiar initials engraved on the stele. The feelings mixed into one big snowball, rolling down the mountainside and gaining speed. This ball is about to hit something-even the smallest obstacle–and shatter into dust.
“Don't expect me to be here when you get back.”
The words spoken back then by his partner, his fiance, were etched into his memory for a long time. Maybe even forever. As a painful reminder that you can never know how much time you have left with a person.
“I’m sorry, Adam…” Takashi whispered into the void, realizing that he would never know if he would be forgiven or not. His dark eyes were glassy with tears but they stubbornly remained in place, not dripping onto his cheeks. It was as if time had stopped in an instant, while he was looking at the name that he would never forget for the rest of his life.
Come to me, come to me, come to me
Come and drink from me
Or turn away, turn away, turn away…
and never think about me again.